emisthename Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 So today I broke my NC by sending her a txt... It said "god I don't know how to write this, ill just say it. I have been trying to move on as you asked, but my feelings for you don't change. If you change your mind I'm hear. I miss you. Take care x" I am so gutted I did this as she didn't even bother replying!!!! But at the same time I guess it really shows me that she did just change over night and when she sent me the original txt saying she doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me, out of the blue.. She must if ment it. I thought it maybe her bipolar or her meth addiction talking but I guess I thought wrong. To everyone on NC who's feeling the urge to break it, really don't bother unless you can handle not even being acknowledged. I hate what she did to me, and I try not resent her for it, but as time goes on I'm starting to. I don't understand what I did wrong, we were good one minute and the next she falls out if love. 1
Legatus Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Well if you are in love with her, it would be weird if your feelings changed after 12 days, so what you sent - she could have figured out by herself. You're right, never break nc if you can't handle not getting acknowledged. But hey, now you know it was a bad idea and you can start over. It's only 12 days so don't beat yourself up! 1
Author emisthename Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Well if you are in love with her, it would be weird if your feelings changed after 12 days, so what you sent - she could have figured out by herself. You're right, never break nc if you can't handle not getting acknowledged. But hey, now you know it was a bad idea and you can start over. It's only 12 days so don't beat yourself up! Yeah I know I really stuffed up, I guess I was trying to let her know that that I am here still as when she originally broke up with me 12 days ago it was via txt and I said NOTHING just sent a sad face... Don't want to beg nor do I want to cry to her so I waited 12 days before I could let the emotions and hurt subside a little and then sent the above msg. It's hard work accepting that someone you invest all of you in just decides too be on, and it hasn't happened to me for a very long time, so I have been struggling with it and struggling with missing her. How do you stop grieving? It's like she is dead now, I have nightmares.
Legatus Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Well I was talking to her with breaks for a month and a half because she still had my house keys. When she came to pick them up. That's when I started total NC, it's been 4 weeks exactly. She contacted me but I didn't give in. 2 months ago, after the break up, or should I say in the middle of it, because she left me, cheated on me when we weren't officially broken up, but I told her I will wait for her too. I waited for 10 days since I saw her last time, then packed her things and started healing... I started investing myself in that relationship too ,but I learnt my lesson and now I am truly changed man. All my friends noticed I became more social, opened, I say what I feel and what bugs me. Soon enough you will stop missing her, then you'll miss the feeling of having someone very close.. and then it will fade as well. You have to be strong and be happy with yourself first.. 1
Author emisthename Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Well I was talking to her with breaks for a month and a half because she still had my house keys. When she came to pick them up. That's when I started total NC, it's been 4 weeks exactly. She contacted me but I didn't give in. 2 months ago, after the break up, or should I say in the middle of it, because she left me, cheated on me when we weren't officially broken up, but I told her I will wait for her too. I waited for 10 days since I saw her last time, then packed her things and started healing... I started investing myself in that relationship too ,but I learnt my lesson and now I am truly changed man. All my friends noticed I became more social, opened, I say what I feel and what bugs me. Soon enough you will stop missing her, then you'll miss the feeling of having someone very close.. and then it will fade as well. You have to be strong and be happy with yourself first.. Aw, so you know what in feeling then. Well I hope I can be a pillar of strength as you have. Fingers crossed it takes me 10 more days to bid her farewell from my heart!!!!!! Have you found someone else yet?
Legatus Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 (edited) No I haven't and I'm not going to (well not in the nearest future, unless someone brilliant comes along but I would still prefer to date for a while). My life became so vibrant and interesting after I came from holiday, getting my dreams back on track, saving money, being a better man for myself. To be honest I don't have time to meet other women. I met couple very causally, I just started chatting up two women on a train; we ended up having conversation for 5hours till we had to part. I got their numbers, but we're in different countries so we talked only until I was in the same country. But the point was to check whether I have still "got it". And it turned out that it's better than ever. But it was 5-6 weeks after the break up. Can't rush it Don't focus on finding someone else. Focus on finding yourself and new people will cross your path! I only waited because I thought she is going away to think about what she wants. Then we talked on Skype and I saw she was already comfortable without me, hence waiting was pointless waste of time... Edited August 8, 2013 by Legatus
Author emisthename Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 That makes perfect sense and sounds very logical. I am going to def try the same approach, you have done so well. The good news is that although I stuffed up, I actually am not feeling too bad anymore, it feels like the final nail in the coffin to finalise the fact it is telly over and that she has defo moved on. So in that regard maybe it's a positive? Hey thanks so much for your time and advise I really appreciate it, you sound like a switched on guy and very together and from a females point of view a "good catch" so keep on believing in yourself as its obviously working for you. Cheers
Zahara Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Meth addict? What wrong with you? Are you a meth addict as well? If you aren't, why dude? Her head is probably in some far away land most of the time...how the heck would she be able to be all there in a relationship?
Legatus Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Well it took me a while to find that approach and believe in it but eventually I made it. It is definitely worth a try. At the beginning I wanted to find some rebound just to make her see me with another woman, but then I thought I'm not going to sink to that level. Besides I couldn't just date someone to get back at someone else. Wouldn't be fair, wouldn't be me at all. It is a positive that you feel good even though you recognize she moved on, but from now on don't think about what she has done or not. It has become irrelevant. Now it's about you and what you're going to do with your life! Test the waters, go out once and see how you feel. I did it too. Bit by bit. At first I thought I should be one of those "two days and I'm over her" guys, but I'm not ashamed to admit it took me month and a half, and now after two months I can actually laugh at texts and facebook messages she sends me. The best thing you can do is to create comfortable atmosphere, that is speaking generally. What makes you comfortable you know best, whether it's people, new or friends, quiet time (but not moaning!), activities, gym, throat singing, playing a chello or something
Author emisthename Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Meth addict? What wrong with you? Are you a meth addict as well? If you aren't, why dude? Her head is probably in some far away land most of the time...how the heck would she be able to be all there in a relationship? Hey there, I know!!! I never used the stuff and never wil I hate drugs. I fell in love with someone not knowing, then few months into relationship I find out. Tried helping her with rehab ect but didn't work. I guess I am a bit naive when it comes to drugs and what it does to a person, I don't really understand.
Author emisthename Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Well it took me a while to find that approach and believe in it but eventually I made it. It is definitely worth a try. At the beginning I wanted to find some rebound just to make her see me with another woman, but then I thought I'm not going to sink to that level. Besides I couldn't just date someone to get back at someone else. Wouldn't be fair, wouldn't be me at all. It is a positive that you feel good even though you recognize she moved on, but from now on don't think about what she has done or not. It has become irrelevant. Now it's about you and what you're going to do with your life! Test the waters, go out once and see how you feel. I did it too. Bit by bit. At first I thought I should be one of those "two days and I'm over her" guys, but I'm not ashamed to admit it took me month and a half, and now after two months I can actually laugh at texts and facebook messages she sends me. The best thing you can do is to create comfortable atmosphere, that is speaking generally. What makes you comfortable you know best, whether it's people, new or friends, quiet time (but not moaning!), activities, gym, throat singing, playing a chello or something Your a very smart man!! Yes I will try all of what you have suggested. Probz start with a gym membership I don't feel too sad, although have noticed the thoughts of her haven't subsided as yet buttt I will keep on trucking on. Again thanks for your advice, I feel the same way about moving on with someone else, can't do it, it's just not me. We shall survive!!!
Legatus Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Of course we will. I was by myself long time before my ex. You can say I was alone, but I was never lonely, even when I had no social life due to learning at home for three years, but I had my plans, passions, ambitions, friends.. Something I know for sure is when you are happy with yourself, then you'll make everyone around you happy as well. Every day I read about another person "trying to find themselves", and I got similar "news" from my ex. Well if they feel like they "haven't found" themselves, then they shouldn't go into relationship just for the sake of it. At least that's my opinion. Gym membership sounds good, wish I had time for it! The thoughts will appear now and then, but you will notice the feeling around those thoughts will change as well.
JDPT Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Don't be yourself up over it or obsesses over breaking NC, simply learn from it, dust yourself off and get back on that wagon. Your subconscious might tell you that she isn't the right person for you, listen to it deeper.
Author emisthename Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Hey it's not like I new her "issues" when I met her, it was months into the relationship and I had all ready fallen for her, so what can ya do? Other then try guide her and support her. Thanks you are right, deep down I am aware that she is no good for me, I do know that we are worlds apart, I for one am clean hard working, she is not clean and makes money off that disgusting addiction. I know deep down she is not the right kind of person for me, and I am trying so damn hard to erase her. Question, is it normal to continue having dreams of the person??? It seems every night I dream of her, drives me up the wall.
Legatus Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I had one dream, about two and a half weeks ago. I can't remember much but I just remember she wasn't with the other bloke and came to me. Can't remember what I've said or what I've done. But I remember that that evening I did think of her very intensively. Try to think about something else before you go to sleep. It may help
Lei Ping Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hey it's not like I new her "issues" when I met her, it was months into the relationship and I had all ready fallen for her, so what can ya do? Other then try guide her and support her. Thanks you are right, deep down I am aware that she is no good for me, I do know that we are worlds apart, I for one am clean hard working, she is not clean and makes money off that disgusting addiction. I know deep down she is not the right kind of person for me, and I am trying so damn hard to erase her. Question, is it normal to continue having dreams of the person??? It seems every night I dream of her, drives me up the wall. Ya can run like Hell! That's all you can do. Do you want to go to jail when she gets busted with her stash and you're with her? "I didn't know" oh everybody's going to believe that one (not) and you'll be just another one of the jail full of the "innocent". She did you a favor. Be thankful and keep it moving. You can't "help her". She needs professional help that she won't be seeking until after all her teeth rot out. ...and stop crying. You and that other Guy sound like a couple whiners. Man up, strap on a pair and go out and meet some real Women who don't have to hide behind drugs. When you find one, whatever you do, don't start whining to her about your ex GF leaving you for her dealer or she'll run away too. People dump the people who love them ISO the BBD every day. Get over it. Move on. Remember that Main Ingredient song from the 70's "Everybody Plays the Fool Sometime"
Lei Ping Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Oh yeah. On that texting thing....text her again with: "sorry. wrong #. meant to send to new GF. laytaz" You have to put some work in to get your manhood back after that mistake.
Author emisthename Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Hahahaha strap on a pair!! Thanks guys you are really putting it into perspective. I can't txt her wrong number as I uses her freaking name, so just have to let it slide. I hope her teeth do rot out and hope she does get busted one day, might clean her up with a reality hit about the real world. Your right I do not want to get in trouble For her dumb addiction so maybe she has done me a huge favour. Maybe that should be the next text I send in a year or so... Thanks for not stuffing up my life with your dumb addiction you fry head. Lol nah sounds to angry. I don't know but yea the dreams are not helping me move forward and I'm not thinking about her before bed I purposely listen to talkback so don't know how to stop them but it's always her and her dealer bf in them although last night it was just me and her visiting some fat chick who was buying meth off her, ugh that **** is now turning into a nightmare for me. Painfullllllll!!!!
Legatus Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 It will pass I'm sure. You're way better without this kind of problems she was bringing to your life. Now it's the time to take your life back and enjoy it. There's plenty of fish in the pond!
Author emisthename Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Lol the pond is dried up.. There no fish anywhere to be found the Chinese commercial fisherman caught all of them lol! It's a Saturday and I'm missing the idiot but I will survive!!!
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