seductress989 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Hello, everyone. For anyone that doesn't know I'll give you an update on my current situation. I dumped my ex 4 months ago and continued seeing him until late Septmeber. I then started NC and have been miserable ever since. I miss him and love but I'm too stubborn to contact him except to tell him where we stand. The last conversation we had, I told him that I didn't plan on ever seeing him again and he seemed very hurt by it. Anyways, here's my question. He has not contacted me in a month. But he's seen my family where he works and he still talks to them in a nice manner. I'm actually quite surprised he talked to them at all. I'm just wondering if him not contacting me is meaning that he's moved on or is it a matter of respect towards my wishes? Also, if he's friendly to my family does that mean anything? I know these questions may sound stupid, but I really want to know where I stand w/him right now. I've been thinking of re-iniating contact but I don't know how to do it without being rejected. Has anyone here been in a similiar situation or does anyone have advice for this dilemma? All response will be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.
startingover1028 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Hmmm, let me see if I understand... You dumped him, You told him to basically go away and leave you alone and now you wonder why he isn't contacting you? Funny thing is .... I completely understand!!! I'd call him. If you are miserable and suspect that he may be also, then give him a call. On the other hand, if what caused you to break up with him in the first place hasn't been resolved then maybe you should think about what that means to you.
BlueLP Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Yeah, the ball's definitely in your court. Sorry, but there's no way around risking the rejection. You already rejected him, so he has no reason to keep trying.
Author seductress989 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Hey Everyone! Thanks for all the posts! I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on my situation. My mother and sister talked to my ex tonite. They seen him at a store in town. He told them to tell me to come and see him, but he also said he was really hurt by something I said months ago! I apologized for it, but he didn't tell my family that. Go figure... My mom even said he acted a lot more mature than he ever has before. I have been doing NC with him for over a month now and I can say thats the best thing I've done for myself regarding this situation. I suggest that everyone with an ex your confused about: try NC for at least a month and see how YOU feel. I just wanted to share that with everyone. NC seems horrible at first, b/c you're so lonely. After awhile you get used to it, and you feel like a much stronger person. I feel so much better about myself. I know that I'm taking a step in the right direction and I'm not going to worry about what my ex is doing. Don't get me wrong; I've had many moments of weakness. I've come thisclose to calling/contacting him, but I always stop myself and think logically about what I'm doing. I would just like to conclude that NC is definitely worth a try! I took the advice from this site and I really appreciate everyone's respones. If anyone else has thoughts on NC or my ex, lemme know. I'll be glad to hear from you. Thanks again. ~Seductress
head/heels Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 what are you going to do now???????? keep us posted....and please dont be a confused ex that goes back and has a relationship for 4-5 months and then tell him it isnt going to work when he has no clue that you are going to do it....dont break his heart 2 times.....please be responsible since you hold the cards....i hate it when i hear that an ex does this...(the dumper) it is soooooooooooo ****ty!
Author seductress989 Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 What I Am I Going To Do Now? Well.......I am happy that I got to hear about my ex. But for some reason, I don't think I should act on it now. My mother and sister said that although my ex was nice and polite to them, he still seemed very hurt by something I told him out of anger over a month ago. I didn't mean what I said, I only called him a bastard and told him to rot. That was all I said. I don't even think it's that bad, but it obviously hurt him a lot. He also told my sister that you dont really know a person until later on in the relationship and that the person you first meet is only representative of the real person. I guess he was talking about me, but I don't care. I know in my heart that I still love him. But I'm going to try my best to continue NC until next year. If he contacts me, that is subject to change. I don't think he will, I know I've broke his heart too many times already and I don't want to do it again. But.....I still believe..."Nothing ventured....nothing gained..." Maybe next year would be a better time to gain his friendship and possibly more. What do you guys think? Is this a good idea or not?
Nick14 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Ok, wait a minute, let me get this straight. You dumped him, you did NC for a month. First you want to contact him, then you say nah he has to contact you. Ok, maybe I am confused because now your saying, "I am going to do NC into next year and then see if he calls me, but I doubt he will". I hate to be blunt, but he didn't dump you, therefore the ball is in your court and he has no valid reason to re-initiate contact with you first. You dumped him, you have to re-intitate it first. Thats how I pretty much see it from my eyes.
Weird Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 You should really apologize for the bastard comment and telling him to rot. If the roles were reversed would you like it if he called you say a bitch or a cunt and told you to rot? No. You know my position on the whole subject. I think you should either contact him now and make peace and take your chance on how he will reply (so be ready for him potentially telling you to F-off) or wait a while until you fully are prepared to deal with whatever he says and won't care either way. I hope that as you have seen with others in this thread saying the same thing I have that it is up to you to make contact since you dumped him, you stopped doing the friends thing with him, etc. It is easy to see why he would be hesitant to call you because he has no idea how you would react to it. For all he knows you will tell him to rot again and doesnt want to go through that pain. Time to face up to your decisions and correct them.
EC Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I still don't understand if you want a relationship with him again or not? I think he is still hurting about a couple things and if you even want to be friends with him you should apologize to him for calling him a bastard and telling him to go rot. You don't think it was that bad but when you love and idolize someone and that person is your whole world and you hear them telling you that you are a bastard and to go rot...I mean it really hurts. You said you apologized already but he obviously is still hurting about it so I think YOU should call him and apologize again.
Author seductress989 Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 Sorry everyone, if I confused you in my earlier posts, I did not mean to. Let me give it to you staight. Yes, I do love this guy, and I would love to give the relationship another try. What my problem is: I have not contacted or basically had anything to do with him for an entire month and more. That makes me scared half to death to contact him now. The reason I feel that way is because I have not been very nice to him for the last couple of months. First I call him a bastard purely out of anger, and secondly, I tell him I never want to see him again. I totally expect him to hate me now. But....obviously, he doesn't. I received word from my sister just a couple of days ago that he told her to tell me to come and see him after the fact. I mean, don't you find that ironic after I've started NC and done those bad things to him? I really thought he wouldn't want anything else to do with me and I wouldn't of blamed him either. I know what I have done and I feel like I may have to apologize again. I know "the ball is in my court", but it's feels like a huge risk for me to take by contacting him now. I'm dying to, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to look weak or desperate. Can anyone see where I'm coming from? BTW, we have been broken up since June and I started NC in Septmeber. In conclusion, I have matured since our breakup. I want to respect this guy whom I love so much in the form of giving him time to himself. That's why I'm considering continuing NC until next year. I actually had a chance to see him tonite, but I completely chickened out. I know I will get another oppurtunity soon. Does anyone have more thoughts or advice on this? Thanks a lot for all of the responses.
whtelightn Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 I agree with everyone here that have said to you. I don;t understand why you want to wait till next year. If you truly love him, then take the risk, but if you wait a year, then you could lose him, are you willing to take that risk. You are the one who dumped him and told him mean things and it hurts. Waiting till next year or 3 months from now, you will probably not be sure if to contact him. TAKE THE RISK. Apologize to him, face to face. If he is asking through a 3rd party for you to see him then go for it. Face it I am going thru the same thing with my ex who I work with. She dumped me almost 5 months ago and NC for almost 3 months. There are little things that she is doing right now in trying to come around, like walking around my desk area, and then just last week, she knew I was on the phone(works at the front desk) and attempting to contact him but I could not answer and I did not call her back. If it was important enough she could have called back or came back around. I guess she needs to get the nerve back up. Is it getting to her. Sure it is. I have also taken care of myself by working out and it is getting noticed by other woman at work and I am sure other woman are saying something to her since she is a jealous person. When she dumped me she told me not to contact her again. So what I said to her in a cool calm way, HER LOSS NOT MINE. Would you believe she fell apart. She started scream etc. Don;t know what she said but I walked away. Ever since then sure it hurts but even I took back the power, the ballgame is in her court. She has to start the contact. Is she going to take that risk. She probably will, because if she is hearing other women saying check out this guy she knows she could lose me. IT was a 6 month relationship and it was intense and the parents like me. Just last week I saw the parents in a mall but did not have a chance to talk to them, but I am sure they have told her about seeing me, even though she still lives at home with them. SO what I am saying here, even though you hurt him, He will probably forgive you or he could tell you go fly a kite, but you have to take the risk. Talk to face to face and take it slow. IT will take him a while to trust you but if you believe this is the guy THEN TAKE THE RISK, OTHER WISE THE SAYING GOES YOUR LOSS NOT HIS. If you want to talk you can email me at whtelightn@msn.com.
Author seductress989 Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 Thank you so much, whitelightn, for your response. I am still trying to work up the nerve to contact him without looking or sounding desperate. I love him so much and I'm so lonely, I don't know what to do. What I do know is that I would like another chance with him. My other exes, they were different to me in this aspect, after I dumped them, I could care less about them. This ex, whom I ended it w/in June, I still think about, care about, and most importantly love. I've done NC for a month and a week and I feel like a really strong person. It's a great feeling to know that you can live without someone, but what if you don't want to? I love this guy so much and I really want him back. I've hurt him many times and I don't know aside from apologizing what to do about it. I'm afraid that I'll screw things up again by contacting him now. I also don't want to get more attached to him than I already am by becoming friends w/him if he's not going to give me another chance. Guys, if you loved your ex, wouldn't you contact her even if she did end things? That's what I'm wondering. He still talks to my family, but does that even count? My sister said that he asked how I was doing and for me to come and see him. My sister didn't even mention my name, HE did. He also got angry when my sister told him that I thought he was seeing someone else. (I had good reason to) It turns out, he's not seeing anyone right now.(he wouldn't lie to my sister) So guys or anyone with good advice, is this worth taking a risk for? Or am reading to much into his talk?
Weird Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Guys, if you loved your ex, wouldn't you contact her even if she did end things? That's what I'm wondering. Not if the person told me to rot and said they didnt want ot speak to me again. Even if he wants to contact you (I think he does) he prolly thinks you will just chew him out again. Reverse positions. Would you contact a guy if he called you a cunt and told you to rot and said he never wanted to speak to you again? No. Now you know why he isn't contacting you. As you know, I think it is a "risk" worth you taking and I really want it all to work out for you.
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