FreeMe Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 I feel so bad. I know the relationship is not working. He even agreed that we're not going to work out - now he's backpedaling saying it was because he wasn't giving 100% and that he doesn't want it to end. Well, I have been giving 100% and now I'm tired of it - of all the ups and downs and him leaving and coming back. I've accepted things I didn't want to to try to make it work and now I just want to be alone. All the times he was doing what he had to do for himself, it didn't matter if it hurt me. He would tell me he was doing it anyway even if it ended our relationship. But I would stay. But I still feel so bad. He's never lived alone before (he's older but was married for 25 years). He doesn't have many friends. He's alienated some of his family. I feel terrible. I can't stand the thought of him being so alone. And he doesn't want to be friends with me - he said he can't. How can I stop feeling so bad and so guilty?
batitm Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 You need to take a step in the direction necessary to secure your own happiness. It sounds like that is what he has been doing all along. I understand you care for him and worry about his well being. It is likely he says that he cannot be friends with you because he knows that makes it harder for you to make your decision. I would rest assured that if you do break it off and he has no other friends or family to go to, he will come to you as a friend if he needs a friend.
MelodyJ Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Perfect name, I think others here will associate. Staying with someone out of guilt will never work, it will make you bitter and resentful toward them. He is a grown man, he will learn to deal. Maybe it is time for him to be free as well, he just does'nt know it, so you have to be the grown up and make the first move. And don't push the friends thing, it will make it harder for him to let go if you try to stay in touch to see how he is doing. Just my own opinion.
Author FreeMe Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Thank you for responding. batitm - you're probably right that if he really needs someone he will come to me. At the same time, I don't want him to come crying begging for me to take him back either. I can't handle that. It's so hard for me to say no. Ms. M - that's true that staying with him out of guilt won't work. That's why I've been really sticking to this decision. I know if I don't I'm going to be irritable and we'll fight a lot. I don't want to keep going through these "faux" breakups.
bluechocolate Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Sadly sometimes that comes with the territory, but you are not responsible for his feelings. I'm sure there will be many times after this break up when you will feel lonely too, but you'll get over it & so will he. Maybe living alone for a while will end up doing him a world of good - he just doesn't know that yet.
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