iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 DO you really think you are going to find someone who just wants everything YOUR way? Its not Burger King..life is about compromise. He's compromised...what more does he need to do?..Id agree with you on compatibility if he said ALL animals have to go... I still like the Boa Constrictor idea..."hey, I thought they were all going to play together nicely"... TFY Burger King dun fuhked up the relationship game.
rainfall Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 DO you really think you are going to find someone who just wants everything YOUR way? Its not Burger King..life is about compromise. He's compromised...what more does he need to do?..Id agree with you on compatibility if he said ALL animals have to go... I still like the Boa Constrictor idea..."hey, I thought they were all going to play together nicely"... TFY I don't think I will always have everything my way in a relationship but there are certain things a couple should be in agreement about. Animals are one of those things. I would not want to spend my life with someone who didn't feel the same way I did about animals, because taking care of them is a big part of my life. I would need a partner who understood/felt the same way. I can only assume the OP is the same way.
Janesays Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 What if the OP's boyfriend had a PASSION for collecting model cars. He was part of model car meet up group, scoured the internet daily for new ideas and plans and it was hands down, the thing he thought he was put on this planet to do. OP doesn't like clutter, but she comprises: he can have 3 model cars. That's all. Forever. Should OP's boyfriend feel amendable to this because she DID let him have 3 cars? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 What if the OP's boyfriend had a PASSION for collecting model cars. He was part of model car meet up group, scoured the internet daily for new ideas and plans and it was hands down, the thing he thought he was put on this planet to do. OP doesn't like clutter, but she comprises: he can have 3 model cars. That's all. Forever. Should OP's boyfriend feel amendable to this because she DID let him have 3 cars? With all due respect, its a ridiculous analogy.... Animals make noise, animals need constant care, animals die, animals stink up the house, animals crap on your new carpet, animals piss on your couch, animals hump your houseguests...etc...Shall I continue? Model cars take up little or no space, need no care, and frankly are inanimate objects..Its not even worth discussing.. Life is a series of compromises. Dont act like a 3 year old because he says you cant have a billygoat.. Understand now? TFY 3
rainfall Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 With all due respect, its a ridiculous analogy.... Animals make noise, animals need constant care, animals die, animals stink up the house, animals crap on your new carpet, animals piss on your couch, animals hump your houseguests...etc...Shall I continue? Model cars take up little or no space, need no care, and frankly are inanimate objects..Its not even worth discussing.. Life is a series of compromises. Dont act like a 3 year old because he says you cant have a billygoat.. Understand now? TFY Someone who loves animals should not be with someone who doesn’t like them. They are not compatible. It would be the same if one wanted kids and the other didn’t. Someone should not have to sacrifice a part of their life and what they love for a partner.
Janesays Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 With all due respect, its a ridiculous analogy.... Animals make noise, animals need constant care, animals die, animals stink up the house, animals crap on your new carpet, animals piss on your couch, animals hump your houseguests...etc...Shall I continue? Model cars take up little or no space, need no care, and frankly are inanimate objects..Its not even worth discussing.. Life is a series of compromises. Dont act like a 3 year old because he says you cant have a billygoat.. Understand now? TFY But OP hates clutter about. It stresses her out and ruins the quality of her life. And relationships are all about comprises, so surely he should be amendable to only 3 model cars? Also, they cost money and the time it takes to build them is a big commitment. They require dusting, etc. It should be NO PROBLEM for him to limit his passion for the sake of their relationship.
sweetjasmine Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 DO you really think you are going to find someone who just wants everything YOUR way? Its not Burger King..life is about compromise. He's compromised...what more does he need to do?..Id agree with you on compatibility if he said ALL animals have to go... I still like the Boa Constrictor idea..."hey, I thought they were all going to play together nicely"... TFY He shouldn't have compromised. If he hadn't compromised, then there'd be no disagreements about him not taking care of the pets, playing with them, or being affectionate with them. You either like taking care of animals or you don't. It's not right to saddle someone else with the responsibility if they don't want it. And it's not right to sign up for it if you're going to be resentful about it. When someone takes in a pet, they're taking on that responsibility for the pet's lifetime. It's not something to be taken lightly. They're not toys to be gotten rid of, either. I love animals. I work with them on a daily basis. I have pets of my own. If someone doesn't like being around them, the last thing they should do is live with me, compromise or no compromise. The OP and her boyfriend are simply not compatible. The resentment will only continue to build on both ends.
kaylan Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) My house has 3 cats, and we love our cats in this household. However, I refuse to bring more pets into this home. 3 cats are enough to deal with in terms of feeding, vet visits, cleaning up after them, smells, etc. I do think OP is being unreasonable and a bit selfish. And I believe some of the responses are off base and immature (as well as selfish too). Im a dude who digs furry creatures, and even Im saying that there comes a point when theres too many critters in a home. OPs guy has already said ok to 3 pets, and now OP is trying to push more on him? Where is her compromise? Why must he only compromise? I know animal lovers who are like myself and have a stopping point when it comes to bringing pets into the home. Some of the attitudes in this thread is how people end up with stinky homes...and possibly end up being older single cat ladies, dog ladies, hamster men, or whatever else pet hoarder one can think of. To each their own, but I wouldnt allow a woman to keep making me be the one to compromise. I dont want my home to be a zoo. And I think 3 animals is the max for most places. For house Id say 3 is a good max number, while apartments I say could deal with 2 pets. Edited August 10, 2013 by kaylan 3
Janesays Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 My house has 3 cats, and we love our cats in this household. However, I refuse to bring more pets into this home. 3 cats are enough to deal with in terms of feeding, vet visits, cleaning up after them, smells, etc. I do think OP is being unreasonable and a bit selfish. And I believe some of the responses are off base and immature (as well as selfish too). Im a dude who digs furry creatures, and even Im saying that there comes a point when theres too many critters in a home. OPs guy has already said ok to 3 pets, and now OP is trying to push more on him? Where is her compromise? Why must he only compromise? I know animal lovers who are like myself and have a stopping point when it comes to bringing pets into the home. Some of the attitudes in this thread is how people end up with stinky homes...and possibly end up being older single cat ladies, dog ladies, hamster men, or whatever else pet hoarder one can think of. To each their own, but I wouldnt allow a woman to keep making me be the one to compromise. I dont want my home to be a zoo. And I think 3 animals is the max for most places. For house Id say 3 is a good max number, while apartments I say could deal with 2 pets. So who gets to determine how many is 'too much?' You? Not a chance. I'm glad you think 3 pets is the max for any house. My house is 4000 square feet and we have over 2 acres of land. Three animals are NOTHING in that house. If I want more, I'll get more. There are things that can't be 'compromised' on....animals, children, hobbies that one is truly PASSIONATE about. You are either compatible in this area or you're not. Doesn't mean OP's boyfriend is a 'bad guy' because he doesn't enjoy pets. But it doesn't mean the OP is a 'self woman' because she wants a bunch. It simply means they are incompatible. OP, life is short. I say if raising and caring for pets makes you happy, do it. Let your boyfriend go find someone who shares Kaylan's view on the appropriate amount of pets. You go find someone who wants to buy a farm and raise a herd of billy goats or something that you can be happy with too. ;) 1
soccerrprp Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I would agree that this is another example of a core value issue and cannot be reconciled if the bf simply does not like pets. I love animals believe or not, but "prefer" not to have them. I had pets as a very small child, but traumatic experiences leads me to be hesitant, not afraid, about having them around. I do no like the odor, the hair and other habits that I find simply unclean. If I were in a relationship with someone who did have animals, I could and would tolerate them, but it would definitely be me making the compromise. I believe if you love your pet, you are a responsible and considerate owner which means that you give your pets plenty of room to roam free, not caged or cooped up in some apartment, then you shouldn't have to compromise. In this scenario, it sounds like the OP has a little too many "pets" for my taste and clearly for the bf. If the bf doesn't like animals, then, as others have suggested, this will become on-going issue.
kaylan Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) So who gets to determine how many is 'too much?' You? Not a chance. I'm glad you think 3 pets is the max for any house. My house is 4000 square feet and we have over 2 acres of land. Three animals are NOTHING in that house. If I want more, I'll get more. There are things that can't be 'compromised' on....animals, children, hobbies that one is truly PASSIONATE about. You are either compatible in this area or you're not. Doesn't mean OP's boyfriend is a 'bad guy' because he doesn't enjoy pets. But it doesn't mean the OP is a 'self woman' because she wants a bunch. It simply means they are incompatible. OP, life is short. I say if raising and caring for pets makes you happy, do it. Let your boyfriend go find someone who shares Kaylan's view on the appropriate amount of pets. You go find someone who wants to buy a farm and raise a herd of billy goats or something that you can be happy with too. ;) Again, its about BOTH people compromising. Not just the woman getting what she wants. If you or OP wanna end up old single women who collect animals, by all means. All I said is that for me, I have a pet limit, as do most people (even animal lovers). That said, OPs guy has already compromised, and the OP is pushing the envelope further. This is really silly. As hard as it is to find someone to spend compatible enough with you to share part of your life with, people are advising that the OP not compromise at all? I mean, would people tell a woman/wife/gf who wants 4 or 5 kids to leave a guy shes very compatible with because he wants 3 kids at most? She can either lay off or miss out on a good dude. Her call. Edited August 10, 2013 by kaylan
Janesays Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Again, its about BOTH people compromising. Not just the woman getting what she wants. If you or OP wanna end up old single women who collect animals, by all means. All I said is that for me, I have a pet limit, as do most people (even animal lovers). That said, OPs guy has already compromised, and the OP is pushing the envelope further. This is really silly. As hard as it is to find someone to spend compatible enough with you to share part of your life with, people are advising that the OP not compromise at all? I mean, would people tell a woman/wife/gf who wants 4 or 5 kids to leave a guy shes very compatible with because he wants 3 kids at most? She can either lay off or miss out on a good dude. Her call. The idea that it's going to be "hard" to find a man that shares her views about animals is bogus. In fact, I think the reason divorce stats are so high is because people feel they have to "comprise" major aspects of their personality for the sake of being in a relationship. Instead, they should be redirecting that energy towards finding someone they are more compatible with. There is more than one "good dude" in the world...and odds are, quite a few of them share her passion for animals. Life is too short to give up on your passions for someone else.
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 My german shepard is a big ole baby. How can people hate the puppies?
Janesays Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I have a friend that breeds and shows bunnies. At any given time, there could be up to 180 bunnies in her house. And although she spends a few hours every day cleaning up after them, her house DOES have a distinct 'animal' smell. Is it the way most people would personally like to live? No way. But my friend is one of the happiest people I know. She LOVES those bunnies. She ADORES raising them, caring for them, nurturing them. She has a real PASSION for bunnies and sincerely thinks it was something she was born to do. And even when things aren't going well and one of the bunnies gets sick, those bunnies truly bring out the best in her. Lucky for her, her husband ALSO loves the bunnies. But if she had been with someone else who forced her to 'compromise' and only have 2 or 3 bunnies? I don't think she'd be the same person. I think she'd be miserable and unhappy. NO POSSIBLE WAY she'd as fulfilled and joyful as she is right now. For me, it has always been a big dream of mine to buy a little farm and grow and raise my own food. I'd like to have a few cows, pigs, chickens, the works. That is a life long dream of mine. So should I give up that dream of mine? For what? Some guy?!?!?! No way. Especially since I was able to find a man who shares my dreams. Life is a lot more joyful when you find someone you are TRULY compatible with.
hoping2heal Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Yeah okay, Look, you're turning your house into a zoo. It's your time, your money and you can do as you please but you own 3 pets as is. I don't think he lied to you at all with his comment about owning animals so much as he didn't have to live with it so he didn't know what he was getting himself into. You live together and you own a dog and a chinchilla, this guy has not hardly cut off all your animal rights. You're seeing this all about you with no consideration for him. You're approaching this from the angle of "Oh I already get to have pets and I love animals and why should I have to compromise when I really love them." Well priscilla, this guy wasn't an animal lover yet for you he compromised and went along with your little doggie in the window and your other pet. I think so long as you take the position that everything you want should be your way then you probably shouldn't worry about dating humans and just stick to your friendships with animals. 1
Divasu Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 My german shepard is a big ole baby. How can people hate the puppies? A German Shepherd tried to eat me once. I was trying to help it get untangled from its leash. Bastard Still love animals though. Gosh OP, this is a toughie! 1
sweetjasmine Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 That said, OPs guy has already compromised, and the OP is pushing the envelope further. This is really silly. As hard as it is to find someone to spend compatible enough with you to share part of your life with, people are advising that the OP not compromise at all? I mean, would people tell a woman/wife/gf who wants 4 or 5 kids to leave a guy shes very compatible with because he wants 3 kids at most? She can either lay off or miss out on a good dude. Even without the question of adding more animals, the compromise they have has already led to resentment. Because he never wanted animals in the first place and is thus not lovey-dovey with them or chipping in with care as much as she is. This is what happens literally every f-ing time people make this type of compromise when it comes to pets. Which is why it should never have happened in the first place! As for the issue of getting another rabbit, even though I agree there is such a thing as having too many pets, another rabbit isn't really that much extra maintenance. It's not like getting a second dog. In any case, OP's boyfriend is reacting the way he is because he has his own preferences for his living space and maybe because he's a little resentful of having to share his living space with animals he never wanted in the first place. Again, compromising was a mistake. They should've never moved in together.
newmoon Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 i hope you read this and take it to heart. i have always owned dogs and love all animals. 3 years ago i met a guy who dislikes animals and made that clear. he didn't like dog hair, poop, smells, etc. whatever, not a deal breaker, or so i thought! he tolerated my 2 small dogs and played with them and stuff and 'seemed' to come around, but eventually asked that they sleep on the floor and not the bed. whatever. still not a dealbreaker. ok, so fast forward 3 years to 3 months ago. my dad was dying and i had 1 day to make it to him before they disconnected life support. i asked my bf to watch my 2 dogs (3 pounds each dog, i swear, they are sooooo tiny) and i said i would be back in 2 days. he said no. he just told me a flat out no - "i don't like animals and don't feel confident to care for them." in an extreme situation this guy wouldn't step up. ok, so it could be about the animals and he doesn't like them or it could be he never cared for me, who knows. but a guy who doesn't like animals doesn't have a caring nature, whatever he may say. animals = unconditional love and a guy who cannot show that towards an animal has serious issues as i now know. i wouldn't say dump him, but definitely consider what type of personality he has an how that sits with you. because people don't change :-)
kaylan Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) The idea that it's going to be "hard" to find a man that shares her views about animals is bogus. In fact, I think the reason divorce stats are so high is because people feel they have to "comprise" major aspects of their personality for the sake of being in a relationship. Instead, they should be redirecting that energy towards finding someone they are more compatible with. There is more than one "good dude" in the world...and odds are, quite a few of them share her passion for animals. Life is too short to give up on your passions for someone else. Thats the thing, its not JUST about animals. Finding a compatible partner is about MANY things. I wouldnt miss out on a girl who connects with me in every way possible just because shes not crazy about one thing I enjoy. If shes already compromised some on that part of my life with me, then why throw away a good thing? Again, thats how you end up single and alone with many animals. Considering how many people find it hard to find the right person to settle down with, its misguided to simply say "There is more than one "good dude" in the world". Sure there are many good dudes in the world, but how many are right for her and fit her long term? My ex and I butted heads on some things, but at the time I compromised on certain things and wanted that woman for life. I wasnt simply gonna throw her away for little crap. I mean, Im passionate about soccer and fitness. If a girl absolutely refused to try and take an interest in fitness, thatd be a deal breaker. But would I throw away a girl who was great for me just because she only worked out twice a week and I went to the gym four times a week? Hell no I wouldnt toss her. Shes obviously trying because she cares about me. Im surprised that youd ever try and advocate GIGS to someone...especially someone in a relationship with a guy who fits her well and is compromising with her to make things work. Say what you will, but she can let this guy go and end up one of those women approaching the cut off age for kids and having to settle on a guy who didnt fit her as well as the current guy. But I guess settling on other aspects of their personal relationship is ok because the new guy is cool with many animals though huh ?Yeah okay, Look, you're turning your house into a zoo. It's your time, your money and you can do as you please but you own 3 pets as is. I don't think he lied to you at all with his comment about owning animals so much as he didn't have to live with it so he didn't know what he was getting himself into. You live together and you own a dog and a chinchilla, this guy has not hardly cut off all your animal rights. You're seeing this all about you with no consideration for him. You're approaching this from the angle of "Oh I already get to have pets and I love animals and why should I have to compromise when I really love them." Well priscilla, this guy wasn't an animal lover yet for you he compromised and went along with your little doggie in the window and your other pet. I think so long as you take the position that everything you want should be your way then you probably shouldn't worry about dating humans and just stick to your friendships with animals. This. Edited August 11, 2013 by kaylan
Janesays Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 OK Kaylan, if you meet a pretty cool chick and she says that she wants you to comprise by only going to the gym 1-2 times a week instead of 4, I want to see you dropping those work outs without thinking twice.
iKING Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 We're still having this argument? I say we go with my solution to the matter.
kaylan Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 OK Kaylan, if you meet a pretty cool chick and she says that she wants you to comprise by only going to the gym 1-2 times a week instead of 4, I want to see you dropping those work outs without thinking twice. If she wanted more days to be able to see me, Id try and go to the gym longer twice a week, or on my 2 work out days Id go twice a day. Or I would simply save money to get some home equipment so I wouldnt have to be driving to the gym and spending so much time there. If I thought I could spend a long period of my life with a girl, Id compromise so Id have time to see her.
Janesays Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 If she wanted more days to be able to see me, Id try and go to the gym longer twice a week, or on my 2 work out days Id go twice a day. Or I would simply save money to get some home equipment so I wouldnt have to be driving to the gym and spending so much time there. If I thought I could spend a long period of my life with a girl, Id compromise so Id have time to see her. That's not limiting your work out time at all, though. That's just rearranging your schedule. To be with this girl, you are going to have to spend less time exercising. Period. Two hours a week, max. Shed actually prefer you didn't exercise at all...it is a comprise for her to agree to the two hours
thefooloftheyear Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 This is so dumb...and quite frankly a bit immature... I LOVE animals..In fact I did a year long internship at one of the most prestgious zoo's in th world. Ive handled some very exotic animals..I will also, on occasion, buy 50 dollars worth of dog and cat food and treats and drop it off at the shelter. But, I mean really...Who needs 5 dogs, 3 rabbits, 2 snakes, 4 pigs and a Partridge in a Pear Tree..? Once it becomes this way, then its an obsession and its unhealthy on many levels.. Whats quite ironic is that MANY people place a higher regard to these animals than they do people. Many wont have kids or have no desire to because they cannot relate to humans in a normal, healthy way..They talk about unconditional love..Oh how sweet....Dont feed that Labrador for a while and see how much he unconditionally loves you.. Also, I work very hard to be able to afford nice things in my house..I dont want a cat pissing all over my couch that I have to sit on..Call me selfish..Ive had animals all my life..The last puppy I had nearly chewed the house apart while he was teething..I mean this dog would maul anything he could get his mouth on. The guy should bolt...Sounds like she is just a cat lady in waiting..Who needs that?... TFY 2
kaylan Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 That's not limiting your work out time at all, though. That's just rearranging your schedule. To be with this girl, you are going to have to spend less time exercising. Period. Two hours a week, max.Actually I wouldnt be compromising if I did that, Id be just doing what she wanted me to. But putting my workouts onto 2 days, Im spreading myself thin on those days so she has more time with me on other days, especially the weekend. Shed actually prefer you didn't exercise at all...it is a comprise for her to agree to the two hours Thats not a compromise at all, considering 1 gym session for me is 90 minutes usually. Its a compromise if she gets my gym days down from 4 to 2 days. Stop trying to bs your way through this argument. If Id be willing to be tired as hell during the week, and push my body harder but cramming more workout time into 2 days, how in the hell am I not compromising for this hypothetical chick?
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