strongnrelaxed Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 It seems that the most decent thing any woman could ever do for a man given the state of the technology is to demand a paternity test. I do not think women can truly understand the worry that this can cause for men. Why would a woman NOT want to do this?
Balzac Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Let me understand, you are saying a woman should demand the DNA test?? I'm lost. 1
New User Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 There are certainly some interesting views on that subject at the far ends of the spectrum. I've heard it argued with a straight face that men shouldn't even be allowed to demand a paternity test because it infringed on the right of a woman to choose the best father for her child (try following that logic). It would seem that the best approaches to this issue would be to encourage men to demand paternity tests or to lobby lawmakers to mandate DNA testing on all newborns. Good luck with either of those- it's never going to be law, and it is completely irrelevant to who is on the hook for child support in a lot of states if the man and woman are married at the time of conception. But really-isn't this a topic that would be best addressed in the political forum? 2
Author strongnrelaxed Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 If I were a woman, I would imagine that the best way to remove the worry my man might have that our child might not be his would be to insist on a paternity test. Just the fact that a woman would suggest such a thing is a huge gesture of trust and respect. What is scary is how many women find this offensive or attack anyone who would suggest it. Defensiveness is never a good response to such a thing. 1
Miss_raptor Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I don't have a strong view one way or another on the topic (don't have any children and not planning on any either), but I can imagine that for some women, being asked to submit to a paternity test is like being accused to cheating. I understand not wanting to be saddled with the responsibility of a child that may not be yours, but if you really don't trust your partner in that way, should you be having sex with them? If you suspect they're sleeping with others, you're at risk for a lot more than an unwanted baby. 1
Radu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I don't have a strong view one way or another on the topic (don't have any children and not planning on any either), but I can imagine that for some women, being asked to submit to a paternity test is like being accused to cheating. I understand not wanting to be saddled with the responsibility of a child that may not be yours, but if you really don't trust your partner in that way, should you be having sex with them? If you suspect they're sleeping with others, you're at risk for a lot more than an unwanted baby. Obviously you've never had a partner that played the saint untill well into the relationship. 2
Radu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Miss Raptor makes an excellent point. It's all fine and well when you're taking your pants off for fun and games, but suddenly the girl becomes some kind of Typhoid Mary the minute you two screw up and get her pregnant? And no, this shouldn't be under the political section. I see no reason for taxpayers to have to fund mandatory DNA tests for dumbasses who want to get laid and then question the paternity because they want to weasel out of being responsible for the end result. I see no reason for tax payers to fund BC because women can't keep their legs crossed. Hmm, now what happened when someone used this line of reasoning on a very popular and conservative show ?
iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hmm, now what happened when someone used this line of reasoning on a very popular and conservative show ? The people were not very happy about it, I can tell you that much. 3
BradJacobs Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I've heard it argued with a straight face that men shouldn't even be allowed to demand a paternity test because it infringed on the right of a woman to choose the best father for her child (try following that logic). it is completely irrelevant to who is on the hook for child support in a lot of states if the man and woman are married at the time of conception. I don't know how anyone could argue with a straight face that they should be allowed to fraudulently saddling a man with that kind of responsibility when they are either know he's not the father or not 100% certain he's the father. As to the bold: this is correct. It's retarded and needs to change. Family courts should not favor one sex over the other but they certainly do. 3
sweetkiwi Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 If my man had doubts about the paternity of our child (and I had been faithful) I would be very very sad. I would understand his position, or try to since it's an insulting accusation. But I would grant him the paternity test. I think the relationship wouldn't survive this huge breach of trust however. 3
xxoo Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 If this is truly important to you, you should have this conversation before having sex with a woman. 4
white Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I would hope by the time children were on the cards the issue was beyond doubt. In the case of "accidents", happy or otherwise, I don't think it's unreasonable to want one. This is a new person you're making. It deserves a fully invested father. Regardless of whether you feel insulted he'd have doubts or not. Don't be so selfish.
crude Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Not for the dating forum. And it's been estimated that 3 or 4% of all children are not who the father thinks they are. Mother's baby, father's maybe. So out of 6 billion people, 200 million have a different father than the man thinks. Lots of chumps who trusted and were fooled. 1
Radu Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) Ahhh but see, the problem is that research shows that even if partners trusted each other completely about 1% of the kids had a different biological father than what the mother said. So, I would love to spend 80 bucks on a DNA test. It's, paradoxally, not a question whether I would trust my partner. Because if I wouldn't trust them I wouldn't be in a relationship with them. But you can never know for sure. If you had 1% chance for a life-changing disease, and it would only cost 80 bucks to find out, wouldn't you take the chance? But, since taking the test equals "I know you're cheating little slut" to women, I know I'll be forced to go behind her back and take a swab when she's not looking. Paradoxially neccessating that I turn into the untrustworthy partner. That's why the obligatory test for everyone would be a great idea. No breach of trust, and women would confess cheating much faster, if they had the remote idea the kid might not be yours. Estimations are between 5% and 15% actually. About a 3rd of all paternity tests done in the US come back negative, another interesting statistic. And last time i checked, that was around 300 000 tests /yr. Here's another look at it. With the increase in importance of genetics, it is becoming more and more important that children have the genetic background of their real parents. Mandatory DNA testing would help these kids who call 'daddy' the wrong guy, with only mommy knowing this; they could inherit something from the real daddy. If it indeed became mandatory, i think few women would feel insulted by the test, because it would become a background procedure. Unfortunately, as it is right now, doctors are not even advised to let the father know he might not be the real father, if it comes out in other tests. On a personal level, i would not take this test unless i had serious reasons for concern. Edited August 9, 2013 by Radu 1
Maleficent Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I can imagine this. -Honey, I'm pregnant. -Oh really? Well here, do a DNA test. I mean really... If you want a DNA test, then go ahead and pay for it. And for smartypants who used birth control as an analogy - many women use birth control pills for reasons other than birth control. lower PMS symptoms, some bleed way too much during their period, even acne. You'd be surprised at the number of women who are taking birth control pill and not having sex. Even, in some US states, an employer can fire a female employee who is using the company's insurance to pay for birth control for non-medical reason. bad.bad.bad analogy.
Fondue Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 We are very, very, far off from having state/government paid mandatory paternity tests. It would take many years of tumultuous fighting before that can happen. So that probably shouldn't even be a hope in anyone's minds. Instead, DNA tests should simply be encouraged. They are not very expensive, and the medical society should just advocate new parents to do it for the very reasons that Radu stated. It is getting increasingly easier to predict illnesses inherited by offspring. Things can be prevented/managed if they are known in advance. Paternity testing would absolutely aide with this. It would still be a decision the parent(s) have to agree on-- to get tested, but at least more of it would be done if we just encouraged it. Either way, if I was to ever have a child, I'd request a paternity test 100%. Also, make sure you do NOT sign the birth certificate once the child is born. Only do so after the paternity test is done. If you sign the paper and are not biological father, you'd still be liable for birth control because of that little signature.
Got it Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 It seems that the most decent thing any woman could ever do for a man given the state of the technology is to demand a paternity test. I do not think women can truly understand the worry that this can cause for men. Why would a woman NOT want to do this? Why is the most decent thing a woman can do is to demand men to take a paternity test? Why would a woman not want to do this? Initially one can find it insulting that their fidelity is questioned.
somedude81 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) Paternity tests after a birth should be standard and covered by your insurance it's ridiculous to even have this discussion. It's not really worrying that the woman was unfaithful, it's something that should just happen. If it was a routine part of the postnatal tests nobody would complain. I don't even know why anybody would complain about it. Edited August 9, 2013 by somedude81 2
New User Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Paternity tests after a birth should be standard and covered by your insurance it's ridiculous to even have this discussion. It's not really worrying that the woman was unfaithful, it's something that should just happen. If it was a routine part of the postnatal tests nobody would complain. I don't even know why anybody would complain about it. C'mon man. I'm pretty sure you know exactly why someone would complain. 2
Miss_raptor Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I think another issue is the stigma of paternity tests. When I think of a paternity test, I think of the Maury Povich show. Obviously paternity tests don't have to be this drama-filled event, but it can be. I can see the desire and want for one in certain circumstances. In open marriages, or swinging, or if you and your partner separate for a few months. In a trusted, long term relationship, it just seems like a paternity test request would come out of left field. It is naïve of me to think it's far out of ordinary for women to try and trap men with pregnancies. I will say that 5-15% still isn't a majority of women lying to their partners about paternity, and at those percentages having a standard paternity test isn't necessary.
Keenly Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Really? What's the point / benefit of that? If I were in a monogamous relationship, got pregnant, and was required to "prove" that it was my partner's child … I would not be able to sustain that relationship. Because 1 - 4% of children are being raised unknowingly by men who are not their bio dads, the entire population of women should be suspected of trying to pull a fast one on men? That's ridiculous. A woman is no less capable of being an honest, stand-up person than a man is. If people choose to extend their trust to others, sometimes it turns out to be a mistake, sadly. If you do NOT choose to extend your trust to others … then DON'T. That would include NOT getting in a very intimate situation with them that might result in the creation of a human life. I swear. It must totally suck to be a horny heterosexual person who despises the opposite sex. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If I was told I was the father of a child , I would demand a paternity test. Especially if we are talking 18 years of child support here... Pretty easy for a man to get a court ordered paternity test when child support is involved though, thus removing her ability to refuse.
Balzac Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 The slippery slope in this is that paternity can be tested prior to a live birth. As research is ongoing these tests become easier and less costly. Why not hold biological fathers accountable for a portion of prenatal & delivery costs as a part of child support? By invoking law the logical next step is easy.
somedude81 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Really? What's the point / benefit of that? Rant Rant Rant As I said in my previous post, "It's not really worrying that the woman was unfaithful, it's something that should just happen." Paternity tests are so simple to preform they should just be routine. Nobody should have to ask for one, they should just be done. Would you complain if a hospital instituted mandatory paternity tests? 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 As I said in my previous post, "It's not really worrying that the woman was unfaithful, it's something that should just happen." Paternity tests are so simple to preform they should just be routine. Nobody should have to ask for one, they should just be done. Would you complain if a hospital instituted mandatory paternity tests? I mean, why not do DNA tests for both parents? Just in case a baby got switched by accident. Unless the baby is horribly disfigured, most babies look identical. I'd rather make sure the baby actually belonged to me before we left the hospital you know? As far as the father not being the father thing, I think if that ends up being the case he should be off the hook for child support. There is absolutely no reason to make a guy support a child that isn't his. And, no child support should be given unless you can inconclusively prove that the child is who the mother says it is. If that means some kids end up in the street and homeless, oh well. Not my problem. Innocence before guilt...
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