sabre80 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 kryptonx I spent 9 years married to a woman that would give me the silent treatment. It is brutal. It is manipulative and down right abusive. It will suck the life and dignity out of you. It only escalates it does not get better. First its a day, then its a month. Starts with you doing a serious infraction. Then as she learns it works she will whip out the silent treatment for stuff that wasn't even your fault. This is emotional abuse. It becomes their trump card that will win every battle. My ex would even withhold sex till she had won everything and it was on her terms and a 'gift of forgiveness' Let me tell you a story: It was my daughters first concert. She is a lovely singer. So we all get dressed up to go to the concert. My daughter was wearing a long red velvet dress with a big bow on the hip. I was in slacks and a button up shirt and tie. I was a professional classical musician for years. My ex married me while I was a musician. There is a standard of dress. My ex came down stairs in an old ratty T-shirt and sweat shorts with holes in them. I said "You are going out in that?! You are dressed like a slob. Go put something nice on and have some respect for your daughters first concert." She gave me the silent T for 8 weeks. She even used the kids as weapons against me. After 3 weeks it was so maddening I apologized knowing full well I was 100% right. Even though my daughter was the one being disrespected she to resented me. After the 8 weeks she said "Ok you can have sex with me now". I was so needy for it that I took it. I should have told her to go **** herself. I never felt so dirty after that. My dignity was gone. Now I would rather have a woman that would punch me in the lip and yell at me than a manipulative bitch who uses the silent treatment. My advice to you OP is to run and do not look back. Find a good woman who will discuss things with you and show you the respect of arguing rather than ignoring you till you surrender. I guarantee it will only get worse. 4
dasein Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Please OP pay attention to sabre80's post. This will not improve. Thank goodness you didn't shackle yourself with marriage and kids with this person. Good for you and good luck moving on to better options. Oh, and about the photo, try taking a photo of pretty much any woman that turns out bad. Refuse her requests to delete it. See what happens. She has no grounds for complaint about that. 2
Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Well, he swore at her. If a man called me any name or cursed at me, I would not be open to talking to him again. Uh, this. He yell and swore at her over a picture on FB that he wanted taken down... ...and y'all are calling her immature and passive aggressive? I think she considers this over, hence the lack of response. I wouldn't be responding to him either. 1
sabre80 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Uh, this. He yell and swore at her over a picture on FB that he wanted taken down... ...and y'all are calling her immature and passive aggressive? I think she considers this over, hence the lack of response. I wouldn't be responding to him either. I did not see this point. If this is the case it changes the dynamic.
Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I did not see this point. If this is the case it changes the dynamic. It always helps to read the whole story instead of taking cherry-picked facts in an OP at face value.
New User Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It always helps to read the whole story instead of taking cherry-picked facts in an OP at face value. Kinda like ignoring the fact that she "said some mean things" and only focusing on him swearing at her? Or ignoring her taunting him about the picture? You're right- it's all his fault. Because... penis. 3
dasein Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It always helps to read the whole story instead of taking cherry-picked facts in an OP at face value. Yeah like omitting that she said mean things to him that resulted in him swearing at her. We don't know the type or nature of "mean things" said or swearing by OP, so IMO this is a wash. Why on earth would someone refuse to delete a picture their SO didn't like from public view and instead make a deal of it? I'd probably skip the swearing in such an instance and tell her to hit the road. I know that would be the reaction of almost all the women I've ever dated were I to insist on keeping a bad picture of them in public after being asked to take it down. 1
dasein Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Because... penis. Bwahaha, perfect answer to so many threads here. Wish I'd thought of it. 3
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I did not see this point. If this is the case it changes the dynamic. I asked her politely many times to remove it and she wouldn't. She never let's me take pictures of her. Refuses every time I try I tell her I just want a picture of us to look at when I miss her at work. Yet she pulls this kind of stuff. I don't get her sometimes. Like I said: Yes it was wrong to swear at her (I was not using the swears as name calling). It was her laughing and not taking me seriously that lead to me using swears. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 No matter what is the reason, bad behavior doesn't excuse worse behavior. I'm not excusing her behavior, I'm just explaining that if someone swore at me for ANY reason, no matter what picture I wasn't deleting and how immature I was behaving, I wouldn't talk to them again. Calling names and swearing are never OK, at least for me. No excuse whatsoever. 2
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 No matter what is the reason, bad behavior doesn't excuse worse behavior. I'm not excusing her behavior, I'm just explaining that if someone swore at me for ANY reason, no matter what picture I wasn't deleting and how immature I was behaving, I wouldn't talk to them again. Calling names and swearing are never OK, at least for me. No excuse whatsoever. I never called her any names. So if someone was taunting you, you wouldn't get angry? Alright then.
BluEyeL Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I never called her any names. So if someone was taunting you, you wouldn't get angry? Alright then. Yeah, I'd get angry, might raise my voice, but I'd never swear at them. That's not a style I'd like to perpetuate in any of my relationships because it tends to escalate. I don't want, years down the road, to end up hurling insults and swear words at each other, no matter the reason. But that's just me. 1
New User Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 OP- I think that the one thing that everyone on here seems to agree on is that you should consider this relationship over. 1
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Yeah, I'd get angry, might raise my voice, but I'd never swear at them. That's not a style I'd like to perpetuate in any of my relationships because it tends to escalate. I don't want, years down the road, to end up hurling insults and swear words at each other, no matter the reason. But that's just me. I don't make it a habit and I rarely swear at her, but on top of that she was giving me a hard time about plans I made a month ago with my friends. I even asked her to come, but she refused. Yet still gives me a hard time about it!
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Out of all the responses, I agree with the people who have said she is waiting for me to give a big apology and me to beg for forgiveness. I know how she works. Thanks.
Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Out of all the responses, I agree with the people who have said she is waiting for me to give a big apology and me to beg for forgiveness. I know how she works. Thanks. As you should, with any woman. *Your* behavior was unacceptable, especially with a woman you know to have been abused in the past. 1
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 As you should, with any woman. *Your* behavior was unacceptable, especially with a woman you know to have been abused in the past. Obviously you didn't read how she tries to stop me from seeing my friends. How is that right?
Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Obviously you didn't read how she tries to stop me from seeing my friends. How is that right? Is that why you were yelling at her? No. You need to accept responsibility for your behavior in this instance. 2
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Is that why you were yelling at her? No. You need to accept responsibility for your behavior in this instance. Partly, yes. Everything had been building up the few days before she left. She even asked for me to cancel plans and hang up her after I had already planned this well in advance. She has 1 friend. Gee I wonder why.
GorillaTheater Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Partly, yes. Everything had been building up the few days before she left. She even asked for me to cancel plans and hang up her after I had already planned this well in advance. She has 1 friend. Gee I wonder why. Regardless of how the argument went down and who said what, remind me again why you want a relationship with her. 3
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Regardless of how the argument went down and who said what, remind me again why you want a relationship with her. Because I am still in love with her. I still care about her. Not everything has been bad or else I wouldn't have waited to end it.
GorillaTheater Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Because I am still in love with her. I still care about her. Not everything has been bad or else I wouldn't have waited to end it. Contrary to what you may have heard, love doesn't conquer all. Whether she's waiting for you to grovel, or whether she's effectively broken up with you, this relationship doesn't seem to have much of a future. But it's your life. Wait on her if you want. Apologize if your actions call for it. But I'm not predicting a happy ending. Sorry man. 4
New User Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Because I am still in love with her. I still care about her. Not everything has been bad or else I wouldn't have waited to end it. Well dude- independent of who was at fault or anything else, the prevailing advice is to consider it over. Kinda my final thoughts on this- if she does come back around after giving you the "silent treatment" for however long, think about what that says about your possible future together. You're the only one that can make the decision as to what you want to do, but if she comes back around it pretty much confirms that this whole big blow out is manipulation. Trust me, it will happen again. Repeatedly and worse. In any event, the ball is kind of in her court at this point. You'll have to make your decision if and when she decides to speak to you again. Regardless of which way things turn I wish you well. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 What was the fight about? After a week wo/ contact (even though you've been together for 2 years, plus the history you said) this is not a good sign. Best to wait until she contacts you. In the meantime, consider it over with, go out and have a good time.
Author kryptonx Posted August 7, 2013 Author Posted August 7, 2013 What was the fight about? After a week wo/ contact (even though you've been together for 2 years, plus the history you said) this is not a good sign. Best to wait until she contacts you. In the meantime, consider it over with, go out and have a good time. See earlier posts
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