kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 My gf and I have been dating for nearly 2 years. We got into a fight a week ago and I've been trying to contact her to reconcile, but she will not respond. I can't go to her house because she lives with her parents and they do not like me, because I am not Italian. I still love her. What should I do and how long should I wait?
Philosoraptor Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Doesn't sound like she's your girlfriend anymore... What was this fight about? Does she have a history of disappearing? You shouldn't wait at all. You should send one last contact letting her know that she either needs to be mature with this situation and talk it out or you are going to move on. If she doesn't respond you have your answer. 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I'd dump her. I wouldn't tolerate this passive aggressive behavior. 1
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Doesn't sound like she's your girlfriend anymore... What was this fight about? Does she have a history of disappearing? You shouldn't wait at all. You should send one last contact letting her know that she either needs to be mature with this situation and talk it out or you are going to move on. If she doesn't respond you have your answer. When we have fought before, sometimes she won't talk to me for a day or two. Never a whole week. We get along a lot of the time and then sometimes we get into these stupid arguments. I got upset because she took a pic of me and I told her delete it and she refused and I got angry. She said some mean things and I was angry I swore at her and she left.
Treasa Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 She sounds immature. Find someone who isn't so passive aggressive. 2
Lei Ping Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 My gf and I have been dating for nearly 2 years. We got into a fight a week ago and I've been trying to contact her to reconcile, but she will not respond. I can't go to her house because she lives with her parents and they do not like me, because I am not Italian. I still love her. What should I do and how long should I wait? She's taking a "time out" from you and letting you stew in your own juices until you feel compelled to "prove" your love for her. This is a sure sign of the deceit and manipulation yet to come if you capitulate to her ploy. She's got something marked on a timeline in her head for the 2 year mark and she intends to torture you until she gets it. Run away from that conniving Wench while you can. She has opened the door for you, almost daring you to step one foot out of her yard. Don't buy in. Cash out while you're ahead. Reminds me of the time when my GF, my HS sweetie told me after two years together "I think we should start to see other people" out of the clear blue. So I poked her Sister and let her tell her we were through. 2
sillyanswer Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I'd dump her. I wouldn't tolerate this passive aggressive behavior. I agree, except that it sounds like she's already dumped him, just without actually telling him about it. 3
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I agree, except that it sounds like she's already dumped him, just without actually telling him about it. Extremely cowardly behavior.
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 She sounds immature. Find someone who isn't so passive aggressive. We are both 33. I have my own apartment. She doesn't have a full time job. In her defense, though she was brought up in a bad home. Dad and mom mentally and physically abused her. She lives with her biological mother and stepdad.
Treasa Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 We are both 33. I have my own apartment. She doesn't have a full time job. In her defense, though she was brought up in a bad home. Dad and mom mentally and physically abused her. She lives with her biological mother and stepdad. OK, while I'm sad for her situation, I thought she was 20 or something. At 33, that is no way to act. Get out of there fast, and I hope she starts getting her life together, too. 2
Lansing Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 OP isn't in the clear himself either though... You were yelling at her for not deleting a picture?? Yeah, I agree that she should have respected your wishes but definitely better ways to deal with it then yelling at her. 4
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 OK, while I'm sad for her situation, I thought she was 20 or something. At 33, that is no way to act. Get out of there fast, and I hope she starts getting her life together, too. It's gonna be very hard to let her go for a few reasons. 1. We've had some great times together 2. A part of me still thinks she can improve as a person 3. She was my first serious monogamous relationship after being a 6 year open relationship with the previous gf. 4. She is very fun to be with and talk to. 5. This ranks last but I will note that this is the most beautiful gf I have ever had.
truth_seeker Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 She's taking a "time out" from you and letting you stew in your own juices until you feel compelled to "prove" your love for her. This is a sure sign of the deceit and manipulation yet to come if you capitulate to her ploy. She's got something marked on a timeline in her head for the 2 year mark and she intends to torture you until she gets it. Run away from that conniving Wench while you can. She has opened the door for you, almost daring you to step one foot out of her yard. Don't buy in. Cash out while you're ahead. Yup. She's giving you the silent treatment to drive you crazy and is hoping you will contact her and profess your love for her.
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 OP isn't in the clear himself either though... You were yelling at her for not deleting a picture?? Yeah, I agree that she should have respected your wishes but definitely better ways to deal with it then yelling at her. Yes I agree I shouldn't have yelled at her but she was taunting me cus it was such a goofy picture.
Treasa Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Ok, fine, hang in there, then. I'm sure everything will work out. 1
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Ok, fine, hang in there, then. I'm sure everything will work out. Thanks. I would also like to note that back in March I moved closer to her. We were 40 min apart. Now I live only 3 streets from her. This is gonna be tough. Usually our arguments are over the dumbest things as mentioned.
veggirl Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 One text..."This has reached the point of ridiculousness. If you would like to talk this out like adults, I'm more than happy to. If I haven't heard from you by x day, ill assume we are over and move on accordingly" 4
Author kryptonx Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Maybe she's angry because her boyfriend got mad about a dumb picture. You need to apologise, regardless of what she said, you started this by getting angry about something so insignificant. Have you tried calling instead of just texting her? Or sucking it up and going to her house or workplace? I was angry because she refused to delete it after I told her politely. I did leave a voicemail for her. No response. Her job is at her home.
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It's gonna be very hard to let her go for a few reasons. 1. We've had some great times together 2. A part of me still thinks she can improve as a person 3. She was my first serious monogamous relationship after being a 6 year open relationship with the previous gf. 4. She is very fun to be with and talk to. 5. This ranks last but I will note that this is the most beautiful gf I have ever had. Been there done that man, especially with my last gf, especially 1, 2, 4, 5. Move on though.... 1
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I was angry because she refused to delete it after I told her politely. I did leave a voicemail for her. No response. Her job is at her home. I have not followed the entire post; I read enough where IMHO you need a cooling off/calm down period; step away from this for a few days, stop the attemtps to contact her. She knows where "you are". 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Maybe she's angry because her boyfriend got mad about a dumb picture. You need to apologise, regardless of what she said, you started this by getting angry about something so insignificant. Have you tried calling instead of just texting her? Or sucking it up and going to her house or workplace? Her behavior is out of line. This is unacceptable from a 20 year old, let alone someone in their mid 30s. 2
GorillaTheater Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Thanks. I would also like to note that back in March I moved closer to her. We were 40 min apart. Now I live only 3 streets from her. This is gonna be tough. Usually our arguments are over the dumbest things as mentioned. Treasa was kidding, man. Hang around waiting for her at your own peril. 3
New User Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 She sounds emotionally stunted from what little information I have about her- this is very common in women (and I guess men too- though I have no experience to speak from there) that have an abusive background. Add to that the fact that she is still living with (at least) one of the people that abused her coming up and you have a recipe for someone who has very likely been trained their entire life to use manipulation to get what they want. Which may be what is going on here- or, alternatively, maybe she has decided to end the relationship and doesn't feel up to actually having "the talk." Neither one bodes well for the future with her. If it's the former and you simply stop trying to contact her, I'd expect her to get back in touch with you around two weeks from the last time you tried to contact you (I've got enough of a history of making bad choices in women to say that this tends to be the mark when this happens- at least in my experience). It's also very likely that if this is the case she will try to make you pay for not trying hard enough to "win her back" at some point (again, sadly, I have enough of a history of bad choices to make this prediction with a certain degree of confidence). A history of abuse tends to program people in some very negative ways which are very difficult for them to overcome- and they may not even think there is anything unusual or wrong with the way they respond to negative events. Manipulative tendencies are programmed pretty early on and the drive to go back to what (to the abused individual) feels is "right" is very strong. It may be all that they know and the only way that they know how to respond to stress. Unfortunately, I have no advice on how to actually solve the issue long term. The underlying issues that create these dynamics were embedded in their character a long time before you arrived on the scene. I do believe that getting out of this character takes a phenomenal effort. I could, of course, be way off base. I'm only speaking from my personal experience. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Well, he swore at her. If a man called me any name or cursed at me, I would not be open to talking to him again. 2
truth_seeker Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 One text..."This has reached the point of ridiculousness. If you would like to talk this out like adults, I'm more than happy to. If I haven't heard from you by x day, ill assume we are over and move on accordingly" It seems this chick is very needy as a result of her past abuse. She is expecting him to run to her and kiss her ass.
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