Bumped into ex after 1 year

[flow15]

I haven't been on here for a while, but needed some advice. I dated my ex for about 3 years.. we were on and off towards the end, he broke up with me (younger/gigs) but kept coming back saying he still loved me, but then leaving again when he got scared... I signed up on here looking for advice on how to deal with the situation as I was a complete mess. The break up devastated me, and turned me into a desperate, emotional person who I didn't recognise anymore, and who completely scared him away.

 

The last time he walked away from me I told him that that was it and to not contact me again, that I couldn't deal with him coming back and hurting me again. I blocked him from everything and he never contacted me again... The first few months I found it extremely difficult to cope. I kept expecting him to come back because he always did, after a few weeks or a month he would always come back. But months passed and he didn't so I decided it was time to forget about him and move on. That if we were ever meant to be, is after a good few years have passed when he has matured.

 

There was an incident about 4 months into my NC period that I bumped into some of his friends at a club, and a guy who was friends with his friends was really into me and was talking to me for a while, and told me that I was really nice and not crazy. Which obviously then made me think that my ex told his friends that I was crazy, and so his friends told this guy to not talk to me as I was crazy. Nothing more came of that though, as I walked away when he said that as I was shocked my ex would bad mouth about me.

(Obviously I am not crazy - just behaved irrationally when he broke up with me. Another point to note - as I wasn't in a relationship anymore I stopped taking the contraceptive pill, and I realised that the pill was making me over-emotional.)

 

 

I've been single since although have been out on many dates, just haven't met anyone worth pursuing into something serious.

 

Fast forward to over a year later, I received a birthday message from him. I hadn't even received one from him last year (which would have been 2 months into NC)! I don't know how he remembered, because he was not one to be good with remembering dates, and also we are not friends on facebook nor have mutual friends on fb... so he was obviously thinking about me, contemplating whether to contact me or not. I replied saying thank you, as I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him/was still bitter... But I didn't receive anything else. I then didn't think much of it, I was doing fine, although it was a slight shock to get contact from him after over a year of absolutely nothing, and not even bumping to eachother or anything.

 

Anyway 4 days after my birthday I bumped into him in a bar, literally in absolute shock as I was in a different country and was so unexpected! Especially as I had only received the first contact from him in over a year just 4 days previously... He was obviously shocked to see me too, and asked if I wanted to go and talk to him, but said he understood if I didn't. I couldn't stop laughing as a) I was drunk and b)I was in absolute shock/nervous! So I feel like I made myself look like a bit of a fool.. Anyway, I agreed to as I didn't have any hard feelings anymore, I was over it and it felt like seeing an old friend. He asked me how are things what I'm up to etc... we had a brief catch up, and he told me that he thought about me 2 days after my birthday that something happened in my home town and made him think of me.

 

So, the fact that he messaged me on my bday, then told me he was thinking of me that week... made me think that maybe he was still interested? But he cut our conversation short said his friends were watching and said 'see you around'. No hug, no kiss on cheek...no nothing. We then walked past eachother later that night along this strip of bars about 4 times, and he ignored me.

 

The following day I went to the same bar with my friends and he was in there with his friends also but didn't look my way at all. He must have known I was there though, as his friend saw me (we were on the other side of the bar) but he never looked my way. I thought he obviously doesn't want to talk to me, so I decided to leave as it was too hurtful for me.

 

I am back in my home country now, and all I can think about is him! Did he ignore me because he was testing me to see if I'm still interested? Does he want me to go chasing after him again even though he is not interested? Is he interested but scared? I was fine and thought I was over it, but now I feel like I've gone 2 steps back..

 

I know that I should forget about this whole incident, forget we had contact, forget I saw him.. but theres a small part of me that thinks maybe he still cares, maybe he will contact me again. I guess I am just curious as to what you guys think is going on in his head? The situation has left me feeling a little confused

Edited August 7, 2013 by flow15

[LostInTheWild]

I'm sorry to break it to you like this, but he doesn't seem interested at all. He cut your conversation short, he ignored you the rest of the night, he ignored you the next day, he wouldn't look at you, he wouldn't acknowledge you, and he most certainly hasn't tried to contact you since. Don't go backwards and into the darkness that held you for so long. It will hurt.

[unexpectedlyhere]

I'm afraid I agree with LITW too. Be strong!