goodnightrebecca Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Yesterday I made a post dealing with my whole situation, but I'll quickly summarize it here. My girlfriend for over two years recently decided to break up with me while offering the reason of: "I feel like we've changed / have nothing in common anymore / I need change / I don't know if I can see you in my future 10 years from now / etc." And while I understand this is a perfectly good reason to end a relationship with someone, it is the way shes been acting after the breakup and during the "break" thats really been hurting me. We went on a break about two weeks ago, which I though meant she wanted to atleast try to salvage the relationship, but instead all it was was a chance for her to get a jump start on life without me. I found out that during this break shes been hanging out with a couple of new friends, and one of them a guy who confessed to her that he liked her and even asked her to do "things" with him (the thing is that the guy is the complete opposite of everything she ever saw in a guy, hes a huge step down with regards to personality, looks and everything. he's a player and has been with countless girls in the past year alone and he even stood up her a few years ago.) In our relationship I did everything to try and maintain her happiness in the relationship. If I knew something I could do was going to make her happy then I would of done it, but the thing is that she never ever talked about her feelings, not to me and barely to her own family. But yet she had no problem to talk about all of the stuff I was doing wrong to all of her friends (basically anyone that would listen) and never once mention any of them to me to try and fix. Basically she kept a grocery list of problems and once she felt like she could end it, she told everyone those problems and then got their support to end it with me, but I just don't understand how I could fix something if I didn't know what was broken in the first place, I never wanted to make her unhappy I would of tried my hardest to fix it. We use to hang out together almost every second day, still leaving time for other things and friends, but even if I did something with my friends I always asked her to come along, ALWAYS. She just told me she didn't "want to put an effort in anymore to do the things I enjoy" (yet she didn't have a problem watching a movie with the guy the day after she broke up with me, even though she said she hated watching movies with me). Now this is where the confusion sets in... To be honest I'm only 18 years old and I don't really know if I actually was ever in love with this girl. She was very attractive but she was so closed off emotionally I could never make an emotional connection with her even though I wanted it more than anything. I remember thinking many times during our relationship how I didnt think it was going to work and how I just wish she would open herself up to me and stop being so uptight. The problem that I'm facing now is that I can't remind myself why I felt like that. As soon as she broke up with me and started hanging around with these new people I can only remember the good in her, not the stuff that made me think this was going to one day end. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I never appreciated what I had until it was gone or because of the withdraw and the hurt of her breaking up with me ^^^^ That's the question thats bogging me down. In our relationship we were two entirely different people. But so were my parents. I liked music, she didn't. I liked watching movies, she didn't. We liked different TV shows. I'm a writer and she hates anything to do with poetry or actual writing. I have very liberal views with everything while she grew up with an uptight family. She's a family person, who wants to eat supper at the table, while I'm an independet guy who just likes eating alone (although I still did stuff with her family, admittedly not as much as I should have(although she never did much stuff with my family either, even though I asked. her). So I really don't know if i'm fixated on her because of this withdraw and my lust for her, or if I actually did love her. This is the first time I've ever went through something like this and I never have been so hurt in my life, I'm just looking for some advice LS. Please can anyone help?
Atem Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Yesterday I made a post dealing with my whole situation, but I'll quickly summarize it here. My girlfriend for over two years recently decided to break up with me while offering the reason of: "I feel like we've changed / have nothing in common anymore / I need change / I don't know if I can see you in my future 10 years from now / etc." And while I understand this is a perfectly good reason to end a relationship with someone, it is the way shes been acting after the breakup and during the "break" thats really been hurting me. We went on a break about two weeks ago, which I though meant she wanted to atleast try to salvage the relationship, but instead all it was was a chance for her to get a jump start on life without me. I found out that during this break shes been hanging out with a couple of new friends, and one of them a guy who confessed to her that he liked her and even asked her to do "things" with him (the thing is that the guy is the complete opposite of everything she ever saw in a guy, hes a huge step down with regards to personality, looks and everything. he's a player and has been with countless girls in the past year alone and he even stood up her a few years ago.) In our relationship I did everything to try and maintain her happiness in the relationship. If I knew something I could do was going to make her happy then I would of done it, but the thing is that she never ever talked about her feelings, not to me and barely to her own family. But yet she had no problem to talk about all of the stuff I was doing wrong to all of her friends (basically anyone that would listen) and never once mention any of them to me to try and fix. Basically she kept a grocery list of problems and once she felt like she could end it, she told everyone those problems and then got their support to end it with me, but I just don't understand how I could fix something if I didn't know what was broken in the first place, I never wanted to make her unhappy I would of tried my hardest to fix it. We use to hang out together almost every second day, still leaving time for other things and friends, but even if I did something with my friends I always asked her to come along, ALWAYS. She just told me she didn't "want to put an effort in anymore to do the things I enjoy" (yet she didn't have a problem watching a movie with the guy the day after she broke up with me, even though she said she hated watching movies with me). Now this is where the confusion sets in... To be honest I'm only 18 years old and I don't really know if I actually was ever in love with this girl. She was very attractive but she was so closed off emotionally I could never make an emotional connection with her even though I wanted it more than anything. I remember thinking many times during our relationship how I didnt think it was going to work and how I just wish she would open herself up to me and stop being so uptight. The problem that I'm facing now is that I can't remind myself why I felt like that. As soon as she broke up with me and started hanging around with these new people I can only remember the good in her, not the stuff that made me think this was going to one day end. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I never appreciated what I had until it was gone or because of the withdraw and the hurt of her breaking up with me ^^^^ That's the question thats bogging me down. In our relationship we were two entirely different people. But so were my parents. I liked music, she didn't. I liked watching movies, she didn't. We liked different TV shows. I'm a writer and she hates anything to do with poetry or actual writing. I have very liberal views with everything while she grew up with an uptight family. She's a family person, who wants to eat supper at the table, while I'm an independet guy who just likes eating alone (although I still did stuff with her family, admittedly not as much as I should have(although she never did much stuff with my family either, even though I asked. her). So I really don't know if i'm fixated on her because of this withdraw and my lust for her, or if I actually did love her. This is the first time I've ever went through something like this and I never have been so hurt in my life, I'm just looking for some advice LS. Please can anyone help? I think this is the feeling of being rejected - it ALWAYS stings - regardless of how old you are, how successful, how rich, how experiences, etc. It is human nature for rejection to sting a bit. Now - my advice to you - and this may sound a bit harsh but here goes: Next! You're only 18 dude, so don't sweat it. Are you in college/planning to go to one? If yes, relax and enjoy your time there. Trust me - flings that early on in life rarely work out nowadays and - to be honest - it is also better that way. You have a ton of time to make new experiences with many other women and - believe me - there are hotter/nicer/funnier/etc. ones out there.
Philosoraptor Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 My response from the last thread still holds true: Ok, so lets sum this up. She did not communicate with you, and she was interested in, and dumped you for, someone else. It didn't come out of nowhere. She was talking to this guy, during the short "break" confessed her feelings to him, and then she needed to dump you because he was interested as well. And if he had said no she would have came back but kept looking around (or chasing this particular guy) as you aren't her first choice anymore. You're 18ish, most people feel like their first love can never be matched. But then you meet someone else once you've healed and it's like that "first love" never existed anyways. For now just focus on yourself, join a club, get a new hobby, and do the things that make you happy. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I never appreciated what I had until it was gone or because of the withdraw and the hurt of her breaking up with me ^^^^ That's the question thats bogging me down. In our relationship we were two entirely different people. But so were my parents. I liked music, she didn't. I liked watching movies, she didn't. We liked different TV shows. I'm a writer and she hates anything to do with poetry or actual writing. I have very liberal views with everything while she grew up with an uptight family. She's a family person, who wants to eat supper at the table, while I'm an independet guy who just likes eating alone (although I still did stuff with her family, admittedly not as much as I should have(although she never did much stuff with my family either, even though I asked. her). So I really don't know if i'm fixated on her because of this withdraw and my lust for her, or if I actually did love her. This is the first time I've ever went through something like this and I never have been so hurt in my life, I'm just looking for some advice LS. Please can anyone help? You're lonely, and the further you get from the relationship the more you will see the good and forget the bad. That doesn't mean the bad didn't exist. Regardless of how good she may look now, what still stands true is that she took a "break" to investigate a new interest and decided to leave you for him.
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