broke up, how to stay strong?

[leigh186]

hey guys, i posted here a few days ago that my boyfriend and i got in a fight and he needed time and space to think things through. i went out with friends, posted pictures on facebook, he deactivated his account, then i checked and his dating profile was back up. i reactivated mine to see this, and i'm assuming he saw and sent me a text asking to meet up with me (this happened sunday, and we were supposed to meet yesterday evening.

 

i texted yesterday evening to confirm the time, and it took him over an hour to respond. when he did, he told me he wasn't able to meet with me, but to give him a call when i got home. i called and he didn't answer, but then called me back about 20 minutes later (he was on the phone with his friend).

 

he told me he's going through a lot in his life, and made some statements about how he realized that though he was angry at me at first for what i said, he did a lot of thinking and realized that it's not necessarily my psychological issues that are the problem...if he was the boyfriend he should have been, he would be able to be there for me, and support me, but he didn't. he wasn't able to give me what i needed out of the relationship, and that made him feel like he was using me. he told me he felt like if the relationship was one of true love, that he would be able to give me what i needed. he said that he didn't regret anything between us, and that he had a good time. he also told me that if he tried to do this in person, he wouldn't be able to go through with it.

 

he quit grad school about a year ago, moved back home, and has been trying to determine what he wants out of his career and constantly goes back and forth about his job and going back to school, so i understand the issues.

 

i just validated his concerns, told him i understood, and he's entitled to wanting what he wants as much as i am to being in a serious commitment. i told him i care, but obviously right now we both need to find out what we want on our own. i told him i love him enough to let him go, and that if it was meant to be, it will be.

 

he then went on about how it wasn't fair to me, and he doesn't have many friends here, and that there was no nice way of saying it, but he determined that maybe he was in the relationship because he doesn't really have any other friends here. he also told me that when we met, he told himself i'm a pretty girl, with a lot going for me, but he realized in the past few days that that's not enough, and he has convinced himself that if i was the one, it would have been much more. i was hurt and didn't understand why he would even say these things, but told him i understood, and that he's right to feel that way. there was an awkward pause and he told me that he already regretted his decision. i said there wasn't much more to say, and he said "alright, well maybe we can talk or something sometime soon". i told him that it's probably for the best if we don't. i could tell he was starting to cry and we said goodbye.

 

a few minutes after that he texted saying that he forgot to mention he dropped by my apartment to leave my key and say good bye to the dog. he didn't want to weird me out, but figured it was the best way to give the key back and grab his stuff. i didn't respond to it.

 

i don't understand. i truly love him, and about a month ago, we had a deep and honest conversation, where he told me that he's never felt this way about anyone before, nor has he felt these feelings so quickly, and i'm the only girl he's dated he can truly be himself around. he told me in the past, he'd just run from a relationship when problems hit, but with me, he was compelled to stay and work things out because what we had was special.

 

i'm just so confused right now. i want to believe that things will eventually work out, but a lot has to change. any advice on how to interpret what he did, and how to proceed is really appreciated. thanks guys.

[JDPT]

One thing is for sure, we say utter many "meaningful" statements while in a relationship, however, we can't hold those statements hostage. We fail to acknowledge that the many "we will be together for ever" are statements that we feel at a particular moment in our lives. Not dwelling on those statements will only help is move forward and embark in our recovery process. Focus on now, and the many things you can do to learn from this experience and improve yourself. Your emotional state will gradually stabilize as long as you do the grunt work. I wish you the best.

[Legatus]

I will never understand people who promise the whole world at the beginning of the relationship, and even more during.

 

Why simple "I love you" can't be enough? It should be.

 

It looks like he had a decency to explain himself. For once I am willing to believe he did the right thing for himself, but also was respectful enough to explain things to you. Assuming he had no reason to lie.

 

I'm sure you had something special, but nobody said you can only have one special thing in your life. There can be many and you should remember it!

[leigh186]

thanks guys. i understand what you guys are saying. and yes, i'm glad he did express to me what is going on. i miss him, and i have a gut feeling things will work out eventually, but for now i'm only focusing on working on myself.