goodnightrebecca Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Okay so this is my first time posting on this site, and it is also my first breakup so i'm in desperate need of advice. First of all, I should tell you a little about what exactly went down (even though I know I'm going to be a little bias towards my side of the story, ill try to not to be as much as possible). Me and my ex-girlfriend (call her "J") were seeing each other for two years. We started going out when we were both 16 and we only recently broke up. We were each others first and through our relationship I never (maybe once or twice) got mad at her. We honestly only had one real fight and thats because of something she herself had done. Everything else that got me a little upset I just brushed off my shoulder and never thought to tell her about it because I didnt want to create unnessecary conflict, and I thought she did the same. Two weeks ago, the day after our two-year anniversary date she told me that she wanted to go on a break for a few days because I was heading out of town and she needed "change". So I was obviously heartbroken but I told her we could do it out of hope it would change her mind. Well I came home and before we actually had the "Talk" I found out that she had been hanging out with another guy who she'd been talking to for quite sometime. I don't believe she did anything with him but just the fact that she knew he liked her and she was alone with him while we were on our break makes me sick. Anyways, a week after she decided to put us on a break she told me to meet up to have the talk. So we talked and she keept saying how "I did nothing wrong" and how she just didn't put an effort in to do anything I wanted to do anymore. She said she just wanted a change and when I said we can try and change together she said she didn't know if she wanted to change with me. She said she no longer saw me in her future and that she didnt want to try if she didn't think we could last. I told her to give me just that one weekend to try and fix it, we could of went and done whatever we wanted, just the two of us and if she still was unsure about it then I would understand, at least she tried... but she said no. The last thing she said to me is that she wanted this to be a "mature" split and look I get it, I wanted it to be as well. It wasn't until this week that I learned she had been talking to honestly EVERYONE but me about all of our "problems" for the past 5 months. She never once told me that anything was wrong, and even a month ago when I asked her if anything was bothering her, she actually got upset at me for asking her once she had already said "nothings wrong". I also found out that the night after she dumped me she was over at that guys house watching a movie (something which i always loved doing with her but we rarely did because she always said she "hated watching movies") Thats basically what our whole relationship was like. She was unable to talk about her feelings to me even though I would of love to actually connect to her on that level. I honestly don't believe I was in love with her, it's impossible to love someone who doesnt let you in like that emotionally. She should of talked to me about what was bothering her, we could of tried to make it work, we could at least try... but by the time she brought the break up she already had her mind made up of what she was going to do. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Since it honestly came out of nowhere I'm still really attracted to her (her looks and the good memories we had). I want to get over her but it makes me sick thinking about her with that guy only a day after we broke up, and even while we were on our break. I think I always knew it was never going to work because she is so emotionally hard to touch and uptight. I just don't know why I can't make myself remember why I felt that way, ever since she did this I cant stop thinking about how attractive she is and how hard its going to be when she moves on with her life without me. Can anyone help me through this? For some reason I feel like I'll never be as attracted to another girl again and I don't want this to be bogging down my mind for a year or more, I have university again in the fall and I need to get over her.
Philosoraptor Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Ok, so lets sum this up. She did not communicate with you, and she was interested in, and dumped you for, someone else. It didn't come out of nowhere. She was talking to this guy, during the short "break" confessed her feelings to him, and then she needed to dump you because he was interested as well. And if he had said no she would have came back but kept looking around (or chasing this particular guy) as you aren't her first choice anymore. You're 18ish, most people feel like their first love can never be matched. But then you meet someone else once you've healed and it's like that "first love" never existed anyways. For now just focus on yourself, join a club, get a new hobby, and do the things that make you happy.
Author goodnightrebecca Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 It may sound a little like denial but in all honesty I really don't think she is interested in this other guy. She never had many friends but she always loved attention so I think thats what it is. He is way under her "standards" anyways.
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 LOL! People always affair down. Dude, she was with this guy. Period. Don't kid yourself. I agree with raptor. It wouldn't surprise me if you find out that she's dating or had dated this guy. And when you find out, you could confront her with it. But, it wouldn't do you any good. I can save you the trouble and tell you exactly what she would say to you. "He isn't the reason why we broke up." I can't even tell you how many threads I've seen on here where people say, " I can believe she with him! He looks like a troll doll!"
JDPT Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 It's imperative and premordial to remove her from that pedestal you have her on. As cliche as this sounds, she is not perfect and neither are we. She clearly lacked communication, the lack of it was perhaps a coping mechanism she implemented to things she wasn't content or disagreed with, I know plenty of people who do that and simply shut down and don't want to deal. It's not your fault she is the way she is, I'm certain that during the relationship you made every attempt to establish healthy communication with her. It's very concerning as it is to you that she was immediately involved/around other man the moment you guys decided to take a "break." I question the integrity of the relationship which apparently has been deteriorating long ago. I can only suggest to learn from this experience and focus on what you can do to move forward with your life and improve yourself for no one but you.
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