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How long do I wait for her?

ad4m

By ad4m
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ad4m Member

ad4m

Posted
Posted

I am in a bit of a dilemma.

 

I met this girl a while back and we got on really well. I know her pretty well and we have been on a few dates and i really, really like her. She really likes me as well (I'm not just guessing, she told me :D) However, I asked her out again the other day and I got in reply, a long message saying that although I was perfect for her and that she has never been treated so good before, it wasn't the right time to be in another relationship for her because she still hasn't got over her ex and has some other personal issues.

 

I said that I completely understand and then I asked her if, when the time is right, something can still happen between us, and she said yes.

 

My dilemma is that I don't know what to do next. How long do is wait for her to be ready about entering a new relationship? Do I ask her again in say, a month, and see if she is ready and if not, just give up on her? Do I keep in touch with her and/or go out with her again or neither?

 

Please help... I really really like this girl and I want something to happen between us :love:

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted

I'd say you don't wait, you go out with other women and tell her to let you know if she is avaialable too. Then check back in two months, see what she says. Then wait another few months, and check back a third time, all while dating others and if you didn't find someone else already. If she says no for the third time, you never check in again, it's over.

  • Like 8
Woop1337 Established Member

Woop1337

Posted
Posted

Sounds like she's letting you down gently. So she likes you a lot, she thinks your perfect, and she admitted you treat her good? But she won't continue dating you? It's contradictory.

 

That's like someone saying 1 + 1 = 3. It doesn't make sense.

 

I say, you move on. Lessen your contact with her.If someone is going to ask someone out let her initiate that. She knows where you stand. You definitely don't want to be turned away twice.

  • Like 1
white Established Member

white

Posted
Posted

You're out of luck. Sorry. She's letting you down gently. Jam tomorrow never becomes jam today. I'm guessing she's late teens or early twenties, it's a younger womans move before they grow the balls to outright say no and learn that it's actually better that way.

 

Isn't even necessarily bad. Perhaps she still sees her ex and doesn't want to hurt you. Perhaps she's seeing a bunch of guys for sex and honestly isn't ready for relationships again. Perhaps she's in the midst of a breakdown that will turn her into a mess for life. Whatever, the point is, always consider this truth: if they want to be with you they will take the chance to do so. You've offered it and she hasn't.

 

We've all had this ****. Consider yourself better off and move on. If she's genuine about it maybe she'll contact you some time. Don't count on it though. Again, sorry.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted

Yep, start dating other girls. Don't ask her her again. If she likes you, she'll contact you. The ball is in her court.

  • Like 2
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
I am in a bit of a dilemma.

 

I met this girl a while back and we got on really well. I know her pretty well and we have been on a few dates and i really, really like her. She really likes me as well (I'm not just guessing, she told me :D) However, I asked her out again the other day and I got in reply, a long message saying that although I was perfect for her and that she has never been treated so good before, it wasn't the right time to be in another relationship for her because she still hasn't got over her ex and has some other personal issues.

 

I said that I completely understand and then I asked her if, when the time is right, something can still happen between us, and she said yes.

 

My dilemma is that I don't know what to do next. How long do is wait for her to be ready about entering a new relationship? Do I ask her again in say, a month, and see if she is ready and if not, just give up on her? Do I keep in touch with her and/or go out with her again or neither?

 

Please help... I really really like this girl and I want something to happen between us :love:

 

Went through the exact situation not too long ago...the guy telling me the exact same things. Even posted a similar post to yours in the cheating section.

He was dating someone else. Wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Do NOT wait for her. If she really liked you that much and you were so perfect for her - she would forget about her ex and she would want to make it work.

  • Like 1
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ad4m Member

ad4m

Posted
  • Author
Posted

another I forgot to add, is there anything I can do to make something out of this??

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
I'd say you don't wait, you go out with other women and tell her to let you know if she is avaialable too. Then check back in two months, see what she says. Then wait another few months, and check back a third time, all while dating others and if you didn't find someone else already. If she says no for the third time, you never check in again, it's over.

 

Right on. Follow this.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
Yep, start dating other girls. Don't ask her her again. If she likes you, she'll contact you. The ball is in her court.

 

Good advice. I agree.

Woop1337 Established Member

Woop1337

Posted
Posted

Salvage, as in what?

 

Friendship? C'mon dude. Both of us know, that's not what you want.

 

Taper off your contact. You can be friendly with someone without being friends with them.

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ad4m Member

ad4m

Posted
  • Author
Posted

What if I develop stronger feelings for her. Surely then I must tell her "this is how I feel, so basically, do you want a relationship or not?

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
What if I develop stronger feelings for her. Surely then I must tell her "this is how I feel, so basically, do you want a relationship or not?

 

you tell her nothing.

 

You don't contact her & you look for other women.

If she contacts you, you tell her you are only interested in dating her.

 

If she gives you some crap about wanting to take it slow you tell her you are only interested in dating people who are ready to date.

 

Essentially she either wants you or she doesn't.

 

Every time & I mean every time I was in this situation i got chumped & chumped hard.

I became a Boyfriend without benefits.

When I wizened up & went NC guess what? They all got into relationships really damn quickly.

 

She isn't into you.

white Established Member

white

Posted
Posted

When I wizened up

 

Sorry for this.

 

Wised.

 

Wizened means something else entirely (think Indiana Jones, Nazi Uber aging - YouTube), and if you did it in response to being chumped I would be seriously impressed at the girls ability to both figuratively and literally suck the life out of you. You chose... poorly.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

If she meets a guy she's truly into, she'll go out with him.

 

My friend and I both got out of 3 year long relationships...

 

We loved our exes dearly.

 

She is already dating another; after only JUST breaking up with her ex a few days ago. She was the dumper and knew she needed to break up with him, in spite of the fact she WAS truly in love with him. He was just the wrong fit.

 

Me? I was the dumpee, therefore it took me 2 months to be ready to date again, without wanting me ex back if he came knocking.

 

So, yeah. In MOST cases, what this girl said is simply letting you down gently.

 

She MAY MEAN what she sais; however, she really would date a guy seriously if she met the right guy.

 

She obviously does really like you, but she just doesn't feel that "spark" that is enough to push her into dating you; and in all likeliness, she WILL meet a guy who she WILL feel that way about.

  • Like 1
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

If I also may add....

 

 

If I want to be with a guy, I WILL BE WITH HIM!

 

No matter what, pretty much!

 

I have had a hard time in my past. I have issues that I need long term therapy for.

 

Even still; even JUST after my relationship broke down and even with my issues that require therapy?

 

It still would not have stopped me from seeing a guy a few weeks after my ex left me.

 

I really would go against all odds and against common logic, and date a guy I was THAT into.

 

ONLY exception? the first MONTH after my ex left me. Because I WAS madly in love with my ex... AND we were still talking and contemplating getting back together.

 

2 months after? Please. I would have dated the right guy in a heart beat, if I was that into him. Even though, ideally, I should stay single for some time to work on my personal issues.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted (edited)

It sounds to me like she would have been happy with something light-hearted without any immediate commitments to think about, but sensed you were very interested and keen to make something of this. In those circumstances, where you are not sure about a guy but might find he is the one for you as the relationship grows (and we all move at different paces in relationships), the only decent thing to do is what she has done. She has warned you she's not in the right place for the kind of relationship you want at the moment.

 

If you are prepared to see if the depth of feeling would develop on her side, then I would say back off, say you are interested in dating her but understand she's not ready for anything serious, and ask her to let you know if, and when, she fancies hanging out, then leave the ball in her court and keep it casual. If you want something serious with this girl, then think twice. Her feelings could go either way. If you get more involved with her, you could get hurt. Regardless, you've got to take the pressure off her or she'll run.

Edited by spiderowl
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