He tells me he wants to take things slow..

[brenda99]

Ok so here is the situation..I met this guy at a bar about a year ago. I had known him growing up, but he was a few years older so I didn't know him too well. Anyways, we end up running into each other, talking, and then the next day he texts me and tells me how great it was to meet and that we should hang out soon. I try to figure out when we could get together, but he seems to be pretty busy. Finally we pick a day and place and time, but last minute he bails. I told him that I don't think he has the time to see anyone and that it probably won't work out for him right now. He agrees and we stop talking.

 

However we would text each other periodically over the next 6 months, most of the time just chit chat here and there. Finally in May I decide to ask him if he wants to go to a baseball game and he agrees. We go to the game and have a ton of fun. We have our first kiss under the fireworks and definitely connect on an emotional and physical level. We start hanging out every weekend, and I even meet his sister and her husband relatively early into the relationship. Things seem to be going well, but then he starts doing the thing where we would have plans and he would bail last minute due to "family emergencies" "not feeling well" or "having to work late." I tell him how fed up I am with him doing that and he tells me that he will really try and not agree to things anymore if he isn't certain he will be able to go.

 

Things keep getting better, but still rough because he isn't the biggest texter so we don't talk that often. However, we are still seeing each other every weekend and he starts coming to family dinners at my house every Sunday night and things start to take on a more serious note. He comes camping with my family and we keep hanging out every weekend, but I begin to get frustrated again when he tells me that he cannot see me at all during the weekl because of work.

 

I understand that he has work and that is totally fine, but even when i say I could stop by after he finishes work, even if it is late he never seems to think that is a good idea. He keeps bailing on me here and there, usually by saying he is running late and then last minute saying he won't make it at all. I start to get even more frustrated because I am spending my money on tickets to things and telling family members he will be coming to things but then he backs out always at the very last second.

 

Finally one weekend after bailing on me Friday night he invites me to have dinner with him and his parents. Things go extremely well and I really seemed to click with them and enjoy their company. The next night he has dinner with my family and things seem to be going really well. The next week he sends me texts telling me he misses me and is thinking of me, but then come Friday he says he can't hang because he has work late. I tell him that is fine and ask if he wants to go to a baseball game Saturday, he agrees and I buy tickets. Game is at 6:05 and at 5:30 he texts me and says he can't go because he got called into work late. I call him so that we can talk things out and he tells me he does really like me and sees a relationship with me, but that his work schedule can just be very unpredictable. We end the talk with him telling me he will contact me the next morning to hang out. But surprise I don't hear from him at all that day. Finally at about 8 at night I text him and ask waht is up. He says he was with his grandparents all day and just needed a day to himself?

 

I say ok and don;t hear from him again that night. The next day I text him to see how his day is going and he is super vague. Finally we get into what is going on and he tells me he wants to take things slow, that I am looking to much into things, that his feelings have not changed, and that he is not seeing anyone else. We end things by him saying we will get together "soon."

 

After that I don;t hear from him for 2 days and I do not contact him as well. Finally Wednesday night I text him to say that I have been thinking about him a lot and hope his week has been going well. When i see that he has read the text but not responded I text him again a couple hours later and say that i am fine with taking things slow but that I can't do the not hearing from him at all and that clearly something has changed for him because he is acting not his usual self. Again no response at all!

 

I honestly am at a loss now, it seemed like things were going so well but I also know that there were warning signs from him this whole time. I just don;t get why he would keep telling me his feelings had not changed, but then keep bailing on me and ignoring me. I know I won't be able to feel settled until I talk to him, but I also don;t want to come off as crazy and keep texting him. Anyone have any advice on how to approach this situation. It is so hard because I do really like him and it seemed like everything was going great, and now to just have nothing from him is just so hard!

[truth_seeker]

He has other options and he's not that into you.

[truth_seeker]

When people are into each other - they're with each other. No excuses. Anytime excuses come up, or any other bs, it means they're really not into you unless other options fall through or they are bored and want attention.

[BluEyeL]

It's over, I'm sorry, don't hang on to this, you'll just waste time and you'll go through more heartbreak.

[BradJacobs]

he seems to be pretty busy

We start hanging out every weekend

he tells me that he will really try and not agree to things anymore if he isn't certain he will be able to go.

he isn't the biggest texter so we don't talk that often.

we keep hanging out every weekend

I begin to get frustrated again when he tells me that he cannot see me at all during the weekl because of work.

He keeps bailing on me here and there

he backs out always at the very last second.

I don't hear from him at all that day.

he tells me he wants to take things slow, that I am looking to much into things, that his feelings have not changed, and that he is not seeing anyone else.

 

I honestly am at a loss now, it seemed like things were going so well but I also know that there were warning signs from him this whole time. I just don;t get why he would keep telling me his feelings had not changed, but then keep bailing on me and ignoring me.

Looks to me like nothing has changed except you. You got more involved in him and expected his communication and behaviors to meet your needs.

 

I'm sorry to be the first to say this but this is on you.

 

His feelings might not have changed. His actions sure haven't. What I see in this pattern is him doing his own thing, you accepting it in the beginning and now you're frustrated because he's doing the same old, same old and you expect something more. So I agree with him that you are reading too much into things.

 

Up to you how you want to proceed. Do not expect him to change just because you need him to change though.

[RebelWithoutACause]

Ok so here is the situation..I met this guy at a bar about a year ago. I had known him growing up, but he was a few years older so I didn't know him too well. Anyways, we end up running into each other, talking, and then the next day he texts me and tells me how great it was to meet and that we should hang out soon. I try to figure out when we could get together, but he seems to be pretty busy. Finally we pick a day and place and time, but last minute he bails. I told him that I don't think he has the time to see anyone and that it probably won't work out for him right now. He agrees and we stop talking.

 

However we would text each other periodically over the next 6 months, most of the time just chit chat here and there. Finally in May I decide to ask him if he wants to go to a baseball game and he agrees. We go to the game and have a ton of fun. We have our first kiss under the fireworks and definitely connect on an emotional and physical level. We start hanging out every weekend, and I even meet his sister and her husband relatively early into the relationship. Things seem to be going well, but then he starts doing the thing where we would have plans and he would bail last minute due to "family emergencies" "not feeling well" or "having to work late." I tell him how fed up I am with him doing that and he tells me that he will really try and not agree to things anymore if he isn't certain he will be able to go.

 

Things keep getting better, but still rough because he isn't the biggest texter so we don't talk that often. However, we are still seeing each other every weekend and he starts coming to family dinners at my house every Sunday night and things start to take on a more serious note. He comes camping with my family and we keep hanging out every weekend, but I begin to get frustrated again when he tells me that he cannot see me at all during the weekl because of work.

 

I understand that he has work and that is totally fine, but even when i say I could stop by after he finishes work, even if it is late he never seems to think that is a good idea. He keeps bailing on me here and there, usually by saying he is running late and then last minute saying he won't make it at all. I start to get even more frustrated because I am spending my money on tickets to things and telling family members he will be coming to things but then he backs out always at the very last second.

 

Finally one weekend after bailing on me Friday night he invites me to have dinner with him and his parents. Things go extremely well and I really seemed to click with them and enjoy their company. The next night he has dinner with my family and things seem to be going really well. The next week he sends me texts telling me he misses me and is thinking of me, but then come Friday he says he can't hang because he has work late. I tell him that is fine and ask if he wants to go to a baseball game Saturday, he agrees and I buy tickets. Game is at 6:05 and at 5:30 he texts me and says he can't go because he got called into work late. I call him so that we can talk things out and he tells me he does really like me and sees a relationship with me, but that his work schedule can just be very unpredictable. We end the talk with him telling me he will contact me the next morning to hang out. But surprise I don't hear from him at all that day. Finally at about 8 at night I text him and ask waht is up. He says he was with his grandparents all day and just needed a day to himself?

 

I say ok and don;t hear from him again that night. The next day I text him to see how his day is going and he is super vague. Finally we get into what is going on and he tells me he wants to take things slow, that I am looking to much into things, that his feelings have not changed, and that he is not seeing anyone else. We end things by him saying we will get together "soon."

 

After that I don;t hear from him for 2 days and I do not contact him as well. Finally Wednesday night I text him to say that I have been thinking about him a lot and hope his week has been going well. When i see that he has read the text but not responded I text him again a couple hours later and say that i am fine with taking things slow but that I can't do the not hearing from him at all and that clearly something has changed for him because he is acting not his usual self. Again no response at all!

 

I honestly am at a loss now, it seemed like things were going so well but I also know that there were warning signs from him this whole time. I just don;t get why he would keep telling me his feelings had not changed, but then keep bailing on me and ignoring me. I know I won't be able to feel settled until I talk to him, but I also don;t want to come off as crazy and keep texting him. Anyone have any advice on how to approach this situation. It is so hard because I do really like him and it seemed like everything was going great, and now to just have nothing from him is just so hard!

 

I think you misinterpreted or were mislead about his intentions. From the beginning you were the more interested side, sounds like he just went along for the ride not putting any serious effort into your relationship. You've extended one too many olive branches to him accepting his disrespectful behaviour. Repeatedly cancelling last minute is the definition of disrespect.

 

It's safe to assume at this point in his mind the relationship has become too much "drama" because you obviously want more than he does, and he wants out. This is why he is not contacting you or responding to you. It sounds like you pursued him and continued to do so even though there were clear signs he wasn't as interested as you.

 

Don't text him or call him any more. If he thinks your relationship is worth saving he'll get in touch with suggestions how to move forward. And if not and you continue to contact him all you'll be doing is beating the proverbial dead horse.

[brenda99]

Thanks I mean logically I know that when I guy stops wanting to talk to you or see you that means that things are over, but I think it was confusing because he is telling me one thing and acting another way. I guess he has always been this way and I just got more upset with that behavior as we got closer. I am pretty sure I have already gone a little overboard in texting him and bringing it up again and again so he probably is just done with the drama. He told me where he stood and instead of telling him that is not what I want I just continued to pester him, so I think I should probably just stop and move on. Thanks again for the commentary, really made me look more at myself and what I was doing instead of just looking at him.

[TB Rhine]

Just ask yourself what it would mean if you were doing the same things he's doing, to a guy you were seeing, and you'll have your answer.

[Leigh 87]

He is just not that into you.

 

The good news is - you sound like a sweet girl, so there are guys out there that WILL be into you. Things will be so different with the right guy!

 

Imagine a guy who texts once a day, just to check up on you. Because he feels happy when he hears from you and it makes him happy to talk to you daily.

 

Imagine never having a guy cancel plans at the last minute.

 

This guy has little respect for you, because you put up with him cancelling plans and you just keep acting overly interested in him.

 

When I say overly interested, take a look at the small things:

 

It is you that initiates most texts

It was you who pursued him

When he bails on your plans you do not get that annoyed, rather, it is YOU who will then go and initiate the texts when he does not call or text you for a day. OR a few hours.

 

Guys respect girls who clearly go after what they want, and do not settle for less because they are desperate for a relationship to work. Desperate to be happy? That is fine. But being desperate for any given relationship to HAVE to work, even when the guy is CLEARLY not into you? The guy will definitely lose respect for you. If he ever had any.

 

It looks like this guy likes you as a person, and he likes spending time with you. If he didn't, he would not bother spending his weekends with you!

He could think you're a really amazing girl, but he feels one way about you, and you feel something totally different towards him than he feels about you.

 

You have mismatched interests. He likes you and wants to hang out with you and have sex with you.

 

Where as you are really into him and are on the road to falling hard/possibly in love with him; the more serious things get the happier you would become.

 

He is not even entertaining the idea of getting very serious with you, as it is as clear as day that this guy does not have the capacity to fall in love with you.

 

Do not waste another minute on this dude. Cut contact, grieve, and get over him.

 

Not every guy will fall head over heals in love with you, so do not take this personally. Even the most fabulous and beautiful women do not get every guy to be into them. Doesn't work like that. Something just has to "be there" in the air between you. Please don't let it dishearten you. You just met the wrong guy.

 

I highly encourage you to go No Contact, as this guy could keep you around for sex. That is not to say he thinks lowly of you, he probably really likes you as a person. However, if you maintain contact if you DO break up with him, then he may keep you around as "friends" and push for sex, in which case you won't get over him.

 

He deserves to find a girl he is truly into, and you deserve to find the same in a guy.

[Ninjainpajamas]

"Ok so here is the situation..I met this guy at a bar about a year ago. I had known him growing up, but he was a few years older so I didn't know him too well. Anyways, we end up running into each other, talking, and then the next day he texts me and tells me how great it was to meet and that we should hang out soon. I try to figure out when we could get together, but he seems to be pretty busy. Finally we pick a day and place and time, but last minute he bails. I told him that I don't think he has the time to see anyone and that it probably won't work out for him right now. He agrees and we stop talking.

 

However we would text each other periodically over the next 6 months, most of the time just chit chat here and there. Finally in May I decide to ask him if he wants to go to a baseball game and he agrees"

 

This is all anyone needed to read...It was over before it started...he wasn't that into you.

[Leigh 87]

If he was into you, he:

 

- would have asked for your number the first time you met, texted you, and arranged to meet the next weekend.

 

- And yeah. He would have texted you once a day consistently from the fist date. IF he was that into you.

 

There is not even a chance that a guy would agree that he was " too busy" for you if he was truly into you.

 

There is not even the slightest chance this guy is that enamoured by you or very interested in you.

 

Please let this one go and wait for a guy who shows genuine interest.

 

Relationships are hard even when a guy is into you! Why make it work with a dude who lacks the emotions for you to fall in love with you and think about marrying you?

[californiagirlxo]

I have absolutely been in your shoes and it's painful and makes you go crazy. Please please please get yourself out of this situation.