Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I have already posted my story on here, but i have an update. Was in a relationship for 7 months, and then it ended, boyfriend rang me up and stated, he no longer wanted to be with me, did not love me in the same way, due to arguments. etc etc. I acted in the impulsive way of wanting him back, I would come to his call during our break up. We spoke during our break up and I never let him go. After 11 months, we got back together, he stated that he never stopped thinking about me, I was his perfect girl, he never stopped loving me, and from then on we were very happy, spent a lot of time together, however similar bickering started to proceed, nether the less we got on with things and had a good relationship, a good balance of seeing friends, going out without each other, but spending time together. However, after 6 months, the same thing happened, he now does not love me in the same way, he does not want to be with me, however he did not split up with me, he has said that he was very sure we were going to break up, but he wanted 5 days to think about it, in these 5 days he has gone away with his friends, and is celebrating his birthday, he said he would speak to me when he got back but is almost 100 percent sure we are going to break up on the monday. So ignore him, but he sends me messages saying he misses me, when I dont reply he would reply the following morning saying he was drunk. On sunday evening he texts me saying he is not drunk, rings me 13 times, sends me messages on Facebook, stating how he wants to be with me, and how he was going to win me back and that he loved me, i again did not reply and then in the morning he rang me and said he did not want to be with me, and that he was drunk, and meant some of the things in the text message but he didnt want to be with me, he stated he had not got with anyone while he was away and felt bad because he was staying away for longer, and didnt want me to wait around until friday for me so speak to him, so I remained calm and said okay well bye. At this stage i realised i was being taken for a mug, I had had enough, so rang him back and told him he has a lot of growing up to do, he has treated me disgustingly, and it was over between me and him, and told him to have a nice time away on his boys holiday, and enjoy the female company, I then hang up, changed my relationship status. Did I do the right thing? Is there any chance for the future or do I need to move on with my life?
Mrfr Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Doing the right thing. You DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. 2
Frank13 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Did I do the right thing? Is there any chance for the future or do I need to move on with my life? Absolutely you did the right thing, including hanging your relationship status. It shows you have dignity. No one deserves being told over and over that "he doesn't want to be with you". This will go on forever if you let it. I think he doesn't want to be with you but when he is alone he misses you. Do you want to wait around for him to replace you at which time it will feel worse when he tells you he found someone new? Go no contact and move on. Ignore his texts and calls. He has proven over and over that this isn't working for him.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I am extremely week, and I am worried he will contact me and I will give in, in situations like this, are there normally strings of phone calls or will he just leave me alone?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I am extremely week, and I am worried he will contact me and I will give in, in situations like this, are there normally strings of phone calls or will he just leave me alone? He will likely call. Block him and go nc.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Doesn't NC make the want to call and text stronger?
LostInTheWild Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Change your phone number. Get him off your facebook page. Cut off any means of contact so you will not have to hear how he misses you when he is lonely and how he only wants to be with you when he isn't partying with his friends. I think he did this because he either wanted to fool around on his trip and wouldn't feel as badly about it or he just flat out does not want to be with you at all. He might only be calling you because the tails he was chasing while on holiday aren't measuring up to you. Are there any benefits you are providing him? Another thing, he might really love you deep down. You might be his "safety." But I think he has a strong urge to fool around (hence the need to explain that he "hadn't gotten with anyone while he was away," that is, unless you asked him). Sorry, but you must have the strength to realize that you cannot change how he feels about you. Men are pretty easy to read through their actions and words if you pay attention. And even if you went back to him, I'm 110% certain this would happen again and the next time he will leave you after he has found what he is looking for.
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 What, from him? Who cares?? NC isn't for his benefit or otherwise. NC is totally for you. And what you need to do, is to install a call/text blocker (download an app, I have one, it's brilliant). Better still, contact your service provider, and ask them to please change your number by one digit. Then he can't contact you anyway. Don't fer chrissakes be so dumb as to let him have your new number. And don't come up with daft excuses as to why you can't change your number at all... I did it, twice, and trust me, it's not as big a deal as you might think it is. No Contact is a tool. It's a useful mechanism to create a freedom for yourself from stupid behaviour. Read my signature (item #2) and read it thoroughly, too. I do set a test and ask questions at the end of the lecture....
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 . You might be his "safety." But I think he has a strong urge to fool around (hence the need to explain that he "hadn't gotten with anyone while he was away," that is, unless you asked him). I did not ask him if he had gotten with anyone else, that is why I thought it was so bizarre, and if he does love me deep down I do not understand why he has done all of this, he said he was drunk but he wasnt, the message he sent me was perfectly coherent, and he left me a voicemail, again, very coherent, do you think it might be a power play? He texts me, and because i dont reply he takes it back, he says we are different people, and technically we are, i perform with professional musicians, and I am attending university next year, and he is in a 6th form band and his aspiration is to become a famous guitarist, after the break up I have realised I have felt completely held back by him, and i dont know if he has done this intentionally or because he is ignorant.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 he just text me a picture of himself, and then said sorry that was meant to go to someone else, i am not trying to contact you?!?!?!
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Let me break something to you, gently. What they do, why and when, is of completely no consequence at all. It's immaterial, and it's pointless asking why it all unfolds that way, and what they must have been thinking.... IT. DOESN'T. MATTER. What really matters - is what you do. Not in response to any specific thing, but in general. And in general, you need to detach, and quit seeking answers. Just go No Contact and deal with yourself. It's never about their actions. it's all about your responses. And your response, generally, should virtually always be - "I don't really care, I'm looking after me."
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 he just text me a picture of himself, and then said sorry that was meant to go to someone else, i am not trying to contact you?!?!?! He's full of Bullschytt. Block him. Read the guide in my Signature. Next time he sends you a message, send this back: Text blocker activated. your message was not delivered. Further attempts will result in this service being charged to your account.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I know you said, there is no answer to why people do things, but was that text for me? What sort of emotions is he trying to evoke, its pretty hard to send a picture to the wrong person!
Author Louise0203 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I did reply and just said, 'okay, enjoy yourself, goodbye'.
Sneaky Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 He's trying to get himself back on your mind to keep you from moving on. He's also succeeding so far. You need to stop responding or even block him for your own sanity.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Louise Everyone here is giving you good advice. Let me break it down. He broke up with you while on vacation so he could get with other girls. He is texting you "accidentally" on purpose, it's called "crumbs" it's so common there is a name for it. He wants to keep you hooked on him so you are his backup plan. His breaking up, getting back together, breaking up nonsense is very typical and a bad sign. So everyone here has told you what you should do...stop responding, block him on Facebook, twitter, google+, email, cell, and whatever other apps you guys used. Don't talk to him or. His friends. Don't write or email. Go NC. For you. This can never ever end well. (Mom hugs) 1
flitzanu Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 "i didn't get with anyone else when i dumped you" = "i dumped you so i can bang other girls and not be cheating on you" very simple. otherwise it wouldn't have been said. 1
icaro Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Louise, As everyone else has said, you've been given incredible strategies to practically detach and avoid his self-absorbed, un-evolved nonsense. To me it appears there is another element to this, and perhaps someone has already said what I'm going to say as well... It seems to me you are, naturally, getting some sort of emotional pay-off from the titillation spurred by his texts. They're intriguing, and fuel the (irrational) possibility that maybe, just maybe, this can work out and get back to normal. It appears that you HOPE, even though you may not intellectually agree with it, that the relationship will be rekindled. This is perfectly understandable and you are not wrong in the least for thinking and feeling it. I struggle with this too. Two months ago my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me and then began sleeping with my best friend 2 weeks later. She texted me a few weeks after all was revealed and confronted, saying she missed me. (I didn't reply and have remained in NC ever since.) Despite the egregiousness of the act, and the complete lack of integrity exhibited by both of them, there is a small voice, a masquerading sentiment, that somehow things will rekindle. There is a hope, fueled by desire, that one day she'll be back in my arms. I watch this hope. I know the task is to observe it, and not judge it; to not avoid it. To acknowledge the part of self that feels this way and uses hope, albeit unskillfully, to bring about satisfaction. I'm watching it now as I am writing this. There is a deeper part of the self that knows this hope is a phantom, and this deeper part is already complete-is more truly who we are. That's all we can trust in I think. It seems that it is possible, if we are quiet, to actually feel into the root of this hope and see it for what it is... fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear that I'll never have this again... Fear that I'll never find anyone again. And more deeply, fear of a basic solitude that the poets and sages have written about for millennia. A solitude that reveals the insubstantiality of "the story" of me and it's endless desires and fears. I hope : ) that you see this, the hope thing, too, and can love the part of yourself that thinks it will be fulfilled should this abusive relationship rise from it's tepid ashes. As everyone has said, you deserve so much better. Love yourself, even the part that vacillates. Trust the process and your true heart. I feel for you. Stay strong. Let the hope die...gracefully. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I know you said, there is no answer to why people do things, but was that text for me? What sort of emotions is he trying to evoke, its pretty hard to send a picture to the wrong person! He's evoked exactly the emotions he was trying to evoke! Confusion, bewilderment and curiosity! He succeeded, and still has you dangling by that hook in your nose.... I did reply and just said, 'okay, enjoy yourself, goodbye'. That was really foolish. What was the point of replying with that? Why even bother to acknowledge it? I told you what to reply - why ignore common sense and give in to his stupidity instead? Do you want advice or are you just playing into the drama? if you want advice - take it when it's good, and follow it! soooo confusing No, actually, it's not. Substitute the word 'confusing' for 'manipulative' and you have your answer. You need to stop being silly putty in his hands.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I had an ex boyfriend pull this crap and I didn't get it until he did something that showed how he really felt about me... just nc the douche.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 what do you mean until he did something to show you how he really felt about you?
Author Louise0203 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 and NC is a good idea, and what i have been doing, but isnt all this deleting off facebook and twitter immature?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 and NC is a good idea, and what i have been doing, but isnt all this deleting off facebook and twitter immature? No. Using Facebook, twitter, etc to send thinly veiled messages to keep you interested is immature. But you can't control other people. The blocking is for you...for you to keep you from spending time and energy on thinking about what it MEANS. Because it means nothing.
Author Louise0203 Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 Okay, I will delete him off the social networking sights, is this it for me and him?
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