Reylou32 Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 2 1\2 years. Through that time we have grown to be best friends and have been there for each other in so many ways. She has a 10yr old son from a previous relationship. His father is not active in his life. I have stepped up and mentored him and teach him anything I can. I try to show him as much love and attention as possible. I have also saw my ex and her son's relationship improve since I've been around. She had a very tough childhood. She was abused as a child by her mother who had drug use history, and barely know her father, who also has a history of drugs. She has had previous relationships and seems like the trust was broken, and nothing has ever lasted. She was very scared to open up throughout our relationship, but I've been overly open to her to let her know I'm here to stay, and not to hurt her. She knows I've been faithful and honest. But our issue is that we argue a lot and they always last a long time. I always end up apologizing, and she does later. When she's upset it takes a lot for her to finally calm down and to think about her feelings. She often tells me how much she loves me, and that I'm a big part of her life. I just can't figure out why she can't communicate after arguments. We go days without speaking, and sometimes we say mean things. But every time there's conflict she's ready to break up. Its like she's scared. I have said mean things when angry, and sometimes I can't just walk away when angry. I'm working on being better and I always admit when I'm wrong. so anyway he have had a terrible summer and she's being giving up on us a lot. She quick to be angry, but still clingy and we talk a lot and see each other a lot! We made a lot of plans for the summer but most of them fell through because of arguements. We had a really bad altercation 10 days ago and she broke up me via email. But three days after sent me a text msg about her son at bball camp. She started the text with "sorry to bother you". I want her in my life and I know our bond is stronger than she wants to give us credit for. She thinks our fights happen too much. What should I do. I have been in NC every since!
fujidabruin Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Hey Rey, you are in a difficult spot. My ex dumped me 14days ago and I have been NC for 10. She also wants to be friends and was upset when I announced that I was going full NC. Is the only way for me I can see that now. Give it some time and let yourself detach a bit. I feel for brother. Another week or so may do both of you good. Did she actually talk about reconciling??? After 10 days she may have made up her mind that it is indeed over.
Author Reylou32 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 I'm glad someone understands how I feel. We have miscommunication issues at times. My ex has a lot of bottled up anger and she stays angry at me. The anger is channeled from within not just about me. She is a great woman deep down, but her in securities and fears give her doubts about us. This is common for us, but usually I give in a call. I know she loves me, but she's not understanding that this is manageable. I feel terrible. I wanna call her but I don't wanna break NC. I think when she reached out to me a couple days ago in reference to her son's camp was an olive branch. I just want her to understand that I'm in it for the long haul. I don't wanna give up, but I think I need to break NC. Idk.... Love does conquer all!
newmoon Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 don't break NC, just don't. if it's meant to work out it will, but don't force it. NC is VERY helpful for both people, so stick with it as much as possible. distance away from one another really gives you a better perspective. my own relationship had lots of disagreements/arguments as well (nothing major, but just always miscommunications and misunderstandings), and I now know that you cannot have a healthy relationship when the partners communicate so differently. it doesn't sound like a situation you should go back to just based on that, because the communication between you guys will always be difficult and someone will always be guarded so as not to upset the other too much
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Well, sorry to say that you're in love with a woman with WAY TOO MUCH baggage. She has a history of abuse and abandonment from her parents as well as drug and alcohol abuse. A string of relationships that were broken due to trust issues. I speculate that she's put up a protective wall around herself. She probably feels that everyone in her life has let her down and left and it's only a matter of time before you did the same. So, she pushed you away before you got too close. She's going to have to address these issues on her own with a professional. You can't do that for her, she has to be the one that has to want to go. Look, I'm not saying "get back with her". I'm not sure she wants you back. But, if you ever get the call saying that she's sorry and wants to work things out, I strongly suggest that you insist on couples counseling for two reasons. One, it would help you both out as a couple and two, her past will come out during those sessions. If you have a good counselor he/she is going to recognize her past issues and may want to have one on one sessions with her or refer her out to someone else. Thus, she'll start getting the help she needs to resolve these past issues without making it obvious what your real intentions were. 1
Author Reylou32 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Well thanks everyone! Just to give an update... Ok... Well I tried to reach out to my ex after her contacting me with a video of her son playing at a sports camp. I took 10 days and gave her space, and I couldn't take it anymore. I called her, and texted her just reaching out and letting her know that I was still here and that I love her and that I couldn't take the space. She "emails" me a response! And says that she knows we go back and forth, but she's serious and that she wants to breakup. And also threatened me with a restraining order if I contacted her again. Wow! All I did was call once... So I was very distraught. I can't even explain the feeling of sorry I had. 2 and a half years, and we called each other best friends. I also treted her son like my own! So I went to a friends house 3 days later. And both of my friends said they both saw my ex on match.com! And she had been on there for a while, potentially 2 to 3 months! In fact a friend of mine that never met her actually went on a date with her! She also stated that she's meet people on the site and had weird propositions and offers from the site. Basically saying she been on there a lot! And she said she had been single for a while and she said her exes go crazy on her. He showed me her profile and I held my tears back. Me and him were associates through a mutual friend, but recently became decent friends. He immediately said he wanted no parts of her! But I just wanted closure and wanted to see this. So the next morning he texted and asked if I was her ex. She replied yes, and that she still wanted to continue with him! She said" forget that fool, that's your friend"! I was shocked. She then called him. He put her on speaker phone. She was trying to convince him that me and him was just associates. And also tried to find out if I used to talk about her, and if I was faithful. He told her ye! So he let her know that he couldn't do it. She said that it was his call and that she didn't care. It was so odd, hearing her say things like this and acting this way. 3 weeks prior she was saying how much she loved me and I was her best friend, and how much I meant to her. Now I'm left feeling empty..... It hurts but I can't cry anymore because of what came out about her... But I will always wonder why she thought giving up on us and showing no energy on us and giving attention to looking elsewhere and dating sites was easier than investing and getting our relationship right... I will always wonder how she never said goodbye, and just walked away like I meantnothing! I was always there for her...
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Well thanks everyone! Just to give an update... Ok... Well I tried to reach out to my ex after her contacting me with a video of her son playing at a sports camp. I took 10 days and gave her space, and I couldn't take it anymore. I called her, and texted her just reaching out and letting her know that I was still here and that I love her and that I couldn't take the space. She "emails" me a response! And says that she knows we go back and forth, but she's serious and that she wants to breakup. And also threatened me with a restraining order if I contacted her again. Wow! All I did was call once... So I was very distraught. I can't even explain the feeling of sorry I had. 2 and a half years, and we called each other best friends. I also treted her son like my own! So I went to a friends house 3 days later. And both of my friends said they both saw my ex on match.com! And she had been on there for a while, potentially 2 to 3 months! In fact a friend of mine that never met her actually went on a date with her! She also stated that she's meet people on the site and had weird propositions and offers from the site. Basically saying she been on there a lot! And she said she had been single for a while and she said her exes go crazy on her. He showed me her profile and I held my tears back. Me and him were associates through a mutual friend, but recently became decent friends. He immediately said he wanted no parts of her! But I just wanted closure and wanted to see this. So the next morning he texted and asked if I was her ex. She replied yes, and that she still wanted to continue with him! She said" forget that fool, that's your friend"! I was shocked. She then called him. He put her on speaker phone. She was trying to convince him that me and him was just associates. And also tried to find out if I used to talk about her, and if I was faithful. He told her ye! So he let her know that he couldn't do it. She said that it was his call and that she didn't care. It was so odd, hearing her say things like this and acting this way. 3 weeks prior she was saying how much she loved me and I was her best friend, and how much I meant to her. Now I'm left feeling empty..... It hurts but I can't cry anymore because of what came out about her... But I will always wonder why she thought giving up on us and showing no energy on us and giving attention to looking elsewhere and dating sites was easier than investing and getting our relationship right... I will always wonder how she never said goodbye, and just walked away like I meantnothing! I was always there for her... Actually, your friend gave you an incredible gift! He showed you her true colors. And! He also showed you where his allegiances are. Even though it hurts now, believe it or not, you should be able to heal more quickly from this.
Misfortune Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 That's a crazy girl and that's a good friend. Talk about same girl issues. Would've been crazy if you too had talked about the girls you were with not knowing it was the same girl.
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