cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Hi Everyone!! lol why am I even here??? I guess someone messed me up, right??? Another achy story: 35 year old guy has everything together, charming, handsome (or so they tell me) meets this 32 yr old nicest girl at a salsa club by mere chance. We were together at the venue and only had eyes for each other. It was her first time being there being a divorced mom that for the first time in a couple years ventured to go out and there I was snatching her the first night lol. That was a little over a month ago. I learned that night though that she was Christian and I was fine with it since the start. Every date has been magical except she turned a down a peck in her lips the first date, and the second, third, etc. As of late she had just begun warming up a little to let me steal a few pecks in her mouth here and there, kiss her in a few other spots etc. and she still seemed fine with it and we joked about it, no flakiness until a couple nights ago when I could have used the momentum (knowing me) to take her somewhere secluded and make her forget her values, etc. But I did not do that; I took her to a bistro and sat outside for a long time imagining trips together and yes, stealing a couple kisses from her very playfully though. As soon as I drop her off though, she starts texting me that she apologizes if my patience is wearing out, that she does not want to precipitate herself, thus the reason why she avoids giving me a proper kiss, that she does not want to offend her son, father, God and especially her 'future' husband by rushing things into what could turn into a 'wrong romance'... Up until that 'wrong romance' comment I was ok with reassuring her and being ok with listening to her but that last comment just hurt too much and I let her know when she called me last night. She has always been telling me her Christian phrases such as 'you either are or you are not' referring if I am doing something like spoiling her then I must be consistent on it, etc. Well I turned the tables on her and told her that although I respected her feelings that I must also respect myself and receive some reassurance also, that if she feels something for me then she should make up her mind, agree to be my gf and give her a proper kiss to seal our commitment. I told her that she either is or isn't. Well, that didn't go too well. I was told that I was not showing patience or the desire to win her love, blah blah. I told her if she had doubts I understand and those can be addressed, her values same thing, that this is not about rules or me having the burden to win her over but rather do it together, has nothing to do with being 'patient' when in fact I had not been asking her for anything but rather she just brought things up all of a sudden. I then told her I just want to make sure she is not wanting to friendzone me when we have been behaving quite the opposite. She then offended me by saying 'what is wrong with friends, why do you want to run when you can't even crawl dear'? she then said we must be friends, best friends then bf/gf... and I just laughed on her face and asked her what's the big deal about asking you to be my gf when we already behave as such, or would you rather just keep going out as FWB? She then said that is part of the problem that makes her uncomfortable that we are flying through this, that she is ashamed for liking me so much and must be strong to resist me that she loses her head next to me, etc. That's when I last told her in which moment have I disrespected you? Didn't I just hold your cheeks playfully and gave you a peck in your lips at the bistro? What's shameful or not honorable about it? Then she said pecks were 'fine' and that she would put hugs under 'prayer'... BTW, I am not Christian but not opposed either and have even asked her to do prayer when together and have been extremely respectful (yet still manage to escalate a little hugging her, kissing her shoulder, etc). We've been stayed together at night semi camping no issues there either... our agreement last night was that I would let her teach me to love her and her God and that I would teach her to trust me and clarify her doubts and uncertainties that other experiences might have left. She agreed, yet for some reason I woke up thinking that the damage might have been done already...
Keenly Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Good god run the hell away from this woman. She has already clearly shown a "my wants and desires are more important than yours " attitude, and this whole "future husband" be just sounds exhausting . How long before she starts placing her lifestyle limitations on you ?
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 exactly; that's what I told her that she seemed to have more concern to not disappoint her future imaginary husband than me...what has the world come to????
Eddie Edirol Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Unless you are as strongly Christian as she is, you shouldnt be dating her, its just a major incompatibility in the long run. If she will continue to hold herself back and wont tell you why, then that means she cant handle whats going on and you need to leave her be, and find a woman who is more on your level.
Babolat Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 This reminds me of the "how do I speed things along" post. You have a decision to make, be patient, see where this gooes, or not. To me, it's that simple. She has told you her boundaries, how she is, appreciate and respect them, or move on. Don't try to change or convince her..aceept her, or don't. I personally find her VERY attractive having told you where her boundaries and values are.
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 You will never get all you want from her and intimacy will ALWAYS be on her terms; not even on an equal footing because you can't be spontaneous without worrying about stepping on some illusive, imaginary "feet of God" or her religion or whatever. Walk away... 5
sabre80 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Wow. Have fun with all that. This is pretty funny to me. A woman who claims to be so virtuous and Christian, yet divorced (and we all know what the Bible says about divorce) and dating a non-Christian. She sounds like one big hypocritical tease. That's a heck of a hasty generalization there. You do not know her situation or how she divorced. She could have been cheated on (biblical grounds for divorce), abandoned (biblical), or abused (biblical). Also keep in mind divorce and divorcement in both ancient Hebrew and Greek are not synonymous as they are in the English language. Divorce was the process of putting ones wife out on the street without justifiable cause. Often times an assumption was made that she was a harlot and this would make her unmarry-able or even worse she could get stoned. God hates divorce. But he also gave Moses the guidelines for divorcement. Divorcement was were a man would issue a writ to the woman stating she did nothing wrong and she was a decent woman but for some reason they could not stay married. This allowed the woman to remarry and prevented stains on her honor. The op never mentioned how long she was divorced. If she is anything like me (a christian man divorced his cheating wife) then there are a myriad of issues she needs to work out in her heart. I was see sawing between blaming god and having faith in god for what happened. In my case I married a woman I should have never married. I had to step back emotionally and consider what god wanted for me this time around. In addition to all the other emotional issues anyone goes through after divorce regardless of faith. However with all that said she sounds a bit unstable and I (even as a christian) would loose interest in playing the games fast. Proceed with caution sounds a bit reboundish.
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 wow I am impressed by everyone's insight, really. It is always hard when you are in the middle and can't see the angles.... I think what I grabbed from all these comments were respect her choices, and I can either take it or leave it and if I take it I'll let her be the one to initiate any further contact... thoughts?
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I think what I grabbed from all these comments were respect her choices, and I can either take it or leave it and if I take it I'll let her be the one to initiate any further contact... thoughts? Well, you wrote this: She has always been telling me her Christian phrases such as 'you either are or you are not' referring if I am doing something like spoiling her then I must be consistent on it, etc. Well I turned the tables on her and told her that although I respected her feelings that I must also respect myself and receive some reassurance also, that if she feels something for me then she should make up her mind, agree to be my gf and give her a proper kiss to seal our commitment. I told her that she either is or isn't. Well, that didn't go too well. I was told that I was not showing patience or the desire to win her love, blah blah. You tried two different sides of a coin and it ended up with her being the manipulator in the situation. This does not bode well for a future relationship, in my eyes. She is not giving you the space and respect to express your interests and desires without turning into a religious battle. Sounds like it is her way or the highway...
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Good for her, she seems more together than most women that throw their cooch around like a Frisbee in a park. Nothing wrong with having morals. I commend her Of course not, and so far have not attempted to bed her, but not wanting to commit to be my GF but instead settles for FWB?
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Of course not, and so far have not attempted to bed her, but not wanting to commit to be my GF but instead settles for FWB? If she won't give you a proper kiss, I seriously doubt she would consent to being a FWB! 1
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 If she won't give you a proper kiss, I seriously doubt she would consent to being a FWB! lol I know, she lets me fondle her, kiss her all over her but her mouth... wtf??? she tells me, 'I don't know what you are used to, but..." well, yeah, I am used to that for example I went out with someone else on a first date a few days after meeting her and had no problems making out with that woman because there was attraction but lived too far from me...
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 perhaps I should start carrying Listerine on me to reassure her???
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 True - however I grew up in church and the hypocrisy abounded especially when it came to divorce and remarriage. "Oh but god's grace is sufficient" but then turn around and shame the teen who got pregnant or disallowed the lesbian couple to attend. Regardless - I thought it was frowned upon to date a non-Christian, for exactly this reason. She doesn't sound very devoted to living out her faith. Human beings in general are hypocritical with their actions vs words. Hardly an indictment unique to Christianity or even religion in general. OP, sounds like a clash of lifestyles. You might just be incompatible. Happens...
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 What do you mean by fondle? grope her... crazy I know, what kind of girl lets you touch her but not kiss her?
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Well non-religious people don't walk around hanging the fear of hell over others' heads. Just sayin'. No, but given how many non-religious people hang to the left of the political spectrum, they often have a selective understanding of "don't steal" and "don't commit violence". Just saying.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Wait now we're talking politics? Nope. Pointing out that everyone is hypocritical. Left, right, religious, non-religious. Everyone. Everyone has a blind spot to which they do not hold fast to their morality or philosophy or whatever. I just used that as an example because as I said, non-religious people tend to be more on the left side of politics. Not all, but in general. Though if you wanted to flesh it out more, feel free to carry the discussion into the politics section.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Yeah but we're discussing Christians, not left-leaning people. On topic. And this woman is using her "Christian morality" to string along the poor OP. I completely agree with NYCCat. She's no shrinking violet like she's pretending. You made this statement: True - however I grew up in church and the hypocrisy abounded especially when it came to divorce and remarriage. "Oh but god's grace is sufficient" but then turn around and shame the teen who got pregnant or disallowed the lesbian couple to attend. Regardless - I thought it was frowned upon to date a non-Christian, for exactly this reason. She doesn't sound very devoted to living out her faith. Insinuating that if one wants to avoid hypocrites, they should avoid dating religious people. I merely pointed out that if one wants to avoid dating a hypocrite, they should probably avoid dating human beings. The OP and this woman are clearly incompatible, regardless of anyone's hypocrisy.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Fair enough - but again, ON TOPIC, we're talking about this woman using her religion as a means of avoiding intimacy with the OP. It's hypocritical. If you want to use my posts as a means of calling left-leaning people hypocrites, start your own thread in the politics section. I was calling everyone a hypocrite, each in their own way. You could even levy that charge against me. I would venture to say that this women would use any excuse to avoid intimacy with the OP. Religious hypocrisy or no. Which is what I originally stated...
Author cgr68311 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Argh. But we're talking about Christian hypocrisy. Not "well everyone's a hypocrite." This is how threads get derailed. you guys are funny awesome... well, here is a Jerry moment (status update): after we talked last night we exchanged lots of texts msgs. last text we exchanged was around 4am. While you guys were busy giving me advice I flaked and sent her a txt msg asking her if I could drive by to greet her, that was around 10am. She only responded until 2pm but only said hi how is your day. I then asked her 'did you just see my msg now?" She said some excuse that she left at 6am blah blah. I said well perhaps we should start making some time to see each other early mornings or during my lunch hour and she said she would pray to make that 'work' and that it wasn't such a bad idea as her dad wanted her to find out where I worked...I omitted to say that she moved back with them apparently...
TheGuard13 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Whisper "I know you're dirty". She'll blow you like a raft on a sinking ship. Or so the comedians say... Seriously though, she's either manipulating you or has some serious issues with her own sexuality, intimacy and faith. Not a good combination. I don't know any Christian religion that teaches you to avoid kissing.
Mr.Mango Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 you guys are funny awesome... well, here is a Jerry moment (status update): after we talked last night we exchanged lots of texts msgs. last text we exchanged was around 4am. While you guys were busy giving me advice I flaked and sent her a txt msg asking her if I could drive by to greet her, that was around 10am. She only responded until 2pm but only said hi how is your day. I then asked her 'did you just see my msg now?" She said some excuse that she left at 6am blah blah. I said well perhaps we should start making some time to see each other early mornings or during my lunch hour and she said she would pray to make that 'work' and that it wasn't such a bad idea as her dad wanted her to find out where I worked...I omitted to say that she moved back with them apparently... Oh lord, have mercy on your soul.
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