Did i make the right call?

[Ath1712]

I had been dating this guy for two years. It all started very casual. As he is younger than me (by 6 years) I didn’t take things very seriously at first. I just had fun.

Over time I guess I lost control and my feelings started growing. I thought that it was ok, as he was always very affectionate, attentive, respectful, more mature then lots of men at my age. He was there for me in a very hard time of my life, with patience and persistence. He became my best friend and my ally . I felt like I knew him forever. In short, I thought I was living one of these stories, that you find your other half with the most unexpected way.

 

Suddenly his behavior changed completely. He started lying for the stupidest reasons and became rude. I’m not a quick-tempered person, so i was talking to him calmly and he apologized. His attitude though remained the same. Then he stared going out alone without ever inviting me, always finding some pathetic excuse that was just insulting to both of us. I eventually started losing my temper and we ended up fighting.

 

One night, in a heart to heart talk he told me that he was planning to move abroad next autumn by himself. This came as a shock, since it was something that we had talk about doing together. He said that he did not want me to go with him. He wanted to become his own man, be ‘successful’ hence he is not in a position to be my partner as he did not want me to ‘suffer’ while he is reinventing himself. However he did not want us to break up yet!

 

He kept calling me, coming over to my house, playing with my dogs, like he had never broken my heart in to pieces.

 

I think i lost any shred of dignity i had the month following that night. He continued his nasty behavior, we were fighting, but every time he was coming back with an apology and a ridiculous excuse. And me, being weak and stupid, i was always taking him back.

 

A week ago he called and said that he will go out with his cousin and his wife. I mistake it for an invitation (the first in months) and i got exited, but he was prompt to correct me and made clear that i was not invited.

 

That was the last drop.

 

The next morning i called him and asked him to come over to my house. He walked through my front door with this cocky smirk on his face. I sat him down and explained very calmly, without any shouts or tears that i never want to see him again. I had reached the bottom of the barrel and in the process i lost myself. I became a pathetic creature and for sure as hell i do not deserve that.

 

He started crying! He asked me what he can do to change, because he cannot imagine his life without me in it. I held my ground and i told him ‘nothing’. There was nothing that he could do anymore. He could only delete my number and never contact me again.

 

He asked me how i can be so calm and cold. I told him how amazing this man that i met two years ago was. How deeply i love this him and how much i have been missing him all this time. But the person that i see now is not that man. The person that is sitting across my kitchen table is a stranger and i have no feelings for this stranger.

 

He could not believe it. He hugged me tight and said that if i ever feel like talking to him, he will be happy to hear from me. Even if i just wanted to tell him that he is an idiot. He kissed me one last time and then he left.

 

It’s been a week now and he is still holding his word. I think that what hurts the most is that i also lost my best friend. I know that i was the one that ask him not to contact me again, but a part of me wonders if he felt relieved about my decision. Did i mean so little to him?

Edited August 6, 2013 by Ath1712

[Sneaky]

It's up to you to decide what you want in a relationship so only you can tell whether you made the right decision. Personally though telling you he's going to move abroad without you to reinvent himself seems pretty weird and idiotic in my opinion.

 

About your last question, I'm sure that what he's feeling is the opposite of relief but it doesn't matter. You need to focus on yourself and keep your mind off him to move on.

[Myonenonly]

I had been dating this guy for two years. It all started very casual. As he is younger than me (by 6 years) I didn’t take things very seriously at first. I just had fun.

Over time I guess I lost control and my feelings started growing. I thought that it was ok, as he was always very affectionate, attentive, respectful, more mature then lots of men at my age. He was there for me in a very hard time of my life, with patience and persistence. He became my best friend and my ally . I felt like I knew him forever. In short, I thought I was living one of these stories, that you find your other half with the most unexpected way.

 

Suddenly his behavior changed completely. He started lying for the stupidest reasons and became rude. I’m not a quick-tempered person, so i was talking to him calmly and he apologized. His attitude though remained the same. Then he stared going out alone without ever inviting me, always finding some pathetic excuse that was just insulting to both of us. I eventually started losing my temper and we ended up fighting.

 

One night, in a heart to heart talk he told me that he was planning to move abroad next autumn by himself. This came as a shock, since it was something that we had talk about doing together. He said that he did not want me to go with him. He wanted to become his own man, be ‘successful’ hence he is not in a position to be my partner as he did not want me to ‘suffer’ while he is reinventing himself. However he did not want us to break up yet!

 

He kept calling me, coming over to my house, playing with my dogs, like he had never broken my heart in to pieces.

 

I think i lost any shred of dignity i had the month following that night. He continued his nasty behavior, we were fighting, but every time he was coming back with an apology and a ridiculous excuse. And me, being weak and stupid, i was always taking him back.

 

A week ago he called and said that he will go out with his cousin and his wife. I mistake it for an invitation (the first in months) and i got exited, but he was prompt to correct me and made clear that i was not invited.

 

That was the last drop.

 

The next morning i called him and asked him to come over to my house. He walked through my front door with this cocky smirk on his face. I sat him down and explained very calmly, without any shouts or tears that i never want to see him again. I had reached the bottom of the barrel and in the process i lost myself. I became a pathetic creature and for sure as hell i do not deserve that.

 

He started crying! He asked me what he can do to change, because he cannot imagine his life without me in it. I held my ground and i told him ‘nothing’. There was nothing that he could do anymore. He could only delete my number and never contact me again.

 

He asked me how i can be so calm and cold. I told him how amazing this man that i met two years ago was. How deeply i love this him and how much i have been missing him all this time. But the person that i see now is not that man. The person that is sitting across my kitchen table is a stranger and i have no feelings for this stranger.

 

He could not believe it. He hugged me tight and said that if i ever feel like talking to him, he will be happy to hear from me. Even if i just wanted to tell him that he is an idiot. He kissed me one last time and then he left.

 

It’s been a week now and he is still holding his word. I think that what hurts the most is that i also lost my best friend. I know that i was the one that ask him not to contact me again, but a part of me wonders if he felt relieved about my decision. Did i mean so little to him?

 

Did you ever think about maybe asking him what's up with his behavior? You should have let him know that it wasn't making you happy and that you needed time to think about were thing are headed instead of breaking up completely! It appears to you still love him

[Ath1712]

Yes, I still love him. But not what he has become. He knewvery well that I wasn’t happy. (I told him). His excuse was that he knew thatsoon the relationship will be over since he will be moving abroad in a fewmonth, so he didn’t think that behaving like that was a big deal! But he wantedme to be part of his life somehow. I’mlost and I don’t understand. I begin towonder if he ever even loved me. He sounded like a child that wants all the toys for himself. The worst part is that I got very bad newsfrom the vet for one of my dogs. He doesn’t have much time left. I was devastatedand I wanted to call him so bad, but at the same time I was afraid that he willmake me feel even worst.

 

If you care about someone, and she tell you not to call heragain, will you keep your word? I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now

[Myonenonly]

Yes, I still love him. But not what he has become. He knewvery well that I wasn’t happy. (I told him). His excuse was that he knew thatsoon the relationship will be over since he will be moving abroad in a fewmonth, so he didn’t think that behaving like that was a big deal! But he wantedme to be part of his life somehow. I’mlost and I don’t understand. I begin towonder if he ever even loved me. He sounded like a child that wants all the toys for himself. The worst part is that I got very bad newsfrom the vet for one of my dogs. He doesn’t have much time left. I was devastatedand I wanted to call him so bad, but at the same time I was afraid that he willmake me feel even worst.

 

If you care about someone, and she tell you not to call heragain, will you keep your word? I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now

 

Don't doubt that he loved you! You know that he loved you.. Im sure he still love you. And Im sorry to hear that about your dog! I simpathize with you! if I told someone that Im not gonna call them again like you did yes I will keep my word! but sometimes there's a moment of weakness when all you want to do is call them but when you finally come to your senses you will regret it! For example I was dating this guy for 7 months but he didn't want a relationship so I cut him off and I told him I have feelings for him God Im still in love with him! and that it Hurt me for him not to take me Seriouly! I didn't contact him in 2.5 weeks until I saw him at the store and I waved and smile at him and he turned the other way pretending like he didn't see me! I felt stupid my heart was racing and I wanted to Cried so I Texte if he had see me?? Because deep inside if me I wished he didn't!! He reply saying he didn't see me! But I know he did! We had eye contact for like 2 secs.. I even texted that him ignoring me like that hurt me more than him not wanting a relationship wih me!!! How stupid is that??? anyways I'm a lil sad but I would still sad of I were still with him! I sart school in sept so that will give me something to focus all my energy on and leave this in the past! I wish you the best! You're relashionship was a bit longer than mine I always think if happy endings things can't just end like that! It's not over util it's over.. Give it some time!

[Myonenonly]

Yes, I still love him. But not what he has become. He knewvery well that I wasn’t happy. (I told him). His excuse was that he knew thatsoon the relationship will be over since he will be moving abroad in a fewmonth, so he didn’t think that behaving like that was a big deal! But he wantedme to be part of his life somehow. I’mlost and I don’t understand. I begin towonder if he ever even loved me. He sounded like a child that wants all the toys for himself. The worst part is that I got very bad newsfrom the vet for one of my dogs. He doesn’t have much time left. I was devastatedand I wanted to call him so bad, but at the same time I was afraid that he willmake me feel even worst.

 

If you care about someone, and she tell you not to call heragain, will you keep your word? I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now

 

 

Love is patient and love is kind! Hate the sin not the sinner. You love him give him space that's what he needs.