daojen Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Just a bit of info, but I'm really inexperienced when it come to dating-- ive never been in a relationship before. Last year I really liked my best friend in college, but before I had the chance to tell him, he took a semester off so I decided to keep things the way they were. I moved on and went on a couple first dates with other people but they didn't really turn out to be anything. A month or so before the end of school another friend(lets call him kevin) confessed to liking me. I could really see myself liking him, but i was wary because he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of two years and I had also knew he really liked girls. After three dates or so I think I really started liking kevin, but was still really hesitant and didnt want to admit to myself that I liked him. After I told my best friend about Kevin, my friend confessed to liking me as well and said that he didnt say anything before because he knew he was leaving. I told him that I used to like him a lot, but had moved on. However over the next few days he kept talking to me about it, convincing me that Kevin wasn't good for me and using the fact that I was so much closer to him than I was to Kevin. He asked me questions like "who do you feel more comfortable with" and things like that. I got really confused with my feelings and two days before school ended I told Kevin that I liked someone else, not wanting to lead him on, especially if it was over the summer break. Everything was fine with my best friend for a while, but I still couldnt get Kevin out of my head. Eventually I told my best friend that I still had feelings for Kevin and wanted to stay friends, at least until after school started or I sorted out my feelings. He wasn't happy but he agreed. Things were okay again but I still kept thinking about Kevin. He would send me random snapchats and texts, but he stopped after a while. Later on I found out that Kevin got back together with his ex girlfriend, which ended up confirming my feelings for him. I was really sad for a while. However, I couldnt let myself tell my best friend anything-- I'm scared of rejecting him and then having my feelings come back after seeing him again. School is starting up again in a week or so and I'm terrified. I cant get kevin out of my head, I'm constantly thinking about him and i dont know how to deal with that. With my best friend, it had been easy to move on, but for some reason I still cant let go of Kevin. Everything reminds me of him and I feel like my heart physically hurts. I'm so scared of hurting my best friend and I really dont want to lose them both because I made a decision based on someone else and not my own feelings. Is there anything I can do/what should i do?
Philosoraptor Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Well it seems you've already rejected your best friend, and Kevin is in a relationship, so you just have to live with it. Seems like you made the right decision as he bounced right back to his ex, so that could have been you in the middle getting hurt. 1
Skyraider829 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Intriguing situation you're in, hopefully you are not stressing over it. What's keeping you from telling your best friend this? Are you afraid it would harm your friendship?
Mrlonelyone Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Learn from this. Your friend will survive and find a woman who wont put him on the back burner. You will find a man who you will be crazy about.... at least for a while. The situation with your friend is totally screwed up to a point where it would be unwise for him to date you. If you would dump your friend for Kevin, again; Then don't date your friend.
Author daojen Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I'm definitely afraid it will harm our friendship, but mostly im scared that I will reject him and that when i do see him again soon all my feelings will come back.
Skyraider829 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'm definitely afraid it will harm our friendship, but mostly im scared that I will reject him and that when i do see him again soon all my feelings will come back. Well, if you don't mind me asking, what feelings do you have, or have you had towards your friend? What's he like to you? Is there any deeper, potentially romantic feelings between you and him - and is it, or has it been mutual? How did you friend respond when you went for Kevin instead?
Carenth Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Sounds like you don't know what you want. All I can say is being wishy washy like this can end up souring relationships with the people involved. Your need to decide what you want and do that don't go out with your friend again if you think you will jump ships again after you hear Kevin has dumped his ex (again).
spiderowl Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 While you are feeling like this, it would be a bad idea to get involved with your friend. You clearly don't feel the same way about him and have already rejected him once. It sounds like you just need someone to talk to who can empathise with the way you are feeling. Maybe find a counsellor, or sister or female friend. There's no point dragging another guy into discussions about your feelings for Kevin. It sounds like you judged correctly that Kevin wasn't over his ex and avoided getting too mixed up in that painful situation. Kevin is gone - painful I know, but once you've accepted that, you have a chance of moving on to something better.
Author daojen Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Well, if you don't mind me asking, what feelings do you have, or have you had towards your friend? What's he like to you? Is there any deeper, potentially romantic feelings between you and him - and is it, or has it been mutual? How did you friend respond when you went for Kevin instead? I used to have feelings for him, but those went away after a while. It was mutual at one point but i just dont think I still feel the same way anymore. We were always extremely close, but lately i've been drawing back away from him because hes been acting differently- most likely from my admission that i still have feelings for Kevin. I also think I have a bit of resentment towards him because I feel like he convinced me to end things with Kevin and choose him. While i used to smile every time he sent me, lately talking to him has started to feel more like an obligation -- I'm really hoping things will change when I see him again in person when school starts up. After I told him about my feelings for Kevin he blew up a bit and we argued for a while. He suddenly started talking about how Kevin was better than he was and asked my why i even chose him. I went back to our conversation where he had convinced me of the opposite. My friend then told me his feelings for me were diminishing and stopped replying. A week later he apologized and said he lied-- he still felt the same way. during that period i felt like hell, so I just told him we could be friends for now and figure this out when we see each other in person
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