Adee Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Been almost 6 weeks now, and its driving me crazy... stuck at parents, cant afford to rent anywhere else. any advice please.
Misfortune Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Been almost 6 weeks now, and its driving me crazy... stuck at parents, cant afford to rent anywhere else. any advice please. I'm in the same both. Concentrate on yourself. Find a job if you don't already have one, use the time at parents to save money to live on your own, go out(take walks, etc). You just have to bring yourself to accept that it's over. Once I accepted that, it was smooth sailing for me.
brokenHeartLad Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Been almost 6 weeks now, and its driving me crazy... stuck at parents, cant afford to rent anywhere else. any advice please. Hi Adee, I remember that you were going through the same scenario as me. I to am at my parents place just now. It is sometimes comforting to have my mum around me but mainly annoying. My walk away wife has had no contact at all from me and she has made no attempt to contact me either. This I find tough as I broke down at the doctors around 4 weeks ago, it really feels like she has died. But it's slowly getting better, I traded in my car and bought a new one, Im saving money up and even went on a date a couple of times (I tried online dating site). I hope to work my way out of debt and get this divorce over with, you know a clean slate, my own place eventually,and a fresh start with a much more worth lady Let me know how your getting on bud.
Author Adee Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 hey, yea were going through the same scenario, i too did the same at the docs i only have a part time job, trying to find something else though... and yea my mum is annoying also
Yasuandio Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Listen to me. It happens to all of us. Even years later. I just got back my therapist. I told him about this letter I wanted to write, and blah blah BS, (and couched my idea within financial reasons I needed to make the correspondence)! Yeah, right! Even I knew I was full of it when I explained what I wanted to do! Just go over and read TaraMaiden's "Revised No Contact," two posts down on the pinned "Critical Readings" thread (see link on my signature line). She will set you straight. Also, mGuilts cites Calguys No Contact Guide. I know you may have read this one before - but always go back and review. I am so happy I have not written any dumb letter. I just was in a pity-party, looking for an emotional release that I will certainly not receive from the likes of him. Sometimes when we are temped to break NC, we just are setting ourselves up for disappointment. It only makes you go back to day one. Don't do it. Yas 1
Author Adee Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Im desperate to see my dog, so ive emailed her about that, she said to give her space and we can work something out...
Yasuandio Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Im desperate to see my dog, so ive emailed her about that, she said to give her space and we can work something out... Hon, be honest with yourself. Which dog are you really desperate to see? If she is going to end up owning the dog, then it is time to let go of the dog too. Now I am going to give you a GREAT idea! Time for your new puppy! That's right! A new puppy for your new life. Your puppy, your dog. Your new best friend that no one will ever take away from you. That's it! Now, what kind of puppy do you want to get? A boy or a girl? What breed? I'm not kidding around with you either. There is no sharing or visitation with an animal. You can pull that off with some great difficulty with children, but not with pets. And believe you me, the dog will feel your loss. My dog went through a depression when my husband abandoned us. She missed him. She knew he was gone. Her and I both went thru a very deep depression together. Your old friend doesn't need to be reminded of your scent - your old friend needs to forget you. I am sorry to tell you that. If this girl gets another man in her life, do you think she will continue to allow pet visitations? Of course not. Cut the tie now, for the dog's sake. What I did finially, was what I am recommending to you. I got a new puppy for my girl (dog) and me. A new companion for us. A new guy around here with no issues! Our new guy, "Nike," was full of energy, and happy as a clam. He jumped all over the place, so excited to be with my now, 9 year old girl, minature Eskimo Spitz, "Athena," and me. "Nike," is a toy Eskimo Spitz, and is getting to be about 2 and a half years old now. He made such a difference in our lives. At first - We were not sure about it. Athena and I would hide up on the couch where that little pisser couldn't reach us! Then, Athena started protecting me from Nike, and teaching him how to behave right. Cause Athena knew Mommy was stressed with the divorce, and she needed her down time and rest. Athena found a role to keep herself occupied. We eventually came together as a "New Family" as I like to call us. We are all happier now. I would never ever allow my ex-spouse to enter these premese again, because of simply his scent - and how it could most likely again throw Athena into confusion and possibly depression again. This may very well one of many underlying principles of NC, come to think of it. I hope you liked this little real life story. Yas 2
Author Adee Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 its my dog i dont see why i should just let her go...
Yasuandio Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 If it's your dog, go over there with the dogs papers (that have your name on them), or the vet records, and demand your dog. If the dog is not forthcoming, dial up 911. A dog is chattle, a piece of property. If those papers are in your hand (or your vet records which your vet can just run off very easily for you), then the dog will be going home with you. So if this is really about the dog, and it is YOUR DOG that you paid for, and maintained medically, then you can take it. Now, if you goof around and just leave the dog there - that is like abandoning property, and sometimes, in those cases, a Judge might rule in her favor. So whatever the facts are about this property will determine who gets it. Two thing is for sure - both people will not share the dog with visitation because the dog is not a human being. And also, you cannot cut the dog the dog in half. Here is another thing, a bit more dramatic, you might could pull off. When you make arrangements to pick up other property, you could pick up the dog also (of course, when she's not there). Or, if you evers do get a visit to walk the dog - leave and don't come back. But make sure you have proof (the vet records) demonstrating you own the propery (chattel). And be ready for the cops to show up - or for her to steel the dog. That is why I gave you the earlier syggetion. It is a fresh start for you - no drama. Yas 1
Misadventure Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) I can tell you this because I have been in rescue a while now..even if you have the papers showing that this is your dog, you need a lawyer. The Sheriff will tell you to call Animal Services. Animal Services will tell you it's a civil matter. I can tell you that once you get your dog for the day from that person, and the dog is in YOUR name, then you can keep the dog. Nothing that person can do since dog is your property. You need to have your papers though that state with vet records and county that dog is under your name. If for some reason this doesn't work out, let me know and I will help you find a rescue dog that needs a home as so many are on the point of being euthanized each day. Edited August 11, 2013 by Misadventure 1
Yasuandio Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 There you go, advice from an expert! Come to think of it - I bet I saw 10 cases like this when I used to watch Judge Joe, and Judge Judy handle small claims civil matters on TV. They didn't care how sad or cute the pooches looked, or the tears the Mommy or Daddy or even the kids were shedding. In Civil Court, chattel in simple property. Who ever shows ownershp, gets the property, period. Emotion is irrelevant. Thank you for the corrections and insight Misadventure. Yas 1
vla1120 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I know you're currently at your parents house, so maybe they won't let you get a dog? But maybe if you negotiate with them, you could go pick up a rescue dog at the local pound - a dog who was abandoned and just needs someone to give him/her a second chance at a life. That pup will give you unconditional love and occupy your time, making it easier for you to redirect your energies to something more constructive. I know it won't replace your dog, but it will be a step forward in accepting your new life's path. 1
Author Adee Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Hi, thanks for response, she has hit me with the im filing for a divorce when i can this morning, through email! why cant people talk face to face anymore ? it turns out it will cost her a pretty penny if she goes through with it, ive looked into it, if there is one positive from this its made me see things a bit clearer as i was hoping we might reconcile, so i was hanging in limbo so to speak, im upset only to be expected i guess, ive been to citizens advice this morning and they cant fit me in till next week regarding legal matters, i then went to see a lawyer, who wouldnt say anything unless i paid them 100, im only working part time so cant afford that, and there is no legal aid regarding marital issues now so not sure what will happen...
Author Adee Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 well im not really getting along with my mum , prob cos of my own issues with whats goin elsewhere, ive been to the housing to see about getting my own place, scary not lived on my own before, gonna be a while before im offered i suspect, unless i go down private landlord route but they usually want cash up front...
Author Adee Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 well things have taken a turn for the worse, ive recieved anonymous texts tellin me to stay clear of wife, when i said is this the boyfreind, they said maybe, so ive contacted police they have made a note of things and contacting her and the texter to ask them to refrain from doing so, it appears my suspicions were correct, i was fuming, another night of no sleep, but things couldnt be more clearer now, i feel ive been taken on a ride, but no more, the worm has turned!
brokenHeartLad Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Change your number and don't give it to anyone you don't trust and destroy your old SIM because trust me when I day you don't need that in your life.. I too haven't heard a single word from wife since she decided to separate 2 months ago. If I got a message like that I would feel tremendous emotions for a brief moment then do something to completely take my one of it. Whatever you do don't sit and think about what is happening over there, your free now to do what you want without anyone having to ask . I feel after 2 months still depressed but the sense of freedom is starting to work wonders. Keep yer chin up, the best revenge is having a good time and not caring
Author Adee Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Hi there bhl, she has contacted me through email saying she doesnt know who it is who text me and still insisting there is no boyfriend, all a bit crazy if you ask me, is she lying? i dont know...
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