tbf Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 You never get the slightest urge to snoop on him?Not once. I trust him.
man_in_the_box Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I find this similar to my girlfriend requesting me to wear a voice recorder when I go to a social event or whatever. Sure, if I don't do anything wrong theres no reason why I should resist but it is a huge slap in the face regarding my trustworthiness. 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 As long as we can agree that it's a mans insecurity and trust issues that are the driving force, then fine. I would not be ok with having my husband, out of nowhere, demand a paternity test when there were absolutely no indicators of infidelity. Just as other posters have pointed out, which nobody has seemed to respond to, it's akin to your asking your wonderful husband for an std screen out of nowhere. I mean, could you even imagine doing that at this point in your marriage? It's not that it would be OK with me- it just wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't take it personally. I know I'm not a cheater, and I know I have done nothing to indicate that I'm a cheater. So I would say to myself "WTF is going on with him?". I would get the test to put his mind at ease, and then try to get to the root of the problem. If it was because of FOO issues or other insecurities, I'd encourage him to address those issues. Either with me, or with a professional. I think I just look at things differently. I have been with this man for 22 years. We are partners in life. We've been through a lot together. Neither of us is perfect or 100% secure.
Keenly Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 So many women on their high horse of " oh I'd never do that an quite frankly I'd be veery insulted and offended" when every single day I see new threads on this forum of " my wife chested " " wife hooked up with best friend " or " wife having an affair for six months " . I guess women are allowed to be insecure from time to time, but if a man is, you leave him ? Logic? There is none. Its just a double standard. 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 This presumes that all insecurities are equal. They're not. I honestly wouldn't marry a man who was insecure enough to threaten a family and marriage with his trust issues and belief that I would be willing to roll in the gutter sufficient to breed with someone else. Considering how I experienced infidelity in my first marriage, one would think that I too should be questioning my current husband at every turn. But I don't since he's trustworthy, a man with a solid code of honour who lives by them. In other words, some issues like the belief that a partner would stoop to gutter trawling, are absolute deal breakers. We are just different. I don't see it as dealbreaker, bit one that can be overcome.
tbf Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I think I just look at things differently. I have been with this man for 22 years. We are partners in life. We've been through a lot together. Neither of us is perfect or 100% secure.Was there infidelity in your marriage within the 22 years?
Keenly Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 This actually helps to lean towards a theory that I have about modern day society and where we are headed. Women care about men less and less. How they feel, what they are thinking, the things they worry about, whether or not the feel like "men". Women just respect men less and less, and once they get whatever it is they want from a man, whether its a relationship status, a baby, a ring on it, then the man becomes almost useless. So of course you are not going to care how he feels if he is worried about something . Your husband could be losing sleep for WEEKS, thinking of this issue, and all he wants is to be proven wrong. Instead, your ego and pride are more important than your husband. Its pretty obvious. I bet that attitude bleeds over into other aspects of the relationship too. Have you seen relationships these days? Men aren't allowed to be men, because women demonize it. I see women talk all day about how a man needs to respect a woman and treat her right, but I've never once in my life seen or heard a conversation about how a woman should respect and treat her man right. 1
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 My exboyfriend was insecure. Once, I went out with friends and he asked me if I wanted him to sleep on the couch so I could use the bedroom with whoever I picked up that night. That happened after he'd been calling his ex a whore for cheating on him. So basically, he just insinuated I was also a whore and I would also cheat on him. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks like that of their partner?
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Yet you conveniently ignore that there are lots of women being dumped and divorced too, as I was. 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This is fact.
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 This actually helps to lean towards a theory that I have about modern day society and where we are headed. Women care about men less and less. How they feel, what they are thinking, the things they worry about, whether or not the feel like "men". Women just respect men less and less, and once they get whatever it is they want from a man, whether its a relationship status, a baby, a ring on it, then the man becomes almost useless. So of course you are not going to care how he feels if he is worried about something . Your husband could be losing sleep for WEEKS, thinking of this issue, and all he wants is to be proven wrong. Instead, your ego and pride are more important than your husband. Its pretty obvious. I bet that attitude bleeds over into other aspects of the relationship too. Have you seen relationships these days? Men aren't allowed to be men, because women demonize it. I see women talk all day about how a man needs to respect a woman and treat her right, but I've never once in my life seen or heard a conversation about how a woman should respect and treat her man right. This is it right here. I can understand if they don't agree or they are hurt that somebody doesn't trust them but the complete lack of empathy and understanding for how we feel is what gets to me.
Pyro Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This is fact. Does that mean that 70% of marriages are awful because of women? 1
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Was there infidelity in your marriage within the 22 years? No. Msg too short
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 And? A lot of men emotionally check out and neglect their wives. Or cheat. It depends on how you define neglect. I have seen men who have to go away for one week a year on business and get crap. A woman can't handle one week a year on her own? Sometimes men can't have friends or hobbies without being accused of neglect. Cheating is pretty much even amongst the genders.
Keenly Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Yet you conveniently ignore that there are lots of women being dumped and divorced too, as I was. I'm not ignorong anything. We can have that discussion if you'd like, but you can't use it as an arguing point, because arguing the opposite does not a valid point make. Absolutely there is an increase in both sides losing respect for each other, the difference is nobody talks about it in this direction. In my opinion , it has to do with the elimination of gender roles. You have men turning into women and women turning into androgenois beings. Thus, you don't have respect for that other half of you that you don't have . The point is, while what you said is true, its just deflection and not actually addressing the point I made .
Keenly Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Does that mean that 70% of marriages are awful because of women? 104% according to the statistics.
Pyro Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 104% according to the statistics. Of course. Stats never lie.
Pyro Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 And yet another gender war thread. Women are just awful, aren't we? You should all be required to carry a camcorder with you whenever you leave the house. You women can't be trusted so us men need to know your every move. It will give us peace of mind. 3
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I also don't get the lack of empathy, especially if its a long term relationship. I mean, I am with a man that I love, that I care about. I wouldn't want him to be worrying over this. His well being and piece of mind matter to me and benefits our kids. I could never blow up their world over something by making this a dealbreaker. To each her own.
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 You can't have relationship forum without gender wars because so many issues these days are about men vs women. I hate the genders wars more than anybody else but if you walk through a warzone unarmed you will become a casualty.
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Honestly I think that some but not all are afraid of being exposed which is why they oppose them so much. If people are doing nothing wrong why take offense?
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I also don't get the lack of empathy, especially if its a long term relationship. I mean, I am with a man that I love, that I care about. I wouldn't want him to be worrying over this. His well being and piece of mind matter to me and benefits our kids. I could never blow up their world over something by making this a dealbreaker. To each her own. Of course, I agree. But how is being insulted your partner basically accusing you of cheating when there is no reason to believe you are is lack of empathy? So I should be all worried about my partner's feelings and he gets to hurt mine? If I had a casual partney do this, sure I would understand. But a serious, long term partner? It's insulting. 1
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 What a load of hooey. You are the biggest proponent of gender wars on this forum. Worst, too, because you are so backbiting about it. At least the rest of the haters are not pretending. I wish I didn't have to fight this fight. I really do. I am tired of it. Do I seem like a happy person to you?
Pyro Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Honestly I think that some but not all are afraid of being exposed which is why they oppose them so much. If people are doing nothing wrong why take offense? So I never expect to see you whine and bytch on here if your wife ever asked you to take a lie detector test. 2
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Honestly I think that some but not all are afraid of being exposed which is why they oppose them so much. If people are doing nothing wrong why take offense? Because it's a direct attack to our faithfulness. By asking for a paternity test, men are pretty much saying 'well I think you are a cheating whore and I finally get to ask for a proof' 1
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Of course, I agree. But how is being insulted your partner basically accusing you of cheating when there is no reason to believe you are is lack of empathy? So I should be all worried about my partner's feelings and he gets to hurt mine? If I had a casual partney do this, sure I would understand. But a serious, long term partner? It's insulting. It's not insulting if you don't take it personally. I would view it as an issue or insecurity with him, and not a reflection of our relationship. I would see it more clinically, like an anxiety.
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