My boyfriend dislikes animals: I love them.

[thefooloftheyear]

OK Kaylan, if you meet a pretty cool chick and she says that she wants you to comprise by only going to the gym 1-2 times a week instead of 4, I want to see you dropping those work outs without thinking twice.

 

Or Lets say you put on 40 lbs after you get married..Cant get it off..The guy you are married to is an awesome guy on all levels and your relationship is great..He decides to leave you because he no longer finds you attractive with the extra weight...

 

Is he selfish or should he be understanding and compromise?

 

TFY

[kaylan]

Or Lets say you put on 40 lbs after you get married..Cant get it off..The guy you are married to is an awesome guy on all levels and your relationship is great..He decides to leave you because he no longer finds you attractive with the extra weight...

 

Is he selfish or should he be understanding and compromise?

 

TFY

THANK YOU.

 

People are trying to be so steadfast about not compromising in the thread. But we know for a fact they are just being picky about what they think someone should compromise on.

[Janesays]

OK, so you won't limit your exercise....but she should limit how many pets she owns.

 

I see. Hypocrisy at it's finest.

 

People that don't understand how animals can be a PASSION feel that people who do see them that way have no problems judging said passions or putting restrictions on said passion. But if we had no one passionate about animals, there would be no foster homes for abused and abandoned animals, there would be no more purebred ANYTHING from people who breed them, there would be no seeing eye dogs for people dedicated enough to train them, no farms, no sanctuaries, I could go on and on.

 

But ask one of these fools to limit something that THEY are passionate about and what do you get? 'But...but....its not the same thing!"

 

Never mind that I think training dogs to detect seizures in humans is a MUCH more worthwhile and wordly goal than a shallow desire to improve ones own body...a passion for animals is considered 'ew' because animals stink!

 

And spare me the claims about me, a woman in a happy committed relationship where I DONT have to compromise my hopes and dreams to a 'lonely oldcat lady.' Especially when you yourself is SINGLE and your big brag about compromising in your previous posts only landed you with an EX girlfriend.

[Janesays]

And honestly Kaylan, I'm pretty disappointed in you. I thought you were a man of reason with an open mind. Turns out, you're nothing more than a male version of Star.

[rainfall]

 

Whats quite ironic is that MANY people place a higher regard to these animals than they do people. Many wont have kids or have no desire to because they cannot relate to humans in a normal, healthy way..They talk about unconditional love..Oh how sweet....Dont feed that Labrador for a while and see how much he unconditionally loves you..

 

 

TFY

 

I am one of the ones with no desire to have kids, because that is not the kind of life I want to live. I relate fine to humans and I don't think the fact that I never want kids means I can't relate to humans.

 

It is not dumb and is not immature. The OP loves animals and she should find someone who shares her feeling for them. One day when I graduate and have a much bigger place, I plan to have more animals than I do now. I would not be with a man who told me I had to limit it to three, especially when 2 of the three were animals that are east to care for.

 

There are certain things in a relationship that one should not have to compromise on and how one feels about animals is one of those things.

[kaylan]

And honestly Kaylan, I'm pretty disappointed in you. I thought you were a man of reason with an open mind. Turns out, you're nothing more than a male version of Star.

How am I not compromising? Im losing out on sleep and free time for other things by giving this women more of my free time. Im limiting the days I exercise so she can see me more.

 

Stop being dense.

 

Nevermind the fact that I said Id get a home gym and cut into the rest of my free time to make time for the girl...yet Im not compromising? Jeeeeez.

Edited August 11, 2013 by kaylan

[thefooloftheyear]

OK, so you won't limit your exercise....but she should limit how many pets she owns.

 

I see. Hypocrisy at it's finest.

 

People that don't understand how animals can be a PASSION feel that people who do see them that way have no problems judging said passions or putting restrictions on said passion. But if we had no one passionate about animals, there would be no foster homes for abused and abandoned animals, there would be no more purebred ANYTHING from people who breed them, there would be no seeing eye dogs for people dedicated enough to train them, no farms, no sanctuaries, I could go on and on.

 

But ask one of these fools to limit something that THEY are passionate about and what do you get? 'But...but....its not the same thing!"

 

Never mind that I think training dogs to detect seizures in humans is a MUCH more worthwhile and wordly goal than a shallow desire to improve ones own body...a passion for animals is considered 'ew' because animals stink!

 

And spare me the claims about me, a woman in a happy committed relationship where I DONT have to compromise my hopes and dreams to a 'lonely oldcat lady.' Especially when you yourself is SINGLE and your big brag about compromising in your previous posts only landed you with an EX girlfriend.

 

 

I apologize for answering for him, but....

 

All of what you are saying is all good and valid...Here is the problem, though...

 

Having anmals(at that level)..WILL affect OTHER people.. THEY will have to clean the litterbox, or get the floors redone because the cats sprayed all over them..THEY will have to listen to the dog bark for an hour after the UPS guy just drove by....Its a tremendous burden-even for the other party that isnt as interested.

 

Having other hobbies and interests..Like, say, model cars...Doesnt affect anyone..unless you want to bittch about the loss of closet space..How does time at the gym affecting negatively the other person?

 

This issue is like living with a smoker, only WAY worse...

 

TFY

[Janesays]

How am I not compromising? Im losing out on sleep and free time for other things by giving this women more of my free time. Im limiting the days I exercise so she can see me more.

 

Stop being dense.

 

Who said anything about her wanting to spend more time with you? Perhaps she wants you to exercise less because she prefers your body to be softer and less toned.

 

I sooooo know who you should date, by the way.

[Janesays]

I apologize for answering for him, but....

 

All of what you are saying is all good and valid...Here is the problem, though...

 

Having anmals(at that level)..WILL affect OTHER people.. THEY will have to clean the litterbox, or get the floors redone because the cats sprayed all over them..THEY will have to listen to the dog bark for an hour after the UPS guy just drove by....Its a tremendous burden-even for the other party that isnt as interested.

 

Having other hobbies and interests..Like, say, model cars...Doesnt affect anyone..unless you want to bittch about the loss of closet space..How does time at the gym affecting negatively the other person?

 

This issue is like living with a smoker, only WAY worse...

 

TFY

 

This is why someone who is not interested and finds animals a burden should no be with someone who has a passion for them. Any compromise that is made will leave BOTH parties unhappy and lacking life fulfillment. They should instead seek out someone they are compatible.

 

Personally, I COULD NEVER be happy in a relationship where my passions were 'limited.' As I said, these are my lifelong hopes, goals and dreams. Without my work, I am....not me. I'd feel like life itself would be pointless. My work is THAT important to me.

[thefooloftheyear]

This is why someone who is not interested and finds animals a burden should no be with someone who has a passion for them. Any compromise that is made will leave BOTH parties unhappy and lacking life fulfillment. They should instead seek out someone they are compatible.

 

Personally, I COULD NEVER be happy in a relationship where my passions were 'limited.' As I said, these are my lifelong hopes, goals and dreams. Without my work, I am....not me. I'd feel like life itself would be pointless. My work is THAT important to me.

 

 

I wish you well...

 

TFY

[kaylan]

Who said anything about her wanting to spend more time with you? Perhaps she wants you to exercise less because she prefers your body to be softer and less toned.

 

I sooooo know who you should date, by the way.

That just sounds controlling then =/. And I doubt Id look good soft. I dunno what Id really look like though. Ive always been kinda toned.

 

And with regard to the thread, to each their own I guess. I just dont think the OP should give up a good guy who seems to be trying. But thats just me, as I think some people go overboard with pet hoarding (lol yes I said hoarding).

 

PS - Who should I date?

[hoping2heal]

OK Kaylan, if you meet a pretty cool chick and she says that she wants you to comprise by only going to the gym 1-2 times a week instead of 4, I want to see you dropping those work outs without thinking twice.

 

What? Going to the gym is for one's health. While there are some touted health benefits to owning animals too; owning one pet is enough to get them. You don't need several and asking a person to do something that would decline their health is quiiiite a bit different than asking someone not turn the home into Ace Ventura Pet Detective. A more appropriate comparison would be "So you meet this girl and she doesn't want your star wars figurines in the living room, and she asks you to stop adding to your collection" or something.

[hoping2heal]

This is why someone who is not interested and finds animals a burden should no be with someone who has a passion for them. Any compromise that is made will leave BOTH parties unhappy and lacking life fulfillment. They should instead seek out someone they are compatible.

 

Personally, I COULD NEVER be happy in a relationship where my passions were 'limited.' As I said, these are my lifelong hopes, goals and dreams. Without my work, I am....not me. I'd feel like life itself would be pointless. My work is THAT important to me.

 

Yeah well here's the thing...

 

1. Animals are her interest, she loves them. I get it, I love animals. I love sharks and cats but I'm not going to have 5 or 6 cats just because I love them and I really have nowhere to park my shark so he will have to stay in the ocean.

 

2. Her partner isn't asking her to drop animals or limit her interest. He just doesn't want to live with a bunch of them. Animals are precious but they are also a big responsibility, they stink up the house, etc. etc. Despite not being an animal lover he still allowed a dog and a rabbit, so he hasn't denied her anything.

 

3. This one is the biggie; of all the things to complain about. You have a guy who was loyal to her, allowed her to have her pets because he cared about her interests and cared about her. He didn't beat her, he doesn't call her names, he doesn't play mind games or mistreat her and yet she's ready to drop him like it's hot because he doesn't want yet again, another pet? REALLY now that is just a *****ty ass way to treat people. I'm inclined to think he is far better off dating someone who actually appreciates him as OP clearly does not and getting her parents in on the dump train? Both childish and ridiculous. I can only speak for myself I suppose, but as an adult I know I will need to compromise on a few things for all of my relationships. My friendships, my romantic relationship, and eventually my relationship with my children. I won't get to do everything I want, I won't get to have everything my way. I don't feel slighted or jipped because I understand everything is not all about me.

[sweetjasmine]

I mean, Im passionate about soccer and fitness. If a girl absolutely refused to try and take an interest in fitness, thatd be a deal breaker. But would I throw away a girl who was great for me just because she only worked out twice a week and I went to the gym four times a week? Hell no I wouldnt toss her. Shes obviously trying because she cares about me.

 

This analogy doesn't work at all.

 

Animals are IN YOUR LIVING SPACE. Fitness doesn't affect your living space in any meaningful way.

 

Im surprised that youd ever try and advocate GIGS to someone...especially someone in a relationship with a guy who fits her well and is compromising with her to make things work.

 

Well, the point is that it's NOT WORKING. They're both getting more resentful because this isn't something that either of them should be compromising on.

 

But I guess settling on other aspects of their personal relationship is ok because the new guy is cool with many animals though huh ?

 

Why does anyone have to settle for anything? Why does this guy have to settle for living in a house with animals he wishes weren't there?

 

Whats quite ironic is that MANY people place a higher regard to these animals than they do people. Many wont have kids or have no desire to because they cannot relate to humans in a normal, healthy way..They talk about unconditional love..Oh how sweet....Dont feed that Labrador for a while and see how much he unconditionally loves you..

 

Oh good lord, speak for yourself and tone down the offensive generalizations.

 

Also, I work very hard to be able to afford nice things in my house..I dont want a cat pissing all over my couch that I have to sit on..

 

And you shouldn't ever compromise on that. No one should. That's the point.

 

The guy should bolt...Sounds like she is just a cat lady in waiting..Who needs that?...

 

From a "cat lady" who's married to someone who's happy to help take care of my 2 furballs: .

 

A more appropriate comparison would be "So you meet this girl and she doesn't want your star wars figurines in the living room, and she asks you to stop adding to your collection" or something.

 

No, that's not an appropriate comparison at all. Star Wars figurines aren't living things. Star Wars figurines aren't dependent on you to provide them with food, care, and shelter. Star Wars figurines don't require you to devote yourself to their care for their lifetime.

 

The comparison is absurd, just like all the other analogies in this thread. PETS ARE NOT TOYS. You can't compromise on the issue of adopting and caring for them. It'll build resentment every single time.

 

I feel like I'm talking to a wall here.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I love animals too and this would be a deal breaker for me. I need to have a pet in my life. I have a cat and am getting a bunny soon

 

I don't even see how getting another bunny would be a problem. They make no noise, require little space and are very easy to take care of.

[thefooloftheyear]

Yeah well here's the thing...

 

1. Animals are her interest, she loves them. I get it, I love animals. I love sharks and cats but I'm not going to have 5 or 6 cats just because I love them and I really have nowhere to park my shark so he will have to stay in the ocean.

 

2. Her partner isn't asking her to drop animals or limit her interest. He just doesn't want to live with a bunch of them. Animals are precious but they are also a big responsibility, they stink up the house, etc. etc. Despite not being an animal lover he still allowed a dog and a rabbit, so he hasn't denied her anything.

 

3. This one is the biggie; of all the things to complain about. You have a guy who was loyal to her, allowed her to have her pets because he cared about her interests and cared about her. He didn't beat her, he doesn't call her names, he doesn't play mind games or mistreat her and yet she's ready to drop him like it's hot because he doesn't want yet again, another pet? REALLY now that is just a *****ty ass way to treat people. I'm inclined to think he is far better off dating someone who actually appreciates him as OP clearly does not and getting her parents in on the dump train? Both childish and ridiculous. I can only speak for myself I suppose, but as an adult I know I will need to compromise on a few things for all of my relationships. My friendships, my romantic relationship, and eventually my relationship with my children. I won't get to do everything I want, I won't get to have everything my way. I don't feel slighted or jipped because I understand everything is not all about me.

 

 

Its all right here, folks...

 

Someone actually gets it...Grow the eff up, I can reason this out with my 10 year old daughter more easily than some of you all....

 

 

TFY

[Noproblem]

I think in order to find the so called happiness, you must always hang up or live with people who share the same interests like you.

I love animals too, and if the guy I decide to share my life with doesn't love them, so this is a major problem else he starts showing some interest or each goes to own separate ways ....That's just my opinion.

 

As I had enough with people who share no common interests with me and it's hard to live or go on with such people.

[kaylan]

This analogy doesn't work at all.

 

Animals are IN YOUR LIVING SPACE. Fitness doesn't affect your living space in any meaningful way.

The discussion was about limiting a partners passions. Either way, OPs man has compromised, and shes further pushing it and wanting to inconvenience his living space.

 

Well, the point is that it's NOT WORKING. They're both getting more resentful because this isn't something that either of them should be compromising on.

No, its something OP refuses to compromise on. It has to be her way, even though the guy has budged a good bit. Id have left her already for being selfish. Lets see how quickly she finds a guy as good for her as time goes on. Even if she finds a guy who loves animals, theres no guarantee that they will fit as well as she does with the current guy.

 

People on this board are HYPOCRITES. Ive seen several of you talking about how relationships are about compromises and that not everything is perfect. Yet I see these same people pushing OP to drop a guy whos already compromised for her. I mean really?

 

Whats with the picking and choosing about what one compromises on? I guess its like another poster said....if I am with a girl, and she gains weight, I dont have to compromise on that and I can leave her right?

Why does anyone have to settle for anything? Why does this guy have to settle for living in a house with animals he wishes weren't there?

Again, its about the larger picture. If a girl felt great for me in almost every way, I wouldnt toss her aside for one thing. Especially when shes compromised and is trying to make things work. OP is being selfish and controlling in my book. She can end up in another relationship and something else will come up that they will have to compromise on.

 

No relationship is perfect, and though many of you are ignoring your past mantra...relationships ARE about compromising sometimes. Its never just one persons way of doing things.

 

PS - You only have 2 cats. I dont think OPs guy would have a problem with just 2 pets. Im sure if you brought home 3 more cats, that your own man wouldnt be too thrilled. And Im sure you wouldnt up and dump him if he showed displeasure with the idea.

I love animals too and this would be a deal breaker for me. I need to have a pet in my life. I have a cat and am getting a bunny soon

 

I don't even see how getting another bunny would be a problem. They make no noise, require little space and are very easy to take care of.

Again, they already have a few pets in the house. The guy didnt so NO pets. He doesnt want MORE pets. I guess he should bail, because 99% of women wouldnt have a problem with a guy whos ok with 3 pets.

Edited August 11, 2013 by kaylan

[thefooloftheyear]

The discussion was about limiting a partners passions. Either way, OPs man has compromised, and shes further pushing it and wanting to inconvenience his living space.

 

 

No, its something OP refuses to compromise on. It has to be her way, even though the guy has budged a good bit. Id have left her already for being selfish. Lets see how quickly she finds a guy as good for her as time goes on. Even if she finds a guy who loves animals, theres no guarantee that they will fit as well as she does with the current guy.

 

People on this board are HYPOCRITES. Ive seen several of you talking about how relationships are about compromises and that not everything is perfect. Yet I see these same people pushing OP to drop a guy whos already compromised for her. I mean really?

 

Whats with the picking and choosing about what one compromises on? I guess its like another poster said....if I am with a girl, and she gains weight, I dont have to compromise on that and I can leave her right?

Again, its about the larger picture. If a girl felt great for me in almost every way, I wouldnt toss her aside for one thing. Especially when shes compromised and is trying to make things work. OP is being selfish and controlling in my book. She can end up in another relationship and something else will come up that they will have to compromise on.

 

No relationship is perfect, and though many of you are ignoring your past mantra...relationships ARE about compromising sometimes. Its never just one persons way of doing things.

 

PS - You only have 2 cats. I dont think OPs guy would have a problem with just 2 pets. Im sure if you brought home 3 more cats, that your own man wouldnt be too thrilled. And Im sure you wouldnt up and dump him if he showed displeasure with the idea.

Again, they already have a few pets in the house. The guy didnt so NO pets. He doesnt want MORE pets. I guess he should bail, because 99% of women wouldnt have a problem with a guy whos ok with 3 pets.

 

Well said....

 

I mean, throw away a good relationship because he wont let you have MORE pets, but is completely OK with compromising on it?

 

Effin crazy....and dumb..

 

It all goes back to the fact that women seem to be SO idealistic about what relationships are all about..Life is one big compromise..The sooner you get this, the sooner you will be done searching for MR PERFECT..

 

Because more than likely hes already made a lot of compromises, but you never hear about it because men, in general, arent as idealistic..

 

TFY

[dasein]

There are things that can't be 'compromised' on....animals, children, hobbies that one is truly PASSIONATE about. You are either compatible in this area or you're not.

 

There are plenty of ways to be passionate about animals than keep stacking them up in one's house. OP can take a career in animal care or related, can volunteer her time for animals, can support animal related causes. If BF were interfering in any of these options, sure, incompatible. He hasn't though, has tolerated 3 pets, and needs to hold his end up with the dog.

 

No idea whether OP is like this or not, but IME, I find lots and lots of people who have a "passion" for animals aren't expressing such "passion" in other ways, but rather using said "passion" as part of the power-control games in relationships.

Edited August 12, 2013 by dasein

[William]

As an advisory, since the thread starter has not participated in a number of days, I would anticipate any responses to questions and comments not to be immediately forthcoming. However, the topic of disparate 'love' of animals in a relationship is a valid one, so continue in that vein. Thread remains open for now.

[sweetjasmine]

The discussion was about limiting a partners passions. Either way, OPs man has compromised, and shes further pushing it and wanting to inconvenience his living space.

 

Which is why she should find someone who doesn't find it inconvenient to add a second rabbit to the household.

 

No, its something OP refuses to compromise on. It has to be her way, even though the guy has budged a good bit.

 

She shouldn't have to compromise on it. Neither should he. He should've never compromised in the first place! They're obviously having problems with the current situation and he obviously never wanted to have pets in the first place.

 

Id have left her already for being selfish.

 

What exactly did she do that's selfish? Get pets? If he didn't want any pets in his living space, he shouldn't have moved in together with her.

 

Even if she finds a guy who loves animals, theres no guarantee that they will fit as well as she does with the current guy.

 

This is speculation and totally irrelevant. It's not like this guy is the only person OP could possibly get along with.

 

People on this board are HYPOCRITES. Ive seen several of you talking about how relationships are about compromises and that not everything is perfect. Yet I see these same people pushing OP to drop a guy whos already compromised for her. I mean really?

 

There are some things people shouldn't compromise on. What living creatures you bring into your living space is one of them. There is nothing hypocritical about this.

 

Whats with the picking and choosing about what one compromises on?

 

Uhh, what? So if you compromise on one thing ("I'd rather have a kitchen with a dishwasher, but I'm okay with one without it"), you need to compromise on EVERYTHING ("sure, honey, I never wanted children, but I don't want to leave you because I might not be able to do any better so I guess I'll have one with you!")?

 

Yes, you can pick and choose what you will and won't compromise on. I will compromise on what kind of cars we own. I will NOT compromise on the question of children or the question of pets, among other things.

 

Again, its about the larger picture. If a girl felt great for me in almost every way, I wouldnt toss her aside for one thing.

 

I certainly would if that one thing were important enough. If my H had been decidedly against, say, having children or owning our own home or getting married or, yes, having pets, I would've moved on.

 

No relationship is perfect, and though many of you are ignoring your past mantra...relationships ARE about compromising sometimes. Its never just one persons way of doing things.

 

Yes, but some things should not be compromised on. I will NOT compromise on things that negatively affect my home or living space and I don't think anyone else should, either. I don't care how awesome a guy is if he's a slob and I have to tolerate him leaving crap and clutter all over the house. This isn't really much different.

 

PS - You only have 2 cats. I dont think OPs guy would have a problem with just 2 pets.

 

We actually have a third pet (hamster) and are in the process of adopting a dog. Yes, my H has limit on what he'll accept in his home, and I happen to be on the same page as him.

 

If he resented the presence of animals in his living space and if he were resentful about having to help me clean up after them, WE WOULDN'T BE A GOOD MATCH. It has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with compatibility.