when he wants a baby/marriage & you don't

[newmoon]

has anyone encountered this with a bf... where the guy (surprise and shock) wants a family/marriage and you do/did not? my bf and I are on a serious NC/break right now because he (48) and I (38) are not on the same page with the marriage/kids issue (among other issues as well). I am unsure about if I want kids (I do want marriage) and he doesn't believe in marriage unless it's for starting his own family.any other women have this reverse situation happen? usually it's the women chasing down kids and marriage and now I have the opposite and feel pressured, I guess similar to how men feel

[Drseussgrrl]

has anyone encountered this with a bf... where the guy (surprise and shock) wants a family/marriage and you do/did not? my bf and I are on a serious NC/break right now because he (48) and I (38) are not on the same page with the marriage/kids issue (among other issues as well). I am unsure about if I want kids (I do want marriage) and he doesn't believe in marriage unless it's for starting his own family.any other women have this reverse situation happen? usually it's the women chasing down kids and marriage and now I have the opposite and feel pressured, I guess similar to how men feel

 

If you don't know if you want kids by now, then you probably don't. It's not like you have all the time left in the world to decide. I mean NC, you guys are 38 and 48? Y'all better get to crackin' before you're wheeling him down the aisle at your kid's HS graduation.

[jphcbpa]

how long have you been dating?

 

why is this just now coming up?

[white]

has anyone encountered this with a bf... where the guy (surprise and shock) wants a family/marriage and you do/did not? my bf and I are on a serious NC/break right now because he (48) and I (38) are not on the same page with the marriage/kids issue (among other issues as well). I am unsure about if I want kids (I do want marriage) and he doesn't believe in marriage unless it's for starting his own family.any other women have this reverse situation happen? usually it's the women chasing down kids and marriage and now I have the opposite and feel pressured, I guess similar to how men feel

 

Kudos for withstanding the ticking of the biological clock, but you're really pushing it still being "unsure" now. It's not unfair of your man to feel like he does now, at all.

 

Children aren't awful you know. Just saying.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Being that he's dating someone 10 years younger, it's not a surprise he's looking for someone for marriage and babies...that's how generally older men operate when finally looking to bury the hatchet, so it's not much a surprise in this situation...especially him being 48 and you being 38, which is still in the baby-making zone, but not for long at least ideally.

 

If you're not looking for the same thing then I don't think this seriously has long-term potential, you have less to lose because for you having kids is not an absolute and marriage is something you'd like to do but honestly not something I'd consider absolutely urgent...the challenge is for him, time is not on his side, and you're falling out of that zone for having children (but not impossible just potentially more problems/difficult) which I don't think is the right way to go into this at this point...you're 38, you've had plenty of time to ponder the day of being a mom...it doesn't really sound like you truly want that, and he wants marriage to create a family/institution otherwise for him what is the point.

 

I wouldn't say you're experiencing exactly what men do, but being that he is feeling the crunch of time and he's chosen to date a younger woman...It makes perfect sense what he expects out of that, I don't personally think this is so much about you, but for him having a family...therefore let him find another woman who's always been looking for a man to marry her and have kids with, they're definitely out there.

[newmoon]

Being that he's dating someone 10 years younger, it's not a surprise he's looking for someone for marriage and babies...that's how generally older men operate when finally looking to bury the hatchet, so it's not much a surprise in this situation...especially him being 48 and you being 38, which is still in the baby-making zone, but not for long at least ideally.

 

If you're not looking for the same thing then I don't think this seriously has long-term potential, you have less to lose because for you having kids is not an absolute and marriage is something you'd like to do but honestly not something I'd consider absolutely urgent...the challenge is for him, time is not on his side, and you're falling out of that zone for having children (but not impossible just potentially more problems/difficult) which I don't think is the right way to go into this at this point...you're 38, you've had plenty of time to ponder the day of being a mom...it doesn't really sound like you truly want that, and he wants marriage to create a family/institution otherwise for him what is the point.

 

I wouldn't say you're experiencing exactly what men do, but being that he is feeling the crunch of time and he's chosen to date a younger woman...It makes perfect sense what he expects out of that, I don't personally think this is so much about you, but for him having a family...therefore let him find another woman who's always been looking for a man to marry her and have kids with, they're definitely out there.

 

this is a really helpful way of seeing it, thank you. we've been together almost 2.5 years and it only came up here and there, not as a serious conversation (but i always said i wasn't sure, so never lied to him). he is older, obviously, and he has also said my window is closing and he cannot marry me in the hopes i 'might' decide i want kids. for him marriage = starting a family. for me marriage = being a happy couple. so he asked me to decide what i want and let him know. we're taking time apart for this. it sucks - to end a relationship while you are both still in love but because end goals are dissimilar you have to part ways