How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[Jip]

Oh think I'd miss out on the cookie if that were the case!!! She's got me bamboozled!?!?!?!

 

Think you have to seriously ask yourself one question.....' Could you ever trust her again?'

 

2 of my good friends used to go out and after 3 yrs she cheated on him... 3 months later once she got bored of the new guy they tried to make things work again - but the trust had gone on both sides!!

 

If I were in your shoes I'm sure I would find it easier settling back with something thats comfortable and the person that you love but I just wonder if it may lead to more heartache further down the road?! But then she may have realised your true worth now but she certainly has a funny way of going about it!?

 

Then you've got to consider the road less travelled... what if this new girl (who's done nothing to hurt you and who you seem to have a lot in common with) is maybe right for you.

 

No one can tell you what to do - only you know whats right for you but I'd be very wary of your ex ( she may blow hot and cold) and the fact that you managed to resist her once already (well kind of) might well tell you something I think you already know.... you're wary of her and think she's bad news!!

 

Best of luck with it... you're having some week!

[head/heels]

go suky....

 

at least you got to stand her up...or was it you that was standing up????

 

hmmm once a cheater.....i could never trust her!

 

give heather a shot ....at least she has never broken your trust...which is so crucial in a relationship!

 

plus....you should be proud you stopped yourself!

 

go to go...

work ARG!

 

d

[bigacesteve]

Sukotto,

it's all mind games mate. Your ex has not heard from this guy for a while so she needed a confidence boost. She's been binned like you and the rest of us and she doesn't like it. You're the easy way to get that ego boost because she thinks you'll do whatever she says. She dangles that carrot, you know the one, the 'slight chance we'll get back together carrot'. It's so *****ing tempting but selfish of her. They show interest in you again until they find your next replacement. Been there and it sounds exactly like what is happening to you dude.

 

DON'T do any shagging or anything physical and see how she reacts to you. She still interested? Make sure it's not just a quicky and then leave you again with all the baggage.

 

I think you need to keep away from her. See her only if she makes a real genuine effort to get back together and not just to shag. Then again what about this Heather girl??

 

You need to figure out if this is real with feelings involved or just a rampant ex after a bit to keep her going till the next bloke???

[Sukotto]

The ex knows me really well and I was tempted just to give in then I realised that there is always the potential that she could do this again and I asked her how I was meant to trust her again. She did reply with your not, I have to earn that trust again.

 

We hadn't really been speaking all that much, maybe in the past month 3 weeks we'd probably said a few hundred words to each other. She definately didn't find out from her friend about the date with Heather since they've fallen out with that friend.

 

Lynsey - Familarity, lots of common interests, past history both good and bad

Heather - No real common interests but we seem to be able to talk for ages, only been on 2 dates,

 

Now I dont want to just jump back on the ship with the ex to find out that next week she's changed her mind, so If we done anything then it would have to be slow and she'd need to get that trust back and the relationship would basically be starting from the beginning again.

 

Heather, thats alot of unexplored territory. The chance to explore things with someone new but I could find she has lots of bad habbits or something worse.

 

They dont know about each other and I think it would be best to keep it that way at the moment. I think i'll take them both on the same date (diff times) and just try to keep note on the good and bad points about it. If I give my ex a second chance then it wouldn't be fair to Heather to keep her on the side.

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Sukotto

I think someone should get a cookie for predicting what my ex would do.

 

Today I bumped into her while shopping for a new coat and she offered to help me and I accepted since it was going horribly wrong, I'd been wandering for about an hour from shop to shop but most had a fur collar and make me look like a ned (scally / chav / bam). So she helped me get a new coat and It was all pretty plutonic, then I noticed some jeans I wanted and I went to try them on and I came out of the changing room to show her what they looked like and she commented on how i looked good and i'd lost some weight etc

 

Her train wasn't for another 30 minutes, I'd made her miss the one she was planning to get so I offered her a lift home, its only 5 minutes from where I stay anyway. She accepted and when we got in the car she gave me a hug and a kiss. I was like wtf and just started the car and started driving, the nervous twitch came back in my leg, luckily she didn't notice.

 

I dropped her off at the house and we both went in, she was going to look the photos out and give them to me now and I thought that if I done that then I could cancel the date. About 30 seconds after we sat down she was on top of me and damn i'm weak. Next thing I know we're naked on the bed but I then realised what I was going to do and stopped and redressed.

 

She told me that she made a huge mistake and that she can see that now, I just wanted to say DUH! I asked her about the guy and she said she hadn't spoken to him in over a month and that she'd last got a msg from him last week. So she asked what now and I just said we'll see and told her we'd chat on Friday.

 

Now i'm more confused than ever, they both have their plus points. But Lynsey has the history on her side which is both good and bad, history includes the cheating on me. Where Heather I don't know too well but I'm enjoying her company at the moment.

 

Sukotto, I'll take a cookie if for anything to have me believe that miracles do happen. I know how you feel about trusting her again. It is something that she should earn. You have no idea what Heather is like either. She might have done this in the past with someone else and even if she says that she hasn't, you will never really know. You can take the short pain or the long. If you cancelled out with Heather now, it might be the short pain. You have a history with the ex. I'm not saying jump into it with both barrels but giving her the chance to prove herself might be worthwhile. Just make sure that she knows that she is on a type of probation. If you do not feel that you could give yourself to her again like you had by a certain amount of time, then you will know what to do.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

How are you all doing, I had wrote a post here last night, but my *****en computer craped out or this site and it did not post my message...!....my dad is doing ok still had a few chest pains but he is doing better it seems like they only treat him with meds for his condtition so I think they may send him home soon, we shall see.....I have been out of the loop for a bit, but i hope all is weel with you all...I am doing fine for the most part.....the new girl has been calling me every night so its real cool of her to be concerned about my dad and family.....last sat we wentout for dinner and it was real nice to take my mind off of my dad for a bit, she made me laugh which was nice....we held hands for the first time I felt like i was 13 or 14 all over again!....she told me the next day she wanted to give me a kiss and she will do that next time she see me...so I was a little fatttered from that...I we are going to have coffee on fri dependeing how my dad is doing by then...so we shall see....other than that, I real tired and I have been doing lots of thinking about stuff in general, I guess it happens when you have a parent in the hospital....life is too short to sweat the small stuff......well take care guys

[kodiak]

hey Everybody-

 

Hows everyone doing today, i hope good. Im just chillin here at work AGAIN!!!, man i tell you i have been working so much overtime lately. Its cool im making good money plus im around my buddies so i dont have alot of down time alone and we all know what alone time makes people do, or atleast me. Yes think about my ex. Anyways i have been ok. I sure have been missing her though lately. I guess because of the holidays and the fact that she no longer conatcts me anymore. That hurts. You all know i sent that card and i wish i never had. I feel like such a jack ass now. I meann how could someone that said how much they love you the week before they dumped you not even give a thanks for a b-day card. I dont get it. I mean like i sad there was no anger towards ecah other that I know of when we broke up. Oh well. I guess i know that she officially doesnt care about me and maybe never really did. Maybe she had a ex that she never got over and he came back into teh picture. Maybe she met someone else maybe she just stopped loving me. Who knows, all i do now that it hurts right now. We talked so much about spending x-mas together and new years this year. Now im working both of them. I know we all have the same questions. How could somoene just forget about you and treat you liek you never existed. I was talking with my mom and she always makes me feel better about things. She never gets tired of hearing my sad talks and if she did she would never tell me. She said maybe the breakup was very hard for her and she cant talk to you. I mean sure that can be true but I hughly doubt it. Anyways thats about. So i just feel like a jackass for sending that stupid b-day card. Im sure she just laughed at it and though what a looser i was for sending it.

 

drjones- Hows the new girl doiung? Whats up with that? She sounds cool man. Just take it slow and have fun. I need to learn how to do that. Hows your dad doing, I hope well let me know.

 

mj108-hows it going girl. i wish you lived by me. I would have a drink off with you,lol...

 

weird- Hey bro you are right about my ex. I guess she is just beiong selfish but it still sucks. I mean why do they do that to us. I wish nothing bad upon her ver, but she really hurts me by making me feel that i dont exist. You know? How are you doing?

[Green_and_White]

Kodiak,

 

I've read a bunch of your post's and this is the first one I've responded to. I konw how you feel. The my ex doesnt even care if Im alive. She has a bf now. Some kid she has known since she was a kid but has never mentioned his name. She turned into everyhting she used to hate (spoiled rich kids) after we graduated and moved back home. I know what you mean about missing her at the holidays. It will be two years in a week that we first got togeter and thats when time stood still. I wonder if she will even think about it. It will be the first new years in 2 years we didnt spend the night laughing and partying. But I guess those feelings go away when you find someone knew to occupy your time. I have a necklace of her's she wants back but emails me to send it in the mail when we live 5 miles apart. If you want more of my story if its anything like yours, look at my post. Breakups bring about weird things ya know. A band I just couldnt get into is now my favorite, Dashboard. If I didnt have this happen I probably woulndt have found out what an awesome musician he is. Hey, we shouldnt even like our ex's because how many people do you like that disrepect you. Would you treat someone rriendly if they came up to you and punched you in the stomach and didnt say anything afterwards?

 

Andrew

[head/heels]

hey your mom is right...it was a hard break up for her ..and that is why she is choosing not to call or write...believe me..

he doesnt either want to a. encourage you or give false hope...b. she is hurting bad and she is trying to heal and cut ties with you...

there is always a chance for anything mate....we cant speculate!

 

suky: be very careful bro

 

dr j ---kiss her already, i bet it will be wonderfully fun

 

night all and to think each day...where you started, where you are , and where you are going.....Jim Valvano.

 

ooo, one more from jimmy v......if you laugh, you think, and you cry,.....that is a full day....that is a heck of a day!

 

 

 

DONT GIVE UP, DONT EVER GIVE UP

jimmy v god bless his family

[Weird]

sukotto,

 

damn son. that is messed up but does not surrpise me that your ex would do that crap. She obviously wants you in her bullpen since this new guy seems to be jerking her around...that and I thinky our ex really does feel she amde a mistake and wants back to having what she had. I really don't know how I'd react if I were in your shoes. If she hadn't cheated I would give her the chance to show me she has changed for the better but since she did cheat I doubt I could forgive her and be with her again. Too high a chance she'll do the same thing again if you got back with her because she would see you can frogive her for the worst thing a person can do to their partner.

 

 

 

kodiak,

 

I'm doing well, thanks. Just chillxain. Dude, your ex does care. Don't take her not replying to the card as a sign she doesn't care or never did. I went down that path after I broke up...thinking that she never actually cared and didn't care at the time but she did and still does. Right now your ex is jsut selfish, confused and prolly quite hrut at things turning out the way they did even if it was her choice. Give it a few months and I bet you'll hear from her again.

 

Chicks have a knack for calling guys right when the guys are feeling good with life again...it is like they have some 6th sense that knows when guy have accepted things and ready to put it all behind them and are happy.

 

Oh and don't feel stupid for sending the card. I think it was a good thing to do and to her with her if right now she doesn't appreciate the gesture you gave...in time she will.

 

People can be like the exes here because people are on the whole flat out selfish and egomaniacs. We are in the minority.

[kodiak]

weird- Thanks for yoru reply my brother, i really appreciate it. I hope you are right and she does care atleast somewhat. The time we spent togther was amazing and we shared alot of great memories. However it being a LDR relationship and my insecurities caused problems. I just feel that i shouldnt have sent her that card, I dont know man!!!! You see its just hard to seem that she would not have even said thanks. Its weird i got a text from my ex ex girlfriend on thanksgiving and it was nice to get. Now this girl hurt me so bad that i hated her for a longtime and she hated me. I have no feelings for her at all romanticly but it still made me feel good that she wished me a happy thanksgiving. This girl was a b$%%%tch too, you know. My most recent ex wasnt. She was so nice to me and really made me feel that she loved me. The week before we broke up, we spent such an amzing time togther and then she ended it. I remeber looking across at her at the dinner table and for the first time in my life really felt inlove with a gilr that loved me. I can still remember that night to a tee and i always will. Weird thanks for supporting me with my decision of sending the card because i really do feel like a douchbag. I hoep you are right and she still cares a little and hope that i do hear from her again. Take care man and thanks!!!

 

Head/Heels- Thanks for your reply too. Maybe my mom is right and she has a hard time with the break up too or shall i say HAD a hardtime. I highly dont she still does but who never know. I have no hopes of getting back with her but I have to say that it has been six months and I still love her like the day she left. True only time will tell what happens in the future.

 

green and white-Thanks for your reply. I know this whole deal sucks. You with yoru ex longer than mine so im sure it is harder for you. Send me the post that you wrote about yoru breakup, I would love to read it. Take Care

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Weird

Chicks have a knack for calling guys right when the guys are feeling good with life again...it is like they have some 6th sense that knows when guy have accepted things and ready to put it all behind them and are happy.

 

 

Oh man, you are so right!

[Charlane]

Kodiak, I'm missing him (my ex). About this time last year I put up decorations and a live tree and put burgundy raffia and gold everywhere. I brought him breakfast in bed regularly since I loved to cook/bake and I'm damned good at it with a full stocked kitchen. Everyone came to my house for the holidays to eat especially my wood smoked meats/seafood. I made my own cheesecake, 3 layer torte, pumpkin pie, and Bulgarian yogurt from scratch all the way down to the chocolate syrup I created on my stove. His best friend and I traded recipes and now I have no idea if he even talks to his best friend but I doubt it. I witnessed for his best friend's marriage. I got him some gifts he said he wanted that he could never get from anyone. I sit here wondering if someone is doing this for him. I refuse to contact him and NEVER will if it kills me but I am hurting. I did ANYTHING (I do mean ANYTHING) he wanted. That was where I failed because no one had ever done these things for him before. It made me look weak because I wanted to please him. He was used to 'no'. It makes me afraid to try to please anyone else and it's how I am. It's been 6 months for me, too.

[theone44]

Originally posted by kodiak

weird- Thanks for yoru reply my brother, i really appreciate it. I hope you are right and she does care atleast somewhat. The time we spent togther was amazing and we shared alot of great memories. However it being a LDR relationship and my insecurities caused problems. I just feel that i shouldnt have sent her that card, I dont know man!!!! You see its just hard to seem that she would not have even said thanks. Its weird i got a text from my ex ex girlfriend on thanksgiving and it was nice to get. Now this girl hurt me so bad that i hated her for a longtime and she hated me. I have no feelings for her at all romanticly but it still made me feel good that she wished me a happy thanksgiving. This girl was a b$%%%tch too, you know. My most recent ex wasnt. She was so nice to me and really made me feel that she loved me. The week before we broke up, we spent such an amzing time togther and then she ended it. I remeber looking across at her at the dinner table and for the first time in my life really felt inlove with a gilr that loved me. I can still remember that night to a tee and i always will. Weird thanks for supporting me with my decision of sending the card because i really do feel like a douchbag. I hoep you are right and she still cares a little and hope that i do hear from her again. Take care man and thanks!!!

 

Head/Heels- Thanks for your reply too. Maybe my mom is right and she has a hard time with the break up too or shall i say HAD a hardtime. I highly dont she still does but who never know. I have no hopes of getting back with her but I have to say that it has been six months and I still love her like the day she left. True only time will tell what happens in the future.

 

green and white-Thanks for your reply. I know this whole deal sucks. You with yoru ex longer than mine so im sure it is harder for you. Send me the post that you wrote about yoru breakup, I would love to read it. Take Care

 

 

 

 

Kodiak....man you shouldn't feel guilty about sending the card. Your ex is just feeling very guilty about the break-up,because women are emontional creature and that what get in the way of them contacting us sometime. Believe me she prob. attempting to call you,but afraid to do so.....

[theone44]

Originally posted by Charlane

Kodiak, I'm missing him (my ex). About this time last year I put up decorations and a live tree and put burgundy raffia and gold everywhere. I brought him breakfast in bed regularly since I loved to cook/bake and I'm damned good at it with a full stocked kitchen. Everyone came to my house for the holidays to eat especially my wood smoked meats/seafood. I made my own cheesecake, 3 layer torte, pumpkin pie, and Bulgarian yogurt from scratch all the way down to the chocolate syrup I created on my stove. His best friend and I traded recipes and now I have no idea if he even talks to his best friend but I doubt it. I witnessed for his best friend's marriage. I got him some gifts he said he wanted that he could never get from anyone. I sit here wondering if someone is doing this for him. I refuse to contact him and NEVER will if it kills me but I am hurting. I did ANYTHING (I do mean ANYTHING) he wanted. That was where I failed because no one had ever done these things for him before. It made me look weak because I wanted to please him. He was used to 'no'. It makes me afraid to try to please anyone else and it's how I am. It's been 6 months for me, too.

 

 

 

 

Charlene, it been 6 month for me since me and my ex have broken-up. I also refuse to call her no matter how bad i hurt on the inside. Keep up the good work by not contacting him,some men don't know how to appreciate a good woman. It seem the nicer you are to people the less they appreciate it...

[Sukotto]

Wierd: She assured me that the only physical contact they had was a kiss before he left, but for the next 2 weeks she was in daily contact with him. It was more emotional cheating, and then she lied about it when we broke up and it wasn't until 2 weeks after that I found out about him. It fizzled out about 2 weeks after that and they stopped talking so she says.

 

I just dont know how much genuine guilt and sorrow she feels and if she is completely serious about this. She told me last night that we should just take things slowly at the moment and see where it goes. Isn't that what I'm meant to say? and i've not even agreed to "us" getting back together. I guess we'll have to talk on Friday especially about what caused her to falter to this other guy, we'd kinda neglected the relationship prior to her going on holiday and this is something we'd need to at least address. Also I think she'll no longer be going on holidays with all her girl friends.

 

So once we get chatting we'll see what the general mood is at the end of the night, I wasn't really that bothered about her kissing this other guy. It was the lying and deceipt which hurt me the most.

[crazydawg]

I gave in today, not contacting her but looking at her profile. It hurt. She didn't have the guy's name she left me for, but she had a date for a vacation she is going to (vegas) the last time i looked at her profile was in october. She signed on and signed off and i started thinking about her and that led me to checking her profile. I know i'm stupid..... Whats weird is i was planning the same vacation for around the same week, she is going to the same place. Interesting... Why do i feel like ****. I mean i ahven't spoken to her in about 6 weeks but damn i feel like i'm meant to contact her. I vowed never to give in to this girl. She hurt me more than anyone else has. I never plan on doing so ( contacting her). I just thought that by now i wouldn't have any feelings left. I still have some, but i do get on with life, date other people and go out all the time

[Nick14]

Originally posted by theone44

Kodiak....man you shouldn't feel guilty about sending the card. Your ex is just feeling very guilty about the break-up,because women are emontional creature and that what get in the way of them contacting us sometime. Believe me she prob. attempting to call you,but afraid to do so.....

 

Well obviously this is some sort of update on my part, I wouldn't say a good update. I have talked to MJ, Head and Wierd about this on a more private matter on MSN. Might as well spill the beans on this one. On sunday, my ex just sub-consicously popped into my head all day and it just frustrated me. Its been the first time in 1.5 months that I have felt this way again. More like anger and disappointed toward her actually. I ended up going into her xanga website (since i still know the address) and lo and behold she actually posted but only for 7 days (oct 31-nov7) and then she stopped. She has a new pic and I swear, I never seen so much make up on her in my life and she looks sort of like she's really buzzed..ugh.. Anyway, in her first post she says she's glad she is single and enjoying it! That in every post she is enjoying going out and getting drunk and not regretting it. I mean even in one she's says "wow, my first ever hangover before 6pm". I mean, wtf has this girl gotten into. I know MJ, Head and Wierd pretty much agreed that she's just doing this to get over me and that she's more then likely in denial and just ignoring that too. Its like, she's trying to fit in with the "IN CROWD" and thats not being the real you. I tried doing that in the past a long time ago and thought "well I'll try to fit in and be cool like them", tried it for a month and hated it, it wasn't really me. Head and Wierd did make me feel comfortable and that there ex's went thru the same phase of "Ex gone wild" and then come back to reality and say "oh I ****ed up on something good". Well, Kodiak your not the only one who feels guilty about sending something. After consulting with Wierd yesterday via AIM, I ended up sending my ex a short 3-4 sentence civil email more or less like "how are you" "hope your parents are doing good" "congrats on graduating this winter from Uni and how proud I am of you" and to close it off "I wanted to write to you since you have been in my thoughts lately" then thats that. Sent that yesterday and of course no reply, I hope at least she feels warm about it and knows I care, but then again, I can tell from her writings in her xanga that her attitude has pretty much changed and she's not the real person i use to know and everyone else use to know before. She she could of gotten that email and just tossed it to the side and kept on studying for her finals this week. Yes, i so love being ignored!!!! ugh...whatever...

[Charlane]

Nick14, your experience in sending your ex some attempt at contact fortifies my will not to contact mine merely because of the way it leaves you feeling. I would not need any confirmation of his rejection of me again because once was enough. I'm sorry that happened. At least you have given me further strength not to do this. Please for your own sanity, leave her be.

[Nick14]

Originally posted by Charlane

Nick14, your experience in sending your ex some attempt at contact fortifies my will not to contact mine merely because of the way it leaves you feeling. I would not need any confirmation of his rejection of me again because once was enough. I'm sorry that happened. At least you have given me further strength not to do this. Please for your own sanity, leave her be.

 

I am not saying I am insane about the whole deal, just that you know I am a adult now, lets be freaking adults!. 2.5 years of a great relationship, I am really starting to resent the whole 2.5 years as a total botched waste!. I mean we both went thru alot of things, more good then bad. We were like bestfriends and she was probably the only g/f i had who I felt comfortable telling her anything without hesisitating, maybe more then I should have. But I mean, at least minimal contact, thats all i ask, lets be adults for once. I see other ex couples and they still communicate from time to time. I dunno, maybe I am just really stupid at the moment. I feel like no one really deserves me at the moment.

[Nick14]

double post*

[Charlane]

Nick14, you deserve love. We all do. We are the loyal ones and our time is coming. This is the way that society is right now and it is simply a matter of time before that all changes yet again. We will have ours.

[Nick14]

Well I wish I can say the same. I have to admit I did go 1 month and 4 weeks of NC that means me not calling, texting or sending a email at all. Now in a way it seems like I have to start over but in a way, it feels like I never broke it at all. I just never thought in my wildest dreams, she would actually be like this. Guess so much for her being around people she knows and lean on there advice, argh..I hate these games.

[Weird]

Originally posted by Charlane

Nick14, your experience in sending your ex some attempt at contact fortifies my will not to contact mine merely because of the way it leaves you feeling. I would not need any confirmation of his rejection of me again because once was enough. I'm sorry that happened. At least you have given me further strength not to do this. Please for your own sanity, leave her be.

 

I dont fuly agree with this.

 

If it is on a person's mind to contact the other person and it is eating them alive then they should What Nick did was not bad. he didn't give in or set himself up for rejection or anything. He knew before sending it that she most likely would not reply but he decided to send the email because he still cares about this girl and felt it was the right thing to do.

 

When my ex and I stopped talking in early may of 2003 I sent her an email saying congrats on her getting a job after I found out she got a full time job in july. I never got a reply back. Did I feel bad for it? No. I felt good. I knew what I did was the correct thing to do and it was her problem to not show some civility in saying thanks.

 

I think too often people after the break-up and try to act like they NEVER had a good relationship with the perosn and treat them like they are strangers. I am not saying everyone should go and contact their exes but I don't see how sending an email to a girl a guy was with for 2.5 years is the wrong thing to do simply because she *****ed things up. It takes more balls and maturity to send an email like Nick sent than to sit there and pretend like he doesn't care when he knows he does. That whole email thing was on his mind and at the very least, he has the one issue off his mind.

 

I think too many people try and kid themselves into thinking that thoughts in their will magically go away when they don't.

 

Anyway, Nick did well and to hell with his ex for acting like a 12 year old bitch with this. I am confident the day wiull come where she will regret not saying "thanks" for his caring words. My ex did it with me and his ex is so much like mine. Have the same fuggin name, both are left handed and both are of the taurus symbol:) Oh and his ex is doing the same stuff my ex did when she was her age. Crazy

[Weird]

Kodiak,

 

no prob son. Dude I KNOW she cares. Unless she is a true psychopath then she still cares. I know full well not hearing her say "thanks" or stuff seems like she must not care but she does. She is just prolly too pussy or feeling guilty to say something back to you.

 

I've been there. Didn't hear from my ex for months and she cared all that time.

 

You did the right thing with the card and don't feel bad about it. Anyone who says otherwise can lick my left nut and make the right one jealous.