Detroiten Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Hey all, I write my story and on-going battle with the beast that is NC in the hope that it alleviates some of my turmoil, and maybe even helps someone else out there. My story - Same-sex relationship with a guy I met at uni. We went out for 9 months before we broke up 8 days ago. At first things were great; he was the kind of confident, independent and attractive guy who you feel proud to be at the party with. The first 6-7 months of our relationship were great (or mostly... more on that later). About 7 months in I got very ill with glandular fever during my final exams. I didn't know what it was at first, but my energy was completely sapped and I was falling asleep in the library. I felt worse than I ever had done before. It brought on a huge amount of anxiety that I ended up directed squarely at my ex and after 3 days of panicking I didn't love him any more, I said I needed space for a little while. 3 days later I got back together with him and we never really discussed what had happened. I felt SO much better with him again and though my illness was still there, my anxiety had gone. I thought that was the end of it, but unfortunately a week later I got awful tonsillitis associated with glandular fever and couldn't get out of bed for days. I didn't see him much and he didn't contact much. I started to realise after that week that something was wrong between us and he was very odd around me when we met up. I succumbed to snooping and checked his phone that night (when he was back to normal with me). He had arranged to meet up with someone for casual sex last week, though I could see he never went through with it from the texts. This hurt me a lot. We agreed to move past it and it was a one-off due to previous issues. He went abroad the following week for 2 weeks and our time together at uni ended, with long distance taking its place. When there I checked a hook-up app on my phone to see the local area he was staying and he was on it. I immediately contacted him and we had a big discussion. He said he was only on it to meet friends and had always done that travelling (he used to travel a lot). I said I needed space again but we stayed in contact. When he got back we had a great 2 days together but he had to leave again to manage a summer school. I only saw him for 1 day out of the 3 weeks he was there and I felt him keeping me at an arms distance. I also found that he'd been on a hook-up website for the duration of our relationship, though I have evidence (don't ask how) that he never met anyone in person. As he had given it up with the other dating websites again we moved on. He was growing more distant with me now, I think suspecting that I wasn't happy. Eventually I got sick of only seeing him for 1-2 days every couple of weeks and asked him if he could commit to something like a holiday together. He said he didn't know. That night I checked the hook-up app on my phone and he had gone on it that night. I broke up with him by text and blocked fb/deleted IM etc. All except his number. The next morning he said he had logged onto the app to see if I was still keeping tabs on him and therefore didn't trust him and this would never work (horrible psychology at work there). We broke up pretty amicably, though he wouldn't see me as I requested saying it 'wouldn't help him'. 2 days later I sent a rambly drunk text about how we made the right decision but I missed him. He replied that he would 'miss what we had' but the 'time wasn't right for us'. The next day I was driving home past where he was staying and I asked to come round just for sex but he refused saying it would be too hard. I was obviously humiliated by my own actions and rejection. I'm 4 days on now and on such a roller-coaster. I still in a way want to be with him. We got on SO well (even at the end) and the hook up websites, though painful, never really amounted to physical cheating. I think it was more his ideal of the chase, which he did eventually give up. The other obvious problem is that he can't really commit to things like a holiday yet, but tbh I won't be in a position to do any of that pretty soon. I pressured him a lot as I was completely free this summer and he was busy which produced a bad dynamic. He hasn't contacted me and I imagine that he's probably having meaningless sex (which doesn't bother me too much as I know that's how he handled problems single). I can see hundreds of logical reasons to never speak to him again, but it doesn't change the way we were around each other and how it good it remained even at the end. I REALLY want to call him and try and reconcile but I think he would refuse right now and I would be back to square one. I asked for no contact and he's very good at respecting stuff like that. I think he also started to lose respect for me when I put up with everything that was happening - i lost respect for myself. I'm going to write on here to get good advice and vent in general. My plan is contact him after 30 days and generally just see how he is - not necessarily be friends, but either get closure or see if there's any kind of future for us. DAY 4
Charym88 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I am also on day 4 of no contact. It hurts like hell and the sad part is that. Just like you, I am waiting 30 days. After 30 days, I will remove him from block on Facebook and email but I am scared he will still be mad at me and re-block me from his end then we may never talk.
Author Detroiten Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Yeah I'm thinking of doing the un-block facebook thing, but I'm not sure I could stand seeing him being happy in photos since we broke up. I'm secretly hoping in 30 days that I'm completely over him and don't want to talk.
Author Detroiten Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 I don't normally plan on posting two messages a day, but I had a horrible anxiety moment earlier where I was almost sure I was going to pick up the phone and call him. Luckily I didn't and it passed. My mum helps to calm me down when I get like that and makes me see how he's not the guy for me. Day 4 and pendulum-ing between big lows and moments of calm and serenity. Hopefully soon the latter will take control.
Echo000 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 dont contact him after 30 days. if he wants to speak to you he will reach out himself.
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