Zeppelin12 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 (edited) I'm seeking advice because for the last few months I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I've been dating a man since the end of April and for the first two months things couldn't of been better. He was attentive, romantic, and made sure I felt like I was wanted every day. I knew him for a few years now and we hung out about a year ago just a few times then we stopped talking all together. When we got into contact again he apologized and said he had a lot on his plate and needed to straighten things out first. He was in a five year relationship and she cheated on him last April. He moved out of their house and was in between places. He was also apprehensive because of the age difference (I'm 23, he'll be 33) but realized age is just a number. I'm very closed off in the beginning of things and tend to act aloof. He convinced me it's okay to let my guard down. Things were going great but I started to notice him pull away. It seemed every time we had a good night he would go into a hole. He has problems with addiction and admits he's an alcoholic. I went a whole weekend without talking to him and when I contacted him that Sunday he asked me to come over. He said he felt guilty for dragging me down with him because of his issues. I explained I was here for him through the good and bad (we decided to be exclusive pretty early on, his decision.) So after this things went back to pretty much normal. He didn't call as much or texted me with the "I can't get you out of my mind" but it was three months into it so I guess things like that die down. He said I act shady because I have male friends, but never once have I ignored him or lied to him. He stops answering me randomly and goes MIA whenever he feels like it. He hangs out with an older crowd (50's +) so I don't think he's "cheating" on me. His friends all like me and there really isn't any problems, except his own. The last time I saw him was Thursday. He came over, watched movies, ate dinner, and cuddled all night. Things were great. Friday night he asked what my plans were, I said I was supposed to meet up with friends but they're going to a bar I don't like so I decided not to go. I then texted him and asked if he was just hanging out at the house. I was going to my brother's for a bit but if he wants to do something after let me know. He didn't respond for two hours and his response was that he was going home soon. I didn't answer. We didn't talk at all Saturday until midnight. I accidentally texted him whats up (he and my cousin have the same name). He immediately answered and said hi. I didn't answer right away and he said "Hello? Whats up? How are you?" The conversation didn't go far and that's the last time we talked. What do I do know? If we're supposed to be exclusive, were seeing each other almost every night, to nothing? Do I just act like it's over or am I over reacting? I'm really sick of being hurt and let down. What do I do now? Edited August 7, 2013 by Zeppelin12
Treasa Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 So things are great, except that: 1. He's ten years older than you (which by itself isn't an issue, but it's coupled with...) 2. He's an alcoholic 3. He tells you you're acting shady because you have male friends 4. He goes MIA on you and leaves you feeling unbalanced Sweetheart, no one should put up with crap like this, least of all someone who is so young. Hell, I don't put up with this crap and I'm 15 years older than you are. Get out of this mess and find some guy who isn't all ****ed up. 2
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 So long as he continues to struggle with alcoholism left untreated your relationship will continue to go this way. A person who has no respect for themselves certainly will not have the slightest idea of how to give respect to other people. You might think it's romantic and noble of you to "stick by thick and thin" but there's a difference between supporting someone through their crap, and just plain taking their crap. Were this man making an active decision for himself to seek treatment for his alcholism and was actually making strides in recovery that would be one thing. As best as I can tell he revealed he is an alcoholic and doesn't have any plans to do anything about it. You can continue to stay in this situation for as long as you would like but it will be nothing but an endless cycle of hurt, instability, insecurity, negativity, need I go on? You don't deserve this and you aren't doing anyone; least of all him any favors by staying with him.
Author Zeppelin12 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 I guess my biggest fear here is being left without being told. I'd rather know what's going on then sitting around and wondering. Has anyone had experience with the "rubber band man"? Someone who blows hot and cold? What's the best approach, questioning it or just cutting contact until he contacts me? I know what he's doing isn't fair and I plan to bring it up next time we see each other, if there's a next time. I know he's scared, and I don't want to push him over the edge.
Treasa Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I guess my biggest fear here is being left without being told. I'd rather know what's going on then sitting around and wondering. Has anyone had experience with the "rubber band man"? Someone who blows hot and cold? What's the best approach, questioning it or just cutting contact until he contacts me? I know what he's doing isn't fair and I plan to bring it up next time we see each other, if there's a next time. I know he's scared, and I don't want to push him over the edge. Yes, and that's bull****. Why can't you leave him? Then you not only know where things stand, but you control where things stand.
Author Zeppelin12 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 Depression, I suppose. When you're with someone that makes you feel happy to be alive it's hard to just walk away. When we're together it's like I'm with my best friend. It's the simple way our eyes meet that it's like we don't have to say anything at all. It's just "there". I feel like I've been numb most of my life, and from my parents to the people I care most about it seems like I'm always just left alone. I just don't want to play the role again when I actually was beginning to feel like maybe for the first time things might go my way. Pathetic I guess. I'm sick of being good to people and it ends up being a waste of time when it seems like people who act like *******s get the world handed to them.
Recommended Posts