got dumped cuz i deserve more....

[Kozmo]

my gf dumped me because she can't love me the same way i love her. she say's i deserve more than she can give now. she didn't want to break up but says she needed to because it was unhealthy. reveals that she really did love me but fell out of love. she says there's no chance we can get back together anytime soon because she needs to heal from the relationship. i asked her if she still loves me she said "i can learn to love again...i still care for you deeply.." does it seem to you guys that she wants to come back when she is ready to be in a relationship?

[Morgued]

my gf dumped me because she can't love me the same way i love her. she say's i deserve more than she can give now. she didn't want to break up but says she needed to because it was unhealthy. reveals that she really did love me but fell out of love. she says there's no chance we can get back together anytime soon because she needs to heal from the relationship. i asked her if she still loves me she said "i can learn to love again...i still care for you deeply.." does it seem to you guys that she wants to come back when she is ready to be in a relationship?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles my friend. At this point if she really thinks things were unhealthy for herself then it sounds to me like she needed to do this for herself. One of the best ways to get past this that I've found, without breaking the NC rule of course, is to reflect (not obsess) on your actions and choices that you made during the relationship.

 

I feel that this not only helps you determine if there is any way that you can better yourself for future relationships, but also to move forward from thing in the sense that you know for a fact that you had no significant impact on the result of the break-up and this is just her needing to deal with things in her life that she feels needs to be addressed.

 

As far as her saying "i can learn to love again...i still care for you deeply..", I wouldn't take that as anything but false hope. I know that's hard to hear, and it's hard for me to say but at this point she needs to work things out in her life. It doesn't mean anything was your fault, she just needs time.

 

So for now, stay NC and continue to further your life in the best possible way.

[Kozmo]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles my friend. At this point if she really thinks things were unhealthy for herself then it sounds to me like she needed to do this for herself. One of the best ways to get past this that I've found, without breaking the NC rule of course, is to reflect (not obsess) on your actions and choices that you made during the relationship.

 

I feel that this not only helps you determine if there is any way that you can better yourself for future relationships, but also to move forward from thing in the sense that you know for a fact that you had no significant impact on the result of the break-up and this is just her needing to deal with things in her life that she feels needs to be addressed.

 

As far as her saying "i can learn to love again...i still care for you deeply..", I wouldn't take that as anything but false hope. I know that's hard to hear, and it's hard for me to say but at this point she needs to work things out in her life. It doesn't mean anything was your fault, she just needs time.

 

So for now, stay NC and continue to further your life in the best possible way.

 

 

 

i have been doing no contact, but she keeps wanting to check up on me. how long should i go on with n/c before i start to be friendly with her??

[skydiveaddict]

my gf dumped me because she can't love me the same way i love her. she say's i deserve more than she can give now.

 

Standard blow off line. Don't believe a word of it.

 

i asked her if she still loves me she said "i can learn to love again...i still care for you deeply.."

 

Another lie.

 

does it seem to you guys that she wants to come back when she is ready to be in a relationship?

 

Not a chance. Saddle your horse and ride.... Far far from her.

[jesse93]

i have been doing no contact, but she keeps wanting to check up on me. how long should i go on with n/c before i start to be friendly with her??

go NC until you feel like you can handle being friends with her. I made the mistake of becoming friends with my ex too early, and i still love her and i miss her, i want to tell her this but I know she doesn't feel the same way, this is time for you to heal man, most the time when a girl says what she said in your OP its just a nicer way of saying "I don't things will ever work out for us and its time to move on" at least thats what i believe, but for the time being find yourself and heal its the best thing you can do right now.

[TaraMaiden]

Until you can pass her and her BF in the street, while they're in a clinch, and think 'meh... that's cool, she's happy."

 

Until then, go absolute, total No Contact and do not, under any circumstances whatsoever, reply, respond or react to anything she tries.

 

Block her number (several apps will do this for you) and/or change yours, by one digit.

 

Do not in any way shape or form have any Contact with her, until seeing her blissfully pregnant actually makes you feel happy for her.

[Kozmo]

i see. i told her i can't have you in my life as a friend because its too hard for me. i said its better if i cut contact for good. she gets really hurt and said "its hard working with you, of course i want to hang out and all that..." she gets really upset when i make it seem i'm gone for good. at first i didn't respond to any of her phone calls or texts, she told me it made her cry for a week... doe's she really care?

[TaraMaiden]

Listen to her.

 

This is all how it affects her.

 

She doesn't care why you have decided on No Contact.

She's telling you why it hurts her.

 

That's selfish, self-serving and she's looking to her own emotional benefit, not yours.

 

If you would be her friend, she can still keep you on the back-burner, as a viable option if other 'things' (like dating and screwing other guys) don't work out.

 

You're doing the right thing.

 

Don't let her selfishness sway you.

 

Basically, she wanted out to 'see the world and do different things' (like date, get involved with other dudes) and then have a safe place to come back to, just waiting for her with opened arms.

 

don't be that port of call.

You're neither her fall-back guy, nor her second option.

[skydiveaddict]

doe's she really care?

 

No she doesn't. Tell her you leave you alone.

[Kozmo]

thats exactly how i've been feeling, like i'm a safety net if things don't go well for her. i asked her if there's another guy and she gets mad and says no. i don't know weather to believe her or not. she keeps telling me that she's the most loyal partner ever.. but i still can't trust her. everyone tells me there must be another guy... but i'm in denial.

[TaraMaiden]

it actually doesn't matter whether there's 'another guy' or not.

If she really felt she loved you, and really was 'the most loyal partner ever', she would still be with you.

On that basis, why isn't she?

Meh, forget it.

For whatever reasons, she's just dangling you on a string.

[Kozmo]

really though. i feel like telling her off. you made a good point... if she's the most loyal gf, then why isn't she still with me?

[skydiveaddict]

i asked her if there's another guy and she gets mad and says no. i don't know weather to believe her or not.

 

She's lying.

 

she keeps telling me that she's the most loyal partner ever.. but i still can't trust her. everyone tells me there must be another guy... but i'm in denial.

 

Yes you are. Have nothing more to do with this useless girl.

[Kozmo]

i brought it up many times with her. she even said i could look through her phone. nothing upsets her more than when i ask if theres another guy...

[skydiveaddict]

i brought it up many times with her. she even said i could look through her phone. nothing upsets her more than when i ask if theres another guy...

 

Look, she's done with you. It upsets her because she's trying to justify her guilt. She's a liar who will not come clean about those lies.

 

For your own sanity, have nothing more to do with her.

[TaraMaiden]

Quit "chewing".

 

You need to just decide to ove on.

Remember, what she says is of very little importance, compared to what she DOES.

 

Actions, buddy.

Actions speak louder than words.

 

She insists verbally, there's no-one else, but reacts angrily. (don't bother checking her 'phone. Ever heard of 'deleting texts'....?)

 

She says she's Loyal - but she doesn't act like it. She's not with you, is she?

 

Just quit wondering, examining and seeking answers to why this, that and the other.

 

Drop the crap and just move on.

 

She mentioned 'working with you'.

 

Does that actually mean you work for the same company?

[Chi townD]

really though. i feel like telling her off. you made a good point... if she's the most loyal gf, then why isn't she still with me?

 

Don't do this. The only thing you'll achieve with this is reaffirming her belief that breaking up with you was the right choice.

 

She'll think, "Wow, We break up and I'm trying to be civil and friendly with this guy and he's gonna treat me this way? Good! I'm glad I got rid of this douche rocket." You just gave her a reason to forgive herself for dumping you.

 

So, don't do it.

 

If you're finding what I'm writing a little hard to believe, well, she dumped you and yet she still checking up on you, right? She's only doing that to ease her own guilt. To gage if you hate her for dumping you. No other reason.

[Kozmo]

 

Does that actually mean you work for the same company?

 

no, working with me like working things out.

[Kozmo]

Don't do this. The only thing you'll achieve with this is reaffirming her belief that breaking up with you was the right choice.

 

She'll think, "Wow, We break up and I'm trying to be civil and friendly with this guy and he's gonna treat me this way? Good! I'm glad I got rid of this douche rocket." You just gave her a reason to forgive herself for dumping you.

 

So, don't do it.

 

If you're finding what I'm writing a little hard to believe, well, she dumped you and yet she still checking up on you, right? She's only doing that to ease her own guilt. To gage if you hate her for dumping you. No other reason.

 

 

i've told her off many times since the breakup... i think thats why i pushed her away

[Kozmo]

so we've all heard about using no contact to move on from ex and forget about them... but i still want my ex in my life, we both do. i thought if keeping the communication, me and my ex may be on better terms. my ex would complain that there was a lack of communication when we were together.. i'm hoping keeping an open line will show her things can be different. i'm going to contact her pretty soon... how can i explain what i just said to her?? what should i say??

[Misfortune]

so we've all heard about using no contact to move on from ex and forget about them... but i still want my ex in my life, we both do. i thought if keeping the communication, me and my ex may be on better terms. my ex would complain that there was a lack of communication when we were together.. i'm hoping keeping an open line will show her things can be different. i'm going to contact her pretty soon... how can i explain what i just said to her?? what should i say??

 

People are annoying and have excuses for everything. Communication can be fixed if both parties really wanted it to be fixed. I don't believe in this "end it to fix it" epidemic. Most people are just being selfish and want to "find themselves" in someone else's genitals.

 

Keeping an open line could also relieve her of any guilt she feels. She could take the fact that you're chatting with her as a sign that she made the right decision and never come back.

[LifeIsGreat]

You DON'T explan, you DO.

 

Telling her you are going to change is desperate. Showing her you are changing is mature.

[Kozmo]

You DON'T explan, you DO.

 

Telling her you are going to change is desperate. Showing her you are changing is mature.

 

actions speak louder than words right. so just contact her and do it without telling her???

[Zahara]

Is this the same girl that told you she was not in love with you anymore and that maybe one day she could learn to love you again?

[Kozmo]

Is this the same girl that told you she was not in love with you anymore and that maybe one day she could learn to love you again?

 

yes it is the same girl