Did I do the right thing?

[Hur]

Ok I just need to hear everyones opinions on this story. I just want to know if I did the right thing or not.

 

I was in a relationship with a guy that I met and fell in love with for about 3 month. He's 26 and I'm 31 almost 32. When I first knew his age, I told him that I'm not interested in having fun and that I'm approaching an age where I'm ready to get married so if that's not what he wants we should just quit this relationship right now to avoid anymore pain for me as I've already been hurt many times before. I know this may sound weird to some of you, but me and this guy come from a culture where people don't date unless it's for the purpose of getting married so it's considered normal to tell him this. He kept telling me that age is not a problem and he doesn't care about my age and that we should get to know each other and then see what the next step is.

 

So I agreed and we met once a week and talked on the phone every day and gradually I became more and more attached to him. After about a month of seeing him and talking to him, he took me to his home he said he just wants some privacy and wants to hug me. I also wanted to hug him, although I was afraid what else might happen, anyway he ended up touching me and doing everything except complete sex as I'm a virgin - this is a religious and cultural thing as we are both Christian. Anyway after this happened I felt bad and guilty as I didn't want the relationship to get so physical that I would get so attached to him without any commitment. I told him I was not happy with what happened and felt guilty after, anyway the same thing happened several times although I felt guilty about it and sad every time after it finished. I still talked to him about marriage and told him if he really love me he should propose since we can get engaged and still spend time together and that way I would feel more safe in this relationship. In our culture this is considered normal, I know that some of you are together for several years before even considering marriage, but again this is not normal for our culture so what I said was not strange to him. He said to give him one month cause he needs to sort out his financial situation. I waited the month, then he told me he can't propose now as he's waiting to sell a property he owns to have more money on hand to start a family. I asked him how long it would take to sell this property, he said he doesn't know.

 

I just felt trapped like he doesn't want to commit and holding me back from seeing other people and at the same time I'm getting more attached to him and I felt like selling the property was just an excuse. So I told him to stop talking and seeing him until he's ready to propse. I just felt like his playing with me cause he's younger and has all the time he needs yet I don't have much time left to waste in something that may not work out. I'm really attracted to him physically, but sometimes I feel he is not very smart. I'm much more educated than him. He doesn't understand one word in English, I speak to him in our language so it's ok, but I told him to learn English for his own benefit but doesn't seem like he wants. Another time I asked him what his email is and he couldn't tell me exactly what it was and he also doesn't memorize his cell number. I guess my question is did I do the right thing by separating from him. It's so hard for me to be attracted to someone and afraid I will not meet someone I like so much and love again and I'm already turning 32 yet at the same time by being with him I can't talk to any other guy as my whole mind is on him and he is not doing anything to make me feel he wants commitment. What should I do..did I do the right thing.

[reddragon588]

You have been explicitly clear in your intentions and desires.

 

He has also been very clear, just in a much more implicit way. He knows that you are very interested in finding marriage, and that is your goal in a relationship. If that was something that he is interested in as well, he'd be willing to commit.

 

You did the right thing. If he is really ready to commit to you, he will come back. But until then you need to start moving on and looking for someone who is willing to have the same type of relationship you are.

[keepontruckin]

reddragon post read in "Frasier" voice, in your mind...

[Hur]

@reddragon thank you so much for taking time to respond. Your response helped to reassure me that I was doing the right thing by separating from him since as you said if he was interested in commitment he would be willing to commit and not letting me go so easily and then making me feel guilty that I was the one separating from him.

 

@keepontruckin thank you for responding but I did not understand what you mean by "Frasier" voice. I think that's a TV show, but I never watched it so I didn't get what you meant