Tier Göttin Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hello everyone, I just joined the site recently. But I have decided to ask a question I find very difficult to make a choice on. I've been living with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. And he seems to show no interest or love towards animals, period. We had gotten a dog because he said the house was too quiet, but then i'm the one who plays with the dog, takes it outside, feeds it etc. And he won't care for the dog or even play with her. Long story short, it's not only about the dog, I have a very deep passion for animals. I've been very involved with animals my entire life and have expressed my ideas of raising kids someday with animals around etc. We've currently got a chinchilla, a rabbit, and a dog. I brought the chinchilla and rabbit with me here when I moved in. However, I was thinking of getting another rabbit since mine seems to be lacking a social partner. To me this was no big deal, rabbit food is cheap and they don't cost much to keep. I keep the cage clean etc. I figured I would calmly approach him and see what he though about the idea. Well, he said absolutely not. This is just the tip of the iceberg really. I told him long before we even talked about sharing a place, that he would need to let me choose when I wanted to get new animals. At the time he was all "You can get as many animals as you want." soon as we live together it's "You have a dog, why do you need more??" I have always worked with animals, and will live out my life working with them and enjoying keeping them. But it's causing a lot of tension on our relationship now. We argue over it and I try to reason with him and bring up what he said before I moved in, but he doesn't show any sensitivity to the subject. I keep the animals in the back room so he never even has to look at them or see them as it is. Bottom line is, should I be wasting my time trying to compromise with him when I truly love animals and will not give up owning them? It's part of who I am, and always will be. I get a lot of happiness out of my animals. So it feels wrong for him to tell me that I should stop owning pets altogether. I've heard every excuse from him, and i'm wondering if those are lies just like the one he told me before I moved in, about being able to get animals.. What do you guys think? My parents have told me to break up with him, that I shouldn't be with a man who can't accept my passions. But i'd like a second opinion, lol.
sdraw108 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 You have to decide whether you can compromise, in order to stay in this relationship. He has already compromised - he doesn't like animals but he has 3 different ones living in his house, because he wants you to enjoy having them. If having more than 3 animals is more important to you than the relationship, then end it, and find someone else who shares this interest. 8
Brunettie Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I kind of agree with sdraw. Is there any way some can be outside animals? Or maybe the rabbit (s) cage can be in the spare room (if you have one) ?
Author Tier Göttin Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I kind of agree with sdraw. Is there any way some can be outside animals? Or maybe the rabbit (s) cage can be in the spare room (if you have one) ? I've got all the animals in the spare room that we don't use. They don't smell as I said, and he never really has to see them. So i'm not sure what else I can do.
iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 As a fellow animal lover, and vegetarian, I can understand your viewpoint. However, compromise is a crucial part of making a relationship work. As the others have said, he doesn't like animals, and has been alright with having the ones you guys have so far, so he's at least making an effort to accommodate to your passions. I believe in this circumstance considering accommodating to his preferences is an option to consider. It doesn't mean absolutely don't do it, but consider his point of view, with the thoughts above in mind. Although one bunny doesn't seem like a big deal to you (or me for that matter) it could be the "tip-of-the-iceberg" in his mind. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) I don't think it's worth the sacrifice, your own personal passions in exchange for "love" is too big of a sacrifice in my book and you should end the relationship before you get farther down the road. As relationships progress down the road, it takes more than just your romantic partner to give you everything you need...not that they typically do that in the beginning but that's your main focus of energy and sacrifice in the beginning, love feels like it can conquer all or at least give you what you need...although you're at least "hoping" something will change or you think you can endure it somehow...but over time without a compromise and understanding there is sure to be a divide and growing tension as you become tired of putting something that really feels apart of you to share your life with and experience on the back-burner...you might lock them in the closet or whatever now but down the line it's going to become a bigger issue, you won't be happy doing that forever...you'll figure why do you have to lock these animals away just to hide them from his presence. I think compromise and communication are two major factors in long-term relationships and you should be pursue your own personal interests and needs in your life so that you know who you are and what you need, and then from that point find a partner that accommodates your lifestyle, long-term goals, values and sentiments about how you want to live and be happy, and they need to be able to respect and understand that...even if it doesn't make sense to them in every way. If you end up choosing a partner that doesn't respect your needs/desires and doesn't provide any understanding or try...it's going to weigh on you and may likely develop into a resentment as this person becomes a barrier to what makes you happy in life instead of a support system or partner. It's also a bad lesson to your partner, you let him go back on his word, and you're also letting him impact your life in a way that was not agreed upon nor is a minor factor within yourself...you should have stood your ground and made him uphold it, otherwise the more you bend, the more you mold for this relationship...the more of yourself you lose in the process...because you're not really able to be comfortable with who you are and you let them know that it was ok to do that and that means his needs are greater than yours and he may expect that. If he didn't agree or you couldn't come to a compromise, you have to consider letting the relationship go...because it's not going to get any better or magically go away. If you can't communicate, come to an understanding or compromise that both makes you happy, especially without understanding or sympathy for your needs/desires...you don't know have much of a long-term relationship, you'll have other problems as well in the future and you'll not have a way of overcoming them...how you're able to work with your partner through the challenges of life is essentially what a relationship is. You can't build closeness without understanding, trust and respect...it'll just eventually plateau. Edited August 9, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas 4
rocketman122 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I love animals. about 180grams weighed after cooking. 3 times a day. medium rare please. just some black pepper, mustard powder and coarse salt after..mmm delish love dogs. cant come close to cats too allergic. maybe he'll grow to love them. this is not such a big issue to deal with I think. try to compromise. he's not on the hate side but doesnt care for them. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Other than what others have stated, how much room do you guys have? I love animals too, a LOT. My boyfriend isn't a huge fan, but I have him on board for a dog one day. It may not seem like a lot to you, but 4 animals CAN be a handful [i know I know, rabbits and chinchillas really aren't that difficult]. You can't really complain about him not helping much either, if you really love them that much and he made it clear he doesn't I could see him not being too involved with them. Are you guys in an apartment? House? I think him agreeing to you being able to make the decisions about any and all animals being added was sweet but also un-realistic. It is something I would have my man say [in a cute silly lovey dovey conversation], but I would never actually be one to fill the house up with animals. 1
iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 If you want to run a petting zoo, go right ahead. if he decides to bail, you're going to have to support yourself and your animal family all on your own. Business idea: Ditch boyfriend and start petting zoo. 7
Radu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 What do you guys think? My parents have told me to break up with him, that I shouldn't be with a man who can't accept my passions. But i'd like a second opinion, lol. I agree with breaking up with him, but not because of the passions thing. Those come and go, evolve or die out. It's because he initially said ok, and he won't make an effort in socializing with them. If you give in on this, it sets a bad precedent.
Radu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 If you want to run a petting zoo, go right ahead. My boyfriend's daughter dragged home every animal on planet earth and since he never told her 'no,' she brought home whatever the hell she wanted. Since she moved out, he's now left with like 5 cats (I HATE cats), a reek of urine down in the finished basment, and a general reek of wet dog around the house whenever it rains and it's really humid. You may think it doesn't smell in your house, but you're more than likely wrong. Your boyfriend doesn't share your passion for animals. If that's a deal-breaker, are you able to afford the place on your own? Be very careful about how many animals you keep adding - if he decides to bail, you're going to have to support yourself and your animal family all on your own. That's another thing ... it's not fun to be forced to deal with more and more animals and their smells. And they do smell, especially rabbits ... my dad raised rabbits for pelts and meat. I never had a gf who was animal crazy like you, but i had a mom who had to get every abandoned animal there was. It was cute with 1 large dog and 2 clean cats. It was not so cute later on when we ended up with 3 dogs, 1 of which had a mental disease [serious abandonment issues, kept eating her tail, infecting it whenever she could, desperate for attention, agressive and violent to other dogs], in a small yard with our cars .... which are now heavily scratched, with our paint gone from the house, with holes 2 feet deep in the ground ... and another 3 cats.
thefooloftheyear Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 He should get a pet Boa Constrictor...It will consolidate the other animals and they are much easier to care for. Just kidding.... OP, you are being unreasonable..If hes OK with what you have, then leave it at that..Maybe hell soften later on, or maybe youll get tired of keeping them and get rid of them on your own. Either way, he s making a realistic compromise.. TFY 3
white Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I have a friend recently married, who doesn't like animals. His wife is a vet. She brings home all sorts of things all the time. They have dogs and cats and he doesn't like any of them. I struggle to understand why either of them made this compromise. It's not like saying "I'm into swimming and you can't swim" or "You're into working out and I prefer sitting on my ass". One goes and swims or works out, the other doesn't, no big deal. Animals though, they're round your house, stinking, shedding, eating, stacks of their food and toys everywhere, cages, bowls, noise. On the sofa or not? What about the bed? What about walkies and vets bills? It's a big deal.
sweetkiwi Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I was only with one man who didn'tlike animals. He turned out to be an abusive ass hole and even threatened to kill my puppy . So now this is an absolute dealbreaker. I love animals and if I am going to make a life with someone they need to share my passion for animals. How does he feel about children?? 4
will1988 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 There are plenty of guys out there who love animals (I know I do... my fiance and I have one dog now, but when we get a better place we plan on having a pack). You should not have to compromise what you love for anyone.
Treasa Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I LOVE animals. I'm vegan. For me, animals come before any man, and they always will. I dated a guy who didn't like animals. He tolerated them, but even that bothered me from time to time. It's really up to you, but please make sure your critters are all getting proper care. FYI, Radu, I have three bunnies and no one can even tell when they come to my house. All three use their litterboxes, which get changed twice a week. Someone's first clue that I have bunnies (apart from me telling them) is one of them suddenly hopping up onto the couch or something, wanting to get pet. 3
white Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Animals, especially the kind you have DO stink by the way. This is true. I think animal owners get the receptors in their nose responsible for detecting animal smells bunged up by excessive amounts of it and lose the ability to smell it in their own home. They always say it doesn't smell. It always does. It's a bit like me and BO in my younger days. Now, now I know walking into my rooms was like drowning in the Bog of Eternal Stench from Labyrinth ( ), but at the time I swore blind it didn't smell at all. 1
rainfall Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I love animals and I could never be with someone who didn't like them or who only tolerated them. I am very thankful my boyfriend loves out cat and dogs as much as I do. If for what ever reason I found myself single again and the guys I was dating didn't like animals I would end the relationship. I plan to always have pets around and I want to be with someone who is wanting to share that with me. I enjoy taking our dogs on walks and to the dog park with my boyfriend and someone who doesn't like animals may not enjoy doing that with me. My animals are a big part of my life and I want someone who is willing to share that with me.... (also in vet school so that is another reason I need someone who will understand my love for animals)
sabre80 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 this is such a impotent comment and its something to take serious! the combination of not liking animal & abusive & children. Horse ****! I never liked animals. They smell. Animal lovers say "Not my [insert animals name]" but they smell. Even well groomed and clean ones smell. I have warmed up to certain dogs. But even them I do not want licking their bungholes then licking me anywhere. Yet not once I have ever abused an animal, nor human. I have 2 kids. Not once have I ever hit them. 1
eddyctv Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Horse ****! I never liked animals. They smell. Animal lovers say "Not my [insert animals name]" but they smell. Even well groomed and clean ones smell. I have warmed up to certain dogs. But even them I do not want licking their bungholes then licking me anywhere. Yet not once I have ever abused an animal, nor human. I have 2 kids. Not once have I ever hit them. I am with you...I cannot STAND animals. They are disgusting and annoying. This girls boyfriend is a SAINT for putting up with a dog and rabbit and whatever else is going on there. My girlfriend is an animal nut too. We have 3 dogs, a rabbit, fish, hamster, etc etc...if i woke up tomorrow and they were all gone, i'd be a happy man. Part of a relationship is compromising. That's what I did. To make everyone in the house happy, I shut my mouth and deal with the zoo that is my house. This woman's boyfriend compromised too. I think he's done enough...does she really NEED MORE animals!? 1
Janesays Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 To me, a compromise is me putting the dishes directly in the dishwasher instead of the sink because I know it bugs him otherwise. Like you, I work with animals and they are a BIG part of my life. I cannot compromise that part of myself, so the relationship would have to end. No one is right or wrong. The issue is you are incompatible as a couple. 4
dasein Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Seems like folks are treating this as if he's told her to get rid of the existing animals, which he hasn't done. OP, I think your position is unreasonable because you already have three pets in the house. However it's reasonable to expect him to have more involvement with the dog, you shouldn't have to be the only one taking care of it and playing with it.
rainfall Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Seems like folks are treating this as if he's told her to get rid of the existing animals, which he hasn't done. OP, I think your position is unreasonable because you already have three pets in the house. However it's reasonable to expect him to have more involvement with the dog, you shouldn't have to be the only one taking care of it and playing with it. I don't think the OP is unreasonable. I think the OP and her boyfriend are incompatible and she should try to find someone who shares her view on animals.
iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Horse ****! I never liked animals. They smell. Animal lovers say "Not my [insert animals name]" but they smell. Even well groomed and clean ones smell. I have warmed up to certain dogs. But even them I do not want licking their bungholes then licking me anywhere. Yet not once I have ever abused an animal, nor human. I have 2 kids. Not once have I ever hit them. Who the hell ever said animals don't smell? My dog's breath smells like satan's azzhole and his farts are something straight out of nightmares. But my god is he adorable. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I don't think the OP is unreasonable. I think the OP and her boyfriend are incompatible and she should try to find someone who shares her view on animals. DO you really think you are going to find someone who just wants everything YOUR way? Its not Burger King..life is about compromise. He's compromised...what more does he need to do?..Id agree with you on compatibility if he said ALL animals have to go... I still like the Boa Constrictor idea..."hey, I thought they were all going to play together nicely"... TFY 1
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