Yulichka93 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I've been with my man for a while now and some days i feel he loves me sooo much, while others i just feel like he's annoyed with me. Thankfully, we don't live together yet. We decided we're not ready for that yet and don't want to rush into anything. But after seeing him 4-5 days in a row (no sleep overs, keep in mind) he just seems to be sick of me and seeing me. I asked if he was and of course he denied it, but the whole time we were together today i just felt ignored & not listened. He knew i had a really bad day today, but told me not to come over and see him because it was a "waste of gas", to which i replied, "i'm going to see YOU, thats not a waste of anything". He still didn't want me to come over, but i did anyways because i was upset and didn't want to sit home alone. At the end of the day, we were watching a movie on the couch and before it even ended he just pretty much rushed me out. He walked me to my car, kissed me goodnight and all that, but it felt forced almost i felt :/ While driving home, i start thinking about all these other great guys who call/text me non stop, asking to take me out, etc. & sometimes i just feel like going out with them (of-course i never have) i just always think about other guys when i get treated like that. I think about my ex and how wonderful he treated me, how he was never sick of me, etc. & it makes me feel like me and this current guy aren't on the same page ? I'm never sick of him, i could be with him 24/7 Am i over reacting, or is it okay for him to feel like that ? is he not ready to move in anytime soon ? is this a bad sign ?
Philosoraptor Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Yes, it is a bad sign. If a bad moment makes you immideately dive into thoughts of dating others who "call/text you non stop" as you say, you obviously feel mistreated in the relationship and feel you can do better. Everyone is different when it comes to how much time they want to spend together. He obviously told you he didn't want to get together that day, so when you forced yourself over of course he wasn't focused on you... he wanted a day to himself.
Bito Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Yea how long have you daited for? Some people are codependent others are independent. You have to find someone with whom you balance with. Some people, myself included like their alone time. You can't take that away from him and you owe it to yourself to do better.
Lei Ping Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I've been with my man for a while now and some days i feel he loves me sooo much, while others i just feel like he's annoyed with me. Thankfully, we don't live together yet. We decided we're not ready for that yet and don't want to rush into anything. But after seeing him 4-5 days in a row (no sleep overs, keep in mind) he just seems to be sick of me and seeing me. I asked if he was and of course he denied it, but the whole time we were together today i just felt ignored & not listened. He knew i had a really bad day today, but told me not to come over and see him because it was a "waste of gas", to which i replied, "i'm going to see YOU, thats not a waste of anything". He still didn't want me to come over, but i did anyways because i was upset and didn't want to sit home alone. At the end of the day, we were watching a movie on the couch and before it even ended he just pretty much rushed me out. He walked me to my car, kissed me goodnight and all that, but it felt forced almost i felt :/ While driving home, i start thinking about all these other great guys who call/text me non stop, asking to take me out, etc. & sometimes i just feel like going out with them (of-course i never have) i just always think about other guys when i get treated like that. I think about my ex and how wonderful he treated me, how he was never sick of me, etc. & it makes me feel like me and this current guy aren't on the same page ? I'm never sick of him, i could be with him 24/7 Am i over reacting, or is it okay for him to feel like that ? is he not ready to move in anytime soon ? is this a bad sign ? I was an only Child. I need a certain amount of time to myself. Maybe he just likes to be alone. I understand your BF and if he "puts you out" because he's sleepy or has to go to work in a few hours or his boys are coming over to play poker then you should avoid trying to make it about you. Comparing him to "your Ex" and all these other Guys who are trying to get into your stuff is counterproductive. If you want to deal with them, go and deal with them otherwise focus on what is in front of you.
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 While driving home, i start thinking about all these other great guys who call/text me non stop, asking to take me out, etc. & sometimes i just feel like going out with them (of-course i never have) i just always think about other guys when i get treated like that. I think about my ex and how wonderful he treated me, how he was never sick of me, etc. & it makes me feel like me and this current guy aren't on the same page ? I'm never sick of him, i could be with him 24/7 Am i over reacting, or is it okay for him to feel like that ? is he not ready to move in anytime soon ? is this a bad sign ? Dumb question, why are other guys contacting you if you are in a committed relationship? Are you giving out your phone #? If yes, why? Might want to look inside a little on this one before you point to your bf. I am not saying this is you; my ex liked to give out her #, claimed it was for her work, which is true, she is in sales, but while out late at a bar, Really? And then guys would text/call her. It got old real fast. I rmeember one time she replied to an invitation "Not sure how much current BF would feel about that" versus "I am flattered, though I am in a committed relationship"
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Personal space can vary depending on the person...spending 4 or 5 days without a break consistently for many men is going to feel like a drain while other men might want to be attached to your hip...but eventually I think for most men it's going to be a bit much over time, might not be an issue in the beginning but in the long-term they'll "want to get away" or at least have an out...or it'll become suffocating. So these others guys that want to see you are mainly aggressive because they want to get in your pants, that initial drive can be very motivational for men...but after some time once the dust settles, they're going to likely want more personal time and space and you seem like the type of girl that wants to make the guy your all and everything, like you're trying to suck the life out of him without needing your own personal space/hobbies/interest. You might need a more co-dependent guy that constantly needs you around, but moving in with this particular guy seems like a very bad idea...it's not going to get better it'll get worse. And that's not to say he isn't seeing/talking to someone on the side either, without you spending the night that seems suspicious. But I don't know if that's because he wants to spend some time on his own without the hassle of you draining his attention and energy, a lot of guys need their personal time to get lost in whatever they are doing to relax or unwind...or it's merely because the guy is losing interest. My hunch is he's losing interest and doesn't really want to be around you, maybe he's sabotaging the relationship so that you won't move in, maybe he really doesn't really want that to happen but you keep forcing yourself on him because you want to spend time...some days he's got energy to feed you, other days he just wants you to go away and might imagine how suffocating it'll be once you're in his face 24/7...and that might be causing him to pull away...you'll have to rely on the miracle of "communication" to actually talk to him about this and ask him what he really wants, and why he doesn't want to spend time with anymore...see if he BS's you or tells you something honestly, if you're the type to just force your way and be stuck to a guy though, he might just imagine you'd let it go out one ear and the next so he might not even be honest with you about it and instead act out passive aggressively/defiantly and may ultimately cheat on you...wouldn't surprise me either.
Treasa Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I think maybe you're placing too much emotional dependence on your boyfriend, and he's feeling it, and feels stressed from it. Even if you had a bad day, maybe he wasn't having a great one, either. You need to be able to resolve your emotional difficulties on your own. People won't always be around. That being said, I think maybe you should look into either dating other guys (make sure to tell your boyfriend that you want a more casual relationship, though, if you do), or spend less time with your boyfriend and let him do more of the initiating, or hang out more with your friends. That way you won't have to sit at home alone when your boyfriend needs his "me" time. He definitely does not sound like he wants to move in.
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Personal space can vary depending on the person...spending 4 or 5 days without a break consistently for many men is going to feel like a drain while other men might want to be attached to your hip...but eventually I think for most men it's going to be a bit much over time, might not be an issue in the beginning but in the long-term they'll "want to get away" or at least have an out...or it'll become suffocating. So these others guys that want to see you are mainly aggressive because they want to get in your pants, that initial drive can be very motivational for men...but after some time once the dust settles, they're going to likely want more personal time and space and you seem like the type of girl that wants to make the guy your all and everything, like you're trying to suck the life out of him without needing your own personal space/hobbies/interest. You might need a more co-dependent guy that constantly needs you around, but moving in with this particular guy seems like a very bad idea...it's not going to get better it'll get worse. And that's not to say he isn't seeing/talking to someone on the side either, without you spending the night that seems suspicious. But I don't know if that's because he wants to spend some time on his own without the hassle of you draining his attention and energy, a lot of guys need their personal time to get lost in whatever they are doing to relax or unwind...or it's merely because the guy is losing interest. My hunch is he's losing interest and doesn't really want to be around you, maybe he's sabotaging the relationship so that you won't move in, maybe he really doesn't really want that to happen but you keep forcing yourself on him because you want to spend time...some days he's got energy to feed you, other days he just wants you to go away and might imagine how suffocating it'll be once you're in his face 24/7...and that might be causing him to pull away...you'll have to rely on the miracle of "communication" to actually talk to him about this and ask him what he really wants, and why he doesn't want to spend time with anymore...see if he BS's you or tells you something honestly, if you're the type to just force your way and be stuck to a guy though, he might just imagine you'd let it go out one ear and the next so he might not even be honest with you about it and instead act out passive aggressively/defiantly and may ultimately cheat on you...wouldn't surprise me either. Well said! My only remark is I think folks need to be careful with the term "codependent"; as in the OPs case I think she displays signs of being clingy and needy, where she gets her value and validation from the relationship, verus from within. I don't think she is codependent in the true meaning of the word: Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia 1
2sunny Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 You forced yourself on being with him. He didn't want you there! Your need to throw your negative energy onto him (I've had a bad day!) isn't right! Keep your negative energy to yourself. He doesn't want it. Break up with him if he's not in tune with you. But forcing yourself onto him when he says no is completely disrespectful. On a different note - He rushed you out for a reason. Maybe someone else was coming over... 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Well said! My only remark is I think folks need to be careful with the term "codependent"; as in the OPs case I think she displays signs of being clingy and needy, where she gets her value and validation from the relationship, verus from within. I don't think she is codependent in the true meaning of the word: Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I agree with that, I think that's a horrible definition of the word IMO...I've never looked up the definition or implied it directly often, but that's an extreme definition I definitely don't agree with as a whole personally. I always referred to it in the manner of someone having an excessive attachment or dependance on their partner/opposite sex, relying on them in great part for personal fulfillment.
2sunny Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 co·de·pen·den·cy noun \-dən(t)-sē\ : a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another ^^^ Merriam dictionary. Wiki - anyone can insert their own version of what's being googled (researched).
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 co·de·pen·den·cy noun \-dən(t)-sē\ : a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another ^^^ Merriam dictionary. Wiki - anyone can insert their own version of what's being googled (researched). Agreed, I was codependent in my last relationship, where I became obsessed with her actions and behaviors (partying, drinking, drugs, lifestyle) and tried to control them, indirectly/subconsciously. Codependency is usually used to describe the partner/spouse of an alcoholic or someone with an addiction of some kind.
sabre80 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Not saying your boyfriend is wrong, but you might consider you are two very different personalities. After 3 or 4 days together with my GF (we do not live together) I become somewhat depressed after she has to go. Co-dependent or not I have no idea. My happiness is derived not from her, but she sure multiplies it.
Recommended Posts