SimpleJane Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) I'm pretty new to using forums, so I'm afraid you'll have to bare with me. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend going on 4 years this October. 2 years ago when I was 19 I moved to university, I hadn't seen him for two months or really contacted him since he was travelling. I allowed myself to get extremely intoxicated at university on my first night of freshers and me and a new housemate kissed. When it dawned on me what I had done in my drunken state I ran home crying, threw up all over my bathroom then passed out in it. The next morning I phoned him instantly, explained everything and told him I understood if he could no longer be with me. Surprisingly he took it extremely well and knew this was out of character for me (I have a reputation for being quite the feminist and argumentative with guys when I'm drunk). A month later he proposed and we've been engaged since. Another dodgy night happened where I allowed myself to become extremely intoxicated around a guy who has liked me for a while, but we used to be best friends before his feelings started affecting our friendship. Now as bad as it sounds he's turned into a massive creep with all females, he crosses personal boundaries and doesn't seem to know whats socially acceptable and whats not when it comes to women. He says nothing happened that night, but a big part of me doesn't believe him. He's always overly affectionate and touchy when drunk despite me repeatedly telling him if he continues to act like that I can't see him or be his friend anymore. But it was my own fault that night to meet up with him for a catch up and allow myself to get wasted. Since then my relationship with my fiance has had its ups and downs since we're long distance at uni. If I'm honest I haven't been completely happy at times, its a strain and unless both people are pulling their weight 50/50 the relationship does begin to suffer. He wasn't pulling his weight the last 6 months up until about early January when I told him I couldn't keep going on like this and it wasn't fair on me. We sorted it out and since then things have been amazing. And then my life got turned upside down. After a few exams, I went out with a gay best friend at uni. I'd heard rumours about him doing drugs but because we were no longer in the same classes I hadn't been keeping in touch with him very well so I couldn't confirm whether it was just your usual gossip gone wrong. Anyways, I bought a bottle of wine that night and had about two glasses worth before everything went wrong (a small amount for me). He started doing drugs in front of me, which I am fine with since that's his choice. But then he started pressuring me to do them. That I wasn't happy about. I kept refusing and refusing and he's not the kind of guy to take no for an answer. He wants everyone to have as just as much fun and go wild as he is. On the morals side of its he's quite low on standards and doesn't have much regard for people (why was he my best friend you say? Well I guess I try and see too much good in people). Anyways around 10pm he offered me a small glass of his red wine, this confused me at first since I had my own wine but I thought nothing more of it. It was literally about 2 inches worth in a cup so I assumed he just wanted me to try it, and so I drank it. Thats when I blacked out. I woke up the next day confused, didn't understand where the time had gone and had a feeling things had happened between that day and the previous but I couldn't make out what, its like my life was put on fast forward for a period of time. He phoned me around 9am and said we had been spiked at a club around 12, but I had blacked out 2 hours previous to this as the last thing I remember was being at his house and the drink he gave me. Since then his story of events has changed multiple times as to when and what time we happened to both get spiked (from apparently sharing a drink). His friend who was with us I phoned up, and immediately when I asked her if she could fill me in on what happened said 'we didn't slip you anything if that's what you think, or at least I didn't'. Why say those last few words if you're not covering something?! I only asked her what happened that night as I have no memory for a good 12 hour period. That day I was hallucinating, my pulse was bounding all day and I felt very confused and slow, almost concussed. I woke up with bruises on my inner thighs and neck, ripped clothes and apparently I'd wondered off on my own for an hour in the middle of the night in quite a dodgy area and to this day I don't know if something worse happened to me, if I was sexually assaulted or not. I went to the police who lost interest as soon as I said no to whether I thought I'd been raped or not, since I have no memory. Prior that time, apprently I got with two guys in a club too. I have become severely depressed and suicidal since. I have no trust in anyone. Because I went to hospital but have no definite scientific answer to whether I was spiked or not, I still doubt myself. Was I spiked or could I get into that state from two glasses of wine? A month after it happened to me, the same thing happened to another girl who went out with him. To make matters worse, we're both medics so I've had to inform the medical school about him. Other students have complained about him joking about drugs such as tramadol and co-codamol and cannabis on public buses from the hospital we practice at, and I saw packets of other substances at his house that night. He was doing MDMA that night too. Since the event I've blamed myself for it so much, the guilt is killing me I feel dirty and tainted and unworthy of my fiance. He's been unbelievably supportive but now my depression and lack of intimacy is killing our relationship and I don't know what to do. I'm on antidepressants and receiving counselling. Am I just a common whore? Am I a horrible person? Did I deserve this? I feel like its my fault in so many ways. Sorry for how long this post is. Edited August 6, 2013 by SimpleJane
Philosoraptor Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It seems as if you were drugged. That doesn't make you are whore or unworthy of anything, but it should make you think twice about who your friends are. There is no telling what happened that night, hopefully nothing. But it sounds like your fiance has been very supportive and isn't holding anything against you. Feel lucky to have someone like him in your life and hold onto those good things. 1
therhythm Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It seems as if you were drugged. That doesn't make you are whore or unworthy of anything, but it should make you think twice about who your friends are. There is no telling what happened that night, hopefully nothing. But it sounds like your fiance has been very supportive and isn't holding anything against you. Feel lucky to have someone like him in your life and hold onto those good things. Not much to add to the above really... you are a victim in this story... and it is very sad that the police didn't take your case seriously as it facilitated this guy to do that to another poor girl. You have all my sympathies!
undercover_lover Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I don't think you are to blame (especially for being drugged!) but you seem to be lacking in better judgement. From the way your post sounds you should choose your friends more wisely & maybe you shouldn't drink. Learn to channel more energy into positive things that will bring positive outcome; perhaps focus more on your goals with school instead of getting caught up in the uni lifestyle. Think about who you really are inside and who you want to be for your fiance. It is possible to change your behaviors and learn form the mistakes you've made if you truly want to. Keep your head up.
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