Zahara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 yes it is the same girl Oh brother! Good luck with this. You're going to need it. 1
Author Kozmo Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 Oh brother! Good luck with this. You're going to need it. could you please explain why? everyone is always negative on this site 1
Misfortune Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 could you please explain why? everyone is always negative on this site A lot of people have been through it. Almost everyone wants to do the same thing that you're considering, it usually goes nowhere and you end up feeling worse than you did originally. The FRIENDZONE is not a good place to be when you have feelings for someone. Do you know if she's ok with you talking to her?
Mrfr Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 could you please explain why? everyone is always negative on this site It seems negative but people are just trying to prevent you getting your hopes up to have them knocked down. I've read some things here and thought OUCH but it's for the best in THE LONG TERM. 1
Zahara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 People aren't negative. They're realistic because most have been through the ringer when it comes to these situations. You my friend are muddled in the head because you are emotional. When someone tells you that they do not love you that way anymore, don't try to wiggle your way to try and make them love you the way you want them to. If there is any hope for her to realize what she's lost, it is for you to disappear. If you are available, all she'll do is take you for granted and keep being the way she is because there is no incentive to make her wake up and get her head in order, if it's you she really wants. Aside from that, the worst thing a man can do after a woman tells him she isn't in love with him is to sniff around like a dog hoping to get some attention. It's weak and unattractive. 4
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 THAT'S AWESOME DUDE!!!! Hey, maybe you can meet up for coffee and catch up; but, then she may have to leave early because her new boyfriend is taking her out to dinner that night so she has to go and get ready for him leaving you sipping your coffee alone in a Starbucks somewhere. OR Maybe you, her and her new boyfriend can go out for drinks. You can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and while you're walking back you can see the both of them kissing and you can also see his hand slid down and grab her ass. You could give him the thumbs up and a high five! Because.....afterall, you're just only really good friends and it shouldn't really bother you. Dude, we go NC for a reason and the above two paragraphs are the reason why. You may have found reading that a little upsetting and if you did, then you are definitely not ready to be friends with her. You can come out of NC when all you feel towards her is nothing but indifferent. Any sooner than that, then the above is what you get to look forward to. 2
lovesucks76 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Aside from that, the worst thing a man can do after a woman tells him she isn't in love with him is to sniff around like a dog hoping to get some attention. It's weak and unattractive. You're so right. It would bug me if someone chased me after all of that. I would thing the person has nothing better to do with their lives. I understand we all want to dream that the break up was a big mistake and that the other person will soon realize that too. The cold hard truth is, the break up happened because something was broken with the relationship and often what is actually broken can NOT be fixed. In this case, you can't make someone love you if they don't. The best thing to do is move on with dignity and not expect anything else from that person. That's what I'm trying to...move on with dignity. Very painful process and I just hope that it goes by fast because it really sucks! 1
Author Kozmo Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 THAT'S AWESOME DUDE!!!! Hey, maybe you can meet up for coffee and catch up; but, then she may have to leave early because her new boyfriend is taking her out to dinner that night so she has to go and get ready for him leaving you sipping your coffee alone in a Starbucks somewhere. OR Maybe you, her and her new boyfriend can go out for drinks. You can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and while you're walking back you can see the both of them kissing and you can also see his hand slid down and grab her ass. You could give him the thumbs up and a high five! Because.....afterall, you're just only really good friends and it shouldn't really bother you. Dude, we go NC for a reason and the above two paragraphs are the reason why. You may have found reading that a little upsetting and if you did, then you are definitely not ready to be friends with her. You can come out of NC when all you feel towards her is nothing but indifferent. Any sooner than that, then the above is what you get to look forward to. why am i on this site? i'm getting advice from all the wrong ppl. you guys are all depressed people who got dumped as well. you just trying to bring me down to your level and stay miserable. i know how to deal with my ex...you guys don't know her. 1
Misfortune Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 why am i on this site? i'm getting advice from all the wrong ppl. you guys are all depressed people who got dumped as well. you just trying to bring me down to your level and stay miserable. i know how to deal with my ex...you guys don't know her. I'm with you. Do it, keep contact with her so she can see your growth. She'll probably consider getting back together after a few months. You'll go on coffee dates and such. You know her better than us so who are we to tell you anything about your unique situation. Good luck. Don't let anyone bring you down or derail your mission. -_- 1
Author Kozmo Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 I'm with you. Do it, keep contact with her so she can see your growth. She'll probably consider getting back together after a few months. You'll go on coffee dates and such. You know her better than us so who are we to tell you anything about your unique situation. Good luck. Don't let anyone bring you down or derail your mission. -_- seriously though. what do you guys know, you all got dumped. who i am to take advice from other ppl who are in the same situation?? you are all on here looking for answers too.... i'm not a loser who justs gives up using no contact, i fight for what i want.
Zahara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 why am i on this site? i'm getting advice from all the wrong ppl. you guys are all depressed people who got dumped as well. you just trying to bring me down to your level and stay miserable. i know how to deal with my ex...you guys don't know her. If you know her so well, you would have been confident in your own ability to work your issues through versus creating threads all over LS. Keep to your plan. I hope things progress in the right direction for you. Good luck! 1
Zahara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 seriously though. what do you guys know, you all got dumped. who i am to take advice from other ppl who are in the same situation?? you are all on here looking for answers too.... i'm not a loser who justs gives up using no contact, i fight for what i want. We may have gotten dumped, and there is nothing wrong with that but we learned a lesson and gained harsh and painful wisdom from mistakes made, ones that you are making. Getting dumped doesn't make you a loser. There's nothing wrong with a relationship ending because one or both parties aren't invested anymore. It's called life. Maturity is not your strong point judging from your viewpoints. 2
Misfortune Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 We may have gotten dumped, and there is nothing wrong with that but we learned a lesson and gained harsh and painful wisdom from mistakes made, ones that you are making. Getting dumped doesn't make you a loser. There's nothing wrong with a relationship ending because one or both parties aren't invested anymore. It's called life. Maturity is not your strong point judging from your viewpoints. Some people just want to hear that they're way is the right way. Anyone that says otherwise is the enemy. 1
Zahara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Some people just want to hear that they're way is the right way. Anyone that says otherwise is the enemy. Yep, it's called denial. And he's in the thick of it. 3
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 why am i on this site? i'm getting advice from all the wrong ppl. you guys are all depressed people who got dumped as well. you just trying to bring me down to your level and stay miserable. i know how to deal with my ex...you guys don't know her. OUCH!!! Touched a nerve huh.... Yep, I was dumped AND I was cheated on. But, I am FAR from depressed. Actually, my life is pretty frickin awesome! Look, you don't know me or my story. But, if you're interested I posted it on a thread called "Just can't do this anymore" started by Echo000. By doing NC AND making positive changes in my life, I couldn't be happier. Did I get my Ex back? NOPE!!!! That bitch can pack sand for all I care. I was dating a spoiled little girl, but I got myself a woman now. Just look it up and read. 4
Still Searching Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I'm with most on here. Do what you want, but the advice you've been given is the smarter road to travel, in my opinion. You're right, most of us on here have been dumped, and some of us have already tried what you seemingly are about to. We're not just giving random advice with no reasoning behind it; most comes from personal experiences. In my case, after my ex broke up with me initially (5 times total, my own fault for always taking her back), I stayed in contact, but it never brought her any closer to coming back into the relationship. I'm no stranger to the NC philosophy, so NC I went, and every time after. Know what? She came crawling back within two weeks or less every time. That all being said, the same problems never went away, because she never admitted any faults of her own, and no changes were ever made. Just empty promises. I'm not quite in Chi's situation, as it's day 6 of NC today, but I'm well aware that I, too, was dating a selfish, spoiled little girl. Eventually, I'll have a woman, too. Whatever you do, best of luck, but again, we're here to give advice (you did ask for it, after all), based on actual, real-life experiences. 1
Mrfr Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 seriously though. what do you guys know, you all got dumped. who i am to take advice from other ppl who are in the same situation?? you are all on here looking for answers too.... i'm not a loser who justs gives up using no contact, i fight for what i want. You're hurting but please don't take it out on people who are trying to help. It may seem like they're not but they are. I've had a hard time (really, really hard) trying to come to terms with the fact my relationship is over and even though I'm still a mess I can see that what I'm doing is for the best. I want my ex to be happy and I want to get over her so I'm forcing NC on myself. I almost text her earlier but I suddenly remembered the advice on here and felt stronger for not doing it. Should I be fighting? I fought for months trying to make things work, there's no magical solution even thought I wish there was.
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 no, working with me like working things out. Thank god for that. Less drama...
cavalier99 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 seriously though. what do you guys know, you all got dumped. who i am to take advice from other ppl who are in the same situation?? you are all on here looking for answers too.... i'm not a loser who justs gives up using no contact, i fight for what i want. Fredderick is that you?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 could you please explain why? everyone is always negative on this site Well, it is a site that most people find after they break up. It's not going to be flowers and candy. And unfortunately, that negativity is rooted in realism. Very rarely does maintaining contact with an ex right after the breakup result in anything positive for the dumped. It usually just prolongs the heartbreak and the confusion. You say you want to fight? Well, part of "fighting" is calculating a gameplan. Do you really think generals just start ordering their troops to invade a country or shoot up a target on a whim? Of course not, they take their time and plan. Which is what you should be doing. That's why your plan sucks. Not out of negativity toward reconcilation -- more toward negativity of panicked correspondence. Go No Contact for a few months at minimum. Use it to settle your emotions and get to a point where you can talk to your ex with a) being an emotional mess or b) being overly effected, negatively or positively, by any response or nonresponse. Better yet, you might realize that you don't need to contact your ex at all. Either way, there's a reason why people are dissuading you from your preferred approach. It's not because they are negative losers, it's because they've seen how situations like yours have worked out. And usually, it's a plane crashing into a mountain. Honestly, when you don't need to ask for input from sites like this, that's when you know you are ready for contact. You aren't there, and there's nothing wrong with that. 1
reddragon588 Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Respectfully: no. Tomorrow is not promised. I live for today with an eye on tomorrow. And God forbid I go home to be with the Lord sooner rather than later, everyone in my life will know how I feel because I told them so. I don't do the silent treatment. No regrets about that. If you really need to do that, then tell them how you feel and leave it at that. Cut off contact then. If you don't contact them after that, they will still now how you feel if you "go home to be with the Lord sooner rather than later".
flitzanu Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 why am i on this site? i'm getting advice from all the wrong ppl. you guys are all depressed people who got dumped as well. you just trying to bring me down to your level and stay miserable. i know how to deal with my ex...you guys don't know her. totally right dude. you're not one of the depressed people who got dumped are you. when 100 people tell you THE SAME THING, did you think maybe you should listen? none of this advice is about being "dumped" it's because we've heard your story a billion times and the outcome is always the same. why do you think we already know how it will turn out? but if you've got the answers, you know your ex so well, and you want to hang out with her and her new boyfriend and be friends, you totally should. 1
flitzanu Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I guess some of us are a rare breed. and do YOU have stats to back THAT up?
LME Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I don't think it's a great idea but do as you please. sometimes it's good to learn from our mistakes. I met up with my ex 5 weeks after our breakup and it was a total waste of time. I told him how ifelt, but i honestly dont even truly feel that way anymore. NOt that i regret seeing him, it's jsut i was not in the right state of mind/had no control of my emotions if i saw him lets say next week, i would never say the things i did because i realize i dont really feel that way anymore..i was just trying to hold on to something i knew was not there.
flitzanu Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Yep. Me. And possibly the OP. you kept talking to your ex after getting dumped and now you're back together?
Recommended Posts