Thoughts on why some BS become WS or OW/OM in the future?

[compulsivedancer]

On d-day I quickly learned that every thing that I had been taught about respecting marriage was B-S. The life long dream of having a family, teaching the kids to fish, to ride a bike, fly a kite, play ball, and Christmas mornings had turned to ashes. Nothing mattered. The rules that I had lived by, (sacredness of wedding vows / married women were taboo) not longer applied. There were no rules.

 

I found myself painfully living on top of a large dung heap in utter despair. I found that even sex turned my stomach. That is until I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wives. And that was a big turn on.

 

I had just moved into a new city so I did not know where the happening places were to meet women. Then I found that nearly half of the married women that I worked with were unhappy in their marriages and sex starved. They were an easy source for pussy. Their husbands no longer saw them as their lover but rather as the mother of their children. In most cases the husband brought in the larger paycheck, so they saw it as their right to spend their free time, doing what ever pleased them, weekends of golf, fishing, watching sports on the tube. While it was their wives duty to tend the house and take care of the family.

 

I hardly had to pursue them, once they found out that I liked performing oral sex, it was take a number time.

 

If I may back track, my Ex used sex to get me to marry her. It was any place, any where, any time. Shortly after the honeymoon, as she put it she was now my wife and not my slut, and our sex life turned into once or twice a week of vanilla sex.

 

Likewise I found that married women were wanting to try wicked dirty sex, that they did not share with their husbands. Which made sex with them all that much more exciting.

 

So there you have it sex with single women turned my stomach. Sex with married women was a big turn on.

This jives pretty well with what I would guess a BS turned OM p***-hound would be thinking. Thank you for sharing your motivations with us. It's actually a bit scary how well you described some of my motivations as a fWS.

 

I don't see my BS pursuing MW like this, but I COULD see my OM doing it. Let's hope experiencing the fallout from our A keeps him from developing a cycle like this one.

[dichotomy]

On d-day I quickly learned that every thing that I had been taught about respecting marriage was B-S. The life long dream of having a family, teaching the kids to fish, to ride a bike, fly a kite, play ball, and Christmas mornings had turned to ashes. Nothing mattered. The rules that I had lived by, (sacredness of wedding vows / married women were taboo) not longer applied. There were no rules.

 

I found myself painfully living on top of a large dung heap in utter despair. I found that even sex turned my stomach. That is until I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wives. And that was a big turn on.

 

I had just moved into a new city so I did not know where the happening places were to meet women. Then I found that nearly half of the married women that I worked with were unhappy in their marriages and sex starved. They were an easy source for pussy. Their husbands no longer saw them as their lover but rather as the mother of their children. In most cases the husband brought in the larger paycheck, so they saw it as their right to spend their free time, doing what ever pleased them, weekends of golf, fishing, watching sports on the tube. While it was their wives duty to tend the house and take care of the family.

 

I hardly had to pursue them, once they found out that I liked performing oral sex, it was take a number time.

 

If I may back track, my Ex used sex to get me to marry her. It was any place, any where, any time. Shortly after the honeymoon, as she put it she was now my wife and not my slut, and our sex life turned into once or twice a week of vanilla sex.

 

Likewise I found that married women were wanting to try wicked dirty sex, that they did not share with their husbands. Which made sex with them all that much more exciting.

 

So there you have it sex with single women turned my stomach. Sex with married women was a big turn on.

 

There are elements of this post that are disturbing, yet also familiar from stuff I have read elsewhere, and in a limited way what is said hits too close to home for my comfort.

[Betterthanthis13]

it's not a movie, it's a website, what?

 

 

Get your facts straight.

 

 

There are dating web sites such as E Harmony. What is wrong with dating sites?

 

 

Ashley Madison, is not a dating site. AM is cheating, infidelity, affair site. I find such a site to be bad.

 

 

You need to get a smaller brush you paint with too broad of a stroke.

 

 

Ooohhh my gosh absolutely-not a dating site, a way for people to arrange affairs. People who are in affairs sometimes refer to themselves as dating. It is set up in a similar format to a normal dating site such as Match.com.

 

I have no problem whatsoever with normal online dating websites.

 

I despise Ashley Madison. I was trying to get your personal opinion of the site, and see if you had any detailed opinions about it, since you had such interesting things to say about the movies with John Wayne and all that.

 

You were talking about the movies and iconic heroes. I was making a segue from movies to the Internet, a different form of media. That's all.

[Betterthanthis13]

On d-day I quickly learned that every thing that I had been taught about respecting marriage was B-S. The life long dream of having a family, teaching the kids to fish, to ride a bike, fly a kite, play ball, and Christmas mornings had turned to ashes. Nothing mattered. The rules that I had lived by, (sacredness of wedding vows / married women were taboo) not longer applied. There were no rules.

 

I found myself painfully living on top of a large dung heap in utter despair. I found that even sex turned my stomach. That is until I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wives. And that was a big turn on.

 

I had just moved into a new city so I did not know where the happening places were to meet women. Then I found that nearly half of the married women that I worked with were unhappy in their marriages and sex starved. They were an easy source for pussy. Their husbands no longer saw them as their lover but rather as the mother of their children. In most cases the husband brought in the larger paycheck, so they saw it as their right to spend their free time, doing what ever pleased them, weekends of golf, fishing, watching sports on the tube. While it was their wives duty to tend the house and take care of the family.

 

I hardly had to pursue them, once they found out that I liked performing oral sex, it was take a number time.

 

If I may back track, my Ex used sex to get me to marry her. It was any place, any where, any time. Shortly after the honeymoon, as she put it she was now my wife and not my slut, and our sex life turned into once or twice a week of vanilla sex.

 

Likewise I found that married women were wanting to try wicked dirty sex, that they did not share with their husbands. Which made sex with them all that much more exciting.

 

So there you have it sex with single women turned my stomach. Sex with married women was a big turn on.

 

Where are you now as far as your views about relationships/ marriage, and sex?

[Betterthanthis13]

I have to admit over the years when our sexlife was not at it's best I thought in my mind how great it might be with someone else. Then I thought about the flip side. How awful it would be to hurt my H and my family by making such a selfish move. The only way I felt I needed to deal with this was loving myself. I had no problem pleasuring myself, fantasizing about whatever I wanted to get me off and in the end I was hurting no one. But not everyone thinks like me.

 

Were you able to get your sex life back to where you wanted it to be with your h after periods of time when it was not at its best and you took care of things by loving yourself?

[Zenstudent]

My reflections on OP.

A few months past D-day my wife offered a pass. I used it, and I remember the reasons behind and the outcome pretty well.

 

One of my issues upon discovery was that I felt totally worthless as man, husband and lover. My self esteem and confidence went to the South Pole allthough my wife assured me that she never stopped loving me and only wanted to be with me (there it was again... crossreference to another thread). Today I believe I had some codependency issues.

 

Another issue I had, this is a bit pathetic I know, was the feeling of unfairness since I had turned down offers in the past.

 

Third; I couldn't wrap my head around how she possibly could claim to love me while screwing around with another man - the compartmentalization was mind-buggling to me.

 

I used the pass and started dating. Created profiles on dating sites as well as on affair sites. I was totally blow away when I realized I didn't have any trouble finding attractive single women (married as well it turned out).

 

I also learned that I can have loving feelings for my wife while dating others, but it also learned me the difference between love (the feeling) and to love (the action).

 

Today both my wife and I know that I'll do just great without her, which I think is a beneficial realization. She also learned about jealousy and how it feels to share your partner with another person, not cool, which is also a good thing, I think.

 

In hindsight I think that she didn't believe I was going to use the pass, she sort of dared me, maybe she even thought I wouldn't be able to find anyone to date - turned out she was wrong on both accounts.

 

I was open about my activities and wouldn't have cheated and lied on top of the adultry, that's just not me, but i definitely get why some people would find it easier to cheat after being cheated on. Regain self confidence and experience it them self. Just remember that there are other roads to travel in order to get there.

[Betterthanthis13]

My reflections on OP.

A few months past D-day my wife offered a pass. I used it, and I remember the reasons behind and the outcome pretty well.

 

One of my issues upon discovery was that I felt totally worthless as man, husband and lover. My self esteem and confidence went to the South Pole allthough my wife assured me that she never stopped loving me and only wanted to be with me (there it was again... crossreference to another thread). Today I believe I had some codependency issues.

 

Another issue I had, this is a bit pathetic I know, was the feeling of unfairness since I had turned down offers in the past.

 

Third; I couldn't wrap my head around how she possibly could claim to love me while screwing around with another man - the compartmentalization was mind-buggling to me.

 

I used the pass and started dating. Created profiles on dating sites as well as on affair sites. I was totally blow away when I realized I didn't have any trouble finding attractive single women (married as well it turned out).

 

I also learned that I can have loving feelings for my wife while dating others, but it also learned me the difference between love (the feeling) and to love (the action).

 

Today both my wife and I know that I'll do just great without her, which I think is a beneficial realization. She also learned about jealousy and how it feels to share your partner with another person, not cool, which is also a good thing, I think.

 

In hindsight I think that she didn't believe I was going to use the pass, she sort of dared me, maybe she even thought I wouldn't be able to find anyone to date - turned out she was wrong on both accounts.

 

I was open about my activities and wouldn't have cheated and lied on top of the adultry, that's just not me, but i definitely get why some people would find it easier to cheat after being cheated on. Regain self confidence and experience it them self. Just remember that there are other roads to travel in order to get there.

 

How do you feel about having been the OM (if you were) during the free pass dating phase, knowing you were a part of an A that could have caused another man excruciating pain if they have a DDay?

 

So you were able to use the "free pass" as a learning tool for your marriage, and benefit from it?

 

Many others on LS say that a free pass is a terrible idea. Some posters who give the advice not to use an offer of a free pass by a WS are posters who have personally used the free pass, and (in my opinion) are posters who are very intelligent and give very good advice.

 

I agree with your strategy. I understand the reasons why other posters say not to take a WS up on the offer of a free pass. Interesting conflict. Under what conditions, and in what ways do you think a free pass can be beneficial to a marriage?

 

Under what conditions, and in what ways should a free pass never be used?

[Zenstudent]

How do you feel about having been the OM (if you were) during the free pass dating phase, knowing you were a part of an A that could have caused another man excruciating pain if they have a DDay?

No OM-role, no harm done to anyone (to my best knowledge). No lies on my part, which is why I thought myself that it would be hard to find a date. But it wasn't.

 

So you were able to use the "free pass" as a learning tool for your marriage, and benefit from it?

A learning tool for my marriage sounds a bit odd and maybe a bit far fetched... maybe more like a leverage in the process of rebuilding myself and giving us both the insight of the other. We're still working on it, and if it had any negative impact, it may be that my wife tend to believe that she doesn't need to do more work - just rug sweep it, but then again, she thought the same before.

 

Many others on LS say that a free pass is a terrible idea. Some posters who give the advice not to use an offer of a free pass by a WS are posters who have personally used the free pass, and (in my opinion) are posters who are very intelligent and give very good advice.

I don't think of it as being intelligent or not, I believe each case and each person is different. In my case I think that both her affair and my pass were catalysts for changes for the better in our relationship - though I would maybe be better off without the pain and lack of trust.

 

I agree with your strategy. I understand the reasons why other posters say not to take a WS up on the offer of a free pass. Interesting conflict. Under what conditions, and in what ways do you think a free pass can be beneficial to a marriage?

I understand the reasons why posters advice to keep the high ground, if there is any such in a mess like this. I think it can be beneficial to a degree when there either needs to be a shift of power in the situation or when both needs to get a better understanding of their partners experiences - and can handle it. Not easy.

I think my wife in some twisted way felt superior upon discovery. Not so much anymore.

 

Under what conditions, and in what ways should a free pass never be used?

I don't think it should be used if the WS is not 100% on board, if she has reservations - don't do it, it'll make it worse, then. This includes scenarios where the BS pushes and puts pressure on the WS to get the free pass. And don't rub it in their nose either - use it to gain a mutual understanding and insight

I've been crucified on boards before by telling this story of mine, but there it is, and it is what it is. And I agree that it isn't for everybody.

 

I can say for certain that had my wife asked for a free pass, swinging experiences or whatever before cheating - we would have had some quite interesting discussions, some devastating discoveries - but our relationship wouldn't have suffered from the dishonesty and betrayal.

[Betterthanthis13]

@zenstudent

 

Thank you for answering all that. I'm sorry you get attacked for posting that experience. People are very emotional after DDay and in acute pain though, so it is understandable (not justifiable) that they are sensitive and react emotionally to things they don't agree with.

 

I think the issue isn't:

 

Is a free pass a bad idea or a good idea after DDay? anyway.. That's the wrong question in my opinion. I don't think it has anything to do with intelligence either, I was just trying to point out that a free pass doesn't ALWAYS result in 100% terrible consequences, because its not a "bad" choice, it's a choice, with consequences, just like any other. I'm glad you got some insights out of the experience.

 

I have more thoughts on this but need to organize them before posting. I posted another thread without organizing my thoughts and it went off the rails and train wrecked and I'm still trying to get that one thought back.

[Confusion_Reigns]

I am a fbs a few times over with the same man. He’s cheated on me twice physically and once emotionally…I’m pretty sure there have been ONS but can’t prove it. He’s been verbally and physically abusive towards me. He’s been controlling and possessive. And I’ve been an idiot who’s thought “well, all of this must mean he really-really loves me to the ends of time…” romantic fool that I was…

 

Now I find myself in an emotional affair…well, it’s a slippery slope I’m on because I think of this as a friendship…but I can feel the pull of this being more than a friendship. Really…I think it will be what we (I and my friend) decide it will be and right now it’s a friendship. He is an emotional support, I won’t deny that. He is someone who’s company I enjoy, I won’t deny that either. I talk with him and my husband doesn’t know that I do…I’ve meet with him and my husband doesn’t know…so the indicators of an emotional affair are present.

 

Honestly, this friendship isn’t about my husband it’s about me. It’s not a ‘get even’ thing. If I wanted to get even I would have done that years ago. I’ve met someone who I can relate to on a level that I’ve have not been able to relate with anyone for a very long time. I guess how my husband fits into this is that he’s not taken care of our relationship from his end…I think that if he had I wouldn’t even be thinking these thoughts. I know that sounds an awful lot like I’m blaming him for my choices, I’m not. I own my choices but I do have my reasons for doing what I do in any given situation.

 

If I knew better as a younger woman I would have left my husband the very first time he cheated, I would have left him the very first time he put his hands on me in anger…but I didn’t know any better and now this is the life I have. I want my life to change so I need to make changes. Like a crazy woman I’m still loving the man but really-really don’t want to continue in this type of relationship we have now...I’m at a point in my life where I am reflective of the past and hopeful for the future…I’m 42 and wonder if I’m experiencing midlife issues…my husband thinks I’m going through menopause…I don’t really know why my everything has been shaken up so much right now…but I do know that I’m trying to put some things away inside of me so I don’t have to keep experiencing this same over and over.

 

When it’s all said and done this is about me and my life. My husbands a part of my life but is not the whole of it.

[dichotomy]

I've been crucified on boards before by telling this story of mine, but there it is, and it is what it is. And I agree that it isn't for everybody.

 

I can say for certain that had my wife asked for a free pass, swinging experiences or whatever before cheating - we would have had some quite interesting discussions, some devastating discoveries - but our relationship wouldn't have suffered from the dishonesty and betrayal.

 

 

If you were not sleeping with married women - or rather not sleeping married women who were hidding/cheating on their husbands- then I for one see no need to crucify you. However your post seeme like you were messing around with married women (cheating on their husbands). In any case your responisble for your actions and how they affect others.

 

So You got a pass from your cheating wife The women you slept with were aware of things, and no other men/husbands were hurt by your actions. If there is no dishonesty to anyone involved, then it sounds like we are just talking about a kind of limited open marriage - right?

Edited August 13, 2013 by dichotomy

[Zenstudent]

If you were not sleeping with married women - or rather not sleeping married women who were hidding/cheating on their husbands- then I for one see no need to crucify you. However your post seeme like you were messing around with married women (cheating on their husbands). In any case your responisble for your actions and how they affect others.

 

So You got a pass from your cheating wife The women you slept with were aware of things, and no other men/husbands were hurt by your actions. If there is no dishonesty to anyone involved, then it sounds like we are just talking about a kind of limited open marriage - right?

Right. If it seemed like I messed around with other married women, I haven't been clear. No cheating, no dishonesty and no destruction of other relationships.

[Anna-Belle]

My morals were the same when I was the BS as when I was the OW. I didn't blame the OWs for being in love and having a relationship with my common law spouses. Since I thought they were lovable, why wouldn't the OWs?

[Betterthanthis13]

My morals were the same when I was the BS as when I was the OW. I didn't blame the OWs for being in love and having a relationship with my common law spouses. Since I thought they were lovable, why wouldn't the OWs?

 

That is reasonable. Did the lying or deceit affect you in any way as BS? As OW?

[Betterthanthis13]

I am a fbs a few times over with the same man. He’s cheated on me twice physically and once emotionally…I’m pretty sure there have been ONS but can’t prove it. He’s been verbally and physically abusive towards me. He’s been controlling and possessive. And I’ve been an idiot who’s thought “well, all of this must mean he really-really loves me to the ends of time…” romantic fool that I was…

 

Now I find myself in an emotional affair…well, it’s a slippery slope I’m on because I think of this as a friendship…but I can feel the pull of this being more than a friendship. Really…I think it will be what we (I and my friend) decide it will be and right now it’s a friendship. He is an emotional support, I won’t deny that. He is someone who’s company I enjoy, I won’t deny that either. I talk with him and my husband doesn’t know that I do…I’ve meet with him and my husband doesn’t know…so the indicators of an emotional affair are present.

 

Honestly, this friendship isn’t about my husband it’s about me. It’s not a ‘get even’ thing. If I wanted to get even I would have done that years ago. I’ve met someone who I can relate to on a level that I’ve have not been able to relate with anyone for a very long time. I guess how my husband fits into this is that he’s not taken care of our relationship from his end…I think that if he had I wouldn’t even be thinking these thoughts. I know that sounds an awful lot like I’m blaming him for my choices, I’m not. I own my choices but I do have my reasons for doing what I do in any given situation.

 

If I knew better as a younger woman I would have left my husband the very first time he cheated, I would have left him the very first time he put his hands on me in anger…but I didn’t know any better and now this is the life I have. I want my life to change so I need to make changes. Like a crazy woman I’m still loving the man but really-really don’t want to continue in this type of relationship we have now...I’m at a point in my life where I am reflective of the past and hopeful for the future…I’m 42 and wonder if I’m experiencing midlife issues…my husband thinks I’m going through menopause…I don’t really know why my everything has been shaken up so much right now…but I do know that I’m trying to put some things away inside of me so I don’t have to keep experiencing this same over and over.

 

When it’s all said and done this is about me and my life. My husbands a part of my life but is not the whole of it.

 

What is preventing you from leaving your husband now?

[Anna-Belle]

That is reasonable. Did the lying or deceit affect you in any way as BS? As OW?

 

As the BS I became very good at noticing discrepancies in what my common law spouses were saying.

 

As an OW lying and deceit did not affect me. It took place in the marriage, not in our relationship.

[Betterthanthis13]

As the BS I became very good at noticing discrepancies in what my common law spouses were saying.

 

As an OW lying and deceit did not affect me. It took place in the marriage, not in our relationship.

 

So as a BS, the only affect being lied to had on you was improving your ability to detect lies?

 

As an OW, being the subject of the lies in your AP's marriage was of zero concern to you? His problem and the BS's problem only?

[Anna-Belle]

So as a BS, the only affect being lied to had on you was improving your ability to detect lies?

 

As an OW, being the subject of the lies in your AP's marriage was of zero concern to you? His problem and the BS's problem only?

 

Yes and Yes.

 

I read your post where you stated you were doing some kind of "Ashley Madison side project". Are you conducting some kind of research on LS or what's with all the research-type questions?

[Betterthanthis13]

Yes and Yes.

 

I read your post where you stated you were doing some kind of "Ashley Madison side project". Are you conducting some kind of research on LS or what's with all the research-type questions?

 

I got accepted to go back to school for my masters, and I'm considering going for sociology, and studying trends of society as a whole, or sticking with what I got my original degree in, mass comm- in which case I could focus on Internet as a medium and how it affects society and study my favorite website AM and its effects on society in an academic setting. Not sure which route I want to take yet. Or even if I really want to go back to school at all. I'm sort of shocked I got accepted. My undergrad GPA was pretty terrible and I've been out of school for 15 years.

 

I'm on LS for personal reasons, I like it here and it is helping me get over an awful Dday and breakup. None of my interaction on LS has any relevance to anything besides helping me figure out my own life.

 

I do think a lot in the abstract- I am sorry if it gets annoying and researchy sounding, I personally get the most out of things when I figure them out and proof them for myself. I can't take advice without proofing it or figuring out WHY it is objectively good advice or not.

 

"Because I said so" from my mom never worked. I think I drove her insane. I'm surprised she still talks to me.

[2.50 a gallon]

Btt13

 

I was a player prior to my marriage, so once I got my head cleared, it was easy to slip back into that life style again, even though I was 35.

 

But this time determined to never ever let someone close enough to ever fall in love and get married again. Whenever I spotted love walking down my street, I was out the back door and running down the alley before love even made it to my front door.

 

At age 40 I began and on again off again relationship with a lady in the chinks. She was a millionaire several times over, but nothing compared to daddy, who ran into the hundreds of millions. Actually we got along great, and the only problem was her money. Her family had too much of it. Having gone through a divorce once, and I could forsee the possibility of us having a family, then after the break up and the power of their money, me never seeing my kids again.

 

But still I was weakening, I almost bit on a all expenses paid two week trip to Tahiti for scuba diving. Something that I had always wanted try.

 

That scared me so bad that I quit my job, and moved a thousand miles away back to my home town.

 

About 6 months after moving back home, I met this tall long legged gal who had a face I knew I could kiss good morning to for the rest of my life. Naturally she had a boy friend that she had been living with for several years. It took a couple of years but he eventually made a mistake and they temporarily broke up.

 

First date, first kiss, I was in love. On the way home that night the loneliness hit me. In a couple of months we will pass the 18 year mark. In the looks department she is totally out of my league. But there is no doubt that she is in love with me as I am with her.

 

We both have had bad marriages and appreciate what we have found with each other.

 

I now say. "When love knocks, Answer!"

[Betterthanthis13]

2.50

 

I like the love knocking on the door analogy, especially how you were running out the back door and down the alley when you sensed love walking down the street, that cracked me up.

 

"Player" is a term that could mean a few things I think. I've heard the label "player" get attributed to at least this many descriptions of a person:

 

Person who is a typical "cake eater"- want to have 2 or more women vying for his attention indefinitely, lies to everyone

 

Person who is confused and doesn't know what they want- tries to be honest but ends up lying to people, just makes a mess everywhere they go

 

Person who is broken, and angry at the opposite sex as a whole and wants to hurt them in any way possible

 

Person who wants to be in love and settle down with one person someday but isnt ready yet, so enjoys the company of the opposite sex casually but honestly and doesn't lead anyone on

 

Person who is naturally nonmonogamous and enjoys an open polyamorous lifestyle

 

 

Probably a lot more combinations, but I think I covered some basics. Do you think being a player was a kind of defense mechanism for you? What was your player-ness like? Was it different when you were young compared to when you were 35? I've never been a player. It sounds like it would be fun for awhile (the honest way- 2nd to last description) but I think my personality would be an epic fail at it. Lol.

[road]

@zenstudent

 

Thank you for answering all that. I'm sorry you get attacked for posting that experience. People are very emotional after DDay and in acute pain though, so it is understandable (not justifiable) that they are sensitive and react emotionally to things they don't agree with.

 

I think the issue isn't:

 

Is a free pass a bad idea or a good idea after DDay? anyway.. That's the wrong question in my opinion. I don't think it has anything to do with intelligence either, I was just trying to point out that a free pass doesn't ALWAYS result in 100% terrible consequences, because its not a "bad" choice, it's a choice, with consequences, just like any other. I'm glad you got some insights out of the experience.

 

I have more thoughts on this but need to organize them before posting. I posted another thread without organizing my thoughts and it went off the rails and train wrecked and I'm still trying to get that one thought back.

 

 

You think this free pass worked out great?

 

You need to hear from his WW/BW first.

 

Then from other WS turned BS.

 

Last lets hear from all the new BH's that this guy created with his free pass.

[Betterthanthis13]

You think this free pass worked out great?

 

You need to hear from his WW/BW first.

 

Then from other WS turned BS.

 

Last lets hear from all the new BH's that this guy created with his free pass.

 

Great? No. I would not say great. I would not even recommend a free pass as a strategy to someone after DDay.

 

Also, he didnt create a new BH. I made that mistake by reading his post wrong.

[Betterthanthis13]

You think this free pass worked out great?

 

You need to hear from his WW/BW first.

 

Then from other WS turned BS.

 

Last lets hear from all the new BH's that this guy created with his free pass.

 

I think also, his situation would classify as an "open marriage experiment" more than a "free pass".

 

A "free pass" to me means- "I cheated, so you can 'even the score' by cheating"

 

The situation that was described doesnt fit that definition of "free pass"

 

What is your definition of "free pass"?

[Zenstudent]

I think also, his situation would classify as an "open marriage experiment" more than a "free pass".

 

A "free pass" to me means- "I cheated, so you can 'even the score' by cheating"

 

The situation that was described doesnt fit that definition of "free pass"

 

What is your definition of "free pass"?

To me, a free pass means "I had sex outside the marriage - here's your opportunity to do the same".

 

I also believe I said that it isn't for everyone in every situation, and that there might be some drawbacks as well, most likely for the WS.

 

If we could rewind our process, I would do it again - it was at this time my wife decided two things; that open marriage probably wasn't for us and that she felt the pain in her stomack, which to her meant that our relationship probably was worth saving.