krazeeyk Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Hello All, My name is Kevin and I have been following this thread for quite some time. My story is long but it has parallels to almost every story here. I am on about 6 weeks no contact and have been broken up for about 7 weeks. My ex moved away for school. She was gone for 2 years and the long distance thing was going great to my knowledge. She called it off with me mid September ending a 7yr relationship. She met someone else and is giving it a shot. She told me she's a jerk, she's selfish and I can do better and that I should do what makes me happy and not to wait for her. She said she'd be too ashamed to ever speak to me again. I assured her not to let her pride get in the way, but she's the type of girl that usually follows through on her promises, so sadly enough, I guess I'll never hear from her again. She told me all this after I wedged the info about the "new guy" out of her. Originally she said we were too comfortable etc, the relationship was lacking passion and excitement...etc. She felt something was missing from the relationship but couldn't tell me what it was. I was doing great with this until I heard from her close childhood friend, who that wanted to check up on me because she got an email from my ex the other day telling her about our status and where her life is at. I have had more correspondence with her friend than she has. She hasn't contacted this friend in the past year and a half and its just kind of fishy why she would want to start now. I'm not looking into it too deeply, but oh well, everything looks big under the microscope. I was pretty good friends my with ex's friends. They all can't believe what she's doing and all shed tears when they found out. Her mom was pretty upset too, I guess she liked me. From what she tells me, it seems my ex really likes the new guy she's with and has the feeling of butterflies in her stomach again. A feeling she hasn't had since she first met me. She told her friend "Kevin loved me so he let me go...." and expressed some concerns that she was worried about me and feels bad for hurting me. She also expressed that I was her best friend and will always be a part of her. I can't help but feel even crappier now. After seeing this new guy for a month, she's already put me in the deep recesses of her past and I am no longer a part of her life after 7 pretty happy years together. My head is still spinning just thinking about what kind of rejection she dealt me. Talk about an ego killer. I just don't understand how she can go from talking about weddings, children and our future together to keeping me around as a fond memory. Why throw away all the trust, understanding, comfort and security it took 7 years to build to search for it all over again. I do realize that feeling of butterflies is great, but isn't the natural evolution of that feeling supposed to be the trust and security of a stable long lasting relationship? I will admit, the romance did fizzle out a bit, but I honestly thought it was temporary and well, I guess that mole hill was really a mountain. My only question is, if no relationship is perfect and they require effort, why are people not willing to put in the effort. Or at the very least, inform their mate that something is up. From what I read on these forums and the other ones like it, I guess this type of thing happens a lot. Her friend told me I'm better off without her and that she needs to learn from her mistakes and I should never for any reason take her back. My friends have told me these things, but its always an eye opener when you hear it from her friends. Just so strange what I got myself involved with. I just feel so foolish for letting her convince me that she really loved me. I really started to believe it and looked forward to sharing a life together. Why do people believe in that "love it let it go thing", if she loved me, she would have never done this to me. Right? I do respect her for taking the initiative to explore, but I just question every moment we shared together. I hope that you guys out there are doing well. I can't say I have taken the break up that badly. For some reason, I have not shed one tear and I don't know why. I have taken the initiative to improve myself, I lost 10 pounds and made new friends. I'm just really confused about whether I should be happy this all happened. Sometimes I am, but so many things remind me of her I just get sad. I am pretty lucky I stumbled onto this forum, it's been a huge help in my healing process. I'm sure one day, we'll all look past this and realize things were for the best. Best of luck to you all. Thanks for reading.
Merin Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Kevin, All I can really say to you is this.. when someone tells you straight up that they are selfish, a jerk and you can do better, please believe every word they've told you. I understand that this has made you question everything she ever said to you and you're questioning your reality and checking yourself.. and I understand as well how it doesn't seem possible that she could've meant anything she ever said to you prior to all of this happening.. but you've got to know that if she had really thought you were anything but an amazing person she wouldn't have been around for those 7 years and you've got to know now that her decision now has less to do with you and more to do with her. I don't know that anyone is ever estatic when a break up happens.. it is change and change is hard. There isn't any set way you should feel, or any set time you should have to get past it.. you will go through a lot of different feelings regardless if it's anger, sadness, happiness.. time will help you gain a different perspective on things and with any luck at all even if you never feel "happy" it all happened you will have a better understanding and peace with things. Keep posting.
Author krazeeyk Posted November 5, 2004 Author Posted November 5, 2004 Hi Merin2, Thanks for the response, it has helped me and I am just pretty amazed at how many of us on this forum have gone through all the crazy feelings. I can totally relate to everything you are saying and it makes absolute sense. I just can't see myself moving on for a good long time. I really really want to, but I'm just haunted by images of her being as happy as she was with me with someone new. We just clicked so well it really made me think I was the luckiest SOB alive to have found someone I fit with. More importantly, I thought the feeling was mutual. I guess everyone on this board felt that way at some point, heh heh so it's all good. Just makes me wonder with her actions now and how shes thrown herself whole heartedly into this new relationship with the new man of her dreams, why she was with me for so long. Was she always looking for someone better during the whole time? What's scary is, it seems like the speed shes taking this relationship is uncannily similar to the pace she had with me. I won't deny that I did let myself go, mentally and physically, and had some confidence issues with my career choice not panning out and all. She was so understanding and I tried to stress communication if something bothered her to tell me, but I guess she just got tired of it. She was my first everything and I just thought her pace in the relationship was normal. Like, it's just how relationships work. She's pretty clingy and emotionally needs someone around. I offered to move there, but she didn't want me, she wanted the new guy. I just hope it wasn't one of those cases where I was just around for her the past 7 years. I mean things weren't perfect but they were pretty good. We laughed a lot, shared a lot of good times and had our fair share of little spats here and there. It's really just stupid to keep looking back now cause it just hurts so much that shes no longer around. It hurts even more when I realize we won't be laughing like that again either. Sadly, I'm almost looking at this situation as if she had passed away. That was one of my biggest fears I had when we were together (she had a bad string of life threatening events happen to her), but I guess its good to know life does go on. The bad thing is, I just really wish she told me "it's over", instead of "love it set it free nonsense". Never got a definite answer from her, but I guess I shouldn't care, I should just move on. Just emotionally prepping myself to realize its over forever is all I'm really after now. I just need to convince myself that if she ever for some reason were to come back into my life, I'd be happy to say no. It's stupid to think that she would ever come crawling back, especially since she said she'd be too ashamed to ask. I've just heard stories of people who stray that come back and things are even better, but it's just not good to think that way. I think it would be amazing, but what are the odds. Just that little glimmer of hope makes all this craziness seem reasonable, but it's just too silly. I'm just too stuck in the past. I'll get through this, thanks guys. Thanks for reading.
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