blueberry13 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Hi, I have been married 17 years. Have a great family and 2 beautiful daughters ages 12 and 9. Marriage hasn't always been perfect due to my husband having a temper. We went for counseling last year and that has improved with occasional setbacks. This past year after a yelling episode I did peak in his cell phone and saw a text to a 22 year old girl he met on a guys fishing trip to Miami and mentioned to her how that he had met her a year prior on the same trip, how they had so much in common and exact words....he couldn't help but look to see if he still had her number and she replies I still have yours saved in my phone. They were having additional basic conversation and when I confronted my husband he said it was nothing, that he was had given her an hour of career advice and was following up with her to see what grad school she had gotten into. The 2nd thing I found out recently is that he has lied to me on 6 occasions about where he was and went to strip clubs and had private lap dances in the back rooms. Just a male bonding thing and all guys lie to there wives about this - is what he has told me. There was aggressive touching involved with nude dancers. But his clothes did not come off. Now, even though most often he is a good husband and dad, my trust is not there, I def. have suspicious feelings. He likes the night life and thanks to work finds himself every so often in club atmospheres with the guys and stays out until 3 or 4 am on these business trips. On one recently, a wealthy client hired prostitutes to join there table for anyone that wanted to participate. (My husband told me this and that he was not participating) He still has business lunches and dinners with this guy. Is this just the way of the world now or am I normal for feeling such a lack of trust...that he is a different person when not around me and family. He is drawn to a rowdy guy crowd. We are in our early 40's and I sometimes wish his fun and priorities are more family oriented. ANy thoughts are appreciated.... been feeling deceived and wondering what else I may not know about.
Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Trust your gut. Yes, where there is smoke, there is fire. Start really investigating this, please, but keep it on the down low. His actions sound like he is trawling the waters for a playmate. you tipped your hat to early with the 22- year old. Check the emails, bank statements, cell phone bills, etc. He's hanging out with the hunters...those rowdy guys who have little respect for marriage or fidelity and somehow find each other for extra-curricular activities. As we all know, you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. He tells you just enough truth to keep you off guard, but gets angry if you press for more info, right? Classic gas lighting. your gut instinct is screaming at you. Trust it. is he guarding his cell phone? Next time he is out with the boys, why not grab a girlfriend and show up? Guage his group and his reaction. you have some quiet investigating to do. Get going. 2
Author blueberry13 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Yes, thank you...unfortunately I do trust my intuition. Due to weekly date nights and things being relatively normal and nice most often, I question my doubts. But inappropriate behaviors keep staring me in the face. Such as texting with secretary about her whereabouts with friends etc. during family vacations. He says they are friends. She once texted him a photo of herself in a hotel (we go to sometimes on vacation) and said she is in his favorite place. I know this is not normal or appropriate but he'll get angry and say they are friends and that he is not going to tell me every time a pretty girl sends him a text. I am more attractive than any of these females he has some flirtations with, living a wonderful life but feeling up and down lately. Yes I am keeping my eyes open but as my sig. other is a lawyer and is in finance, he always has an answer for everything. I hope the truth comes to me. 1
HopingAgain Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Yes, thank you...unfortunately I do trust my intuition. Due to weekly date nights and things being relatively normal and nice most often, I question my doubts. But inappropriate behaviors keep staring me in the face. Such as texting with secretary about her whereabouts with friends etc. during family vacations. He says they are friends. She once texted him a photo of herself in a hotel (we go to sometimes on vacation) and said she is in his favorite place. I know this is not normal or appropriate but he'll get angry and say they are friends and that he is not going to tell me every time a pretty girl sends him a text. I am more attractive than any of these females he has some flirtations with, living a wonderful life but feeling up and down lately. Yes I am keeping my eyes open but as my sig. other is a lawyer and is in finance, he always has an answer for everything. I hope the truth comes to me. I think deep down you know that his behavior towards these other women is anything but appropriate. He is likely cheating right under your nose and lying to you. Please start silently doing some investigating now. 2
Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Hmmm.....how many males assistants and 22-year olds are sending you texts from your favorite hotel or keeping the cell number for over a year? if nothing else, he is putting out a VIBE that says, I'm available and crossing boundaries all over the place. Who hires pros to join a corporate dinner? Does that happen often at your workplace? Do the women spend many a night winding up at male strip joints getting lap dances and being aggressively touched? HOW MANY female friends under the age of 35 is he talking to these days? 2
jphcbpa Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 unacceptable and he will gaslight you in circles he does not respect you. you need some girls nights out..3 to 4 am type. see how he likes that. 2
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