Automatic paternity tests

[Woggle]

I know many women who refuse to trust any man and that includes their husbands so why should men be required to place full trust in women?

[Pyro]

I know many women who refuse to trust any man and that includes their husbands so why should men be required to place full trust in women?

 

Its not required. Those people are more than welcome to (and should) remain alone until they deal with those issues.

[Maleficent]

It's not insulting if you don't take it personally. I would view it as an issue or insecurity with him, and not a reflection of our relationship. I would see it more clinically, like an anxiety.

 

Obviously, I would see it differently

[Quiet Storm]

If a husband in an evidently "happy" marriage doubts his wife's faithfulness and integrity enough to demand proof that the children are his, I assure you. He won't find "peace of mind" through paternity tests.

 

If he thinks you are a lying cheater, he's going to see that in lots of other aspects of life once the paternity question is resolved. Obviously, you can still be banging plenty of other men and lying about it; just not gotten pregnant.

 

How are you planning to give him peace of mind about that?

 

Will you be willing to be filmed all day?

 

If a person has a tremendously insecure spouse, the worst thing they can do is to feed it by allowing it to control the relationship.

 

What they need to do is to get help for the marriage. Because it's a sign of terrible problems in the marriage. Not of questionable paternity.

 

Disclaimer: If there is KNOWN infidelity in the relationship, I do not have the same perspective.

 

I disagree that it is a problem in the marriage. It is anxiety, and I would encourage my husband to get help for it. If it was as severe as you describe, he is mentally ill and needs my help, not a divorce.

[man_in_the_box]

I know many women who refuse to trust any man and that includes their husbands so why should men be required to place full trust in women?

 

This is not an attack but I think you consequently forget that large amounts of people on the planet are just idiots whoes behaviour should not affect our decisions in life at all.

[tbf]

I also don't get the lack of empathy, especially if its a long term relationship. I mean, I am with a man that I love, that I care about. I wouldn't want him to be worrying over this. His well being and piece of mind matter to me and benefits our kids. I could never blow up their world over something by making this a dealbreaker. To each her own.

If you believe this, have you taken the children in for paternity tests? If not, why not?

[Quiet Storm]

If you believe this, have you taken the children in for paternity tests? If not, why not?

 

My husband hasn't asked me to. My husband has never doubted they are his.

 

O

[fortyninethousand322]

My exboyfriend was insecure. Once, I went out with friends and he asked me if I wanted him to sleep on the couch so I could use the bedroom with whoever I picked up that night.

That happened after he'd been calling his ex a whore for cheating on him.

 

So basically, he just insinuated I was also a whore and I would also cheat on him.

Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks like that of their partner?

 

I can imagine doing that. Not calling anyone a whore, but offering to sleep on the couch.

 

I know it's totally baffling that somebody could think low of themselves, but it happens. Probably more often that people care to admit.

 

And it's not something to make fun of or insinuate that they're a bad person because of it.

 

And for the record, I'd never break up with someone who cheated on me. Unless I had a viable alternative. You don't quit a job without having another lined up. No matter how bad the job is...

[fortyninethousand322]

This really IS nuts. It could even be something as minor as demanding to know my email passwords and checking my text messages on the reg.

 

I simply could not date someone so controlling and insecure.

 

Would you marry someone who asked for a prenuptial agreement?

[fortyninethousand322]

Frankly, those calling for automatic paternity tests on the basis that some women cheat are misogynists, and shouldn't be entering into a friendship, let alone a relationship with any female.

 

Check your fecking heads guys, and have a little dignity, please.

 

Yeah, I'm not in favor of paternity tests being mandatory. If they were to do that though, I'd want maternity tests mandatory too. For fairness, yes, but also for safety. I wouldn't want any babies accidentally switched at birth (or I suppose someone using someone else's eggs without their spouses knowledge).

[fortyninethousand322]

Whole other topic. Care to start that thread? I'll tell you how it will turn out, though. Women are all greedy gold diggers who just want you for your money.

 

I don't have any money, so I doubt it.

 

I'm just saying it's about as distrustful. About. You could make a good argument that paternity tests are more distrustful, but not by much.

 

Again, just playing devil's defense attorney here. I would never ask for a prenup nor a paternity test. Maybe a maternity test just for giggles though...

[Quiet Storm]

I did not say "divorce," I said get help. NOT feed the demon.

 

If a test would calm his fears, its a one time per child occurrence. Its not an ongoing quest for truth. I rather just settle it with the test, then have him worry. Getting help would probably consist of being prescribed benzos, which I don't think is warranted for anxiety that can be relieved with the test.

 

I don't make the jump that just because a man wants confirmation of paternity it means he will be accusing her all the time and needing a woman to prove her every move. That's a stretch. People can have insecurities and anxieties occasionally. It doesn't mean they are paranoid or certifiable.

[tbf]

My husband hasn't asked me to. My husband has never doubted they are his.

 

O

So if he doesn't express his concerns, does this mean they don't exist? Have you ever asked him?

[Divasu]

There are women who will cheat with no problem and/or have multiple sex partners at the same time or close together. If you suspect she is one of those women, demand a paternity test.

[Woggle]

Kind of on the edge of the topic, but:

 

I understand easily that it would be abhorrent for a woman to pretend that she was pregnant with your child while knowing it was just as likely someone else's.

 

But, that's because I empathize with the horror of being mislead, especially where emotions are concerned.

 

The extreme aversion to raising a child who was not created by your own sperm, however - I cannot really understand. As long as the truth is known.

 

I don't think that very many women really, truly, say to themselves, "oh, I got knocked up by a 'bad boy' just like I wanted. Now it's time to find a chump to pay for it." That's some kind of Internet myth perpetrated by a bunch of you anti-women brahs.

 

In real life, men take on the responsibility of children that are not theirs biologically ALL THE TIME.

 

They tend to think of those kids as the children of the woman they love. NOT as "some other guy's" kids.

 

And the women? No, they are not thinking, "what a sucker." They are often very grateful and love the man even more for taking on her kid(s) as his own.

 

I can't even tell you how many families I know with that dynamic. Including among members of my immediate family.

 

Why is the biology so important to you?

 

If a man knows then yes but can you understand why somebody would take an issue with being misled. Nobody wants to be lied to plus the fact that many women want bad boy sperm but want a beta to support and raise the kid is what makes many men suspicious. No man wants to be the beta chump who wasn't good enough to father her kids but is good enough for a check.

[somedude81]

Kind of on the edge of the topic, but:

 

I understand easily that it would be abhorrent for a woman to pretend that she was pregnant with your child while knowing it was just as likely someone else's.

 

But, that's because I empathize with the horror of being mislead, especially where emotions are concerned.

 

The extreme aversion to raising a child who was not created by your own sperm, however - I cannot really understand. As long as the truth is known.

 

I don't think that very many women really, truly, say to themselves, "oh, I got knocked up by a 'bad boy' just like I wanted. Now it's time to find a chump to pay for it." That's some kind of Internet myth perpetrated by a bunch of you anti-women brahs.

 

In real life, men take on the responsibility of children that are not theirs biologically ALL THE TIME.

 

They tend to think of those kids as the children of the woman they love. NOT as "some other guy's" kids.

 

And the women? No, they are not thinking, "what a sucker." They are often very grateful and love the man even more for taking on her kid(s) as his own.

 

I can't even tell you how many families I know with that dynamic. Including among members of my immediate family.

 

Why is the biology so important to you?

Surely you must understood that there is a difference between raising a kid that you know isn't yours, versus raising one that you think is yours.

[fortyninethousand322]

Kind of on the edge of the topic, but:

 

I understand easily that it would be abhorrent for a woman to pretend that she was pregnant with your child while knowing it was just as likely someone else's.

 

But, that's because I empathize with the horror of being mislead, especially where emotions are concerned.

 

The extreme aversion to raising a child who was not created by your own sperm, however - I cannot really understand. As long as the truth is known.

 

I don't think that very many women really, truly, say to themselves, "oh, I got knocked up by a 'bad boy' just like I wanted. Now it's time to find a chump to pay for it." That's some kind of Internet myth perpetrated by a bunch of you anti-women brahs.

 

In real life, men take on the responsibility of children that are not theirs biologically ALL THE TIME.

 

They tend to think of those kids as the children of the woman they love. NOT as "some other guy's" kids.

 

And the women? No, they are not thinking, "what a sucker." They are often very grateful and love the man even more for taking on her kid(s) as his own.

 

I can't even tell you how many families I know with that dynamic. Including among members of my immediate family.

 

Why is the biology so important to you?

 

I know a couple of people too who are raising a child that is not their own. Their wives or girlfriends have a child from a previous relationship, being a father figure was part of the package going in. No harm there.

 

If however, your SO cheated on you, I would imagine it would be quite hard to raise the child that resulted from that infidelity. Not to mention that raising that child is not your responsibility.

 

Of course there are other issues like short term relationships in which a child was unplanned. Or situations in which a single mother might just name some guy as the father in order to obtain child support payments.

 

I'm sure those situations are rare, but you'd hate to be the victim of that rare occasion...

[tbf]

There are women who will cheat with no problem and/or have multiple sex partners at the same time or close together. If you suspect she is one of those women, demand a paternity test.

There's actually been proven correlation between men who strongly suspect and higher incidents of false paternity where with men who are confident that the children are theirs, the rates of false paternity are negligible.

 

That's the divide in this thread. Some of the women responding who have issues with a partner making demands for pat tests, aren't or haven't been cheaters.

[Maleficent]

I like your stance. You are very empathetic to other's side feelings. You must be getting plenty of the same in return.

 

You accuse us of having no empathy for men's feeling, yet you have no problem ignoring a woman's feeling after being accused of cheating?

...

[fortyninethousand322]

Anyone who demands a paternity test without justifiable evidence, isn't being "empathic to other's feelings" they are being a paranoid, self centred, childish twat.

 

Off topic, but I've noticed British people have no aversion to using this word, or any of its variations. It's interesting...

[Woggle]

You accuse us of having no empathy for men's feeling, yet you have no problem ignoring a woman's feeling after being accused of cheating?

...

Men get accused of cheating all the time. The all men dogs attitude is a very popular one so welcome to our world.

[Maleficent]

Men get accused of cheating all the time. The all men dogs attitude is a very popular one so welcome to our world.

 

So do women.

You're beside the point

[MrNate 2.0]

There are women who will cheat with no problem and/or have multiple sex partners at the same time or close together. If you suspect she is one of those women, demand a paternity test.

 

You've probably said the most reasonable thing here after all of these pages, Diva.

 

And I'll expand a bit on that.

 

It takes 9 months from conception to birth.

 

Chances are that if you and your girl had issues, they've been going on way before this. If there's massive problems in this relationship, and you genuilely are wondering if it's yours, just go get tested.

 

Because adding a child to an already strained relationship will really challenge things. It is infinitely better to get that done, and put your questions to rest, and risk the relationship falling apart. As opposed to letting your present resentment build and progress to hatred towards everything in the relationship, including the child.

 

 

The line isn't solid or fine. But if you GENUINELY feel you have probable cause, just get it done. However, don't add undue stress if you feel deep in your heart that it is yours.

[Pyro]

None of the women here have said all men are dogs. In fact as far as I know, the majority of us are in r'ships with wonderful men.

 

By "all the time" he means when he goes out of his way to find articles and message boards online that state that belief.

[Woggle]

Honest question for women here. Is there any truth to the view that women crave bad boy sperm while looking for betas to raise and support the kid? It is a fear many men have.