It's been 3 years. Thoughtful replies needed. Thank you. (long story)

[Chel0805]

Firstly, please allow me to say that I can't believe it's been 3 years. When you keep yourself busy, time just goes so fast. Here is the question that I asked about 3 years ago on Yahoo Answers. Should I write to him? Any advices, opinions are appreciated, please? - Yahoo! Answers

My further questions are closely related to the story so please take some time to read it. I know that my personal story doesn't have a privilege to take up much of your time, but if you think it sounds maybe just a little interesting to you, please give me your thoughtful opinion. Thank you very much.

 

I want to say that I didn't write him a letter back then. The reason was because I didn't think it was a good timing since it was just shortly after we stopped talking. And just like one of the answers indicated, any reason that made him stop talking to me would still be exactly the same reason that he wouldn't reply to my letter.

 

Now you might have been surprised at how I could lived the past three years without moving on and still think about him. You might be thinking that I am holding onto something that would never work out. The truth is that, the length of the time that we talked to each other has been the most wonderful time I had so far, or dare I say, will be the same for the rest of my life. Despite the fact that our communication was solely via emails since we are from different countries (he is from Virginia and I am from Sichuan, China), we wrote long emails exchanging our thoughts on all kinds of topics even from "blonde jokes" (no offense with all due respect), music, to parenting methods, to political/civil issues. We had a lot of fun, a lot of same values and it seemed that we practically understood everything that the other person was talking about. I knew that we didn't plan on "falling in love with each other" when we first started talking, but over time we have developed strong mutual feelings, it was a friendship developed into love. If that wasn't true then I don't know what was. He (or his leaving) has changed me in a way I never could have imagined before we met. I could say that on the whole I suffered from a long time depression during the past 3 years, but the more I did the "soul searching" and the more I began to understand myself, the more I feel that I could only be thankful that we have met .

 

I studied nursing back in China and long before we met I have always wanted to be a nurse in the States, and I have talked about it with him. As I estimated back then it would take about 5 years. He wanted to get his PhD so we thought that the timing would be right if we just kept on talking until the day we finally meet (we were both doing our undergraduate study back then, not financially possible for long international travel). He was very supportive to me as I was to him, and I thought him being out there was another perfect reason and motivation to follow my long time goal. After he said that he "loved" me, I felt more pressure as for the time that I can finally work in the States as a nurse. I told him that I couldn't promise anything because at that point, anything could happen that would make the waiting longer. My stance was that if I couldn't promise him anything, I then had no right to make him wait. He then proceeded to talk to me so I assumed that he was okay with the waiting. Things got a little embarrassing after he said he loved me - we talked less frequently, but he showed no signs that he wanted to cease contact, he then stopped talking all of a sudden saying that it was irresponsible to keep me waiting (I assumed he meant keep me "attached" to him without any promise to me?). The last words from his last email was "if you come to America someday I will buy you a cheeseburger"(He used to joke about the fact that I have never had a cheeseburger before coz we don't eat that in China on a regular basis unless you want to try it out, and usually when fast food is introduced into China, it lightened down to cater to Chinese customers, so you don't see a greasy burger with cheese. A regular burger in China is usually just with mayo topping and that’s it. So honestly I have never had a burger "topped with cheese" back then. So much for the trivia.)

 

I have told him that if I couldn't work in the States right after I graduate I would choose to work or further my nursing study in another major English speaking country such as Australia, Canada, to hone my nursing skills as well as my English. And here I am, now having been in Australia for more that a year and getting close to becoming an Australian Registered Nurse in a year or so. My concern is that I have no idea whether he is working on getting his PhD, just like I am working on realizing my goals, like what we have been talking about before. We were very supportive to each other back then. Now I am getting closer step by step to have my goals achieved, and he is definitely one of many people to thank. Now some of you reading this might be thinking "plenty of fish in the sea". But when you have received so much from a person and his generosity has been a big stepping stone to where you are today, you won't get away with the common notion of "plenty of fish in the sea". I am not afraid to find out that he has moved on a long time ago and doesn't want anything to do with me, which will just ease my mind to move on with my own life. What I am afraid is that I never take the chance to find out, what if he knew that I was stubborn enough to have this determination to achieve my goal however long it takes (which I am), and he let go of me for the same reason that I had in mind for him, but believed my ability that I will be there in the end, and was waiting all along too? (We are both religious.)

 

I have pondered every possible reason why it didn't work out for us back then, I even referred it to mental disorders (blame my nursing education), but after all the reasoning I still don't want to give up the chance to find out the truth. Some of my friends said that I probably just wanted a closure from him. Over time I realize that this isn't about a closure anymore. It is about not having any regret, being grateful, and doing the right things. If he has moved on I then can assume that he has found the right one for him and I will just move on with no regret. I am still worrying about a few things though to this point: he has graduated college (according to his graduating time he had told me) so I have no idea where he lives right now, don't know his residential address either. Is it a good idea to contact his college, or whatever department of his city to find him? Will they ignore or see my request as a "threat" to a Virginian? What is the relevant law over there? I certainly do not want to use any method that goes against the law of VA. And is the timing good? I have been wanting to contact him for quite a long time but also have been telling myself that it wasn't time yet, that's why I've been withholding this question, but this time I think I'm ready and that's why I'm here. The only concern is that, say we get in touch and started to talk again, but we are still parted by such a long distance and it may still take some time for us to meet, what if the same thing happened before happens again? I would say that the time that I can freely go to US would be a better time to try to find him (with an Australian visa and all the work/study at the moment I can't really go anywhere whenever I want). But to be honest this whole waiting thing (especially with an unpredictable result) is wearing me off and I have been avoiding guys because I feel like I'm cheating on him if I start dating someone (I know it sounds crazy). I thought I should at least find out if he is still waiting to decide if I want to put myself whole-heartedly into another relationship, otherwise it is just unfair for another guy, isn't it?

 

Should I wait until I get to the point where I can just hop on a plane and fly to the States whenever I want (which I believe would be possible in, if not less than 2 years, would be in just a year or so), or I should get in touch with him, find out the answer right now and see where it leads me? If so how do I contact him without violating the laws/regulations and without being like a stalker? Please don’t make the assumption that I have too much time at hand and I’m just being extremely silly. I keep myself busy, study, work, reading, photographing, experiment in cooking, etc. It’s true that I used to be really depressed over the “break-up”, but after I came out of the gloom I realized how much he has given me, pushed me to grow, confronted my own fear (there’s another story about this) and made me a better person. As time went by I believe that the decision he made back then was the only best thing that could make things right. I believe that there are reasons why the feeling didn’t go away but only became stronger. I understand that everyone has his/her own experience and value that determine the answer, but please be objective and answer thoughtfully with your reasoning. Thank you very much in advance.

 

Cheers,

Chel

[Chel0805]

over 100 views and nobody gave opinions? *sigh*

[Mint Sauce]

ante scriptum: my answer may sound harsh, but it's not meant to hurt, just to wake you up.

 

I believe that there are reasons why the feeling didn’t go away but only became stronger.

 

Because you let it. Instead of choosing to let go, you cultivated a glorious image of him, you cultivated a sense of missing him, a belief that you're destined to be. That's all very romantic, but it is most likely he truly moved on while you spiraled into obsession about him. You're young and religious, and as such a romantic obsession is not uncommon, but growing up implies that you learn to distinguish dream from reality. Letting go and moving on does not devaluate what you and him shared.

 

The length of your post also illustrates slight obsessive tendencies and lack of perspective (in spite of your opening line).

 

My suggestion is to find some people in your close environment, a few years older than you are, to talk to about all this.

[LittleTiger]

over 100 views and nobody gave opinions? *sigh*

 

Chel, I'll be honest with you - there is just too much for people to read.

 

I have skimmed through your post but I don't have time to read the back story as well - I'm sorry.

 

You've asked for thoughtful replies, but it is difficult to give a fully considered response without having read it all in detail so I'm not even going to attempt it.

 

I realise you've taken a long time typing this but is there any possibility you could summarise it for us?

[HeavenOrHell]

Sorry, it was too long to read

Any chance you can put it into bullet points?

[Forever Learning]

Your post is indeed long, and I will try to re-read later when I have more time.

 

I scanned it, and having scanned what you wrote, I think you just need to move on.

 

The reason is, life is short. I've wasted alot of time in life on 'lost causes' that I should have moved on from much sooner than I did.

 

If he wants you, he would put in the effort to maintain or resume contact. Just my opinion. This is what men do. They pursue the women they want in their lives. The ones that don't, usually have their reasons, which are valid reasons, to them. And you should respect their reasons, if they don't pursue you.

 

You could try to contact him as a last attempt to get closure or see if there is hope left. I don't think you would violate any stalking laws by finding a means to contact him to see how he feels at this current point in time.

 

If he is no longer interested, it's at that point that you would need to respect his wishes, or else you would them become a 'harassing/stalking' type person to him.

 

If you are depressed, try exercise, counseling, eating healthy, vitamins, and/or Prozac (seriously!). Lif is good, make it so, with or without this man. Happiness and peace lies within you, not a gift from someone else to you. All the best to you!

[Chel0805]

You could try to contact him as a last attempt to get closure or see if there is hope left. I don't think you would violate any stalking laws by finding a means to contact him to see how he feels at this current point in time.

 

If he is no longer interested, it's at that point that you would need to respect his wishes, or else you would them become a 'harassing/stalking' type person to him.

 

If you are depressed, try exercise, counseling, eating healthy, vitamins, and/or Prozac (seriously!). Lif is good, make it so, with or without this man. Happiness and peace lies within you, not a gift from someone else to you. All the best to you!

 

Thank you Forever Learning for reading my really long post and replying. I laughed when I read your reply though. But guess what I have been a gym goer, been eating healthy and looking after myself well long before I met him, and till this day still keeping those good habits. It's my own health and I don't think I'd do anything bad to it because of someone else. When I said "depressed" I meant the moments when I was overwhelmed by my feelings, happened quite frequently when I first moved to Australia, away from home and close friends, plus a whole new environment. I am an outgoing person and I find ways to keep myself mentally healthy as well. It's not that I wanted to contact him when I got "depressed" and thinking about him badly, quite on the contrary, I wanted to contact him when I felt "alive" and motivated. Like I said, the reason I wanted to get in touch with him was because I wanted to do the right thing for him. I know there are still a lot of information to provide to make all these sound less confusing. He initiated the break-up because we couldn't be together in a foreseeable future back then, not because of disagreement on anything. It's just that he ended it so abruptly that I felt baffled with a lot of things unsaid. And he knew that I was very independent and agreed that a person should be financially independent first to be in a healthy relationship (we didn't want to be a burden to one another) I agree with you though, my attempt to contact him will definitely be the last, also the first one lol.. I will respect his choice, just like I did 3 years ago. Can you please give me some ideas on how to find him, and what to say if we do get in touch? Thank you very much.

 

Chel:)

Edited August 6, 2013 by Chel0805
quote

[Chel0805]

ante scriptum: my answer may sound harsh, but it's not meant to hurt, just to wake you up.

 

 

 

Because you let it. Instead of choosing to let go, you cultivated a glorious image of him, you cultivated a sense of missing him, a belief that you're destined to be. That's all very romantic, but it is most likely he truly moved on while you spiraled into obsession about him. You're young and religious, and as such a romantic obsession is not uncommon, but growing up implies that you learn to distinguish dream from reality. Letting go and moving on does not devaluate what you and him shared.

 

The length of your post also illustrates slight obsessive tendencies and lack of perspective (in spite of your opening line).

 

My suggestion is to find some people in your close environment, a few years older than you are, to talk to about all this.

Thank you Mint Sauce. No your reply wasn't harsh. I am willing to listen to any constructive opinion. It is interesting that you brought up "obsession". Maybe at the beginning of the relationship I was a bit obsessed with him. But he wasn't perfect. He had this trait/flaw in him that I found not that "appealing": wanted everything to be as perfect as can be, being nit-picky to the point that even he knew that it wasn't helping. He knew that it wasn't a good thing and I helped him a lot on that. He wasn't flawless, but we shared the very same core values and were willing to be reasonable and discuss everything else. We agreed that having the same core values and willing to compromise are just enough to build a good relationship.

 

The way I wrote my message may sound "obsessive". I have come a long way to where I am today and it wasn't easy. There are personal stories behind it which I didn't want to elaborate more. But I'll definitely take you advice and find someone around me to talk about it. I have talked about it with my friends but never someone older than me (talked with my mom but not in details though). Thanks again.

 

Chel

[Chel0805]

Chel, I'll be honest with you - there is just too much for people to read.

 

I have skimmed through your post but I don't have time to read the back story as well - I'm sorry.

 

You've asked for thoughtful replies, but it is difficult to give a fully considered response without having read it all in detail so I'm not even going to attempt it.

 

I realise you've taken a long time typing this but is there any possibility you could summarise it for us?

I know it was really long, and that's why I said in the beginning that "my personal story doesn't have the privilege to take too much of your time" lol... I'm guessing that most of you clicked in, scrolled down and was like "dang that was long, forget it" lol...but thanks anyways.

[Chel0805]

Sorry, it was too long to read

Any chance you can put it into bullet points?

Will try to do it later some time. Thank you.

[Chel0805]

So here goes the short version. I’ve tried to simplify it down as much as possible. If you read the below message you can ignore my original post and my Yahoo Answer question.

 

So…

 

Met this guy on imeem back in 2008, at first we just talked randomly, until summer 2009 we went off imeem and started talking via email. Started out as pure online friends but developed strong mutual feelings later on.

 

(In case you wonder, imeem was a social media website that later merged into Myspace in late 2009, and the old accounts on imeem were irretrievable.)

 

Some facts about our relationship:

 

1. We are from different countries, I'm from China and he's from the States. We were both doing our undergraduate study back then, so weren't geographically or financially possible to meet at that time.

 

2. Long before I met him I've had this plan on being a nurse in the States, and was working on achieving this goal. So meeting each other was just a matter of time like we have agreed.

 

3. He wanted to get his PhD so we thought that the timing would be right if we just keep on talking until we finally meet. Things went on smoothly after we gained immense mutual trust.

 

4. Study and becoming financially independent was our priority back then. We were also very supportive to each other on study, and achieving personal goals wise.

 

The relationship became a bit "rocky” when he said he loved me, I was being realistic and told him that it might take years for me to finally be able to work in the States as a nurse. He respected that - Independence was one of the several major traits he looked for in a girl.

 

Then we talked less frequently because after he got really serious about our relationship I felt a lot more pressure about the length of time it would take to finally work as a nurse in the States. Despite that I really didn’t know exactly when I would go to the States, I told him back then that it would definitely happen in about 5 years.

 

He then ended everything abruptly in October 2010, thanked me, said that he would always see me as one of his best friends, and indicated that I let him know if I do come to the States someday (there’s a trivia behind this for you to judge if you are interested, see the quote below).

 

Back when he first stopped talking I thought about writing him a letter or finding other means to contact him to know why he cut me off all of a sudden. But I took the advice from someone – “Whatever motivated him to end the communications so abruptly may still exist resulting in not responding to your letter.” I thought it was very reasonable, giving the fact that he said in his last email that he has deleted all the emails we have exchanged and would delete his email account as well, which he did. Quite frankly, back then I didn’t understand the reason behind why he acted like that. But over time I have figured out that he probably didn’t see the possibility of us being together in a foreseeable future, so thought it was best to let go.

 

Now I’m in Australia and have been here for over a year; studying and getting trained to become an Australian Registered Nurse (will be an Aus. RN in a year or so). I am getting close to the point where it’s financially and timely possible to visit the States. So I am thinking about getting in touch with him again to see if he is still interested. I am not asking whether or not I should contact him. At this point I have decided to do that, at least just to let him know that on my own terms it is possible to meet him in a foreseeable future, and see if he is still on the same page with me. If he has moved on, then at this point I can move on as well with no further questions asked whatsoever.

 

My questions:

 

1. Should I wait and try to contact him until I can literally go to the States whenever I want? (Not possible at the moment since I’m tied up to an Australian temporary visa, my study and work. But will be possible after I finish my registration with the nursing board.) Or I should try to contact him right now and see how things would go from here?

 

2. How would I contact him without being like a stalker? Since we have lost contact for quite a long time, I have no idea where he studies/lives right now. Is it a good idea to contact his undergraduate university or whatever service of his city, to get some info as for his whereabouts? If so what would be the department/service to contact?

 

3. Is there any other ways to find him? And are the “people search” websites legal/reliable? They seem a bit “online stalking” type of thing to me lol.

 

4. What do I say when we do get in touch again? I don’t want to sound all desperate or put any pressure on him, just want to know if the feelings are still mutual and see how things may turn out.

 

 

Any thoughts/opinions? Thanks.

 

Chel

[clia]

This may sound harsh, but you really need to move on. Think about it -- he abruptly cut off all contact with you and has never tried to contact you in three years. In other words, he's not interested in you. I wouldn't be surprised if he had met another woman.

 

In my opinion, you should not contact him.

 

That said, have you tried Googling him or looking for him on Facebook or LinkedIn? That might give you an insight into his life. He could very well be married by now.

[emi]

ok first i would like to say i understand how u feel when your relationship end before u got a chance to meet him, how its feel like to be '' in person'' for the first time

 

And i know that even how many people telling u should let go/ dont meet him/ dont waste time etc, it will not get into your head. Deep inside U STILL WANNA MEET HIM. So im not gonna waste time talk about that to you anymore.

 

First of all, i think its risky to travel such a long way to meet a person whom u lost contact years ago, And most importantly its worst when that person doesnt want anything to do with u anymore. Maybe he really love you at first, but all the obstacle really too much for him, he had his time to heal etc and probably you arent in his mind anymore.

 

And to be honest, IF U GOT A CHANCE TO FIND HIM, he will think u are obsessed with him, I know that for sure. BUT i know how its mean to you, and all the positive thing he inspired u when were together.

 

For now i think u should complete your study/goal. And when u do got a chance to vistit, make its like a travel. You go travel : 1. u deserve a vacation NOT MAINLY becoz u want to meet him. I know even your main point is to meet him, just fool yourself, so when u actually meet him, if things turn out bad, you wont feel so down

 

About how to find him, i think its possible he moved away, and since he remove the contact, i think its best you should do a little research before u hit the road, he probably wont stay in the same place anymore. About how u wondered, i think u should get some USA friend, who can actually help u about that.

 

Hope i helped and Good luck

[Chel0805]

For now i think u should complete your study/goal.

 

That's exactly where I stand now. Thank you.

[justwhoiam]

Hi Chel,

 

You sound very very naive.

 

You had nothing from this guy other than emails. He might be a scam, catfishing... He might never even existed. He might have stolen someone else's identity, and you'd never know... Honestly, unless you go there and talk to him, at this point you would never know who this person writing to you was.

 

Anyway, you have his name, last name and his old home address (and college he went to), right? That's enough to ask for a report about him. It's legal. It will cost you few dollars up to $50 for an extended report. If you know his age or his birth date, it's even better.

 

Going there and look for him? That sounds desperate. I don't think you seriously thought of all the options about this guy. He might be an old man, he might have died, he might be married. But most of all, he might deny he ever wrote to you, because he was embarassed 3 years ago and cut it off with you, guess now after 3 years!

 

There is a 0.001% chance that he regretted it and doesn't know how to get back in touch with you, but as you can imagine it's a very remote chance, compared to tons of other things way more likely.

 

Get back to us once you have the report in your hands, and let's see if it's the case you even try to meet him once you'll go to the US.

[Eddie Edirol]

Defintely do not contact this guy. If you actually track him down, he probably will not take too kind to it. 1 year in Australia and you couldnt find a guy locally that you could date? That is where all your dating efforts should go. Your obsession with this guy is unhealthy.

[Chel0805]

Hi Chel,

 

You sound very very naive.

 

You had nothing from this guy other than emails. He might be a scam, catfishing... He might never even existed. He might have stolen someone else's identity, and you'd never know... Honestly, unless you go there and talk to him, at this point you would never know who this person writing to you was.

 

Anyway, you have his name, last name and his old home address (and college he went to), right? That's enough to ask for a report about him. It's legal. It will cost you few dollars up to $50 for an extended report. If you know his age or his birth date, it's even better.

 

Going there and look for him? That sounds desperate. I don't think you seriously thought of all the options about this guy. He might be an old man, he might have died, he might be married. But most of all, he might deny he ever wrote to you, because he was embarassed 3 years ago and cut it off with you, guess now after 3 years!

 

There is a 0.001% chance that he regretted it and doesn't know how to get back in touch with you, but as you can imagine it's a very remote chance, compared to tons of other things way more likely.

 

Get back to us once you have the report in your hands, and let's see if it's the case you even try to meet him once you'll go to the US.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

There are still a lot of info that I did not include in my story so I don't think it's a good idea to make assumptions. I don't think I have anything to worry about him being a scam. He told me things about himself: college, major, city, sports prizes he had won, scholarship he had won, expected graduating time, etc. Done my homework before I decided to keep on talking to this guy four years back. All matched what he said. Ain't nobody got time for a scam. And yes we know each other's age and birth date.

 

If I was naive, I would be head over heels in love with him when he said he loved me back three years ago and probably wouldn't be here asking questions today. We kept on talking even when things got a bit rough.The reason that we thought we might have a future together was because I have always wanted to move to the States long before we even met and was working on that all along, irrespective of whether I met this guy.

Edited August 10, 2013 by Chel0805

[FitChick]

I think he is probably married. The sooner you find out, the faster you can move on and stop wasting your youth. Spokeo.com has free information (I think you have to pay if you want more details) but if you don't know where he lives and he has a common name, it will be difficult.

[Chel0805]

Defintely do not contact this guy. If you actually track him down, he probably will not take too kind to it. 1 year in Australia and you couldnt find a guy locally that you could date? That is where all your dating efforts should go. Your obsession with this guy is unhealthy.

 

 

Thank you for your reply. To answer your question simply: my study and career experience in Australia is just a springboard, a stepping stone. No use in dating someone knowing that you are eventually going to part ways, it's unfair for the other party. I don't date for the sake of dating. I date to find someone who is going to the same direction in personal actualization as I am. I think you are making a lot of assumptions without knowing me or looking inside the whole story.

[Chel0805]

I think he is probably married. The sooner you find out, the faster you can move on and stop wasting your youth.

 

 

Thank you very much. I have already found some useful info about him and will definitely taken your above advice into consideration. Cheers Chel.

[justwhoiam]

I don't think I have anything to worry about him being a scam. He told me things about himself: college, major, city, sports prizes he had won, scholarship he had won, expected graduating time, etc. Done my homework before I decided to keep on talking to this guy four years back. All matched what he said.

Whether to believe what he wrote or not is entirely up to you. There was an american show on this, and you wouldn't believe how far people can go with it. You can google it. Some even claimed to have tattoos on parts of their bodies...

[Els]

Hi, Chel, and welcome.

 

I'll do my best to answer, but forgive me if I miss out any details - I have to admit that I only read the summary.

 

The part that really stands out to me is this:

 

Things got a little embarrassing after he said he loved me - we talked less frequently, but he showed no signs that he wanted to cease contact, he then stopped talking all of a sudden saying that it was irresponsible to keep me waiting (I assumed he meant keep me "attached" to him without any promise to me?).

 

Now some of you reading this might be thinking "plenty of fish in the sea". But when you have received so much from a person and his generosity has been a big stepping stone to where you are today, you won't get away with the common notion of "plenty of fish in the sea". I am not afraid to find out that he has moved on a long time ago and doesn't want anything to do with me, which will just ease my mind to move on with my own life.

 

I think if someone stops contact with you of their own accord, you don't owe them ANYthing, no matter what they have done for you in the past. You seem to feel that just because you 'received so much from him' (I'm not seeing any one-sided receiving, by the way, seems like you both exchanged mutual support), you shouldn't move on even after he stopped contacting you. This is really not a good idea.

 

It's been far too long, he has likely forgotten you, and you need to move on. There is no other solution to this. If he had truly wanted to be with you he wouldn't just have stopped contacting you for so long.

[Chel0805]

Thank you Elswyth. I have to say that my original post was written when I was very "emotionally overwhelmed". When rationalities kick in I am able to consider it reasonably. Wanted to delete the original post but LoveShack won't allow me to lol... I posted another summary though, don't know if you have read it or not. But yes, will take everyone's opinion into consideration.

[Chel0805]

Whether to believe what he wrote or not is entirely up to you. There was an american show on this, and you wouldn't believe how far people can go with it. You can google it. Some even claimed to have tattoos on parts of their bodies...

 

Again thank you for your reply and info. Here's my humble opinion: I don't think a person is willing to spend that much time faking his identity as well as all sorts of false achievements just to impress me. There was this whole Pacific Ocean between us and what could he get from me irrespective of whether I believed him or not? Unless he really had way too much time at hand, or he was an absolute total loser, which would definitely show as the conversation went on. I chose to believe him because everything I told him about me was true. I'm not one of a kind, am I?

[justwhoiam]

I don't think a person is willing to spend that much time faking his identity as well as all sorts of false achievements just to impress me.

That is your opinion, but it doesn't match the reality. Reality of things is something else. People have been caught doing this. Some went on with it for years. Some stopped after a few years, and then the other person (in your shoes) wanted to know why communication stopped... And digging deeper, it all came out. So don't rule that out. You can watch this show named Catfish to get an idea of what I'm talking about.