How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[mj108]

Charlane---I haven't went on the match.com yet. I will soon. How many people have you met on there?

 

H/Heels---Chester the molester will be gone one day just like psycho the wacko! Our exes will see where their love is/was destined---but when they do call us back---God may have someone else with us by then. God doesn't want us miserable & sad---lonely. He will answer in his own time. He is the man in control over everyones destiny/future.

I mean--my ex called. He is still with her. Could I trust him? I mean he's calling me when he's with her...the psycho wacko! I mean, he did me the same way. I'm sure he was calling her while he was with me.

Chester the Molester & Psycho the wacko---they have our heart but are they really good for us now? I think we need to move on & they need to take us off their list.

About the Haiti thing....when you got back from being over there--you sounded positive & revved up & u seem to be happy. You have to ask yourself one thing, Are you wanting to go over there because you feel in your heart & soul this is where God wants you to be or is it because you are running from the ex in pain & hurt? My advice on Go or not to go? Pray---& if deeply in your heart you feel like God is leading you there....GO! MY motto: God knows our destiny & future...if we put him #1 & let him lead the way, where could we go wrong?

 

Everyone---I know I left 3 post. I had to answer everyone! The online family! Talk to you all soon! Hope I've helped! You all have helped me! Thanks.

 

MJ

[Weird]

MJ you rule.

 

I am sure I speak for all my fellow brothers here when I say you and the other ladies on here give us guys hope that there are still some really great women out there.

 

As for the smilies thing, hope you don't think I thoght it was bad or anything. I smiled when I saw how many you slapped in that psot. hehe. Smileys are cool!

 

Good to hear about you hanging with that male friend of yours. Glad you were able to get your mind off the ex junk and enjoy yuorself.

 

Thanks to you and others for the words about the car. I'm excited to take delivery of it! It will be sad to give up my current car which kicks ass. She's my baby. Ah well.

 

Ps- women who kickbox are sexy. hehe You need to get that match.com profile up so I can see what you look like because I am curious. I saw the profile of one of the cool women members of this forum. She's in her late 30s and looks like she is 21. I was amazed how a person can look so young compared to their age. Seeing as you have said you look real young I am interested to see just how young you look:)

[Urban Rubble01]

Mj, things are sounding good. Keep doing what you're doing. As far as this girl and her male friends, well, yeah, I think she's definitely the type that just gets along better with guys. But I think her bringing them around and then mentioning how I reacted was a kind of test to see if I'd get all weird about it.

 

Anyway, she's kind of messing with my head in the last few days. We talked on Wednesday for a minute and I had to go so I said call me back tonight. She asked how late I'd be up because she was going out, I told her I'd be up really late, call me when you can. So I fell asleep and she ended up calling at like 2:30 in the morning. No problem, I got up and we talked for like an hour ! Good conversation, she sounds like she's really interested. Telling me that she likes me alot and that's why she's kind of trying to go slow, things like that. She asked if I was going to come see her on the weekend, I said of course I would. So Friday comes around and we hadn't talked since that night (she called me Thursday night but I missed it). I called her and left a message saying to call me if she wants to hang out. No call back. Saturday comes and I call her but her phone was off, so I didn't leave a message. She still hasn't called me back ! I don't know if this girl is trying to **** around with my head or what.

 

So, do I just leave it as it is or should I try one last time to give her a call today ? It's really not that big of a deal, but she seems cool so I don't want to seem over eager by calling her again.

 

Weird: Congratulations on the new car, sounds nice. Got any extra cash you want to send me ? I'll get one too !

 

DrJones: Uggh, those dreams are the worst aren't they ? I had that problem really bad for the first month, it still happens alot, but not every single night like it was. I guess it's a little easier on me because I have the option of calling her, but it's still no fun. I have these dreams that it's 6 months from now and we're ready to start things up again. I wake up and think that it really happened, that I have her back ! But then I turn over to see a picture of her where she used to sleep. Bleh, depressing. Keep strong man, that's all I can say (and I know how little that helps, but I have to say something !).

 

All of you guys talking about God makes me jealous. My own story with religion is a confusing one. I was raised in a conservative Christian family and pretty much rejected it all at a young age. I still wrestle with what I believe. I think if I knew (not believed, KNEW) that there was a God, these kinds of things would be sooooo much easier. But I haven't been able to fully believe, and so I'm stuck here thinking that there ISN'T a "purpose" to all this. That everything might NOT happen "for a reason". It would be bliss to think that my life is controlled by the whims of some being up in the sky. Pray to your God and tell him to reveal himself to me !

 

Anyway, nice talking to you guys. I'm having kind of a down day, not feeling so good. I think I might call the ex, but I'm not sure. I need someone to talk to about some things and just generally how I feel, and she is the ONLY one who ever seems to know what to say to me in these times. The thing is, I don't want to call her sounding down, I don't want her seeing me like that.

[head/heels]

MJ---- thanks for the words and you are right..i will pray incessently and see what i am moved to do....i also think you are taking it slowly and right with the guy on the bed....no butt sqeezing for him yet!! Not quite the season...

 

Weird---- dont tell her about the car! it will be so cool when she sees you in it and realizes you got a new acura RL and didnt call her....if she even remembers you were shopping for one... how are the car prices in the north as compared to here?

Do you guys know of eharmony.com and i know you know of match.com.... i feel like a desperate loser if i cant find a girl without going to a website...anybody think like this or am i just not in the 21 century? i do like to pick out girls on websites like hotornot.com which is really fun to look at if you are bored. Are these places like this or what...i mean i know that you add your interest and all... but it does seem expensive!

 

Wantan s4----ill start pm ing you and asking you specific questions asap...we need your rants1

 

UR----dont call her...she will call you back....just chill for a bit and then if tuesday night comes and no call give her a ring...but act like nothing is wrong or whatever and judge her signals... i just erase a girls # FROM my phone bc i have been lightly asking her to go out on a date with me for the past 2 weeks and she is really dodging it so i keep it real light and today i decided that she was not someone that i was highly attracted to (mentally or physically) so i erased it and am not going to concentrate on finding someone to go out with or someone to love as i am going to concentrate on healing and keeping me in mind #2......GOD alone is #1 in my life......Like you i had trouble dealing with the whole faith thing as i never was raised in the church and my science background has really put some strong anti-creationism thoughts in my head...but once i ran out of people to talk to in my family and friends about the breakup, i realized GOD is always there to talk to and so i pray to him that even when he helps me and i am better that i will continue to stay close to him and thus he will show me the way to a happy and good life...as he says in matthew...........Would any father, when asked by his son for a piece of bread would offer him a snake? Neither would the lord, who is the father of all man and loves us more than our own parents and more than we loved our exes....he will never reveal himself to you as that would subtract FAITH from his equation.....Just know that his son died upon the cross for us, for we are all sinners and we are not perfect...Jesus said everyone sins except for the Lord....so he died so we could repent and ask forgiveness for our behaviour and thus i am takign him up on it since life is short and hell is hot.

 

Atlous and Lexi B---do you online date like Charlene and some of the others on here....if so or if not ..what is your take on doing it..would you?

 

DRJ-- make sure you take time to heal as i didnt fully heal and just told the really cool girl from Georgia that i was still not over my ex and i would hate to lead her on...she was real cool and talked to me about is so i am grateful for her...

 

BASteve----another plus 1 for you for not hooking up with attached phillies ....that would probably put their guys right on loveshacks- second chances forum.....i wont date a woman that i know has cheated in the past or left her man without signs or without warning...it sickens me.....

 

 

I have not decided on the HAITI thing as i need to get my finaces straight and give some time to see how i feel once i look more deeply at it..

 

Any more advice would be very helpful .....praying for you all and hoping that we all clear the cobwebs and see our true selves are very rare out in the dating world....

 

I, like WANTAN S4 , am going after the woman that is my dream girl and i am going to be really really picky for the time being...i.e. like rachel from WEIRDS earlier post.... really funny but i really think we (as great guys) do alot of the things listed.....except for the part about doodle our names on paper...haha

 

 

sweet dreams all...

 

ps-charlene....he will invite you to one of his games so dont fret...i am sure that bringingyou to a game or whatever is a big step for him as you are entering his inner circle of friends and his job...as you know basketball coaches and coaches in general are usually obsessed with the game and teaching the kids..give him time!

[head/heels]

just went to match.com and good gaud yall .....hot diggity damn this girl is hot...........

 

i am cured...

[Weird]

Heels,

 

Thanks man. The prices for cars here suck now compared to a few years ago. Why? Because our dollar is kickng ass compared to the U.S. dollar so before we used to have way cheaper cars here compared to you guys but now we're over paying. Oh well.

 

I've heard of e-harmony before. As for using personal web sites...don't feel like a loser. Think about it like this...you go to a bar or mall or church or wherever around you and you only have access to a small number of potential mates. With web sites you have access to tons that you most likely never could meet in the "real world."

The only problem with using the web services is just like in real life, most people who use them will solely decide who they want to talk to or get to know better based on appearance. I mean not everyone but most are like that. Not to really get into it but I think it is a messed up world where people are judged on their looks which isn't something we chose and it just is silly to me to form an opinion of a person on that especially since looks fade as time goes by. I get a chuckle when I read about people who get invovled with others solely because they find them physically attractive and those apparently "hot" people turn out to be total a**h***s. Naturally what happens is those people get screwed over by those "hotties" and then cry how they want to meet someone who is a great person but sure enough they just repeat the cycle and find a new mate based on looks rather than personality and get screwed over again.

 

Not trying to say anyone who is attractive lacks a personality...just saying that too many people focus on outside appearance rather than inside and it usually bites them in the ass. My ex now is very pretty and her body is not that bad. She looks quite a bit better now than she ever did before including when I first got together with her. Thing is, she has no personality now. I could be like so many people out there and try to be with her simply because she looks real good but I would never do that because she lacks substance. Before she was totally amazing when she was avg/slightly above avg looking because she had a great personality. Now, despite that she is good looking she is IMO not worth talking to since she lost that charm/personality she had before.

 

Anyway, long ramble about nothing. I say you go slap up a profile on a personals site and see if you get interest. You should get some interest since you are a good quality guy.

 

 

All of you guys talking about God makes me jealous. My own story with religion is a confusing one. I was raised in a conservative Christian family and pretty much rejected it all at a young age. I still wrestle with what I believe. I think if I knew (not believed, KNEW) that there was a God, these kinds of things would be sooooo much easier. But I haven't been able to fully believe, and so I'm stuck here thinking that there ISN'T a "purpose" to all this. That everything might NOT happen "for a reason". It would be bliss to think that my life is controlled by the whims of some being up in the sky. Pray to your God and tell him to reveal himself to me !

 

Thing is, if there was no doubt God exists then the human race would stop functioning. Why? Because everyone would be afraid to do ANYTHING for fear of upsetting God. Also, to believe in God is a choice one has to make and that is the biggest gift we are given as people- free will/choice. Anyone can believe in something if they know for certain the outcome or in this case the existence. It takes a true believer and one of faith to believe in something that there is no sure "black & white" proof of existing.

 

If God exists (and I think he does) then think of our lives on this planet as our test to learn stuff before moving on. I was brought up Catholic but over a year so ago I basically felt God didn't exist and felt that way until this summer when I really started to think about it and there are just too many things about the world/life that I don't feel can be explained without a higher being. An example of one would be emotions...it makes no logical sense for me to feel sad for other people that I don't know and who have zero effect on my life but I do and I can only see the existence of God as the reason why we have the emotional piece of us that we do.

 

I think one of the big problems with believing in God/religion is that so many people who say they are so faithful and preech a way to live are in fact hypocrites and that makes people who don't believe not want to believe. I am not one who goes to church or is into organized religion. I just try to live my life in a good moral way and treat others well because that is what I believe in and believe God wants humans to do. I also do not go and try to convert people to believe the same way as me. That's silly. It's funny because a good friend of mine is a fairly religious guy and he used to always tell me earlier when I didn't believe in God that I am way more religious than most people who say they are religious and believe in God. That is what is so funny to me about most religious people...they think by going to church one day a week balances out them living their lives like pricks and screwing over people.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

How are you all doing? I am not doing to hot so far the NC with my ex is still hold holding she has not called me or emailed me since we last spoke she said she would call, but it does not look like she will, she is givingme the cold shoulder now...one week she is hot talk to me and now nothing...I dont know what to think and I am angery and just feeling empty not as grand like the break up...but jsut down...the new girl is still hanging in there with me she wants to take it slow, so i think I going to just take it easy with her...I dont know if my heart is in it any more...she told me even if we end up as friends thats cool with her...so atleast she is willing to put up with me for the time being.....Guys I know for the last couple of days I have been on this flat but I just feel like what I believed to be what I thgouth was true in my heart was all just crap....I feel like a kid when he was just told that Santa clause does not exist....I dont feel like I beileve in anything anymore faith in God, "has a bigger plan" just feels like a*****ing cop out answer for me....now I have engrained in my mind is that nothing is forevever things change and what I was looking for in love just may not exist....

It hurts me, last night I could not sleep, all I can think of was her and why is not talking to me anymore...why did our relationship just crumbled.......I feel like I have lost all reality......I hate to tell you guys that I am crashing again, for a while it seems like we all were doing better and I dont want to bring the team down...but guys I really feel like crap today.......sorry I needed to rant....I am trinyg to stay positive guys, but I need help....take care

[Weird]

doc,

 

damn dude, sorry to hear about your current state of mind.

 

I really don't know what to say other than things will be better if you just stay strong and have faith.

 

I will be honest and say I don't have much hope for anything regarding "love" for me in the future. Oh well. It doesn't bring me down that much though.

[mj108]

Drjones---Hang in there. We are all here for you! Don't contact her at all. I know it's hard but you've got to learn from it...& force yourself not to call her. You know my ex & I talked Tues for over an hour & I Haven't called him at all & I'm not! I learned that if I get into the habit of ringing him, I will just get my hopes up & the confusion will set in. Don't stop going out with new chick. Even if you and her don't have a connection like you and your ex---you may have met a great friend out of it.

 

Weird---Yeah, I think you and are at the same thinking level. I don't think about 'love' anymore...I don't even look for it. Everytime I think about 'love' I think of 'hurt.'

BTW--Yes, I will say my body looks like a 18 year olds. lol I've been doing kickboxing for 9 years. God blessed me with youth (I look younger) & he also blessed me with a killer bod (which I worked hard for it;)). You have to work out like hell when you get to be my age. lol

Also---wonder if I should join up with match.com or e-harmony? Which one? I heard great things about e-harmony.

 

Head/Heels--Yeah, I hung out with the new guy the other night. We had dinner with another couple...wasn't a date since him and I have done this before---I've known him for a loooong time. Anyway, him and his girlfriend broke up about the same time me and my ex did. I'm just going with the flow & taking it slow.

I'll be praying that you'll get your answer about the haiti thing. Always remember me in your prayers...I need them. ha

 

UR01---Sometimes it's hard to have faith. Sometimes it's hard for me. I've had God in my life for a very long time but I'm not an angel. ha I mean, I try to do what is right but sometimes in this world it's a hard thing to do. I just know God is real & he's wonderful & If I didn't have him in my life I don't know where in the world I'd be.

Don't call her! If you want to call her & feel like you should wait until Wed or Thursday. Sounds like she's playing games with you! I hate Games!! I don't know why people are like that! Stay strong & try to force yourself not to call! Just my advice.

 

Well, guys...I've got to get back to work. Talk to you all soon! Take care!

 

MJ

[bigacesteve]

Chin up drjones mate, you must STOP this downward spiral. Let it go and stop trying to figure out why. Don't forget who you are, take a step back and think about all of your accomplishments and what a top person you are. You didn't need her to be you.

If she can't see what a great person you are and chooses to ignore you (like my ex) you've got to keep away. She is going to bring you down everytime you have anything to do with her, she may not even realise what she is doing. She may have forgotten to ring you?? To you it's a big deal but to her she may just think "oh, I forgot to ring him, I'll ring him tomorrow." Then she forgets again... and again. We've all heard it soooooo many times, "Sorry, I was going to ring you the other day/week but I was so busy doing something else more important than you, blah blah blah" What a pile of ****e. How long does it take to make a phone call? Not long. Just plain rude I think.

 

The problem is that the small amounts of contact mean so much more to us; they just don't need it as much as we do. I honestly think that when we've just completely had enough of NC and we're ready to crack, they're probably about 1/4 to 1/2 way to cracking themselves, maybe even less. That's why when we contact them they're just not bothered, it's too soon. When you fight through all the pain and emptiness and you finally meet someone new who you like, BOOM your ex is there like a *****ing genie. SHAZAM they're ringing you, sounding keen again. It's because you've forgot about them for a slight bit of time and the pattern of you ringing changes and they wonder whats up.

 

On Friday night I went out with my brother, his missus and my Martial Arts instructor. I was sitting chatting to my mate Andy when a 6ft blonde came over to me and started talking to me. It was Fliss (Felicity), I may have mentioned her before? She's a triathelete and we dated a few times years ago.

After my ex ex and I split and I finally had nothing to do with her I met Fliss one night. I had seen Fliss out before and I was attracted to her, tall and blonde what more do I have to say. She's gorgeous and came straight over to me, kissed me, told me how she'd always fancied me but never had the bottle to ask me out. She demanded my phone number, I gave it to her, she kissed me again and went. WOW. We went out a couple of times and on the 2nd date, just as we got out of my car my phone went. It was the ex ex. To cut a long story short, I ignored the call but it totally ballsed up my night because I was wondering what she wanted. Fliss got the vibe that something wasn't right and we didn't go out again. I rang my ex back and she didn't really want me for anything.

Anyway I was talking to Fliss and she seems keen, dropping hints left, right and centre. I only live about a km away from her house and I've seen her running a few times but always in the opposite direction. I told her that I was going to turn around last time, wind my window down and ask her for a race. She said that I'd better next time and I was to stop her if I saw her. I have to say I do like Fliss, we had a few laughs.

 

Not sure what to do now. Do I wait and see if I bump into her again or do I write a small note and post it through with my number on??? Number 2 sounds a little desperate to me, what do you all think?

 

drjones sounds like you need to get out with this new girl a bit more and let your protective wall down a bit. You can let the wall down, you've learnt a lot from your breakup, you will know when to raise the wall again if it is needed. If she's ok as just a friend then be friends with her. I've just got back into contact with my female friend Bethan, she is brilliant and we talk about anything and everything.

 

Had my usual problem this Saturday. We went to a different local town than normal and I was feeling quite confident in myself. I noticed that I was getting a lot of attention from the ladies. 2 inparticular approached me and were flirting with me a lot. Some lads came over and they tried taking the pi55 out of me but I was too quick and I 'shot them down' with some well placed wit. I asked the 2 ladies if the lads were their boyfriends and should I go and they responded "oh no way, they're just friends". I was talking to one of the women for a while and she seemed really nice and keen so I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink sometime. She looked at one of the lads and looked a little embarrassed. Next second one of the lads steps in saying "oi, that's my mates girlfriend". Unbe-*****ing-lievable, this lad grabs my arm, so I knocked his hand off me and said to the girl "I thought you said these 2 were just friends?" She just smiled at me. I turned to the lad and he looked angry. I was towering over him but I apologised about what had happened. I told him that the girls had told me that they were just friends and not boyfriends. He started mouthing off so I grabbed his arm and put a little pressure on, he stopped. I then apologised again for the mix up and I said wouldn't be bothering them anymore. He accepted my apology and I turned to my friends. For the rest of the night the 2 women just kept smiling and staring at me, it was really *****ed up. I can't wait to start my new job and get out of this area, these women here are weird.

 

Anyway what do you all think on the Fliss thing? Should I wait or send a note?

[Weird]

send the note, send the note! I don't know man. If you want to send the note then do it but if you think it'd be more suave to just wait until you bump into her again then do that.

 

As for the latest story, bro, you attract the ladies who are hooked up. hahaha. I like how you handle that situation. Good job man:)

 

MJ,

 

post some pics babe because I am curious:)

 

As for which site, I say post on both.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Thanks alot for the cheering up, it helped me today....Bigsteve thanks man for your words, you really put my situation in persepctive.....i will write some more later i need to take my mom to the docs....oh...p/s big steve send the note...

take care guys

[Jip]

Hey guys - Monday over and done with!

 

MJ & Head/Heels - thanks for your words. I'm feeling stronger again but worry if thats cos he said he'd meet up with me! I just want to get all the crap off my chest and then I think I'll have a bit more peace.... gonna do it in a nice way though! I really did want to be friends when we finished but then a week later he starts seeing the girl I got jealous about and I've never really dealt with the feelings that gave me well not to him - many times I've wanted to text or call and just deal with it - inthe long run biting my tongue did me no good as when I next saw him I wasn't the calm individual I wanted to be even though we never said two words to each other - I want a second shot at that then when I see them both together I'll rise above it all!

 

Head/Heels - Haiti sounds like something that would certainly take your mind of everything but do you want to risk your life to deal with your feelings? Please find out as much as you can before you go and if it seems like a risk then it probably is!!

 

MJ - Know what you mean about takingthings slow... an old friend and I are becoming closer nothing happened but this guy is a gem and he's always been there for me - he's off to NZ for 7 weeks but who knows when he comes back maybe I'll have sorted myself out a little.... either way he's a good friend who's great fun to be with (even if he's a bit younger... old head on young shoulders though). You two are prob drawn abit to each other through your experiences so its nice to have someone there for a bit of support and who knows eh!

 

Big aceSteve - just been reading yours - she sounds really keen so she would prob appreciate the note - I personally would maybe find it a bit suave for my liking but then my ex started texting me out the blue and I liked that so who knows. Think weird's right though casually bumping into her and taking it from there might be better. Do you know when you'll see her again - why not go for a run at a time you think she'll be around (in a non stalker type way!) And hey if you don't like the girls down in stoke (cos that does sound like a v messed up scenario) - come north of the border... He he!

 

DrJones - your just having a down day methinks... its always a rollercoaster of optimism and pessimism! I know what you mean about looking for something that may not exist but look around others find it - it is possible to find and keep love - it has to be!..Seeing my ex last wed for the first time in 3 months sent me crashing big time - being drunk didn't help either - never felt like that in my life - I actually wished he wasn't there so I could enjoy myself as the minute I saw him my heart sank into my stomach! How can something you thought was solid just crumble before your eyes in the space of a night. A million thoughts cross your mind - they never loved you, they like someone else better, they've changed, they didn;'t love you enough to accept you made a mistake, they just have been fooling themselves ... whatever - at the end of the day you can tie yourself in knots over it - I still do some days! I always thought we felt the exact same for each other - all my other relationships were imbalanced! Thinking it over and over does no good in the end - I've started shutting off thinking about whats happened - its a skill I work hard at every day but once you can do it - you get on with day to day things! Just don't get drunk like I did eh or you lose control of the skill! (Well not infront of them anyway!) If you have unresolved issues I say get them all out cos bottling them up stuff just means it'll come out whrn you least want it to! Hope tomorrows an up day for you... for everyone!

[head/heels]

DRJ- i know how you are feeling...i feel like everyone tells me that i am a great guy and most women would kill for a guy who treats a woman like i do...but then i think "well why does she not see this and why did she run off without any clues or any traces of not loving me to pieces".... last time we talked she said she was a good actor and good at hiding things...and i told her that that was nothing to brag about... she just said "i know"...well all i know is she is thinking about me and even though she said I should not call her again..... I AM GOING TO RING HER INCESSENTLY UNTIL SHE HATES ME..... no, i am just messing around with you guys....so DRJ do you see what alternative we have....we can work on us, think about what good we can do for others and not contact the ex since they do not WANT us....if they did they wouldnt have let us go, then not called us, and not went out with a new guy within weeks of our breakup...like BASteve says..."sod her" so go out and find someone who will blow the socks off of your ex and never look back....if she calls and you have found someone you like, dont disrespect the one you are with by talking to her....tell the ex that you have met someone and it is not okay to call! If you dont feel up to the dating scene yet (i thought i did but have now relapsed) then work on you and hang with your mates or with your family....they can really make you smile...i learned this on thanksgiving! Pick yourself up and keep going...it is what we all have to do..

 

.I almost shed tears less than 20 minutes ago (at my new work -which i hate since i could be studying in Medical School right now instead of working like a monkey in a circus for peanuts) because i just dont understand how some1 can be so cold but yet seem so sweet on you...she is a lost soul and i am hurt that she took my entire life's dreams away without even calling me to tell me (i had to call her bc she didnt have the balls to tell me and she didnt even tell me the truth....i need space and time... well i was moving away 2 hours the next day so i believe she would have had her space and time...what she really meant was

"i have been using you for the past 5-8 months because i have really low self esteem and i have been wondering if there is better out there for me (i really dont know why i decided this but i did, oh well if it feels like this than i should follow my gut and leave Derek (me)) and finally a guy who looks like he would probe a child if given the chance fed me some lines and i felt attractive again...oh, and all those times (i guess daily) that you told me i was beautiful and sexy were lost on me as i didnt believe anyone could find me attractive...except for Chester the kiddie molester... Well so long Derek after 4 years of intimacy (your first), and sharing our deepest darkest secrets, feelings, and dreams, I have decided that i am unhappy with myself and so i am out of our relationship... i dont love you like that anymore"

 

But i didnt cry i came here and read some of BASteve's words for you and he is right...sod her and dont ever call her again...i promise that if she doesnt ever call you that you will be 100% better off..if she does then ask her what the FUG she wants or just tell her thanks (as in for letting you go) and say "bye".

 

So lets get up off of the ground, praise the lord above, and show the rest of the good people out there that you have a lot to offer and god has blessed you with intelligence , a good heart and dont be anything less than a stand up MAN...

 

Be a MAN and look everyone in the eye and if you hurt and need to vent., do so on here or in private...it works...

 

try to go a day or a week without talking to anyone about your situation and dont say her name....i know that this helps...

 

oh and keep working out!

 

later DRJ

[Urban Rubble02]

I don't got much time, so apoligies for not commenting on everyone's posts.

 

Steve, send the note ! She's obviously interested in you and so there isn't really any way to seem desperate. Just make it light, mention that you were a little distracted the other night and I'm sure she'll be happy.

 

As for the situation in the bar, amazing, simply amazing. The funniest part is the fact that the guys got pissed at you and not at their girls. You sound like a big, scary copper, if I ever come to the U.K and you pull me over I expect you to ignore that funny smell coming from my glovebox. =)

[Weird]

Derek,

 

Dude, I hear ya. I have felt the same sort of thing before. Wonder how chick can be so cold yet have been so sweet and felt used. It would make me sad and then super angry afterward. To this day I still get sorta angry if I sit there and analyze that relationship and how things ended and crap. When I got with her she was bitching to me about how nobody at school was showing her interest (I personally didnt know why since she WAS so cool) and was wondering why. Rob comes along, gets with her, treats her like a princess and then when it wasn't convenient to keep the relationship or when the confidence was boosted it's like bam!, see ya Rob. Pisses me off but I mean that is the story of my life. Throughout my life I have been friends with peeps and introduced them to other peeps and then I am left out. It is like I am just there ot make the lives of others better and ocne I'm not needed it is so long Rob. Doesn't bug me too much because it has made me grow up faster than others and also has made me see who I can and can't trust/rely on....also, almost all those people all turned out to be useless people so it wasn't like I missed out staying friends with them.

 

You know my situation via PMs just like I know yours. I'm here for ya bro.

 

BTW I love the chester the molester zing. That friggin rules and I smile and chuckle every time I read you say that.

 

I wish I could see what that chump looks like.

[crazydawg]

head/heals atleast you found the truth to all this nonsense... I'm happy for you to stand up and being a man.

Women are manyyyy i've been there, i've felt like a little mouse in a cage but i'm out of that cage, no one has me trapped i'm going to be stronger then before and so will you. Don't let that nonsense get to you. They're selfish.

You controll your emotions and feelings, its proven fact after a very serious loss of happiness it takes the mind and body 6 months to get to the point of equilibrium. I'm at 5 months and i can tell you that i feel 90% better after i stopped completely talking to her a couple of months ago. I just got tired of the nonsense firends this and that. Goto hell.....

[head/heels]

She will call me when this relationship is on the outs and (i am not sure she will have the balls to call but i am sure she will make contact somehow...prob via my best friend) I will make sure she knows that i am happy w/o her and hopefully i will have found someone that i feel is even more of a keeper than her (which looking back wont take as much as I once thought)... I am going to try to date older women (i am 24 ) since i feel more mature relationship wise , however i am still very immature in the way that i behave (quite juvenile)...i think most older women will find me a bit too rambunctious and silly for them (at least when i am my old happy self- obviously not too silly and aloof right now)...

 

but i will get better and this time i have a nice little checklist of things to watch out for and i have already "canceled" one potential girlfriend and have quickly downgraded another to "friendly" status.......

 

se la vie

 

 

I can honestly say that i know that calling her or writing her or any contact to her at all will not help with my situation....so i feel good knowing that i did all i could both during and after the relationship....i do know it is her loss and not mine...anyone around the situation would agree that i loved her and went the extra mile for her... and she did not do the same for me... i often overlooked it because i loved her so much....but in the end she was too weak of a person within herself to ever love another...she might fall in love again, but it will all fall down as she has never taken the time to get the baggage out and stop and re-evaluate herself and what she wants...she justs goes where the wind takes her and tries to find external sources to try to change her from unhappy to happy....

 

 

crazydawg...any news on the old gf you once dumped?

MJ- has he had anymore contact with you?

has anyone heard from NICK?

hope the bloke is ok!

 

BASteve you sound like the bitchhes pimp in the flesh bro! got their girl on your arm, fu(ked up from your charm!

---sounds like this ex of yours will definitely regret it when she sees you and Fliss out and about! get your shine on!

[atlous]

Head/heels

 

I don't think I would put my name up on a online dating site. For one a new relationship is not what interests me. I just went through hell and I am not about to do that all over again. Besides I like to think i am taking time to myself to get better and more in shape and concentrate on my school. I am so busy my head spins.

 

MJ

 

I am good I still have my days of anger but I have to learn not to react on my emotions. That was one of my biggest downfalls. I am quick to react. I have learnt that given enough time these emotions will fade and I am soooo glad that I do not act on emotion anymore. By the next day they are gone and so is he thank the lord!

I truly think if he were to call I would never answer and never return his calls. What for I have accepted the fact that you can't change someone you have to change whats within you. Once a cheater always a cheater the fate of my future and my heart are no longer in his hands. I have FULL control and have no desire to be with someone that has destructive tendencies. If they treated you like sheet then this state of mind is usually reached within a couple of months. I would NEVER take him back. He can go treat some other stupid ho like sheet but it will never be me! Never look back MJ! You have made the right choices here. He needs to change on his own without influence. That may take forever and then we will be dead. Live for now as corny as it sounds I see people dying every day and they tell me not to waste one more minute on confused souls. We have no regrets or else we would not be asking the question why. We would be pondering on what we did wrong. We were ourselves and opened up and loved and we will do it again with caution. It will happen! Trust me. I believe you should to.

 

Atlous

[Charlane]

Originally posted by atlous

Head/heels

 

I don't think I would put my name up on a online dating site. For one a new relationship is not what interests me. I just went through hell and I am not about to do that all over again. Besides I like to think i am taking time to myself to get better and more in shape and concentrate on my school. I am so busy my head spins.

 

MJ

 

I am good I still have my days of anger but I have to learn not to react on my emotions. That was one of my biggest downfalls. I am quick to react. I have learnt that given enough time these emotions will fade and I am soooo glad that I do not act on emotion anymore. By the next day they are gone and so is he thank the lord!

I truly think if he were to call I would never answer and never return his calls. What for I have accepted the fact that you can't change someone you have to change whats within you. Once a cheater always a cheater the fate of my future and my heart are no longer in his hands. I have FULL control and have no desire to be with someone that has destructive tendencies. If they treated you like sheet then this state of mind is usually reached within a couple of months. I would NEVER take him back. He can go treat some other stupid ho like sheet but it will never be me! Never look back MJ! You have made the right choices here. He needs to change on his own without influence. That may take forever and then we will be dead. Live for now as corny as it sounds I see people dying every day and they tell me not to waste one more minute on confused souls. We have no regrets or else we would not be asking the question why. We would be pondering on what we did wrong. We were ourselves and opened up and loved and we will do it again with caution. It will happen! Trust me. I believe you should to.

 

Atlous

 

 

Hi Atlous,

 

I agree with you with one exception....forgiveness. There is a good reason for this. You might engage in a new relationship with a new person that shows you his best side. Now how do you know that he did not treat the last person that he was with identically to the way that your last lover treated you? You won't really know. Definitely not contacting the person that betrayed you is a must, however, once this person has contacted you provided that this happens and makes a true effort to make amends (and I am speaking of a wholehearted effort here) then forgiveness should be a part of that. I do believe that forgiveness is divine and really you would be doing it more for yourself than the other person. Remember you still have a lifetime to go so what if, while engaging in a relationship with your ex again, that you do not make a mistake such as this person did? In the scoreboard of life, you will have a chalkboard pass already BUT this would not be healthy only a means with which to come to a greater understanding for the both of you.

[atlous]

Sorry your advice does not apply here. I am not trying to be rude its just that we have been through it before, and I haven't told the whole story to you. He did this to me once before and said that he would change but that is never going to happen and if it does it is not with me. I have forgiven him once and again the second time being this summer but I will never be with him again. He always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. He needs counselling and time to himself both he is incapable of doing. He proved this to me already. I need time alone to find myself bull sheet he neede time to make another score without me getting in the way. I don't have time to waste on people like him!

[Charlane]

Originally posted by atlous

Sorry your advice does not apply here. I am not trying to be rude its just that we have been through it before, and I haven't told the whole story to you. He did this to me once before and said that he would change but that is never going to happen and if it does it is not with me. I have forgiven him once and again the second time being this summer but I will never be with him again. He always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. He needs counselling and time to himself both he is incapable of doing. He proved this to me already. I need time alone to find myself bull sheet he neede time to make another score without me getting in the way. I don't have time to waste on people like him!

 

 

 

You're right. I did not know this. This advice would be for someone that has only had to deal with something of this nature once. You are right. You definitely deserve to be treated better than that.

[bigacesteve]

I really wanted to ring my ex today but I thought NO, go boxing tonight and then think about it when I get in. I went boxing and it was ace, I'm really getting into it now, making loads of mates. I got home, watched telly with my mates and totally forgot why I should ring the selfish, self centred person I used to do everything for. Really.. why do I need to ring her??? I couldn't think of one reason why I should ring her and put myself in bits again. It's amazing how you can go from being so low to being on top of the world within an instant. Boxing is really helping me get through this.

 

Earlier today I was feeling really down so I went for a walk on my dinner hour (2 hours really) around a beautiful lake. I was looking around when I realised just how clear my eyesight was and then it hit me. I had acromegally in 1998 and my vision was impaired, I had tunnel vision. I wore glasses at the time and I was really really short sighted. I had surgery and they removed the benign tumour and after a couple of days my eyesight came back even sharper than it had ever been. It was an incredible feeling. Of course I still needed glasses but my visual fields were better than ever. 2 years ago I had laser surgery on my eyes and I now have better then 20/20 vision. It all came back to me in a flash and I just thought to myself how lucky am I? Very. I remembered all the tests and the doctors telling me how *****ed I was. My dad looking terrified when I went into hospital; I didn't tell my mother the full story, my dad knew though. I've never seen my dad scared before. Anyway I got through it all and I am completely cured and better than ever. It really put this ex-girlfriend b0ll0cks into perspective when I thought of all the s*** I've been through in my life and how I fought my way through it. Times have been very hard for me but I didn't run away and pretend everything would sort itself out if I ignored it. I accepted what was happening to me and dealt with it there and then.

 

It disappoints me that my ex just gave up on 'us' like she did. We were really in love and it could have been even better but it takes effort from both in a relationship. I can say hand on heart that I tried my hardest for her and loved her completely but I doubt she gives a s*** about me anymore. It's 'easier' this way for her and I just think how selfish. I feel that I never knew her and I don't think I'd be able to or want to speak to her again if I saw her. What would be the point now? Even if she wanted to talk, the damage is done; talking should have been done a long time ago. I know I'm going to bump into her soon and I know it will hurt like a mother*****er but I've been there before and I'm definitely stronger this time. If she comes over I'll say hello and then get the ***** out of there is what I'll do. If she doesn't see me then I'll go somewhere else. There, made my mind up. My ex ex after we split used to always come over to me with a big smile, we'd talk for ages and then she'd ask me to go out with her sometime. Everytime I couldn't resist and everytime I got stung. Not this time.

 

head/heels,

I don't know what's been happening lately with these women. I just don't think there are any single women around here anymore. They're like bitches on heat.

 

crazydawg,

I've escaped the cage as well mate. I'm enjoying my life again and I sense good times ahead.

 

UR02,

Smoking the reefer eh; no worries I think everyone I know smokes the stuff now apart from me and my bro. This government just hasn't got a clue.

 

 

Everyone, we can all do a lot better than our exs.

 

I think I'll send the note. I got on well with Fliss; even if it's just mates I'm still a winner.

 

Laters all

[Charlane]

Originally posted by bigacesteve

 

head/heels,

I don't know what's been happening lately with these women. I just don't think there are any single women around here anymore. They're like bitches on heat.

 

 

 

Ouch. I'm not like that, at least I try to make sure I am not. One thing I am seeing is that the number of available women seems to be getting smaller and I think it's something to do with the economy again. It's either that or the games that singles play has finally caught up with everyone.

 

I guess you could say I'm in heat but I like to be with one man only. From what I have seen, when I start dating someone it's like I know that I am coming off quite well only it seems like he feels he has gotten my attention and now he wants to see if he can do better and so he goes 'shopping' to one-up himself. Maybe you see this as the same from your gender. I refuse to call any man after we are in the beginning stages because it seems like it puts him off and I'm through with having that happen. So if he doesn't attempt contact with me, then I will feel that he is just not that into me. Otherwise, when he does contact me, I make sure that he knows that I want his kisses with enthusiasm. I want him to feel wanted. I just want him to make sure that it's what he wants too.

[Charlane]

You know, I was reading history on trends and I have made a few observations. Back 40,50,60 years ago, when you met someone then chances are you were married to that person within 8 weeks tops. It wasn't unusually for 2 people to get married 2 weeks after meeting and then staying together for 50 years.

 

How strange it all is now. My last engagement lasted for 5 years. I wanted a small engagement diamond because I didn't want to take debt into the relationship. After the marriage he turned into the most controlling, verbally abusive and financially train-wrecked man that could have ever lived. He never showed those colors before then and there is certainly no residual feelings left for that one now. My God did me a favor. I did learn some lessons about getting a 'fixer-upper'. This taught me that all those years of my mother telling me that I was fat, ugly and that she hated me made me realize that I don't have to believe her when she says that no one would ever want me. That had so much of an impact on me and now I know so much better. I am sorry for her because she has no other children than me and my dad died 2 months ago after they divorced 20 years ago and I get physically sick just being in her presence. It's not possible for me to be around her anymore. I start actually heaving.

 

For her telling me I was fat, I'm 36-28-36. For telling me I'm ugly, I have the best diet ever possible that is so good for my skin, hair, health and sex. For telling me that she hated me, I honestly don't have the ability to get mad at anyone choosing instead to live well for revenge. And for her saying that no one would ever want me, I have been asked out by many, many people choosing to keep on until the one man comes into my life that I know will stay....kindly. I will make his nights heaven. It's all I have conditioned myself to do.