diskostu Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 She's been gone for 6 weeks now and will be gone for another 2 weeks. She's back home in her home town for the summer. We've been dating for about two months before she left. But it's been weird since she left. She could text me multiple times a day every day for a week and then nothing for the next week. Then calling/texting me every day again for a while, before nothing for another 7-8 days. What's going on? Why the sudden changes?
Philosoraptor Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 She may not value communication as much as you do. Do you try to initiate communication during those 7-8 day gaps? Is this a committed relationship or are you just dating? She could be busy, forgetful, seeing someone else, etc. Either way it's only 2 more weeks, you've already dealt with it for 6. You might just find out all the answers you need when she gets back.
will1988 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 dating for two months and then being away for two months... this does not sound good. Maybe she is enjoying her "single" time wherever she is. That early on in the relationship you should have gone on a break and then picked things up when she gets back, if the feelings are still there. However, hindsight is 20/20. Best thing you can do now is play it cool, and have a long heart to heart with her in two weeks. You've managed six weeks already without going nuts, I'm sure you can wait another two weeks. good luck!
Author diskostu Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 I would understand it if we had no communication this summer, but she goes from nothing to all the time, then back to nothing. I initiate once in a while and she usually responds, though maybe a little later than usual (not sure though). We are exclusive, but not officially together.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I would understand it if we had no communication this summer, but she goes from nothing to all the time, then back to nothing. I initiate once in a while and she usually responds, though maybe a little later than usual (not sure though). That would be a clear signal that she's lost interest. We are exclusive, but not officially together. and I'll bet you are too. Here is what I see happening. You are in college or high school right? Since you said hometown I'll bet on college. She likes you as a man during the school year and around campus. However it's only two months in, and she's basically single and young and on vacation. She is at least emotionally cheating on you over the summer. You know, having feelings for and perhaps some level of contact with other men. Perhaps not banging them but still. When school starts one of two things will happen. She will come back after having had fun over the summer with other guys and want to pick it up with you. You are her man on campus, and in that environment you are desirable. She will come back after having had fun, and getting interest from men who are more attractive than you in some way and think she wants to be free to try for a man of greater value on campus. (i.e. if you are a Senior and they are now a Sophomore and old enough to drink....they may feel that they can go for a grad student or a professor.) TL;DR: It sounds like you are in school and you need to not take the relationship as seriously as you do. Odds are it will not work out long term. Just enjoy having a GF until you hear otherwise and consider the last six weeks to have been a break.
TB Rhine Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I had a similar thing happen a couple years ago - I was seeing a girl for a few months, then she went to visit her parents over the summer and dropped off the grid, communication-wise. Out of sight, out of mind, dude. The ONLY chance you have left at this point is to break off contact with her, then be aloof (but NOT angry or hostile) when she comes back. Basically, act like you could take it or leave it; women can't resist that stuff. ;-)
Imported Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 When I go on business, I have many days where I am ridiculously busy. And then a day or three where I have absolutely nothing to do. When I have gone on vacation with my ex and she plans out everything, I have days where we are just going from one tourist attraction to the next, non-stop to days where there is nothing planned except lounging around. Your girl could have very busy days where she goes on trips with friends and days where she has nothing. Why don't you ask her? How come it didn't already come up?
Guitarisgood Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 The definition of holiday: to be away from normal life. What you should of done was not contacted her at all. Let her have her down time and be confident and trusting enough that nothing would of happened. Girls don't want an insecure guy always calling to see how their holiday is. Absence makes the heart grow fonder - and you should have waited til she missed you and wanted to call/ text. How would you like it if you were on holidays and your mum texted you every hour?
Mascara Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 The person who's away needs to be the one leading the communication.
TB Rhine Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 All valid points, and I agree that he should follow her lead, contact-wise. I don't agree, however, that the drop-off in communication "doesn't mean anything" or is most likely completely innocent. We all know how people act when they're into someone, and this isn't it. If she was invested in her relationship with this guy, she could find a few moments out of her busy, busy day to talk to him. Now of course, maybe this is vacation behavior and things will go back to normal once she gets back... but really, is that the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with? The kind of person who treats their vacation from work, school, etc. as a vacation from YOU, as well? And after only a few months of dating, no less? Essentially, it sounds to me as though this "relationship" is circling the drain, and the OP needs to make his peace with that and start trying to disengage before she shows up in September with a promise ring on her finger, and he gets his heart broken.
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