Jilly10340 Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Okay, not that this a completely original thread that has been going on....but we broke up. For anyone that's read my story, just wanted to update you that we broke up. Everyone told me not to see him again, everyone told me it was a bad idea, that we just could get along, and we just can't. So we broke up. And I say good riddance. You should never feel bad about yourself when you're in a relationship. I realize now that I felt better when we weren't together then when we actually were. Maybe he's jerk, maybe even an a$$, and he's definately not worth my time. Back to the drawing board, again...... And would someone please tell me a way that I can stop myself from calling him. I try, I really do, but I always end up calling him.
tattoomytoe Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 why punish yourself anmd call him again? just reread your posts on him when ever you want to call.
Barby Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Oh Jilly, I'm sorry, I really am. I'll avoid the "they told you so's" because you know already..... I think that it is best for you, no matter who ended it with whom. You're better off not having to be with someone who did not want to tell his family about you two again. To me that said he was having doubts and not planning on being with you very long. Again I don't know the situation, I'm just saying what I think. Now about calling him, I don't know why you would do this to yourself. If he doesn't want to be with you or can't give you the type of relationship you want, you shouldn't torture yourself by contacting him. Clearly you deserve happiness and need to find someone who can appreciate you, and give you what you're seeking...I agree with Tiki you should re-read your posts and realize that maybe this isn't the best situation for you.
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 I know, it is punishment. Just when I start to feel alright I think, "what would be the harm in calling him." I just start to think that maybe the next time things will be different, things will be different. But they never are. People don't change, or at least he doesn't.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 I am sorry hon. I always found it helpful to delete the undesirable guy from my cell phone book, email address book, etc. Delete the methods of contact as well as possible. Its too easy to call him again if he's on speed dial or right there in your phone book, and in time you may even forget the number. Also remove all pictures or trinkets from your relationship. Out of sight, out of mind. If you aren't reminded of him, you'll miss him less.
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Thanks Barby, I know that everything you say is right. I should have seen it. When someone really likes you, they want the whole world to know. I should have listened to my gut that said that something was wrong with this situation. Savethedrama - I have done the whole removing him from my life thing. It never keeps. I really messed up this time though. When we broke up last time, I started over. I started a career, got my own place in a seperate town, all without him. He had nothing to do with my life. There were no memories of him. Now, he been to my apartment, he slept in my bed, he's picked me up from work to take me to lunch. So he's everywhere now and I don't think any amount of removing him physically from my life will help. It's all in my mind now. Everyone keeps giving me suggestions to keep from calling him again and right now I don't really want to I'm just scared that when I finally start to feel good again I'll end up calling him. That's how it always happens. Damn him.
tattoomytoe Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 well when that "i am happy, i should call" Time comes...that is why we are here! To stop you from calling and to keep you happy!
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Thanks! That's why I love this place, people tell me things that I can't tell myself. Thanks guys!
MelodyJ Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Jilly, it's obvious that you have analysed this in every which way, and you know the answer already. You said "just when you start to feel good" so think about what it is that is making you feel good. That he is not around and you are getting your head and life back together? Probably. It is hard sometimes to let go, even of a bad situation because then the "I'm going to be alone" feeling sets in. It is ok to be alone. If he makes you feel worse than better, the majority of the time, then it is time to move on. Life is to short to spend with someone who does not make you feel the best that you can when you are together, trust me. Otherwise you will wake up one day, years down the road and think, what have I been doing, I am better than this. But you will never get those years back. Love yourself first, and right guy will respect you for it and love you that much more. I believe this with all my heart.
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 So the ex actually called me last night. I wasn't expecting that one. I got over that pretty fast until I got into work today and saw that he wrote me an email. He basically said that he hated his life, that he still loved me and that he wanted to be friends. He said that it hurt him last night when I didn't tell him happy birthday (it was his birthday.) I wrote him back and told him that he was right when he broke up with me, that it just wouldn't have worked. I told him that we couldn't possibly be friends right now, not so soon after the break up. It hurt to write, but I managed it all the same. Why did he have to do this to me. I was okay, I was moving on, feeling good. Now this. Someone please tell me that I'm better off and it was the right thing to do by not being his friend. He's the one who broke up with me, so why does it bother him that I didn't say happy birthday. To be honest, i didn't remember it was his birthday because I was in shock that he called. Someone tell me to be strong and move on. I really need it right now.
Barby Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Well I promise that I'm not telling you this just because you asked someone to. YOU ARE MUCH BETTER OFF W/OUT THIS GUY! You're a nice girl, you seem sincere and like you have a lot of love to give someone. I'm not saying your ex isn't a good person but come on he only seems to want you when he doesn't "have" you....you were doing the right thing moving on and you have to think of you and what's best for your sanity and well being!! I honestly think that you not trying to be "friends" with him or not trying to rekindle things is the best thing for YOU. He couldn't see how important you were while he had you...not just once I mind you but at least twice now...why continue to bring yourself down? He knows he can reel you back in for now (or he thinks) but what happens when he decides he's "not sure" about you two anymore? Where will that leave you? Jilly re-read what he said in his conversations about knowing you two wouldn't last. Those were harsh words meaning either he wasn't in it wholeheartedly or he didn't have faith and trust in the two of you being able to stick it out, either way a good healthy relationship requires these things!
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 Thanks Barby! It was just easier when all I had to do was cope with the fact that he didn't want me. Now he's made me make a choice and push him away. That took all the strength I had to do that. What you said made a lot of sense though. He's had three times to hold on to me, and all three times he's rejected me.
Barby Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 Thanks Barby! It was just easier when all I had to do was cope with the fact that he didn't want me. Now he's made me make a choice and push him away. That took all the strength I had to do that. What you said made a lot of sense though. He's had three times to hold on to me, and all three times he's rejected me. Ask yourself, what have you done ALL three times to be rejected? I bet you didn't do anything that would warrant the 3 rejections, I can understand everyone makes mistakes so once, maybe twice I could see but all three times...there has to be an end to it. I don't doubt it was hard to "reject" him but it sounds like it was the right choice for you. Now about your other post, how soon to date.... If there is someone with mutual interest, I say date when you feel right. I wouldn't jump right into another relationship right away but date casually and see where things go.
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 Well, I don't have any interest in anyone in particular right now, but there are a few who are interested. Everytime I even start to consider dating them, i feel guilty. I feel like, "what would people think if I started to date right away, will it work out so soon after a break up?" Things like that. How do i know if I really like the person or I'm just doing it for a distraction? That's what I'm afraid of. How do you know for sure? Just hang out with people and see how things go?
Barby Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 How do i know if I really like the person or I'm just doing it for a distraction? That's what I'm afraid of. How do you know for sure? Just hang out with people and see how things go? Exactly! Just hang out and see where it goes. What's wrong with it being a distraction as long as you don't lead the other man on? Don't "commit" to anything, (ie becomimg his "girlfriend") keep it casual, make a date and see how you feel for him. Obviously you shouldn't be expecting to fall head over heals in love with someone else right away. It could be nice to have someone take your mind off your ex. (In my opinion). As for what will people say? Well Jilly you didn't listen to them when they told you over and over again NOT to get involved with your ex again Why listen to them now?
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