Ex gf loves me but I have this feeling..

[JMA707]

Hello everyone,

 

I'll try to keep this as short as possible and thank you in advance for any advice or guidance.

 

Me and my ex gf were together for about a year and half and we broke up just about two weeks ago. Here's a little backstory about our relationship I am 23 and she is 20. About 4 months into our relationship she got kicked out of her grandparents house and nowhere else to stay so she lived with me. For 6 months I supported her completely (food, shelter, transportation).

 

Eventually she had to move out due to personal circumstances with my roommates and it was really hard on her. During this time I got away from being the person I was before we were in a relationship. I was so focused on my school and work that I began to shut her (and many friends) out of my life. I secluded myself a little too much and I wasn't supportive of her and what she was doing in her life.

 

Whenever she told me about her day I would get frustrated and only focus on negative things. Eventually she began to pull away from me. I think that i was so focused on doing what I needed to do for us to have a good future together that I forgot about the present and her needs.

 

She broke up with me saying that she still loved me but didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said that I really hurt her and made her feel insecure in her life. She also said that it wasn't necessarily over between us and she just needed time and space to think about things. I told her I didn't want to be strung along for nothing and she said she wouldn't do that and she would let me know her decision at some point. I accepted it and told her that I really did love her and would live with whatever decision she made and that I just wanted the best for her happiness.

 

A week went by with no contact at all. During this time I did a lot of self-reflecting about myself and our relationship. I realized that while it wasn't entirely my fault, I did make serious mistakes. A couple days later she calls me and says she wants to hang out and talk so I meet her a coffee shop.

 

I pretty much apologized for how I acted and took responsibility for my actions. I told her that I can never take back the way I acted and I realized that but I couldn't live with myself if i didn't try to be with her again.

 

After telling her this she grabbed my hand and we kissed yada yada yada. She said I broke her trust and i had to earn it back. Since then we've been spending increasingly more time together and when we are together she acts like we are still together. However, she is not willing to commit to us being "in a relationship" again. Not yet at least. She told me she would make her decision soon.

 

I still have this lingering thought though that she has feelings for this other guy who happens to be her "best guy friend". They've been friends for years and she even admitted to me a couple of days ago that she found out that he loved her for the longest time but eventually got over her when I began dating her a year and half ago. Right now he has a gf too but I feel like if he didn't, my ex gf would immediately drop everything to try to be with him. She will not admit this though. For example, she told me her friends want her to be with this other guy and I responded with, "Do you want to be with him?" After I said that she paused and said "Well thats their opinion not mine" and proceeded to change the subject..

 

I really do love this girl. I've literally sacrificed everything for her my time and my money. I don't know what to do at this point because she treats me like we're together, we still have sex, cuddle, go on dates all of that. We're even supposed to drive a couple hours to so I can meet her mom for the first time tomorrow morning. But I have this guy lingering in the back of my mind. Right now he's gone for 3 weeks but what happens when he gets back? She's just going to decide she wants him not me? I know I should cut off all contact but I don't want her out of my life.. She says shes not playing me and she does love me a lot but I know in my gut something is not right here..Anyone ever go through anything similar to this? Sorry if this is really long but if you have read this far and have any advice or insight it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys!

[Mcnulty]

For example, she told me her friends want her to be with this other guy and I responded with, "Do you want to be with him?" After I said that she paused and said "Well thats their opinion not mine"....this.

 

Trust your gut feeling always in my book mate.

[JMA707]

Yeah I know I probably should but its just hard because I would really like to believe what she says as the truth. I've been burned before by girls but this time just feels different I don't know..