kld2341212 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I'm a 30 year old male. I've been dating two people, but now have to make a decision to get serious with only one of them. Both are very interested in moving toward an exclusive relationship. The first is older (27), well-established career wise, and we get along really great. Things progressed very slowly through our dating and we had specific activities we did and enjoyed together. I've been really excited about her as a romantic prospect, and admire and respect her character / demeanor and self-assuredness. The second is much younger (20), but is exceptionally intelligent and mature (in the middle of a college degree, but excelling tremendously on an academical level). Having less life experience, we do seem to connect on less levels. However, she is exceptionally curious, eager to learn, and is open to any new life experience and is very thoughtful, proactive, and takes initiative in every way. Both want to have kids in the somewhat near future (as do I). The challenge is that I really like both of these women a lot and don't want to choose, but feel that I will have to sooner or later. It also takes a lot of time to date these two women. The problem is essentially this. For both, I feel I have some shared intellectual / emotional connection based on shared interests and values as well as some shared mutual attraction. However, for the first women, the shared intellectual / emotional connection is much more salient, whereas for the younger one, the shared mutual physical attraction is more salient. I think that physical attraction (lust) can be somewhat transient but is also important for a relationship. So, should I weight more heavily intense physical attraction or intense intellectual / emotional connection in choosing who to be with? Im thinking a lot about what emotion is likely to be most enduring - love or lust? I feel like there is a "deeper" connection with the older one, but, with the younger one, the physical chemistry is just so much more intense, and this will likely translate into me being more sure about our relationship in the long-term. Any thoughts would be appreciated
stillafool Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Your thread seems familiar. Didn't you post this once before? Anywho I agree with jphcbpa. 1
BradJacobs Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Are you wanting us to say the hot, young one or the more mature, stable one? And why exactly do you need to make this decision now as opposed to letting it sort itself out naturally? 1
Author kld2341212 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 I'm not sure what I want you to say. Maybe the younger one? i guess thats my cue to go for the younger one. I just feel that the older one makes more rational sense, given that more foundation has been "set" for a successful relationship. But, there seems to be more "passion" for the younger one, although, there is some passion for the older one too, its just not as strong. I need to choose because a) the younger one is pressuring me to be exclusive, b ) I dont have time to date two women, and c) I feel weird about it, even though I'm not doing anything unethical.
LBean Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Passion ebbs naturally anyway. That's not always going to be there, but I think if you're leaning towards the younger one, that's the one you should go for. You don't need anyone's permission. 2
Maleficent Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Well to begin, I'll say that no one can choose but you. Now, given the number of men who are complaining on here that they can't get any no matter how hard they try…please, let me know when this thread turns into a bitchfest - I'll be waiting patiently with a bowl of popcorn lol 1
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