sast Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 So for the last couple of months Ive been going through my first real relationship with this wonderful guy that I still hold very high. 2 weeks ago I broke up with him, not because of something he did, but because I wasnt feeling 'it'. And the time after the break-up has been filled with tears and regret from my part. He is a really wonderful guy that would do anything for the people he loves. Hes been nothing but wonderful, respectful and kind to me. I on the other hand am a strong and determined person, had a hard time adapting to a relationship after being single for a long time. I didnt like changing my routines, I felt like it was annoying with him calling me every day and I felt he was very clingy. This is pretty much what I based my breakup on. What I regret most is that I didnt realise that I was being very egoistic not realising that I have to give a little bit of myself for it to work. I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I never talked to him about my feelings because I was scared he would call me out on it. He never questioned me because he was happy to be around me. So one day, I decided it was time to end it so I did. My first reaction was calmness, but then the chock came and I cried for three days (I usually never cry) and Ive never felt such anxiety and sadness over the whole thing. I also realised hes meant more to me than I thought and that I love him very dearly. My problem is that I dont know if I love him as a friend or as something more than that. And that is why I havnt been able to tell him Im sorry and I want to get back together. A good friend of mine also told me that this is a common feeling and that I will get over it, but I am still not sure because I usually dont react this way. Another problem I have is that I am moving abroad for 5 months in three weeks (this is a part of why I rushed my breakup) and I am scared that if I tell him I want to get back together, Ill go there and just completely dismiss him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him again because he is a much softer person than I am. But still I felt like we were good together and that I didnt even try to make it work. I am scared that I missed out on a really good thing just because I wasnt able to open myself up to the whole thing. I hope someone has some advice for me Thanks for reading!
Philosoraptor Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 It's normal to question your decisions when you feel lonely or sad, as that person gave a feeling of comfort before. You just have to trust that you made the right decisions based on the way you were feeling and the incompatibilities you listed above, and not let feeling lonely affect your judgement. If you made the decision to end it because you weren't feeling "it", what could have changed since then to change that dynamic? If you can't answer this question, the result will end up the same if you go back.
jacket Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) I'm going through this too. I don't know how to deal with it. It's tearing me apart ... It's like I can't even trust my own feelings anymore. Edited August 9, 2013 by jacket
thora-tiki Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 The idea of who had the guts to end a dying relationship doesn't really matter. Who cares who broke up with who? The relationship was already dying, on it's way to being dead. Let it die, so that a new one can emerge. What really matters is what you want, do you want your life back, and possibly your ex too? I think you are suffering from dumper's remorse. I think you just had a bad hour/day/week/month and now you second-guess your decision. As in: So what if I didn't feel «it»? So what if I wasn't in love with him? So what if we where in a rut? So what if I couldn't talk to him about it! So what if he was too clingy! etc. Breaking up with someone is really hard to do. But you still did it. And I think you evaluated the relationship before you broke up. Trust yourself. Because as Oprah says: Doubt means don't every time. You doubted he was «the one» so strongly that you broke up with him.
Author sast Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Yeah so basically I took all of yours advice and did nothing. If I really, really wanted to get back with him, I would've done it sooner. I'm going through this too. I don't know how to deal with it. It's tearing me apart ... It's like I can't even trust my own feelings anymore. This is exacly the way I felt! I can usually very easily tell what I want from my gut feeling, but not this time. I've been completely confused! But I feel better now, I am starting to feel more and more secure in my decision and I think I did the best thing for both him and me. He deserves someone who really loves him since he's such a great guy. And sadly, I can't give him that. I think I was caught in a wheel of thought that he was the best thing that ever happened to me and that I would never find anyone better than him. Now maybe I won't find anyone as kind as him, but I'll find someone who suits me better
Airforcegirl Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I think not even talking to him, and giving him a chance to adjust to your needs was hasty. Try talking to him, explain your needs, and see if he is still willing to work with you. 1
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