urgent

[Ezera]

Hi,

It was my girlfriend and mine's two year anniversary today.

We live together and have done for 10 months.

I bought her a spa break day, but she got really upset because she said if I knew her well, I would have known she wouldn't like it.

And, because i wasn't sure what time I'd be home for work, I never made an arrangement to go out for dinner, which she was upset about - stating that I could have bought some food on the way home or booked a place when i text her to tell her I'd be home in 10 minutes.

She started crying and to compound everything, she bought me some really nice gifts, including a personalised card with photographs of us on it.

Every time I've tried to bring it up she just told me to stop going on.

Then I said I'd try to rectify it, she told me she doesn't want anything else.

We usually email during the day when we're both at work, but she told me earlier not to tomorrow.

I'm absolutely terrified she's going to end things when she gets home from work tomorrow.

I know it sounds corny, but I can't live with without her.

I've not eaten since because of what's happened.

Does anybody have any advice on what to do?

Thank you.

[bentleychic]

Seriously? You remembered it and sounds like you gave her a pretty nice gift. She sounds needy and spoiled.

 

Also makes me wonder if something else is going on with her side.

[veggirl]

The first rule of receiving a gift (okay, second..first is say "thank you") is to NOT CRITICIZE IT. has she ever heard of its the thought that counts? what girl doesn't like a spa day anyway?

 

I can't believe you are now the one trying to "rectify" things. please dude. she should be apologizing to you for being a spoiled little brat and ruining your anniversary. she could have had dinner prepared for you since your work schedule was apparently unpredictable. just a thought.

[LilGirlandOW]

Wow. She should appreciate anything she gets. Let her tantrum pass I guess if you wanna be with somebody so emotional.

[LBean]

Wow, it's one thing to quietly be disappointed in something, but this is crazy. You're being punished for buying her a gift? She doesn't want you to communicate with her tomorrow? She cried about it?

 

Some people just are not good at shopping for others. Period. My father bought me a pair of pants 4 sizes too big and the ugliest sweater I have ever seen last year for Xmas... It doesn't mean he doesn't love me or know me...

 

I don't get it.

 

If I were you, I would stay quiet and let the tantrum pass. If she would break up with you because you bought her the wrong present and didn't make plans for dinner, imagine what would/will happen when a real life problem creeps up.

 

I'd stay quiet unless she brings it up, and if/when she does, I'd tell her that her reaction to you buying her a present was inappropriate. That you're sorry you bought her the "wrong" present, and that you didn't make plans for dinner (which if it was important to her, she could have done).

 

Anything else going on? I find it so hard to believe that someone would react this way over getting a gift.

[LBean]

Should be careful with my words... If/when you discuss, whatever you do don't use the word tantrum, want to see an explosion... Whew...

[spiderowl]

I suspect that the key thing is that if you knew her well you wouldn't have bought that gift. It sounds like she feels disconnected from you. I know it sounds ungrateful, and you were very generous and kind, but if I received a present from my living-in guy that was totally at odds with what I liked to do (and I felt he knew it), I would just wonder if he was the right guy for me.

 

Having said that, it does sound as if she's depressed generally, if she can't allow for things like your unpredictable work schedule and expects you to arrange a meal when it could be a two-way thing. I'm hopeless at remembering anniversaries and if my ex husband had been so inclined, he would have dumped me early on, but he understood it wasn't deliberate. We separated for other reasons in the end.

 

My guess is that she has been questioning whether you are right for each other, maybe because you aren't or because she's suffering from depression about her life anyway, and the anniversary day just brought these feelings out into the open. She sounds hurt and upset. Despite her saying she doesn't want you to text, I think it's worth getting on touch with her and asking her what's wrong and then just LISTENING. Understand, do not interrupt or force your own interpretation on things. Let her talk about what's bothering her, say you'll have a think about it and then mull it over. Don't react with panic, give the feelings time to settle and reflect before taking it further in any way.