Am I moving too fast?

[Kylar]

I'm just sorta looking for opinions, and don't have any real questions here. I'm just worried that the relationship is evolving too quickly.

 

A bit about me: I'm a 25 year old guy, I've only ever had 1 LTR which lasted about a year and ended when I was 22. I've been on a lot of dates, I'd guess easily over 50 first dates, I'm already at the point where I don't remember some at all. In general when it comes to dating I mostly go with the flow, and nothing serious has arisen from any of the girls I've seen since my last LTR. I've gotten to fool around a bit already and I feel as if I wont be missing out on anything in life if I settle down soon. I already have a career that I'm happy in, and am starting a new job which I am thrilled about.

 

About the relationship: I've been seeing the girl for a bit over two weeks now. She is 23, very successful with a career already, and is actually financially better off than I am (which for me takes away any worry she is in this for the wrong reason). She is beautiful, smart, and has the same over the top sense of humor that I have. We met on an OLD site, and she is the first girl I've had more than three dates with off of an OLD site.

 

So far in just two weeks we have seen each other for more days than not. We text every day (initiated by either one of us), and quite often, more than just pleasantries. The level of contact is quite high, but its reciprocated by both of us.

 

Despite the fact I'm writing this post in a very aloof manner, I like to be as analytical as possible when asking for others opinions, I feel very strongly for her. In fact I can honestly say that I don't think I've felt like this about any girl I've seen in the past. Every text from her makes me smile, and I find myself thinking about her during the day quite often. I actually just had dinner with her the night before last, and I'm seeing her tonight, but I actually feel as if I miss her already.

 

We haven't had sex yet, more due to my hesitation than hers. While she hasn't made a real move I've been around the block enough to know I could have slept with her twice already and didn't. I'm actually a bit worried that after I sleep with her I won't feel the same way I do now (that has been an issue for me before). It is fairly certain we will this weekend, she has actually said she wants to, and as a guy there really is no way to turn it down. I mean yes, I could explain why I'd like to wait a bit longer, but at the same time I want to.

 

We haven't defined the relationship expressly either. I've already deactivated my OLD profile and I'm not talking to any of the other girls who are interested in me or looking for other girls. I would certainly define the relationship as exclusive after sleeping with her, or have that conversation at the very least.

 

The only issue thus far is she admitted to me she had, had a one night stand the night before our first date. While this doesn't bother me really at all on its own, I mean it was before the first date and honestly if a girl had came on to me that night I can't say I wouldn't have slept with them. It does bother me a bit because it was with a co worker. The fact that she is going to have regular contact with a former sexual partner hits me on a primal level. Really the fact that she admitted it should be more assuring than anything.

 

Anyway to the original point I am curious to as if it seems things are moving too fast. We are already making plans further in advance than to as long as we have been seeing each other. Nothing feels wrong, and I'm very happy, but it does strike me as odd. I was wondering what strangers online would think.

[sdraw108]

Two weeks is way too soon to be worrying about it in this level of detail. Give it some more time, and then revisit it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You're putting an excessive amount of thought into the future than what is actually presented to you on your plate, your thoughts/feelings are reflective of some inner issues/insecurities and challenges that you're trying to be preemptive about without having the actual issue materialize...therefore in essence, you are creating "problems" and obstacles for yourself.

 

You have to get back to the root and foundation of the issue you have with commitment or settling down, trust, whatever it is or a combination of all factors or what not...there's something there that doesn't have anything to do with any one person that has been a recurring and cyclical in your behavior with women and that has to be your focus...there has likely been a lot of women you've come across that have came and went that you did feel strong first in the beginning then realized that after the infatuation period wears off you're not really emotional ready to invest in what you "idealize" in your head...of where you think or want to be according to this already manufactured expectation you've set up for yourself.

 

What I'm saying is the difference is inside of you, that's what is changing your perspective...the women are not changing so to speak...if that makes any sense. You may be pursuing different women, but your internal emotions and thoughts are what is making the difference....not your particular feelings for one particular girl that just so happens to be divulging these deeps emotions within you...think about what has actually occurred between you two and how much time has passed, do you really think you have the foundation to truly gauge that long-term potential?

 

You seem like you're in a place in your life where you don't know what you want...but you feel like you think you want X...so you're looking for a girl who you think could provide that for you...or maybe you're just simply infatuated with this girl and not thinking straight.

 

As much as you feel you may ready and experienced in your life...trust me, at 32 years old, at your age I felt the same way, but I also knew better...I knew I'd be getting ahead of myself, after all how many years of your life have you spent in charge of your own life? like truly paying your own bills and living your own way...maybe 25 or 30 percent of your adult life? and you think you're ready with that experience to make decisions that would last a lifetime...some may argue they are (but they're usually in their 20's themselves) but get to your 30's and you're realize "woah, I'm not even that same guy at 25 anymore from now...what would have been the consequences to my decisions? I could have been in a completely different situation even though I thought I had it figured out".

 

It takes more to growing up than paying your bills, going to school, and having a job. Relationships experience cannot be bought or taught or even gained with "maturity" that's a huge misconception that young people don't understand, that it has to be learned, whether from your own mistakes or the lessons of others...which often times is the hard way...often times with multiple failures before you truly start to know what you're actually talking about, because you'll learn a lot about yourself in the process.

 

You have...

 

A) No relationship experiences whatsoever...in fact relationships evolve within themselves after years and also differ throughout your 20's as you grow up, changing the dynamic in itself...which you have yet to learn

 

B) You therefore idealize a lot of things because you merely lack the experience, which can cost you and does cost plenty of people who marry young and have children because they think they got it all figured out and know what love is and wearing the big boy/girl pants because they've decided for themselves they are "ready"

 

C) You just met this girl, your inability to connect with these other women are a likely sign that you are emotionally closed off and in some ways unavailable...and yet you are already jealous enough to be concerned that she had a one-night stand before you dated, which is already a sign of your issues with trust and jealousy...you can judge her for it, but don't forget to judge yourself in the process for all fairness...practice what you preach, although emotions are typically irrational and one-sided.

 

The reason you blew off sex with her wasn't because of anything to do with her, but because you are conflicted internally, maybe feeling a little insecure and vulnerable and maybe you've conditioned yourself to devalue a level of intimacy that is no-longer satisfying.

 

If you were to ask me from what I've heard so far, you are not ready for a long-term relationship...let alone marriage, you've got some soul-searching to do or you're going to hurt more people or be hurt yourself, doing something you very well know you shouldn't be doing.