Jasphari Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I'm fairly new to dating. My last relationship lasted all through college, and we started as friends first. I've had a few flings, but am finally ready for something real. I met this guy online, and I know he's looking for something serious too. We've been dating for exactly a month, and slept together for the first time this past weekend. It was very comfortable, and he stayed the night, and I went to his place the following night. He's met my parents and my roommates. I've met his roommates a few times. First time I met them was at a family BBQ, and I was introduced as his "girlfriend, or something." I deactivated my online dating profile pretty early on, just because I was sick of the responses. I've seen a few other people, but nothing more than one date, and I haven't seen anyone else in 2 weeks. I know that his online profile is still active. I've decided I really like this guy, and would like him to know that things are exclusive at least on my end. I don't want him to feel like I'm being pushy for a relationship or a "title." I'm capable of keeping the sex casual for a while, but I'm wanting to know what he's thinking and if he's seeing anyone else. Any suggestions on how to approach this?
Drseussgrrl Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Are you being honest with yourself when you say you're ok keeping the sex casual? If I'm sleeping with someone I don't think I'd be ok having profiles up on a dating site. The next time you see him, just being it up in a very matter of fact way. No drama. "I have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past month and I think we have a good thing going. I'd feel more comfortable if we could just concentrate on each other and see how this all shakes out. What do you think?" Then let him speak. What he says next will tell you all you need to know about where you stand in his life. 3
Mascara Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 If it matters to you, don't sleep with someone until you know. I can't imagine having sex with someone who is having sex with other people, which is essentially what you're agreeing to. So just ask him, keep it light and casual... but firm. And if he says no, we're not exclusive, will you stop sleeping with him until you are? This is the problem with having sex before you know - you either have to move the relationship back a few paces, or you continue sleeping with him knowing he might be doing the same with someone else tomorrow. Whereas if you find out first and he says no, you can just carry on dating until he's ready. (mind you, I also can't imagine just dating someone who then goes off and has sex with someone else, but that's another topic) 1
tbf Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 If the first time you had sex was only comfortable, why do you want to get to know this guy better?
aussietigerwolf Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 If the first time you had sex was only comfortable, why do you want to get to know this guy better? hahaha I wouldn't describe good sex as comfortable either
New User Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I'm fairly new to dating. My last relationship lasted all through college, and we started as friends first. I've had a few flings, but am finally ready for something real. I met this guy online, and I know he's looking for something serious too. We've been dating for exactly a month, and slept together for the first time this past weekend. It was very comfortable, and he stayed the night, and I went to his place the following night. He's met my parents and my roommates. I've met his roommates a few times. First time I met them was at a family BBQ, and I was introduced as his "girlfriend, or something." I deactivated my online dating profile pretty early on, just because I was sick of the responses. I've seen a few other people, but nothing more than one date, and I haven't seen anyone else in 2 weeks. I know that his online profile is still active. I've decided I really like this guy, and would like him to know that things are exclusive at least on my end. I don't want him to feel like I'm being pushy for a relationship or a "title." I'm capable of keeping the sex casual for a while, but I'm wanting to know what he's thinking and if he's seeing anyone else. Any suggestions on how to approach this? I second DSG's and M's responses. You sure you can keep the sex casual? It sounds like you know that you want more than that from the guy. There is nothing wrong with telling him what you want and not settling for less if that's all that he wants. If you've already opened that door... it's kind of hard to put that horse back in the barn. If he just wants sex, it's usually a mistake to think that you can keep sleeping with him and you'll bring him around to want a relationship. You're probably past the point where you can tell him that you need to dial things back unless you make the relationship official without him feeling manipulated or like you're trying to trap him. M's first sentence really sums up the advice I would give you either before this happened or for the future if things don't work out with this guy: If it matters to you, don't sleep with someone until you know You're past that point with him. It doesn't mean he won't be interested in the same thing that you are, but it would have probably been better for you had you waited to sleep with him. I have nothing against casual sex arrangements and have had them myself. But I've never expected them to lead to more, nor have I ever had them lead to more. Sometimes ending them was messy.
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