Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'd like to discuss people's differing points of view, when it comes to first impressions and dating. Personally, I know from when it comes to first impressions and dating. the first time I meet a guy, if I feel something "special" about him. I do not multi date because I firmly believe that, if you're THAT into a person, you tend to know from the outset, and you would not want to explore anyone else but THEM if you felt they had something that special about them. I am not talking about lust; for instance, when a guy sees a beautiful girl across the room, and later they get talking and end up dating, and the guy thinks it was love at first site. For example: I met a guy in Germany. We both live in Australia, 20 mins from one another. We spend 24 hours together before I had to fly home, and he continued with his planned travels. He was SO into me in person. Could not shut up about how amazing I was and how beautiful he thought I was. He does not do hook ups without meaning and he is the type of guy who waits for the right girl. One night things are meaningless to him and he is not into it. He seemed as interested as a guy could get in PERSON. Then, on facebook, although he sounded eager to talk to me and he DID stress that he was very interested in me and hoped we could be more than friends and continue our thing we started in Germany.... He never bothers talking to me unless I say hi first (on facebook). He always talks after that and seems to like what I have to say and he thinks I am a cool girl and all... I have already lost interest in him and I have written him off, as someone I think about as a romantic prospect, because I believe that if a guy is THAT Into you, he will write you EVERY chance he gets, even whilst he travels the world. ................................ The other common opinion held by many people on loveshack, is that people just do not know a person after a day or even weeks together, and therefore should explore their options. I agree - you don't KNOW them. Yet, I DO believe people know after even the very FIRST time they meet a person, whether or not they feel something "special" about them. ................................ For my future reference: does a guy who is really into you in person, necessarily initiate a lot of messages on facebook? What do you all think about first impressions and dating? Do you ever meet someone THAT special that you lose interest in exploring all your other options from the first time you meet them? Or is that just something that happens when a person is VERY good looking and you're initially wood by their beauty? Thoughts?
Els Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 My Rs all started organically - we just got to know one another, got closer, and it blossomed into something deeper - so I've never multidated, no. When I date someone, I am already interested in them. On the other hand, if someone were actually 'playing the dating game', and does not really know the people they are going out on dates with, then it would make sense to multidate, I think. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Would you go as far as to say, from your experience or others you know of: from the very FIRST meeting, do people generally know if they just "feel" something that special about a person? I point blank ruled this guy out because, from even just a day together, he should know if he felt something that special about me. If he did, he'd initiate a message every day, since he is on facebook every day for hours. I think I am like you, Elswyth, in that I am already too interested in person a so to even think about dating person b. Be it after a day, haha, or after a week of knowing them. With me, I generally know early on if I feel "it" enough to only focus on them. Therefore I believe others are secretly the same, even if they don't believe it. Perhaps they just haven't met a person that made them fall hard from their first meeting. It can happen. if it already hasn't, in my opinion (from the first time they meet).
sdraw108 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'm a guy, and I'm like you. If I'm going on a second date with someone, it's because I already know I like them enough that I want to see where things go with them, and I lose interest in the idea of dating others. I always know on a first date whether I like them or not.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I'm a guy, and I'm like you. If I'm going on a second date with someone, it's because I already know I like them enough that I want to see where things go with them, and I lose interest in the idea of dating others. I always know on a first date whether I like them or not. Would you know from the first time you meet a girl, if you're that into her? And how would you express it on social media, if that was your only medium of contact? I wrote this guy off because, while he WAS super into me in person, he just does not initiate any messages on facebook. Although when I talked to him, he said he was very interested and he had conversations with me until the convo ended. And he would not initiate another convo. Does being into a girl translate into every facet of life in the manner in which I am expecting it to, in this example, with social media AKA facebook? It is one thing to feel something special about a girl enough to think that other girls pale in comparison; showing this girl that you're into her, how does that work?
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I know right away If I'm really into someone, but you have to remember with men...it depends what they are looking for or ultimately interested in...just because they are one way in person with you in front of them, doesn't mean they are truly interested in you deep down...they might put on the facade and turn on whatever charm they have to seduce you but it doesn't mean that whatever is done/behavior or said now will continue into the future. I also don't judge character right away, and I'm actually really good at reading people very quickly. This part... "Could not shut up about how amazing I was and how beautiful he thought I was. He does not do hook ups without meaning and he is the type of guy who waits for the right girl. One night things are meaningless to him and he is not into it." Would just strike me as flattery and trying to say what you wanted to hear...there's no justification or evidence that it's true, unless he went into something very personal about his history, values and the like and you felt very confident about it I'd say maybe you can trust it, but even then guys always sugar-coat the past...as a woman I would definitely not believe a guy is this or that way just because he said so...I'd hear it, but not make a determination off of it, a lot guys say things like that to make you feel special. For my future reference: does a guy who is really into you in person, necessarily initiate a lot of messages on facebook? Yes, he would make an effort across all platforms...social media, phone, email, etc.. What do you all think about first impressions and dating? I think first impressions can be made, not necessarily completely genuine or reflective of how the person is normally. So I take them with a grain of salt, I might get a good vibe, chemistry and all of that but I don't know this person...and I'm very perceptive and generally a very good judge of character but there's no way you're going to be able to know who a person is just from a first impression or several dates/weeks or whatever...so you take it for what it is but wouldn't be set it in stone. Do you ever meet someone THAT special that you lose interest in exploring all your other options from the first time you meet them? No Or is that just something that happens when a person is VERY good looking and you're initially wood by their beauty? N/A...beauty doesn't have that much of a grab on me, there's lots of beautiful women out there, doesn't mean I'd be interested in them. Thoughts? I would just take this as a passing/fleeting romance or whatever it was, you're not a priority to his actual life 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Ninja - thanks for the detailed response. So, while you may know you're "into" a girl, you still acknowledge that you could meet another girl you're "into", if, for instance, you only just me them? With this guy I inferred to, he is not good looking and he told me a little about his past and what he looks for in a woman. He does not enjoy the hook up scene and he is at an age where he wants to wait for a special girl, and not just any girl. I do believe that he was taken by me and thought I was quiet special, as I am really nice, I made him laugh a lot as I do with certain people I come across, and he admitted that he though I was much above his league. In person? I don't think he could have been more into a woman, than he was with me. Online? Well, he obviously was very into me at first, only to discover that after that day we spent together, there was no lingering pull towards me. I just take it as a very typical situation where a guy REALLY does think your an amazing girl, but just lacks "something" that compels him to be truly into you and fall for you. I think there is a slim chance that he was into me, as much as he CAN get into a woman, but he only met me once and therefore he is waiting until he arrives home before he turns things up a notch? Since he just met me that one time? Anyways. What do I do if he comes back and wants to see me, and it seems that he is into me in person? Is it just a front and is he totally lying about who he is? He is honestly not a guy who I feel is lying about the fact he is not looking to use me for just sex.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I definitely did not believe what he said to be fact; yet, I hate to be too cynical and ASSUME he is lying. I think he was legit but I know I cannot be too sure. He will have to prove himself and initiate building a relationship with me when he returns in order for me to get to know him and realise he is what he says he is. It takes more time than one day, which is how long we spent together, to have a good idea if a person is genuine; EVEN if you're good at reading people. I did believe him somewhat. He did sit down and tell me a little about his past and his attitude on love and relationships. He said he does not go out to pick up women, he never approaches them, and he tends to avoid women because he does not want to bother with them unless it is someone special. My gut says he did find me to be someone special. Therefore, it must have been after we parted ways that he forgot about me. Therefore, I it was just strong lust on his part and also the fact he did find me very cool to be around. Furthermore, there are no high quality women that are all that remarkable where we reside, and I genuinely believe I was all that to him at the time. LOL. Put it this way: where we come from, there is no way he will meet a hot woman who is also educated at a college level, and loves travelling and is a funny and cool girl to be around. I am all those things (to him I am very attractive) which is rare from the area we live in haha, so my gut says he was genuinely into me at the time. I am not sure if he really liked a girl he met for just one day, and had lingering feelings, whether or not he would necessarily blow up her inbox. That is the thing, I am not sure he would be acting differently if he liked a girl more than he does me. I do not know him well enough to 100% rule him out but I am fairly certain he would initiate more messages if he liked a girl more. Because most guys would initiate conversations DAILY if they had true, lingering feelings for a girl. I can only go with what MOST guys tend to do when they meet a girl for one day and have lingering feelings for her; which is, most guys would initiate messages on facebook, no matter how busy travelling they were. I am ruling him out FOR NOW, but in the future I am open to the fact I could be wrong about him. I just figure I will forget about him and if he did want to spend time with me when he gets back, it would genuinely be a surprise as I am obviously not expecting it. Or should I definitely friendzone him IF he initiates contact when he is back?
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So, while you may know you're "into" a girl, you still acknowledge that you could meet another girl you're "into", if, for instance, you only just me them? Keep in mind I don't typically answer from "personal" experience on the vast majority of threads, I just speak from the general knowledge and understanding of men as a whole to give people the information/answers/understanding they seek, I don't personally operate like most men, so It wouldn't do me much good to explain that to people in detail and more importantly wouldn't be relevant. However I think it pretty much applies to all men that If they meet someone they feel is on the level of "special" they're definitely not going to be thinking about other women/options or at least going to invest more into that one girl before tapering off, but this in general is common with men and they tend to exaggerate those experiences/emotions while in them. With this guy I inferred to, he is not good looking and he told me a little about his past and what he looks for in a woman. He does not enjoy the hook up scene and he is at an age where he wants to wait for a special girl, and not just any girl. I do believe that he was taken by me and thought I was quiet special, as I am really nice, I made him laugh a lot as I do with certain people I come across, and he admitted that he though I was much above his league. In person? I don't think he could have been more into a woman, than he was with me. That's definitely an overestimation of what occurred IMO...while you might have experienced a very strong and great connection, these things do happen. And If he lacks the experience he may be prone to exaggerate the moment due to his inexperience in understanding those emotions, that moment might have swept him up, he was infatuated..but that does not necessarily mean he could not be into another woman the same way, that would be nearly impossible to claim and you're judging this yourself...when it is he who will ultimately make that determination once he's worked through the initial experience of it. The thing that is real important here is....regardless of what a man says, it has to result into action, what is he showing you now...otherwise you just have words...even if you experienced something profound while interacting with him, and everything felt genuine and sincere...you can trust me on the fact that men can do this with multiple women, not just one. Even If he hasn't yet. He has to be the one to pursue this, he may feel shy, insecure and that you are very well out of his league...but it ultimately doesn't mean you gave him anything more than a confident boost in the end, It really depends on his actions though...he has to come through with that or you cannot look back to interpret what happened yesterday...you never get your answers directly form men in clear words, you determine their investment and interest from their behavior because any fool can say anything he pleases. Online? Well, he obviously was very into me at first, only to discover that after that day we spent together, there was no lingering pull towards me. I just take it as a very typical situation where a guy REALLY does think your an amazing girl, but just lacks "something" that compels him to be truly into you and fall for you. Think of it as women are "amazing" but for different reasons....some women are amazingly beautiful or sexy, some are amazingly funny and easy to get along with, others are amazingly intriguing and captivating, while others may be very amazingly intellectual and cerebral...but it doesn't mean that you are everything a guy is looking for or that he's going to jump through hoops of fire to be with you, nor is he even ready or willing to pursue you for the long-term or even just see where it progresses, the experience itself was memorable and satisfying. I think there is a slim chance that he was into me, as much as he CAN get into a woman, but he only met me once and therefore he is waiting until he arrives home before he turns things up a notch? The problem here Leigh is it's showing a pattern...it feels like you're saying you are looking for a man who is absolutely undeniably into you and just thinks you're the greatest ever and that's the goal. You've met this guy and spent 24 hours with him, but you're trying to determine already whether he's into you more than he could be with any other woman...that is not a rational question, that's really kind of crazy and says more about what your issues may be and why you need that finality of and reassurance of that. He may contact you when he arrives home after he's done whatever it is he's doing....but if he really felt strongly, I believe he would have contacted while away...especially since you seem to catch him on FB and he could easily contact you first...If you were that amazing to him, at least personally I can't see how he wouldn't be calling you or writing you often right now...anticipating the day he comes back to see you again to continue that experience. Since he just met me that one time? Anyways. What do I do if he comes back and wants to see me, and it seems that he is into me in person? Is it just a front and is he totally lying about who he is? He is honestly not a guy who I feel is lying about the fact he is not looking to use me for just sex. If you're still single and available, you can meet him when he comes back...and then see where it goes from there. I don't know if it's just a front, but I know that a lot of guys do and say these things and then act just like he did as a result which "confuses" women on his interest. Because of that, I can't say I believe him at this point very much at all. As far as sex, I don't know what his agenda is ultimately...but so far this guy sounds like he's selling you lip-service and you're buying it. I believe he was trying to charm you/win you over partly. But like I said...for a guy who acted like you're the most amazing woman on the planet, he's not really acting like it. So that kind of makes what he did and said in that moment, a little irrelevant or contradictory in a way. At this point you're way over-analyzing it, you got to just give it a rest because you're not going to really going to get anywhere...If he doesn't take the initiate and pursue you, then you pretty much have your answer even though If you decided to let him go then that's that...otherwise you're just saying that because he didn't give you an option to believe he is still interested but don't really mean it because you would still give him another chance.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I totally agree with you guys. I love writing a lot about these things and tend to talk a lot about it. My question is: what if he does initiate contact when he gets back? And what if he DOES make a move on me? Should I just friendzone him because he did not write me on facebook often while he was away, and therefore is not truly into me but is using me as an option because he is horny and very attracted to me, and does enjoy my company? Should I even give him a chance is all I am wondering about. Or would he just be totally putting on an act he if comes home and acts totally into me again:lmao::lmao: So far, he "likes" my links and it has been two weeks since we parted ways. It is hard to tell how long he will go without talking to me, as we have not really gone more than two days without talking. I have decided to stop initiating the conversations altogether and just see how often he bothers to say hello to me. Sorry if it comes off as crazy when I talk in the way that I do regarding a guy being as into me as he can get.. What I MEAN is: maybe this guy was into me in the maximal way that he could be into any women, yet he genuinely is not a guy that writes girls he likes on facebook every day. I meant to say that: I don't mind if a guy does not want to message me every day after only meeting me once in their life. As long as he would not be different with another girl he "did" truly like.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I never assumed he was interested until he told me. I will tell you a little more about things. I do not think all this means he is telling the truth, but here is what he claims to feel: He said he wanted to continue things where we left off when he returned. That he felt I was a reason for him to come home a bit early. He said he was not a big facebook person. He updates statuses but who knows if he is much of a writer when it comes to messaging girls he likes, or people in general? He said he would definitely be single when he returned and he seemed very adamant about it for some reason. He has said during our conversations that he is really looking forward to seeing me again and he wants to spend a lot of time with me catching up and etc etc.. I think he is a bit full of sh8te to be honest, as in person he was so infatuated that he said he would pay for me to fly out to be with him, as he did not want out time together to end. Well. Needless to say that never happened. I DO genuinely believe the part where he says he wants to hang out with me when he returns. I just think I will shut him down because he is obviously not that into me, and would I do not want to bother with a guy who is lukewarm about me. I would love to be his friend though, as her is super fun and the sort of friend I enjoy! He has said continually that he is very interested in me and wants to be more than just friends with me, but I think it is safe to say he does not truly mean it and I should only ever pursue friendship with this guy. He would have to seriously prove himself if he wanted me, seeing as what he says in person is not genuine. Whatever he acts like in person I cannot really take seriously. I guess I will post here again if he comes back and all of a sudden ACTS into me again since it will just be an act because he thinks I am hot and wants someone to spend his time with, but is not truly invested in.
ScreamingTrees Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'd say OP needs to be a bit less extreme and clingy.. Simply because a guy's head isn't buried up your arse, doesn't mean he's not interested.. He may.. have a life! (Mind. Blown.) 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I'd say OP needs to be a bit less extreme and clingy.. Simply because a guy's head isn't buried up your arse, doesn't mean he's not interested.. He may.. have a life! (Mind. Blown.) I am not clingly. I just enjoy writing a lot on issues, even about people who I am not in love with. I honestly like to just write a lot. A downfall when it comes to guys, and I have to tone it down; as I love to write and guys think a girl is crazy if she is writing a lot to them initially. That is also something that could have put him off; I tend to write a lot to all my friends, where as some guys prefer shorter messages. So I have now toned it down and I mirror his message style when he writes me. He does love travel and he may well be focusing on travel and meeting new friends and having new experiences, opposed to wanting to focus on me too much. The thing is, he is "active" on facebook, yet he does not initiate a conversation with me most of the times he is active. Basically, seeing is believing. Or not. It is early days so he very well could initiate further interaction in a few days, and continue doing so every few days. I just don't know how guys all work lol it is so fun that I don't know, it keeps life interesting not knowing everything:lmao: .......... On an exciting note, MY FWB has a g.f now, and a REALLLLLLY hot dude I met in Berlin is coming back and he is super keen to catch up and swap travel stories. I am thinking I want to upgrade from my last FWB to this super sexy guy! I much prefer a quality FWB these days, as I hate one night hook ups I have realised, and I do not date unless I am VERY into a guy and it is clearly mutual. Anyway. HOT GUY gets back soon. Potential FWB. I am single. Many hot guys around I can eat meals with hang out with and enjoy myself around. And enjoy sex with. Life is quiet good at the moment.
sdraw108 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Would you know from the first time you meet a girl, if you're that into her? Yes. And how would you express it on social media, if that was your only medium of contact? I wouldn't express it on social media - I'd use it to get her number and/or arrange another date, then I'd express it in person.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 ^^^^ he made is clear he was very interested in taking things up where they left off once he arrives home. He said he was not a big "facebook person" yet he is on every day without messaging me. When the conversation ends, I guess he expects me to say something? Anyway. I sort of know he will want to catch up when he gets back, but he is in the 100% friendzone now. Honestly, I have options and I can do better than settling for a guy who only puts on an ACT that he is into me; probably to get some action. It is so hard though! I can tell that there is a good chance he will really act super into me again! The fact he is choosing not to message me every day DOES mean that any further act of interest is a lie, right guys????? I do not want to be that girl that just believes a guy who chose not to message me during his travels, only to come home and suddenly act like he is really into me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I am starting to get disheartened at the fact people lie. People suck. Why do they lie? I really look down on people who say one thing, when they really mean the other. This guy did explain that, due to his rough past with a crazy ex, that he avoids girls and will only bother with a special girl and not just any girl, so as to avoid girl trouble for as long as he can, until a girl comes that compels him to bother with her. Ugh. I just want to believe him, as it felt very genuine the way he talked about his background. He is a guy that everyone likes; he is super nice, LOVES his dog so much ( a cute fluffy dog). When I am into someone, even if I only just meet them once in my life, I am the type of girl who will happily correspond with them daily. Although my guy friend last night was telling me that no matter how into a girl he is, he will not necessarily instigate daily contact with her. Most guys that are that into a girl will though, contact her every day, no matter how bushy they are. I want to know if my logic is faulty: I do not want to shut down every guy that does not contact me daily. I guess it is a numbers game.. MOST men who have strong enough feelings about you WILL contact you daily or every second day at least. I guess it is better to go with what MOST men tend to do, than expect an exception to the rule.
ScreamingTrees Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I am not clingly. I just enjoy writing a lot on issues, even about people who I am not in love with. I honestly like to just write a lot. A downfall when it comes to guys, and I have to tone it down; as I love to write and guys think a girl is crazy if she is writing a lot to them initially. That is also something that could have put him off; I tend to write a lot to all my friends, where as some guys prefer shorter messages. So I have now toned it down and I mirror his message style when he writes me. He does love travel and he may well be focusing on travel and meeting new friends and having new experiences, opposed to wanting to focus on me too much. The thing is, he is "active" on facebook, yet he does not initiate a conversation with me most of the times he is active. Basically, seeing is believing. Or not. It is early days so he very well could initiate further interaction in a few days, and continue doing so every few days. I just don't know how guys all work lol it is so fun that I don't know, it keeps life interesting not knowing everything:lmao: .......... On an exciting note, MY FWB has a g.f now, and a REALLLLLLY hot dude I met in Berlin is coming back and he is super keen to catch up and swap travel stories. I am thinking I want to upgrade from my last FWB to this super sexy guy! I much prefer a quality FWB these days, as I hate one night hook ups I have realised, and I do not date unless I am VERY into a guy and it is clearly mutual. Anyway. HOT GUY gets back soon. Potential FWB. I am single. Many hot guys around I can eat meals with hang out with and enjoy myself around. And enjoy sex with. Life is quiet good at the moment. Wait, you weren't the OP.. Were you? Dooof... My bad, Leigh. Seriously, though, it doesn't mean he wasn't interested although I guess I need to really read through your whole thread to get a better idea. I like to talk a lot, too. Nothing wrong with that.. It's a major aspect of our style of communication. To me, that allows for a greater, deeper connection.
thefooloftheyear Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I am starting to get disheartened at the fact people lie. People suck. Why do they lie? I really look down on people who say one thing, when they really mean the other. This guy did explain that, due to his rough past with a crazy ex, that he avoids girls and will only bother with a special girl and not just any girl, so as to avoid girl trouble for as long as he can, until a girl comes that compels him to bother with her. Ugh. I just want to believe him, as it felt very genuine the way he talked about his background. He is a guy that everyone likes; he is super nice, LOVES his dog so much ( a cute fluffy dog). When I am into someone, even if I only just meet them once in my life, I am the type of girl who will happily correspond with them daily. Although my guy friend last night was telling me that no matter how into a girl he is, he will not necessarily instigate daily contact with her. Most guys that are that into a girl will though, contact her every day, no matter how bushy they are. I want to know if my logic is faulty: I do not want to shut down every guy that does not contact me daily. I guess it is a numbers game.. MOST men who have strong enough feelings about you WILL contact you daily or every second day at least. I guess it is better to go with what MOST men tend to do, than expect an exception to the rule. Youre a sweetheart, but quite frankly you are comng across as too needy. Reel that in, and you will be the total package.. And keep your room clean! TFY
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 He has initiated messages:) It just took him two days.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 My room is clean. My mum is visiting me from overseas, where she lives, and she always just cleans my room while I'm out.
Author Leigh 87 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Oh. I never ever expect a guy I meet to automatically be loyal to me the day after we meet or establish a mutual interest. ....... For some reason, this dude just told me that there is no way he'd get a girlfriend until he sees me next. He stressed that he avoids girls norm and is waiting for the right girl opposed to just hooking up for meaningless fun. He said I could do as I wished and I have to choose how I conduct myself sexually; if I want to wait for him, it has to be something I want to do. Without him mentioning it. Um, I'm not sure why, but: after a night out in Sydney, he asked '' so did ya hook up with any hotties?'' He also said that he smiles when he thinks about us and what could be. Hmm. I find it s little odd that he wanted to know about my sex life?!?! Anyway. My fwb has a girlfriend so... I'm keen to establish a fwb situation with a guy I met in Berlin. He's HOT. I'm not interested in dating anyone though. Yet I'm open to meeting a great guy if I happen to come accross them.
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