Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Prove what? I asked a simple question and you are seemingly evasive when it comes to answering it. In case you simply forgot or missed it, let me remind you: There is nothing wrong with not fully trusting someone. I personally wouldn't want live this way. Now how does that have anything to do with my being insulted being flat out accused of cheating by my partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 So if there's nothing wrong with it, how come it's so insulting? I've been explaining my point since the beginning. We're at 20 pages. Read the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I would trust my partner 100%, in all her actions. If I couldn't trust her it would have no point to be in a relationship with her, would it? But fact is that even if I trust her 100% in 1% of the cases, she's still a backstabbing bitch.So if you really trust a partner 100%, how can you believe that she's capable of being the 1% bitch? This is a statement loaded with cognitive dissonance. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 So if you really trust a partner 100%, how can you believe that she's capable of being the 1% bitch? This is a statement loaded with cognitive dissonance. Because just because he trusts, doesn't mean she is trustworthy. Cognitive dissonance is when you rationalize actions that are not in line with your morals ir values. Such a woman that is against cheating, but is in a relationship with a married guy & rationalizes it because of their "connection" or "his marriage is dead anyways" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Because just because he trusts, doesn't mean she is trustworthy.If he trusted, he wouldn't be concerned. You don't understand cognitive dissonance. It's holding two opposing beliefs as true which is what he's done. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Being insecure doesn't make you a bad person. Projecting those insecurities onto women and expecting them to bend over backwards to make you feel better is quite unfair though. My bad boy sperm just arrived via fedex. Excuse me while I go impregnate myself and pass the kid off as my boyfriend's. woop. To play devil's advocate, is a paternity test really bending over backwards? How difficult is it? Swabbing saliva or whatever minor task that it entails is not bending over backwards, it's a relatively easy and quick thing to do, no pain, no physical discomfort. Maybe mental, who knows. I'd assume a guy would have to really suspect something for him to actually request one. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 How would people here feel if their husband or boyfriend demanded 100% trust? Would they be able to trust them the way they demand men trust women? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 How would people here feel if their husband or boyfriend demanded 100% trust? Would they be able to trust them the way they demand men trust women? Of course. A relationship without trust is not a relationship. That goes both ways Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 How would people here feel if their husband or boyfriend demanded 100% trust? Would they be able to trust them the way they demand men trust women? No-one reasonable demands trust. I totally trust my wife. I don't demand that she trusts me. I'm sure if you asked her she'd answer the same. It's what a mature relationship looks like. You might want to try one sometime. This. You explained better than I did! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 No-one reasonable demands trust. I totally trust my wife. I don't demand that she trusts me. I'm sure if you asked her she'd answer the same. It's what a mature relationship looks like. You might want to try one sometime. So it's okay for her to mistrust you but you can't mistrust her? Why the double standard? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 So it's okay for her to mistrust you but you can't mistrust her? Why the double standard? No one said anything about not trusting men. You did. Link to post Share on other sites
AMusing Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I thought you would have the intelligence to understand that scientific papers are papers primarily and posted on the internet secondly Do you understand the concept of how not all links posted on the internet are trustworthy? That's why I give you everything you need to look it up in a library. Spare us your arrogance, please. I can't remember the last time any of my colleagues actually went to the library to get a paper copy of a journal article. The internet IS where we get our scientific papers. Most of them, like the one you cited, cost money to access. However, there are scientific, peer-reviewed articles on the subject you brought up that are free online. This article, for example, or this one. For those of you who don't care to read them, some studies have found that women tend to be more attracted to masculine, symmetric, and healthy-looking faces when they are most fertile. Other studies, including the two I linked, do not find that association (and these studies are newer, more carefully designed, & better powered than the older studies). But even if findings from the earlier studies are true it does not mean that women are hungry for "bad boy" sperm. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 No one said anything about not trusting men. You did. He said that he trusts his wife but she doesn't trust him and that is okay with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 He said that he trusts his wife but she doesn't trust him and that is okay with him. No it's not what he said. But if HE is fine with his wife not trusting him why do you care? Not sure if you're trolling here... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 No it's not what he said. But if HE is fine with his wife not trusting him why do you care? Not sure if you're trolling here... Because I am tired of the double standards. Men are supposed to be okay with always being looked at with suspicion but if a man wants a paternity test it is a big deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Because I am tired of the double standards. Men are supposed to be okay with always being looked at with suspicion but if a man wants a paternity test it is a big deal. But it his personal decision. It's limited to him and his wife Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 But it his personal decision. It's limited to him and his wife So if my wife demanded that I take an STD test right now I would have the right to get mad at her mistrust? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 You present yourself as a very dishonest person when you don't even respond to what was actually written here, but twist it all to suit your own sick, pathetic agenda. Dishonest, and maybe even delusional. I feel sorry for your wife. She must either be walking on eggshells every moment of her waking life, or on some serious medications to render her oblivious. This guy is married? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 So if my wife demanded that I take an STD test right now I would have the right to get mad at her mistrust? What makes you think you wouldn't have the right? Take control of yourself man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) If he trusted, he wouldn't be concerned. You don't understand cognitive dissonance. It's holding two opposing beliefs as true which is what he's done. It's not just holding two opposing beliefs. That's one piece of it. It's when people rationalize one of the beliefs away, to reduce the stress of doing or feeling something that conflicts with those beliefs. For example- a guy knows that lying is wrong and considers himself to be an honest guy. He has a brother that is down on his luck and asks for a loan. His wife doesn't like the brother and would never agree to the loan. He wants to help his brother, so he omits this tidbit of information. He feels bad about his dishonesty. It's nagging at him. In order to relieve that stress, he may twist reality in a way to make his lie seem less bad. He might tell himself - well, my wife didn't tell me about shoes she bought. the lie isn't that bad because my brother really needs my help. He justifies the lie to relieve the discomfort of acting in way that opposes his belief that lying is wrong. So I don't see why him saying that he trusts his wife but acknowledges that she could still be untrustworthy fits. I don't see any rationalizing or twisting in that scenario. Edited August 10, 2013 by Quiet Storm Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) I understand that it can hurt to not be trusted. Everyone has the right to set the criteria for what they want in a partner, and end the relationship over trust issues. In my situation it would not be a dealbreaker. I also don't agree that insecurity about paternity means that he is controlling, emotionally abusive or personality disordered. Some men with those issues do make terrible partners. But sometimes its just anxiety that can be dealt with. I think sometimes we have unrealistic expectations about our partners, from both sexes. I think long marriages have times of insecurity, misunderstandings and disappointments. Some choose to end relationships over these issues, and some choose to work through those issues as a team. Most of the old couples holding hands on the park bench had rough times, and they worked with each other to find good times again. And I'm done with this thread. Edited August 10, 2013 by Quiet Storm Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongnrelaxed Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 This thread took a lot of twists and turns. At the end of the day, some women get pregnant by men who are not their husbands/partners. This is a fact. The percentages vary - I have seen between 3-15% of children are being raised by fathers who are not the biological fathers. These are estimates. The original intent of the post was to ask why women would not just do this automatically? Why wouldn't you want your man to be 100% settled in the knowledge that the baby is his? To deny that this is a valid concern, deflect the question, change the topic, attack the question by claiming that men should trust their women - all of these responses are very suspicious to men. Thanks for the replies. I am waking up slowly to the truth about the average American woman and it is not pretty. This is why the good ones are to be appreciated. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan R. Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Wow. This topic is out of control. I've read somewhere that 1 out of every 10 children is raised by a father that isn't their biological dad and neither they nor the father knows it. If you're the dad in that situation, just hope you're one of the other 9. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongnrelaxed Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 I have been away for a while. Interesting to see what this has become. I find it amazing that we actually debate basic primate biology because people "feel like it". Some have made claims based on numerous studies pertaining to human evolutionary behavior and others ask them to "back it up" with references. Wow. So it has come to this. The basics of science, the totality of human wisdom, and the mountains of scientific evidence regarding human interactions must be presented when referring to them in a non-scientific journal -otherwise it is a bad opinion. This is why men and women are so different. It is egregiously offensive to claim that hypergamy and unconsented cuckoldry are okay. It is like saying slapping your wife around and rape are okay - because we deserve to have that freedom as men. That I have to say this just about sums up the sorry state of America. 100 years ago we did not know what we know now. Yet people act like neanderthals on such topics. Thanks to all who answered thoughtfully. Link to post Share on other sites
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