Does your ex's life seem amazing or is it just me?

[halaluyaa]

Greetings,

 

My ex broke up with me 10 weeks ago and I've been in NC for 3 weeks. I see that her life is going amazing without me. She is having new people. She is going recordings for her singing. She had 3 lessons in summer school and she passed them with A. And tomorrow she is going abroad 2 weeks trip with her best friend.

 

I see that and I can't stop comparing myself. She is getting whatever she wants and she accomplish whatever she dreams.

 

I look mine and I see that I accomplished whatever I wanted and I got my dream job too. But still, why do I think that she is amazing and her life is amazing and dreamy?

 

Why do I want her life to suck? She tore my heart out and enjoying her life. Where is karma? Where is justice? What is that?

 

I'm not in love with her. Seeing her with other guy won't hurt me either. I just miss sex with her. That's all.

 

I'm just too angry to her because she left me and told me to get out of her life forever and her life is going on as she wanted. She always get what she wants.

 

I accepted the break up and moving on but still, I don't want to be angry to her and let her go. Why I can't?

 

What is wrong with me?

[JDPT]

I was in the exact same situation as you were. When my ex dumped me roughly three or so months ago I was devastated and used to snoop around online and see her doing all these things moving forward with her life. I used to ask myself "where the hell does she find the strength to do all of this???" As I was slowly dying inside. I always used to obsess over the amazing sex we had and used to get upset at picturing or even thinking about her in bed doing all the intimate things she did with me in bed. But, after working on rerouting my thoughts and finding peace with myself and forgiving her for causing me all this pain and forgiving myself as well, I gradually started to let go off all those sickening thoughts and my mental state started to improve. That, as I mentioned was roughly three months ago, and if you ask me how I feel now I can almost say great! I understood and internalized the reasons for the break up, learned from it and moved on. If I feel like this now I cant wait to see how I'll feel in another three months. What I'm trying to say is things will get better for you if you do the grunt work. Focus on yourself and not on what she is or not doing, it's not conducive to keep up with her daily activities for you.

[Philosoraptor]

Her life wouldn't seem so amazing if you weren't checking up on her, and instead putting that time and effort into making your own life amazing.

[halaluyaa]

I was in the exact same situation as you were. When my ex dumped me roughly three or so months ago I was devastated and used to snoop around online and see her doing all these things moving forward with her life. I used to ask myself "where the hell does she find the strength to do all of this???" As I was slowly dying inside. I always used to obsess over the amazing sex we had and used to get upset at picturing or even thinking about her in bed doing all the intimate things she did with me in bed. But, after working on rerouting my thoughts and finding peace with myself and forgiving her for causing me all this pain and forgiving myself as well, I gradually started to let go off all those sickening thoughts and my mental state started to improve. That, as I mentioned was roughly three months ago, and if you ask me how I feel now I can almost say great! I understood and internalized the reasons for the break up, learned from it and moved on. If I feel like this now I cant wait to see how I'll feel in another three months. What I'm trying to say is things will get better for you if you do the grunt work. Focus on yourself and not on what she is or not doing, it's not conducive to keep up with her daily activities for you.

 

I know it doesn't make any sense checking up on her. Because I don't love her anymore and even though she crawls back to me I won't take her back.

 

But still when I see that her life is amazing and she is not effected by the break up I ask myself where is the justice? Why am I thinking of her a lot and she forgot me so quick.

 

That is the reason I am done with relationships. I don't want anymore. I want to be single till 35 or something. I'm done.

[halaluyaa]

Her life wouldn't seem so amazing if you weren't checking up on her, and instead putting that time and effort into making your own life amazing.

 

I try to make mine amazing too. I'm working at my dream job. I love it. And it is a very well known automotive company and I am lucky to work there. I'm hitting gym 3-4 days a week, swimming sundays, going dance classes. Meeting new people.

 

But still, it makes me angry that she forgot me so soon. It just sucks. I don't trust anyone anymore. Feelings shouldn't be this fake.

[JDPT]

I know it doesn't make any sense checking up on her. Because I don't love her anymore and even though she crawls back to me I won't take her back.

 

But still when I see that her life is amazing and she is not effected by the break up I ask myself where is the justice? Why am I thinking of her a lot and she forgot me so quick.

 

That is the reason I am done with relationships. I don't want anymore. I want to be single till 35 or something. I'm done.

 

There is no justice or vengeance when it comes to break ups. I also went through my moments of anger and wanted to hold her accountable for her actions but that only led me to fill my heart with anger and not move forward. I learned to forgive her in my own way, I forgave her for so many things and forgave myself as well and told myself that it was time to truly let to go and more forward. Find peace within yourself, understand that people change, feelings change and circumstances change and that's perfectly fine it's part of life. Take this strength you have and focus on theany things you have going for yourself and the many future plans that you can now accomplish since you now have time for yourself. Work on improving yourself for you and you only.

Edited August 7, 2013 by JDPT

[Philosoraptor]

I try to make mine amazing too. I'm working at my dream job. I love it. And it is a very well known automotive company and I am lucky to work there. I'm hitting gym 3-4 days a week, swimming sundays, going dance classes. Meeting new people.

 

But still, it makes me angry that she forgot me so soon. It just sucks. I don't trust anyone anymore. Feelings shouldn't be this fake.

Your issue still is that you are worried about how she feels and what she is doing. If she is out of your life why does it matter that she forgot you? You need to work on forgetting her as well.

 

Sounds like you've got a lot of good things going on in your life, focus on that instead.

[halaluyaa]

Your issue still is that you are worried about how she feels and what she is doing. If she is out of your life why does it matter that she forgot you? You need to work on forgetting her as well.

 

Sounds like you've got a lot of good things going on in your life, focus on that instead.

 

I'm also jealous. She is going 2 weeks abroad travel with best friend. I'm sure she will hook up with someone while I'm working here in same routine.

 

I'm just jealous I guess.

[chinacat sunflower]

I know how you feel. My ex is with this chick that is the complete opposite from me. She comes from a similar ethnic background as he, she has dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair, pretty much gorgeous (I have light skin, hair, blue eyes) and she's a nurse (his mom's a nurse). We are at the age where people are getting married and having kids, and I know he is going to end up marrying her. I'm jealous. Very jealous. It just amazes me how he found the perfect girl a few months after us splitting. The best thing for us would be to focus on our own lives. Easier said than done. I hope you feel better soon.....

[halaluyaa]

I know how you feel. My ex is with this chick that is the complete opposite from me. She comes from a similar ethnic background as he, she has dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair, pretty much gorgeous (I have light skin, hair, blue eyes) and she's a nurse (his mom's a nurse). We are at the age where people are getting married and having kids, and I know he is going to end up marrying her. I'm jealous. Very jealous. It just amazes me how he found the perfect girl a few months after us splitting. The best thing for us would be to focus on our own lives. Easier said than done. I hope you feel better soon.....

 

Yeah, don't worry about that amazing coincidence because I am used to it. Kind of.

 

I'm 23 year old and had only 3 relationships. I found out that after me, my first gf got married and second one is engaged. And now I'm waiting for the news of third gf's marriage or engagement news

 

Good luck charm. How nice..

[aloneinaz]

1. Stop snoping to see what's she's doing. She should be blocked from all media.

2. You don't know she's perfectly happy and carefree. She could be unhappy.

3. She dumped you. Who F'ing cares what she does or if she's happy!

4. Find someone new. You can't forget your last one until you find a new one.

5. Re-read number one again!!!

 

You can't go by what you see on media or hearsay. Yes, some dumpers are in fact happier w/the dumpee out of their lives. It DOES not mean that they don't think of you or the time you spent together. Everyone gets dumped. Everyone dumps.. It's part of life. Stop snooping on her, stay NC, start dating and you'll be fine

 

My ex ended our toxic relations (due to her) 9 weeks ago. Her life hasn't gotten amazing since I'm gone. I have a new girlfriend now. She' better looking, has a better body and isn't emotionally unstable like the ex. Meanwhile, my a single friend continues to see my ex trowling on dating sites clearly not having luck in finding my replacement as yet.

 

Stop focusing or worrying about your ex. She's YOUR PAST. Focus on the now and your future.

[halaluyaa]

1. Stop snoping to see what's she's doing. She should be blocked from all media.

2. You don't know she's perfectly happy and carefree. She could be unhappy.

3. She dumped you. Who F'ing cares what she does or if she's happy!

4. Find someone new. You can't forget your last one until you find a new one.

5. Re-read number one again!!!

 

You can't go by what you see on media or hearsay. Yes, some dumpers are in fact happier w/the dumpee out of their lives. It DOES not mean that they don't think of you or the time you spent together. Everyone gets dumped. Everyone dumps.. It's part of life. Stop snooping on her, stay NC, start dating and you'll be fine

 

My ex ended our toxic relations (due to her) 9 weeks ago. Her life hasn't gotten amazing since I'm gone. I have a new girlfriend now. She' better looking, has a better body and isn't emotionally unstable like the ex. Meanwhile, my a single friend continues to see my ex trowling on dating sites clearly not having luck in finding my replacement as yet.

 

Stop focusing or worrying about your ex. She's YOUR PAST. Focus on the now and your future.

 

That was delightful. Thank you.

[RonaldS]

My XW lives with her parents out in the sticks about 5 miles outside of a town of 5000 in a part of the state that is pretty economically stressed.

 

I live in an awesome neighborhood in the 3rd largest city in the US, with amazing women everywhere you look, great restaurants, bars, shopping, etc etc, about 10 min from the beach on Lake Michigan, I'm getting certified for a new profession plus still own my business....and on and on.

 

So....nope.

[lop98]

The first month post BU I thought my ex's life was amazing too. I couldn't feel like a bigger loser running on the treadmill late at night while they were probably having sex (average sex but still sex), heading to my finals while they were working on the same artistic field, creating stuff together and getting paid... I was going to the silliest suburban parties where I knew no one, they were out in a big city going to concerts, exhibitions, private parties with interesting people they were friends with, every single night... I couldn't afford clothes, they were shopping luxury labels and documenting it on their social media.

 

What upset me more is that all those plans were plans he had initially made with me.

 

I kept working out, going to the parties, studying, working out, parties, studying, repeat 100 times, like a robot. Three months later I realized my body felt quite awesome ... I had picked up on academic life, started getting good payment for a project and the guy I had hooked up (I was attracted to him physically and intellectually but wasn't really looking for much) went off the radar and I realized I couldn't stop thinking about him, once he was back we started making more plans to see each other often and these plans (walks, small trips, camping, etc) have turned my summer into one of the best I've ever had... I know the other two are not together anymore, not physically at least but even if they were I don't really care... I like my life right now, the plans I have... I like that I have worked on them from scratch, I didn't pull out fancy tricks to impress anyone and make seem like it's all glitter, I didn't use anyone out of revenge or pain... the relationship I'm now in grew organically...we both had bad experiences and always tested ground before the next step. What I have now is still so simple but it couldn't feel healthier at the same time...

 

 

10 weeks is still early but don't be hard on yourself and the way your life is heading, just keep working on it, lives never take the same speed, so she might be "really fast" at making her dreams happen, you're slower, what's really the difference when you consider it's always mostly about the path and not the end? it's also not a contest, and trust me, the way you want to build your future is on something solid, not on rushed decisions... and I have noticed what looks "amazing" usually wears out, it's much nicer when you're just doing your own thing and suddenly get hit by the results of your effort without really expecting. Just focus on yourself and truly go NC, stop checking up on her, I'm not sure if you're doing it or how you're getting the information but I did that (checking up daily) and it hurt endlessly, it stopped me from realizing the progress I was already making... for months my life was suddenly more ahead than my brain, and that sucks because it's all about enjoying and being the witness of your own life... present time.

[halaluyaa]

The first month post BU I thought my ex's life was amazing too. I couldn't feel like a bigger loser running on the treadmill late at night while they were probably having sex (average sex but still sex), heading to my finals while they were working on the same artistic field, creating stuff together and getting paid... I was going to the silliest suburban parties where I knew no one, they were out in a big city going to concerts, exhibitions, private parties with interesting people they were friends with, every single night... I couldn't afford clothes, they were shopping luxury labels and documenting it on their social media.

 

What upset me more is that all those plans were plans he had initially made with me.

 

I kept working out, going to the parties, studying, working out, parties, studying, repeat 100 times, like a robot. Three months later I realized my body felt quite awesome ... I had picked up on academic life, started getting good payment for a project and the guy I had hooked up (I was attracted to him physically and intellectually but wasn't really looking for much) went off the radar and I realized I couldn't stop thinking about him, once he was back we started making more plans to see each other often and these plans (walks, small trips, camping, etc) have turned my summer into one of the best I've ever had... I know the other two are not together anymore, not physically at least but even if they were I don't really care... I like my life right now, the plans I have... I like that I have worked on them from scratch, I didn't pull out fancy tricks to impress anyone and make seem like it's all glitter, I didn't use anyone out of revenge or pain... the relationship I'm now in grew organically...we both had bad experiences and always tested ground before the next step. What I have now is still so simple but it couldn't feel healthier at the same time...

 

 

10 weeks is still early but don't be hard on yourself and the way your life is heading, just keep working on it, lives never take the same speed, so she might be "really fast" at making her dreams happen, you're slower, what's really the difference when you consider it's always mostly about the path and not the end? it's also not a contest, and trust me, the way you want to build your future is on something solid, not on rushed decisions... and I have noticed what looks "amazing" usually wears out, it's much nicer when you're just doing your own thing and suddenly get hit by the results of your effort without really expecting. Just focus on yourself and truly go NC, stop checking up on her, I'm not sure if you're doing it or how you're getting the information but I did that (checking up daily) and it hurt endlessly, it stopped me from realizing the progress I was already making... for months my life was suddenly more ahead than my brain, and that sucks because it's all about enjoying and being the witness of your own life... present time.

 

Yep yep yep, I've been checking her instagram constantly. And as I said she is going to Germany and amsterdam for 2 weeks tomorrow and I'm sure I will check again because it is extreme and I wil be soooo curious.

 

It is wrong wrong so wrong. Wish I'm stronger than that. Maybe I am stronger. We will see.

[GB25]

Its because she holds the key to your happiness at the present moment..and anything that you are reliant on to make you whole seems larger than life. Her life seems amazing because she rejected you and you have her on a pedestal.

 

In reality she is just grinding thru life like the rest of us..once your happiness is out of her hands and you take her off the pedestal her life will be as ordinary as the next persons..its your brain playing tricks on you..

 

Its the same thing when you get dumped and you think your ex is the most gorgeous girl in the world...while we feel rejected and want what we cant have we make the object out to be prettier,smarter,funnier than reality...our reality is distorted..but once we "get over it" reality sets in and we see that person in their true light.

[Louise0203]

I broke up with my boyfriend for my own sanity, and I am a girl. Through the eyes of social networking sights my life is perfect, I am singing with a professional band, recording my first CD's, going out to party's, smiling, laughing. To be honest I am getting on with my life, but I am no way forgetting about my ex easily, he was a massive part of my life but I had to ask him to leave because of the way he was treating me. Through social media my life looks fantastic and thats because it is, but I still snoop, and his life looks pretty awesome too, but I know he hasnt forgotten about me.

[chinacat sunflower]

Yeah, don't worry about that amazing coincidence because I am used to it. Kind of.

 

I'm 23 year old and had only 3 relationships. I found out that after me, my first gf got married and second one is engaged. And now I'm waiting for the news of third gf's marriage or engagement news

 

Good luck charm. How nice..

 

Well, the ex previous to my most recent one, married the girl he was cheating on me with and got her pregnant, and they split up a month after they married. hahahahahaha. He tried to get me back after. Exactly one year after he dumped me. Jokes on him now. In my eyes, you have inspired your exes in someway.....at least you have that. I don't know your situation(s), but take whatever good you can get out of any crappy situation. Hopefully that makes sense.

[reddragon588]

It is incredibly easy to mask how you are truly feeling on social media. For all you know, underneath that mask she's truly struggling with the breakup still.

[halaluyaa]

It is incredibly easy to mask how you are truly feeling on social media. For all you know, underneath that mask she's truly struggling with the breakup still.

 

You know what sucks? Even though she crawls back I won't take her back. BEcause when we were together she couldn't even stay with me. I begged her and she stayed one night because her parents doesn't let her to stay with anyone. (She is 19)

 

And now she is going abroad for 2 weeks just for travel and fun? WTF???

 

That's why I'm so angry to her. It's all lies. ALL LIES !

 

I lost my trust in women and people. I'm sure she will hook up with someone too. How awesome.

 

I am so mad at her.

[Philosoraptor]

I lost my trust in women and people.

Because one person lied to you? Did you lose your trust in all microwaves because one time your hot pocket came out scalding hot on the sides and frozen in the middle?

 

Realize she was a bad choice, heal up, and find someone better suited for you. Since you'd never take her back anyways it should make things easier.

 

I'm sure she will hook up with someone too. How awesome.

 

I am so mad at her.

And he may be a sex god who ravishes her for an entire weekend and leaves her breathless. Or he could pump, dump, and send her home pregnant and alone. Or he could totally shoot her down and make her feel worthless. Or he could kidnap her and make her part of an illegal sex trade operation. Either way, it's not your problem so stop worrying about it.

[Virgil876]

Not really, from the point of view of facebook, my ex-girlfriend's life seem great, popular, successful recording artist, etc etc, in real life she's broke, still owe a thousand dollars from mixing and mastering; online record sales aren't even that great, and never got a cent from itunes etc, none of the merchandises that she made (eg tshirts, pins, notebooks etc) got any sales at all, she's also addicted to this MMORPG and really aren't doing too much with her life.

 

While I have stopped all my activity on facebook, but I'm working full time, doing a Masters degree part time, starting up businesses and improving myself.

 

Thing is I don't have a grudge against my ex and I do feel bad when she isn't succeeding in what she is doing.

[aloneinaz]

I think the point that most here are making is this no value to think about, worry about, wonder about an ex who dumped you/us and doesn't want us in their life anymore.

 

The fastest way to move on is to accept it, change anything in you that you know might have contributed to the dumping and try again. Time and distance is the only thing that will make you feel better. Stop focusing on being rejected! There's no value to it.

 

The sooner you wipe the dumper from your life and go NC, the sooner your healing begins. You need to lose their pictures, texts and numbers from your phone. Accumulate anything at your place that reminds you of them (gifts, pictures, etc) and throw them away or put them in a box and put the box in a not easy to get to location. Block them on all media.

 

Trust me, it worked for me. I'm almost 10 weeks absolute NC since my toxic (due to her) relationship ended. There's zero pain when I think of her. Where my mind goes when I think of her is what a moody, emotionally unstable, stressed out bitch she was. My life is so much less stressful not having to walk around on egg shells around her.

 

I also think that as soon as you can start dating again, do it. It's a great distraction and helps build up your confidence and self esteem again. I can't stress enough how it helped me but it might not be for everyone. I enjoy the opposite sex company. I don't feel the need to mourn a dead relationship for months when there's plenty of women who would want to be w/me, including my new girlfriend.

[Charym88]

It's only been 4 days so I'm not sure if his life is amazing just yet... But it is evil of me to hope things go bad, so he will be running back to me? I don't want him hurt or anything, I just wish something happens where he will contact me.