How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[Charlane]

Hi Jones,

 

Well, put the shoe on the other foot. Maybe she went thru the same thing that you went thru and is guarding her heart as well. This breakup thing is like a disease that is everywhere...it's rampant now and exponential. It sounds like she is hoping for the best....just like you. Just keep on like you are. I do know this...if you guys are to go further ('take it to the next level') then one of you will have to be the first to surrender to it and that will make that person vulnerable to getting hurt. Who will be brave enough to chance it? The surrender will have to happen someday with her or with someone else. It's called love.

[Weird]

Kodiak,

 

snap son, that is cool that she replied to the card and you found out why.

 

Shame that the guy ahd to act like an a**h*** to you but hey, maybe it isn't her new guy but it sounds like it might be. If you want confirmation then I say call her back again and flat out ask her.

 

Sorry that hearing that guy on the phone made you feel bad:(

[crazydawg]

Kodiak if i were you i'd text her something alone the lines "hope all is well for you"

if she doesnt respond give it 2 weeks and call her. You might be close.. to something here..

Don't push her at all and calling may seem as an invasion. I went throgh something similar.

Just send her a friendly text saying " I called, someone else picked up hope all is well" something like that doesn't sound needy, and disrespetful

[djones]

Charlane---Thanks, I know she was out of a relationship about 10 months ago but it ended on a good note, from what she says, but I know she is very cautious, I think you are right about one of us is going to have to "stick our neck out" to I guess its going to take sometime for us, which is fine I will take is slow and see what happens.....You are right breakup is like a disease...it leaves you wondering if that person loved you or that timing was all wrong and why would they leave you for an @$$hole person....to bad there is no cure for it other than time.....

 

Kodiak--I hope all is well with you, keep us posted....

 

Weird--did you get the new wheels yet?

[GreenCap]

It has been interesting to read about the different scenarios concerning no-contact. I agree with one of the postings is that regardless of the length of time spent NC, if the other party wants to come, they will. Nothing you do will change the thought process of someone who wants greener pastures. I suffer from the same malady of hoping that my ex will wake up one day and realize a mistake was made - but that happens only in movies and rarely in real life.

 

I am happy for the couples who are able to work out their differences while taking a break from each other and then coming back stronger than before. But as indicated, this is few and far between given that if nothing can be settled while being together, what makes being apart solve the problem better? I don't want to sound pessimistic and cynical but I tried that with my ex and she took the time instead to find another partner, rather than cool down and see how we can improve our relationship. It feels I am digressing and in fact, lost the point I am trying to make - but to summarize - the NC rule is pointless. We have to move with our own lives and find our own happiness.

[head/heels]

in fact i am going to try to start today with moving on....i am going to ask someone out because i want to hang out with someone instead of not hanging out with someone... (of the opp sex of course) plus all of my boyz are with their girlz so i am SOL for now... anyhow that little post helped me out and maybe i will just go and see what i can come up with...

 

thanks for the advice mate.

 

KODIAK- call her again in a few days... if he answers ask when she will be able to answer..see what he says...if she answers find out what the hell happened to her...in a very sweet unpushy way!

 

good luck and realize you can make it with or without her...!

[Charlane]

Green, you know someone told me that ALL exes come back. The mitigating factor is time. Look at MJ, she's hanging out with Matt and then there's three or four other people (bigacesteve, etc) on this list that talk about their exes(2nd ex, 3rd ex, etc). The difference is whether we have 'moved on' or not. We were invested in the present so this is the ex that we are hoping will return. It's happened to me.

 

It's life in general that brings them back. Who wants to make a bet with me that there will be a lot of fast repartnerships within the next six-eight months because the economy is going to tank? I've been studying this and it's fascinating. Society has a say in what happens with our personal lives. Just like in the 20's, 30's and 40's it was unheard of to be unmarried if dating longer than 1 month and then celebrating 50 years together and now it's normal to date five years before getting married and then getting divorced shortly after that. We've all been a bunch of Kennedys and Clintons lately (philandering, selfish except for JFK Jr since he was more like Jackie than Jack). I'm up on the economy so I can tell you now that a lot of people are going to start losing their jobs starting in the next 2 months. This is why Bush is getting recruiting ready and is nixing the draft. He won't have to draft anyone if they can't find a job in the private sector. They will just herd into the military and WALA! No more problems with troop numbers. He already knows this.

 

I know my ex is getting ready to lose his job. He is civil service and is easily replaceable by a recruit. But he is smug in thinking he is invincible and this was the same attitude he had went he left me. Nevermind that I am preparing for the economy tanking because I've been tracking history and am now trading commodities. He's just Superman and will never lose his job, never be poor, never be sick, etc. It's the cautious person that is prepared. My fault was telling him that I was getting prepared. That was too silly to think that our government will let us fail as a whole. We became too dependent on our government at the same time.

 

Just mark my words. Life will be kicking the ass of a lot of exes on this forum. I think it already started with Kodiak. The problem with that is that she is now in another town/city. If they were to get together again, they would have to be local to each other because HER ex is in the picture, too.

[Sukotto]

What your sugesting is that some people will get back together for economic reasons? Unable to afford a place of their own because they lost their job etc? Even though some people might jump to get the ex back its not really for the right reason, its not because they want to be with you its because they have to be with you.

 

My ex has been distant recently though its probably down to coursework, she's been fairly talkative but hasn't suggested when we should next meet up. I suggested the last time so I'm going to wait and see when she asks. I hope its this weekend.

 

On the Heather situation, she's also been quiet, we were chatting a fair bit on Friday and Saturday, nothing much was said on Sunday and on Monday I suggested we meet up but she was busy apparently, though I suspect its also coursework related. Pity all my potential partners are students.

 

I went to see the mortgage people today and they agreed to the amount I wanted, £125k. I thought that a was a reasonable amount for someone my age, now I've been property hunting and i'll make some appointments tomorrow before I leave for London. Lets hope I get one of these nice 3 bedroom flats in the center of Glasgow then I can have lots of people over.

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Sukotto

What your sugesting is that some people will get back together for economic reasons? Unable to afford a place of their own because they lost their job etc? Even though some people might jump to get the ex back its not really for the right reason, its not because they want to be with you its because they have to be with you.

 

 

Hey Sukotto. We get with people and it starts with love but it works with security. It's all about environment with a couple as it were. If my ex came back to me, and I knew it was because he was in fear of his financial future I would take him back because I was preparing for our financial future anyway. If he doesn't, I will share what could have been his part with someone else. The bottom line is that someone is going to benefit from your attempt to nest (security). Truthfully, it was good that he and I parted when we did because I could not have concentrated on my craft with him not believing in me anyway. And with the way that it works out, life is going to show him that my efforts might have just had merit. My telling him that would not get the same impact. In the span of 30 years if I get the opportunity to spend that time with him, then this will just be a blip in the whole of that time. Ever hear of stories like that with your grandparents and then they look at each other with love? It's all about perspective.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Boy am I hurting inside today. I feel as if i have gone back to the beginning. Cant sleep, having those small anxiety attacks, etc... i guess i have just realized that if there was ever a small chance that my ex and I would re-unite, it is gone now. She lives even farther awy now and probably starting a whole new life. I am so concerned for her though because i dont know what happened. The last we spoke, she never mentioned anything about moving. So when she told me I was floored to say the least. Im sure that she did get back with an old ex and im sure thats who picked up teh phone. Whoever it was acted like such a prick i pray that he doesnt treat her poorly. So I took everyones advice and sent her a text. Basically just wishing her well and hope the move went well and that I tried to call the other day and dont know if she got the message. Well i got no respose but its only been a couple hours. Heck, I dont even know if she has the same number anymore. Thats the hard part. If we dont talk again, I will never be able to know anything about her. No address, no number, nothing. Maybe that is for the best, i dont know. I came home from work today and slept for awhile. I have been so drained and didnt sleep at work last night much at all. Anyways so ofcourse all i did was dream about her. I just hope that she is happy, i really do. I hope that everything is ok with her and the family. I was close to them all. I know i have to get all teh facts together before i go crazy but i just might never get them. maybe that was her stepdad on the phone, maybe somebody she works with, who knows? Like i said before i wish she would have just texted me instead of calling and leaving a message. Why do they call and seem like they want you to call them and when you do, they never return your call? I guess thats all part of the situation though. God everybody i miss her so much. why cant i just forget about her and move on with my life. I know i have to because obviously she did. Its been sixc months and my heart aches still so bad. I will maybe give her a call in a couple weeks or in January. Christmas is just around the corner and im glad I will be working. Its been a tough coupe days since I got the call and i know there will be more to come. Its so funny how i bitched about her not calling and when she did finally call, I wish she never had. Now I hurt. Her voice just seemed like there was something wrong but maybe that was my imagination. Its weird to think that she just moved there and already has a new guy. Besides her ex taht lived there, that was a long time ago and she said it wasnt a good relationship at all. he was much older and she was not happy with him. I hope she didnt go back. Anyways thanks for all the advice. I will keep you guys posted.

Crazydawg- What do you mean that I think Im on to something? Do you mean that i figured she has moved on because the guy picked up or what? Let me know my brother.

 

Take Care you al. You guys are all great here and I wish we could all hang out over drinks and talk in person. Im glad that I found teh shack. Take Care...Kodiak

[GreenCap]

Charlene

 

90% of me wants your predictions to come through so that I can be back together with the love of my life. I really hope you are right but will I still want her after she moved on with another guy whom she thinks will satisfy all her items of happiness? And then come back to me because she has no job?

 

I can't predict the future and I am superimposing my feelings now into a distant hope that she will wake up one day and realize that she made a mistake. But she will never come back because she wants to settle down and start a family, and at her age (32) she has little time left and will not look back in regret. I know her character (at least I think I know) and that was what attracted me the first place. Moreover, she is financially independent and this new guy she is seeing is quite well-off as well. While on the otherhand, my career is just taking off. She doesn't want to wait around for me to hit it big when she can have it all now. I am not sure how true this is as we never came to a proper conclusion why she left me in the first place. I just pieced together information to make concrete in my mind to let her go; no one wants to be with a money. But boy, I hope you are right but I can't pause my life while she enjoys every minute and moment of her new happiness while I wallow in self-pity.

[Charlane]

Ohmigod, Kodiak. I'm so sorry. I was feeling the exact same way before I started the logical thinking. You still have a chance but it's right now that hurts. The distance is what is sucking. The other end of that is that she might be doing you a favor in that someone better is going to be in your life taking her place. Every couple of weeks contact from you might be good therapy for you both.

 

Green, what goes up must come down. That Superman she is all about right now, will get his kryptonite within the next two months. At least you can bet there will be cracks in all of that right about then. She will also find out that she is not the hot **** that she thinks she is either. Even if she doesn't lose her job, she will get affected by those around her such as family that will. If he is going down in flames they will start to focus negatively on each other and suddenly you will become the wonderful person that she will be kicking herself for leaving. This is why No Contact is so utterly important. It gives the person leaving the chance to get beat up by life all on their own and if they can hurt someone's heart as badly as they have, then they can visit this same pain on themselves...and they will.

 

Let's make it a point to meet here before Valentine's day and trade notes.

[GreenCap]

Herein lies the irony. You love this person and want them to be happy, even if it is not with you. I told her, I will love the man you choose because he makes you happy but will hate him because he is not me (ripped from one book I read).

 

But in order to be back with her, you hope and pray that bad things happen to her. How does that work? I am conflicted inside. But you did hit on something - take this forum to gain confidence and renew self-esteem, do well in life so that her leaving won't be vindicated. Show 'em that we can survive without them and even do better. It is all about self-improvement. Don't mean to sound gung-ho but baby steps, little baby steps. Holiday season doesn't help either but Cest La Vie!!! I probably will be on the forum for while until I get my emotional balance right before I gradually let go of the apron strings, but definitely compare notes.

[Weird]

Sukotto,

 

dude congrats on the approval and hope you find a sweet place.

 

 

Charlane,

 

I totally agree with you that people will try and get back with others when the economy takes a turn for the worse or other events happen.

 

I'd chuckle if my ex lost her job somehow and suddenly wanted to be really in my life again rather than just be the working robot she is now. I'd have a good laugh at that.

 

Kodiak,

 

bro, I really dont know what to say. I just pray that you'll start to feel better soon.

 

Everyone, lets give Kodiak a big group cyber hug.

 

HUG

[Sukotto]

I post my progress weekly, you can look at early posts where I was distraught about it ending and then various revelations and then a few weeks back I started getting excited about meeting someone else and then the ex pops back and now i have two girls that I like but i'm not sure what to do.

 

I keep a personal journal that I type daily when i have a spare 10 minutes, its great to have a look at how I was feeling back in October and how I am now, they are much shorter these days and a bit more happier since I have less to complain about.

[Weird]

doc jones,

 

yeah dude I picked up the car this afternoon. holy fuggin **** the thing is amazing. There are like over 500 voice commands I can give including telling it to adjust to a specific tempertaure degree.

 

I wonder if there is a special button to push to have the navigation lady pop out form under the steering whell and gimme a bj.

 

Car is flat out incredible. My parents own a loaded Lexus LS430 that is still the msot amazing car I have been in/ truly seen but this thing comes close.

 

 

 

Hmm, where is MJ? I miss my sis:(

[Charlane]

I don't want anything negative to happen to him and I guess I should have really made that point more well known. I just know that his attitude will be his own demon. You know 'judge not lest ye be judged'? I'm not all fanatical but he did judge me and now he is about to be a victim by his own design. No, I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I have already been a widow at 27. That was the worst of nightmares. It took three years for me to become human again. Actually, I find myself saying a little prayer for him to make sure that he will be healthy. With whatever ill choices he makes, I will want it to be with him saved from himself.

[head/heels]

hey all....

 

KODIAK- just do the same thing over that you did at the start....it got really hard for me too once i spoke with her again...it still is and that was 3 weeks ago....but it isnt as bad as the first time as i have become a much better person than who i was then....keep a good head upon your shoulder...

 

anyhow, god i miss kissing her...everywhere! have to agree with whoever said that being betrayed is the worst feeling a human can go through.....very true...

 

i know that she will come a knockin one day, but there wont be an answer at this door. i am going on to bigger better things in my life...and no one will be able to control my happinessthis time..i have learned..

 

WEIRD- sounds like that RL is one behemoth of a car! i cant wait to see one out and about!

 

just wathced the arse end of bend it like beckham..

 

on a side note...my cousin made third team all state, (she got shafted as a girl in our city got 1st team, but my cousin beat her in goals and assists on the season, so i dont know what gives there)....anyhow, one of her college friends who plays soccer came home on saturday for a one month break and she is glamourous! all three of us worked out together tonight and i cant say i paid any attention to lifting at all....her soccer legs and what not almost put me into convulsions.... we flirted for a bit but i think she has a new bf at school and i dont think she is over her last boyfriend....but my aunt told me that she was asking about me....so who knows...there is alway the summer.....

 

and i have a "blind" date on Jan 14...the same day as this girls 23 birthday....she has previously been married , and found her husband cheating on her in their home! that is all i know except she is hot...that is what i have been told by her friends (older-about 45 year olds)...

so who knows

 

just want to get on with my life and stop wondering why she would chose to leave me...the one she said was her greek god...guess **** happens...now i need ot just build my confidece back up..

 

oh, i also met a russian girl on saturday night, she is really cool and kinda cute, and i hope to learn the ruskie language from her! i am really into this language stuff and i have no idea why, but it fascinates me! i know spanish and creole about 50% i would guess...with being able to write them both better than speak them..

 

all right, enough about me...........try to better yourself each day and when that next person comes along you will blow them away...that is what i am planning anyhow...i am having a hard time not "looking for that someone".....man do i hate my ex...cant believe she swept the rug out from under me....

 

life goes on...

[Charlane]

Hey head/heels. It's the holidaze. It's a wicked, wicked thing. Everyone get melancholy. I'm in decent spirits myself right now. I'm hoping to last that out past New Year's.

 

I miss kissing him......everywhere. I KNOW he'll never get that anywhere else.

[Weird]

...the one she said was her greek god

heels,

 

haha that is my buddy's nickname. Funny

 

Hope the blind date goes well. Damn, 23 and already married/divorced? Sheesh. Her friends are in their mid 40s? Weird.

 

I liked bend it like beckham. Also helps Keira Knightley is nice to look at.

 

Dude I need to learn some diff languages. All I know is english and like some words in french.

 

 

Charlane,

 

 

I miss kissing him......everywhere. I KNOW he'll never get that anywhere else.

 

You don't think your ex dude can be with a girl that kisses him....everywhere? Interesting.

 

 

I hope you people saying "everywhere" don't literally mean everywhere on their body. Ugh.

[crazydawg]

Originally posted by kodiak

 

Crazydawg- What do you mean that I think Im on to something? Do you mean that i figured she has moved on because the guy picked up or what? Let me know my brother.

 

Take Care you al. You guys are all great here and I wish we could all hang out over drinks and talk in person. Im glad that I found teh shack. Take Care...Kodiak

 

I meant that you may somehow gotten somewhere with the ex... Perhaps one step closer to some sort of communication. I hope all goes well for you. You should start thinking of the future though without her just in case. There's plenty of women out there, just takes time to find the right one

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Weird

 

 

Charlane,

You don't think your ex dude can be with a girl that kisses him....everywhere? Interesting.

I hope you people saying "everywhere" don't literally mean everywhere on their body. Ugh.

 

Like I did? No.

 

Just about everywhere. I liked it. And I liked that he liked it. Wierd, the limits are off when I really love someone. At least we had a year together.

[Weird]

how can you say you are certain he can't find another woman that will do what you did? There's like 6.4 billion people in the world with over half of those being female. Surely there is another female out there who can do what you did or maybe even do it better and he could easily meet her.

 

What does the "at least we had a year together" comment mean? Did you say that to basically mean you were happy you had a year with the guy to do the kissing?

 

Not even going to expand on the "everywhere" thing because it is too nasty for me to think about nor do I want to hear someone say they actually do kiss certain disgusting parts of one's body.

[Charlane]

Pretty certain. Maybe she would do some other little thing that he would like but I've got the corner on what I did.

 

Yes, I'm glad that we had a year together.

 

Weird, where are you going with this? What is making this nasty for you? Celibrating the body is a good thing I think. That's a negative connotation to think the one you love is (bad) nasty in some respect. The other person would certainly feel it. That could have an impact on a relationship. If he feels good and I feel good, then where is that bad?

[Weird]

nothing like people who think what they do is the best out of the world's population but hey, if that floats their boat then cool.

 

I am not going anywhere with it. Just merely pointing out there are spots on the human body that I think are nasty to put my lips on...one of those spots is also very unhygenic and can lead to hepatitis A. Another part is full of sweat glands (and hair) which people use to contain on a daily basis so I would not want to put my lips there either.

 

Nowhere did I say a loved one is nasty nor is the boyd nasty. You need to quit assuming stuff when you read things on here and going off on some tangent. Also, I do not care what you do with whoever in your life. Seriously, I don't.