Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 This is kind of what it sounds like when you hear if from the people on LS who are now OMs. It sounds like they think, well I did everything right and it didn't matter. So screw it, I'm going to do whatever I feel like. Also, there seems to be just a general level of bitterness toward all relationships, which maybe underlyingly makes them want to sabotage other people. ("I'm not happy. No one else should be happy") or even perhaps they feel like they're pointing out the flaws that exist in a marriage. ("If it wasn't me, it would've been someone else, so I might as well get it over with.") if it wasn't me, it would have been some else is is prevalent, and personally, I find it disgusting personally. What are we? Interchangeable pieces of vaginal chewing gum? then if true, love schmove. IF I don't believe I am special, ACT like I'm special.....then I guess I'm NOT all that special. Just YUCK on that one. leave the money on my bedside table. PULLEAZE! And EWwww. 4
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 if it wasn't me, it would have been some else is is prevalent, and personally, I find it disgusting personally. What are we? Interchangeable pieces of vaginal chewing gum? then if true, love schmove. IF I don't believe I am special, ACT like I'm special.....then I guess I'm NOT all that special. Just YUCK on that one. leave the money on my bedside table. PULLEAZE! And EWwww. I really think that should be a bumper sticker. 2
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 This is kind of what it sounds like when you hear if from the people on LS who are now OMs. It sounds like they think, well I did everything right and it didn't matter. So screw it, I'm going to do whatever I feel like. Also, there seems to be just a general level of bitterness toward all relationships, which maybe underlyingly makes them want to sabotage other people. ("I'm not happy. No one else should be happy") or even perhaps they feel like they're pointing out the flaws that exist in a marriage. ("If it wasn't me, it would've been someone else, so I might as well get it over with.") That whole line of potential thinking makes me sad for whoever might be thinking it. It sounds like a downward spiral of depression and negativity leading to something tragic
Speakingofwhich Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 What did it feel like to cross all those little boundaries, trash talk your life with your spouse, sneak around and call/text someone you weren't supposed to? . Snow, he may not have trash talked his life with you. In my A there was no trash talking of his BW at all. I know this doesn't mean that an A is a respectful thing to do if the BS is not trash talked, though. There are BSs that would be surprised to find the level of respect they are given by MM/MW in As. Please forgive me for wording it that way. I know BSs are disrespected and feel it. But, there are WSs who do speak well of them in As. And also are protective of them in ways in As. Not that it makes the A OK and it might be galling for me to type that, I don't know. Please forgive me if it's offensive, I don't mean to be. 1
Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Snow, he may not have trash talked his life with you. In my A there was no trash talking of his BW at all. I know this doesn't mean that an A is a respectful thing to do if the BS is not trash talked, though. There are BSs that would be surprised to find the level of respect they are given by MM/MW in As. Please forgive me for wording it that way. I know BSs are disrespected and feel it. But, there are WSs who do speak well of them in As. And also are protective of them in ways in As. Not that it makes the A OK and it might be galling for me to type that, I don't know. Please forgive me if it's offensive, I don't mean to be. You may have never said a bad word about us....but what was assumed or implied by your AP without your immediate correction and defense of us is just as bad....just as hurtful....as if you trashed talked us in the extreme. C'mon! that AP did not screw you without the presupposition that your marriage sucked because they convinced themselves that we sucked; cold, loveless, frigid, unappreciative, uncaring. it is a necessary part of establishing that affair triangle....and YOU allowed that thinking whether willingly or by omission or lack of defense. You maligned us with silence. And it hurts, trust me. it REALLY hurts that you allowed it. No woman,has had an affair believing you were loved by your wife or that she loved you. YOU allowed the assumption to exist. You are guilty, no matter what you think did, said, didn't say. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 You may have never said a bad word about us....but what was assumed or implied by your AP without your immediate correction and defense of us is just as bad....just as hurtful....as if you trashed talked us in the extreme. C'mon! that AP did not screw you without the presupposition that your marriage sucked because they convinced themselves that we sucked; cold, loveless, frigid, unappreciative, uncaring. it is a necessary part of establishing that affair triangle....and YOU allowed that thinking whether willingly or by omission or lack of defense. You maligned us with silence. And it hurts, trust me. it REALLY hurts that you allowed it. No woman,has had an affair believing you were loved by your wife or that she loved you. YOU allowed the assumption to exist. You are guilty, no matter what you think did, said, didn't say. I agree with most of your post, Spark. I am guilty of much. I wasn't posting that in a defensive posture. I was posting it because I know that a person's imagination can run wild and I thought it may be a kindness for BSs to realize that they are sometimes not as dishonored as they may believe but it seems I missed the mark. Please forgive me if I have caused you personally any more pain by posting that than you have already endured. I wanted to help but possibly I may have made things worse for you if only for a moment.
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 For me personally it is simply that I don't recognize marriage certificates as sacred. I view love as sacred and it should be protected at all costs. If there is love in a marriage I wouldn't touch it but of course if there was truly love (which would include respect and desire to keep it going of course) then I wouldn't be able to interlope at all. The marriage would be airtight and there would be no way for me to get in anyway so it would all be moot. I knew that my boyfriend was married but I also knew that there was not true love there. I knew that they were both unhappy and that their marriage was more about settling and obligation and laziness than love or respect or mutual desire to have a true relationship. I didn't decide this myself and insert myself. My boyfriend finally realized it and we began a relationship. He stayed only as long as he did becuase his children were trapped in that charade too and he wasn't about to leave them there without him and he wasn't going to give up seeing them every day simply because him and his ex wife were in a tired and dead relationship. I hope that this never happens to me and him because I see it happen a lot. But we aren't ever going to get married and I think that is maybe the secret. That we stay with each other because we truly want to not because society thinks we should because of a decision we made so many years ago. I'ts implractical to think that a piece of paper and promises made years and years ago when eveyrone was different people is to be upheld like its the word of a god or something. Things change and people change and situations change and sometimes we just grow up and realize we were in the wrong place anyway and we move on. So it had nothing to do with my former marriage or being a former BS it had everything to do with me realizing that marriage and marriage certificates mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things and that they are shackles for many who deserve happiness. Ok fine- so now that you have released him from the shackles, do you think that his true love for you will keep him faithful? What happens if he becomes unhappy, and you are doing everything you can to try to make him happy? I only ask because it seems like a lot of WS's stray from their marriage not out of a lack of true love for the BS, but out of poor decision making skills or a temporary mental health issue, like depression. So I was also wondering if you had an opinion about that idea? Is a marriage fair game for invasion in the case where one of the spouses is undiagnosed but clinically depressed, and perhaps temporarily vulnerable to the advances of an outsider?
MissBee Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) For me personally it is simply that I don't recognize marriage certificates as sacred. I view love as sacred and it should be protected at all costs. If there is love in a marriage I wouldn't touch it but of course if there was truly love (which would include respect and desire to keep it going of course) then I wouldn't be able to interlope at all. The marriage would be airtight and there would be no way for me to get in anyway so it would all be moot. I knew that my boyfriend was married but I also knew that there was not true love there. I knew that they were both unhappy and that their marriage was more about settling and obligation and laziness than love or respect or mutual desire to have a true relationship. I didn't decide this myself and insert myself. My boyfriend finally realized it and we began a relationship. He stayed only as long as he did becuase his children were trapped in that charade too and he wasn't about to leave them there without him and he wasn't going to give up seeing them every day simply because him and his ex wife were in a tired and dead relationship. I hope that this never happens to me and him because I see it happen a lot. But we aren't ever going to get married and I think that is maybe the secret. That we stay with each other because we truly want to not because society thinks we should because of a decision we made so many years ago. I'ts implractical to think that a piece of paper and promises made years and years ago when eveyrone was different people is to be upheld like its the word of a god or something. Things change and people change and situations change and sometimes we just grow up and realize we were in the wrong place anyway and we move on. So it had nothing to do with my former marriage or being a former BS it had everything to do with me realizing that marriage and marriage certificates mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things and that they are shackles for many who deserve happiness. I don't see what marriage certificates have to do with anything personally. This argument always confuses me. One need not view marriage as sacred to realize lying and betraying someone are negative things, in ANY relationship context. If you fall out of love, that isn't the crime, lying and pretending are the "crimes", so to speak. Someone can lie and betray you with or without a certificate and having one or not having one doesn't render the lying or betraying right or any less hurtful. In the culture I'm from more people cohabit than legally wed, it doesn't change anything in terms of how a betrayal feels when you've made a life with someone. It's not that anyone expects marriage or any commitment to be "forever", it's when you realize it's not that way, can you say something? And many many people do not, but cheat instead, and as I said, in the culture I'm part of, people cheat just like everywhere else, and most of them are NOT married, so they can't blame any certificate for shackling them or forcing them to go behind their partner's back. Marriage is often used as the scapegoat as the entity that is wrong, and without it, everything would be about love and honesty, and I'm like lmaooo yeah right...as cheating is just the same among the unmarried and in cultures where marriage is not as popular. It's not about if you fell out of love or a certificate forcing people to do anything IMO...it's about the betrayal and about choosing that route over honesty, irrespective of the legal status of your R. If a man doesn't love his wife...it doesn't mean he should lie and pretend about it and I should join him in it. If a man doesn't love his longterm partner who is not his wife, same thing. My A was with someone in the latter situation, except he said he still loved her though. If he doesn't love her...good! Let her know! His crime isn't in the not loving anymore, it's what you do after. And frankly, as I said, many people cheat even if they aren't legally married, so I do not think marriage certificates force anyone to cheat more than normal. Neither does being unmarried mean people have an easier time being honest or leaving. If you are unmarried and have a house, children, dogs, joint finances, a business together etc...you're in the same thing as a marriage, minus the certificate actually, as your level of investment is the same. You still have the SAME ties...as marriage isn't only the relationship but also the stuff which comes with it. Besides the certificate, long term relationships where you live together, have children and all the rest look pretty much exactly like a marriage and if one or the other cheats or wants to leave it will be just as difficult. Show me where it is less difficult... The only people for whom it is easiest to just walk away are for those who are dating and have no real huge ties, no kids, don't live together, no joint finances, no joint ventures, nothing to sort out except maybe packing a box of mementos and stuff they left at the other's place and then going NC. Another instance is perhaps in LTRs where they also have no kids, didn't acquire lots of stuff together, didn't purchase the home but rented, their monies aren't tied up, and it's just about moving out. Otherwise married or not married, if you tie up your life with theirs and make kids with them, build a home with them, put your money with theirs, bring them around your family etc...you will not just be able to be like "Don't love you anymore...see you!" LOL! You will have the exact same things to work out and trust me...unmarried LTR couples doing this are not anymore enlightened and don't do it any more amicably than their married counterparts...as humans are humans and when the relationship breaks...it is messy and hurts esp when cheating is thrown in...and unmarried LTR couples are no saints, they cheat just the same without the certificate.It's about level of investment as I said, as a married couple who doesn't have children, separate monies, a pre-nup etc. can leave easier than one with kids and other ties and they can leave easier than an unmarried couple with kids and other ties. People willingly get married most times and the certificate is only a legal formality for THE RELATIONSHIP they were enjoying before tying the knot. It is so weird when people try to portray it as though marriage is someone chasing people, esp the WS, to put a noose around their necks, and it is NEVER something they do to formalize and legally sanction a loving relationship which previously existed. Frankly, unless one is part of a religion or culture where divorce is impossible, a sin or made highly difficult, most people in North America marry knowing full well they can divorce and it isn't this uncommon thing, as most people have family members, parents, friends etc who have divorced and it isn't some horrible brand. Many people marry more than once in North America, it's quite common, it's not 1912, so people do it because they want to and are very much aware that if things change they can decide to leave. A marriage is how YOU make it...and there is no restrictive noose which characterizes all marriages. Edited August 10, 2013 by MissBee 4
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 If someone is susceptible to outside advances then they aren't invested in the marriage enough anyway. what if, as I asked in my original question, the WS has an undiagnosed mental disorder that is temporary and easily treatable? I didn't make any advances my boyfriend did that, the marreid one. I'm not saying that there isn't true love in marriages even those that have gone stale and cold. My boyfriend has children with his ex wife and he loves her for that at least. He has love for her. But love does not make a marriage work. You have to have love AND commitment AND loyalty and all that other good stuff that makes the marriage uanble to be penetrated by anything or anyone else. I disagree. All those things are nice but "all that good stuff" is unspecific, and I believe each individual person is responsible for their own actions. Virtually any marriage is "penetrable" under some set of conditions. People make choices every day. Sometimes they make wrong choices, for many different reasons. The fact that you and your bf got what you consider to be a good result from a poor choice does not retroactively transform the choice into a good choice. It's not invasion if the married person is the one inviting someone in. Is it bank robbery if the bank manager unlocks the door for you after hours and helps you rob the bank? It's only invasion on one half of the marriage - the other half invited the theird person in. what?I thought you just said it wasn't invasion? That wouldn't happen in a solid relationship n o matter what anyone tries to say it just wouln'dt. Maybe some othought that they had a solid relationship but their spouse that had an affair obviously wasn't in agreement. The non-logic in this statement could be used to argue anything. It's opinion only, there is no basis for an actual argument. For example: Being friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't happen in a solid relationship n o matter what anyone tries to say it just wouln'dt. Maybe some othought that they had a solid relationship but their spouse that was friends with their ex boyfriend or girlfriend obviously wasn't in agreement. It's just life. It isn't some conspiracy. true. Life is not a conspiracy. So what? Relationships sometimes last teh distance and some don't. Marriages someitmes last 50 years others don't. Some marriages are solid and strong and others aren't. there are reasons for this mysterious phenomenon. They are called choices. It's not a competition and it's not a contest true. So what? Who said it was a contest? its just life where some things grow and some things die and some things get stronger and somet things fade. yes. Plants. Plants do this. What are you trying to say? We are just humans we can't control everything and make it work the way we want it to or need it to. Sometimes things just are. I am in control of myself. I am responsible for my own choices. I don't want, need, or expect to control anybody else. I do enjoy having control over my car so I don't crash into things, I hope that's ok with you. Oh, and I vote too, but not to be controlling. I believe we each have a responsibility to at least attempt to live by a set of ethical principles, and life needn't be random chaos, but I accept that there are people who believe differently from me. This has been a fun discussion for me so far, thank you. Need 10 charachters 3
findingnemo Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Isn't it really as simple as people not knowing what being in an A really feels like or what it is from the perspective of the OM/OW? I was a BS and the anger I felt was intense. I am now divorced (decree nisi out on Monday 19th, yay!) and I can understand how after being betrayed and one's life and dreams change dramatically a BS can have the attitude that a MP is a safer bet. BS' know about As from their point of view. Most times they believe they were good Hs or Ws and that even if they were not perfect they didn't deserve to be lied to and taken for a ride. The same BS' know that there are Ms where a W or H is a problem. So it is likely that they can believe that the M of their MP was different from theirs. They will believe whatever it takes to justify having an A because let's be frank, they are very attracted to the MP. The MP may be seen as a chance to move on. I think it is easier for a fOW who becomes a BW to not get into an A after a D. Or a fOM to not become a OM again after being a BH. They already know what it is to be in an A. They know the dark side too well and now have experienced the other side too. Maybe I'm talking crap but being M made me realize what exactly the BW in my A must have experienced. I can see through the nonsense in seconds. I have been totally immunized from the wiles of a MM not matter how good looking, charming or attractive. I just see yuck!!! 3
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 And if he is every unhappy for whatever reason he is free to leave. If he is not faithful to me I would not stay with him. I can also leave if I'm not happy I have many choices and many options and so does he. how we use those choices and options is up to each of us of our own accord. I will not look back and regret my choices or blame him that I iddint' make different choices. I choose openly and knowingly and accept all that comes with that. I'm with you so far- I agree If he lied to me and had an affair it would just be life. I'd classify that as choice he made to decieve me and put my life at risk but that's your thing I guess It would hurt and our chidlren would be hurt and our family would be unbalanced for a minute Unless he contracts HIV in the process and transmits it to you. The treatment for that takes significantly longer than one minute. while trying to rebalance but it would be okay as it always is and life would cointinue on. Unless you pass away from AIDS or get murdered by the OW he invited to invade your half of the marriage the world would still spin and we would all find our footing again and we would learn and live and that's what it's all about. It's not all good and it's not all bad but in the end it all balances out the way it should. the world would most likely still spin, no debate there THeir marriage was not a good one. It wasn't a bad one but it wasn't good either it just existed and thats it. That s not all marriages but it was theirs. He may have felt shackled but I didn't release him he did that himself. He did release himself. It only took 7 years. I just didn't reshackle him and we have yet to see how it all turns out. If I'm still posting here in 40 years I will let you know how it all works out ha. Right now I just know that we are happy and its all working out and hopefully it will continue. If it doesn't well thats just a small slice of life. Re-shackle... Haha if I ever open one of those wedding halls I'm going to name it the Shackle Shop. There wil be a seperate room for 2nd marriages called the Re-Shackle Shop J/K 2
2sure Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 A certificate on a piece of paper...really doesn't mean much to anyone . I think if people hold their marriage, or relationship, or partnership as sacred or dear or important...it's all the same, certificate or not. Getting divorced is just not that big of a deal. Every one is free to leave any relationship in my country. Kids get over it, that's life. I know many people who share custody. It's becoming the norm. There just is no longer a need to fabricate, hide, betray, and lie anymore. unless that's just the way you prefer to operate. 4
Got it Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Not revenge affairs. I've heard this a few times and it seems counterintuitive, considering that a BS would have experienced firsthand all the pain and anguish an A brings. Any thoughts on why this might happen? My first guess would be dissillusionment- they lived their life a certain way according to principles, thinking that would help protect them, and then the world came crashing down and they never fully recovered, "if you can't beat em join em" Or Sideways justice- "righting a wrong", (subconsciously), but with different people Or Morbid curiosity? Am I way off? I'm somewhat concerned about this because I hear its common and whatever the psychology is behind it I want to know so I can avoid developing it. I asked my therapist and she said I shouldnt be concerned with that- she said I am far too analytic and neurotic to be in danger of such a thing. She's irritating me. I get thoughtful answers from LS for free. For my husband, finding out about his ex wife's affair was a shocker and a relief for him as he found out years later. He knew something was up during that time, she was very angry towards him and he did know why. So he found out by pure chance and her attitude was regret but not remorse and told him that it was long over so "get over it". He said that while he asked for therapy and to read books, she refused and he didn't push it. It also coincided with a new job with travel for him. He was blamed for her affair by her and later by her family. So he worked through the feelings on his own but while their marriage struggled prior, he said, that was the biggest stage of disconnect. So he concentrated on working, the kids, and planned to divorce when he was able to. So for him, the marriage vows were null and void, he was going to divorce (though at that time he was going to wait for the kids to go leave for college) and was just coasting. About a year after finding out we started. There had been no working on their marriage after the discovery of her affair and further decay with his affair. 1
road Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 A certificate on a piece of paper...really doesn't mean much to anyone . I think if people hold their marriage, or relationship, or partnership as sacred or dear or important...it's all the same, certificate or not. Getting divorced is just not that big of a deal. Every one is free to leave any relationship in my country. Kids get over it, that's life. I know many people who share custody. It's becoming the norm. There just is no longer a need to fabricate, hide, betray, and lie anymore. unless that's just the way you prefer to operate. Because more people do not do what is right does not make it right.
2sure Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Because more people do not do what is right does not make it right. Road, just for the sake of conversation, I'm not clear here on your meaning. Is it your stance that divorce becoming the norm isn't right? If so, I totally agree that its a loss to families and societies.
Ladydrib Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Not revenge affairs. I've heard this a few times and it seems counterintuitive, considering that a BS would have experienced firsthand all the pain and anguish an A brings. Any thoughts on why this might happen? My first guess would be dissillusionment- they lived their life a certain way according to principles, thinking that would help protect them, and then the world came crashing down and they never fully recovered, "if you can't beat em join em" Or Sideways justice- "righting a wrong", (subconsciously), but with different people Or Morbid curiosity? Am I way off? I'm somewhat concerned about this because I hear its common and whatever the psychology is behind it I want to know so I can avoid developing it. I asked my therapist and she said I shouldnt be concerned with that- she said I am far too analytic and neurotic to be in danger of such a thing. She's irritating me. I get thoughtful answers from LS for free. It happened to me and I've wondered the same thing. The only thing I've come up with is possibly desensitization. It still doesn't make a lot of sense.
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Quote: Originally Posted by road Because more people do not do what is right does not make it right. Road, just for the sake of conversation, I'm not clear here on your meaning. Is it your stance that divorce becoming the norm isn't right? If so, I totally agree that its a loss to families and societies. A way to explain road's sentence could be I think picking your nose is wrong I know 100 people I learn 75 out of those 100 people pick their nose I start to think picking your nose must not be wrong, since most people do it 1
road Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Road, just for the sake of conversation, I'm not clear here on your meaning. Is it your stance that divorce becoming the norm isn't right? If so, I totally agree that its a loss to families and societies. Downward overall trend in societies morals. Even if people were just as bad back 50 to 70 years ago. They at least paid lip service to being maintaining family values. Now we have one political party paying lip service to family values. The other party on record for making fun of going back to the traditional American family values. As a society we do not have characters played by Gary Cooper, John Wayne, portraying men upholding good valves in today's movies. 1
road Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Quote: Originally Posted by road Because more people do not do what is right does not make it right. A way to explain road's sentence could be I think picking your nose is wrong I know 100 people I learn 75 out of those 100 people pick their nose I start to think picking your nose must not be wrong, since most people do it Your reading comprehension needs improvement. 1
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Road: Your reading comprehension needs improvement. Better: Crap, you're right Yoda. Ok. Back to the drawing board. I think not picking your nose is the right thing to do I know 100 people I find out 75 out of those 100 people pick their nose If start thinking that since most people pick their nose, that makes picking your nose right, I would be WRONG. 1
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Downward overall trend in societies morals. Even if people were just as bad back 50 to 70 years ago. They at least paid lip service to being maintaining family values. Now we have one political party paying lip service to family values. The other party on record for making fun of going back to the traditional American family values. As a society we do not have characters played by Gary Cooper, John Wayne, portraying men upholding good valves in today's movies. Road: it's not a movie, it's a website, but I have a big problem with Ashley Madison, the dating website for cheaters. It would not have existed in the idyllic 50's with John Wayne and those icons, even if there was Internet, I don't think. What do you think about Ashley Madison? 1
2.50 a gallon Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 On d-day I quickly learned that every thing that I had been taught about respecting marriage was B-S. The life long dream of having a family, teaching the kids to fish, to ride a bike, fly a kite, play ball, and Christmas mornings had turned to ashes. Nothing mattered. The rules that I had lived by, (sacredness of wedding vows / married women were taboo) not longer applied. There were no rules. I found myself painfully living on top of a large dung heap in utter despair. I found that even sex turned my stomach. That is until I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wives. And that was a big turn on. I had just moved into a new city so I did not know where the happening places were to meet women. Then I found that nearly half of the married women that I worked with were unhappy in their marriages and sex starved. They were an easy source for pussy. Their husbands no longer saw them as their lover but rather as the mother of their children. In most cases the husband brought in the larger paycheck, so they saw it as their right to spend their free time, doing what ever pleased them, weekends of golf, fishing, watching sports on the tube. While it was their wives duty to tend the house and take care of the family. I hardly had to pursue them, once they found out that I liked performing oral sex, it was take a number time. If I may back track, my Ex used sex to get me to marry her. It was any place, any where, any time. Shortly after the honeymoon, as she put it she was now my wife and not my slut, and our sex life turned into once or twice a week of vanilla sex. Likewise I found that married women were wanting to try wicked dirty sex, that they did not share with their husbands. Which made sex with them all that much more exciting. So there you have it sex with single women turned my stomach. Sex with married women was a big turn on.
road Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Road: it's not a movie, it's a website, but I have a big problem with Ashley Madison, the dating website for cheaters. It would not have existed in the idyllic 50's with John Wayne and those icons, even if there was Internet, I don't think. What do you think about Ashley Madison? it's not a movie, it's a website, what? Get your facts straight. There are dating web sites such as E Harmony. What is wrong with dating sites? Ashley Madison, is not a dating site. AM is cheating, infidelity, affair site. I find such a site to be bad. You need to get a smaller brush you paint with too broad of a stroke.
road Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Then I found that nearly half of the married women that I worked with were unhappy in their marriages and sex starved. I hardly had to pursue them, If I may back track, my Ex used sex to get me to marry her. It was any place, any where, any time. Shortly after the honeymoon, as she put it she was now my wife and not my slut, and our sex life turned into once or twice a week of vanilla sex. Likewise I found that married women were wanting to try wicked dirty sex So there you have it sex with single women turned my stomach. Sex with married women was a big turn on. You turned out to be just as bad as your WW. Messing up other BH's marriages. And you show no remorse. Then you made a false assumption on where to get good sex. Being single or married is not a basis for quality of the sex. You made a poor choice with your WW. She never wanted sex. She just saw it as a tool to use to get a man to marry her. Married women are not a good source for sex partners. There are many that do not want sex as well. You just got the ones that were willing to cheat and were not getting it at home. The way you did not know how to pick a wife they did not know how to pick a husband.
jnel921 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I have to admit over the years when our sexlife was not at it's best I thought in my mind how great it might be with someone else. Then I thought about the flip side. How awful it would be to hurt my H and my family by making such a selfish move. The only way I felt I needed to deal with this was loving myself. I had no problem pleasuring myself, fantasizing about whatever I wanted to get me off and in the end I was hurting no one. But not everyone thinks like me.
Recommended Posts